Anxiety, Leave Me Alone

by Alex Canny

  When you disqualify the positive, you twist something positive into a negative. Here is an example— you’ve passed the test, but you think you passed only because the test was easy. If you disqualify the positive, you can’t explain a thing rationally, because you’re using a double standard. People, who engage in this thinking pattern, only count the negative pieces of evidence no matter how irrational or irrelevant they sound and reject the positive evidence no matter how strong and persuasive they seem. If you find yourself indulging in this thought pattern, say to yourself, “I think I’m paying more attention to the negative aspects, where there are lots of positive things to focus on”.

  Jumping to conclusions

  This thinking pattern and anxiety often go hand in hand. When we have anxiety, we tend to come to a conclusion based on inadequate evidence, and these conclusions are often wrong and usually negative. Sometimes we even quickly evaluate a person or situation based on some beliefs, which has no basis. We often don’t feel the need to enquire the fact before believing the negative mental chatter. Jumping to conclusion thought patterns fall into two categories— one is mindreading another is fortune telling.

  Mindreading is a very common issue among people with social anxiety. They often tend to make the false assumptions that some people are looking down on them or thinking they are stupid or boring. They simply can’t resist the impulse of assuming what others are thinking about them. If you catch yourself having the thoughts like, my co-worker thinks I’m wired or she thinks I’m a loser, instead of absolutes, rephrase the statements as a possibility (like he/ she might think). You can also replace mindreading thoughts with a less rigid statement, like, “I can be an intelligent person, and still do something stupid”. Or you can dismiss those theories altogether using strong phrases like, “So what!” or “Who cares!”

  Fortunetelling is common among all anxiety types. When people have persistent anxiety, they look ahead to the future and see only misery. They think no matter how much they try they will end up in failure. They mentally repeat false predictions about their future and turn them into powerful beliefs, which worsens their anxiety. If you find yourself engaging in jumping to conclusion thought pattern, say to yourself, “I recognize the thought pattern— this is jumping to conclusion. I’m not going to believe what anxiety tries to make me believe. Instead, I choose to have a rational talk with myself”.

  Magnification and Minimization

  Another name of this thought pattern is “binocular trick”. If you look through an inverted binocular, you’ll see everything far away and smaller. That’s what anxiety does. Our anxious mind tricks us to see negative things far bigger than they actually are and positive things insignificantly small— it is as if we are wearing special lenses. When you give in to binocular trick you subconsciously put proportionately greater emphasis on a perceived failure, a weakness or threat and lesser emphasis on perceived success, strength and opportunity.

  Binocular trick makes us blow a negative assumption out of proportion, which becomes extremely distressing. This tendency is called, “Catastrophization.” Here is an example: you have done a minor mistake in your workplace and now you fearing that you might lose your job as a consequence.” When you catch yourself engaging in a binocular trick, say to yourself, “I recognize this thought pattern. This is a binocular trick. I’m going to take some deep breaths and allow myself to calm down. Overanalyzing is paralyzing. I choose to think rationally”.

  Emotional Reasoning

  When we are overwhelmed with anxiety, negative emotions cloud our thinking. We start to believe that what we feel must be true. Emotional reasoning is a negative thinking pattern that substitutes emotion for evidence. Most of the negative thought patterns can be broken using rational statements, but emotional reasoning is quite challenging to break. The basic assumption for emotional reasoning is, “ if there is smoke, there must be fire”. Here is an example, “ I feel guilty, therefore I must have done something wrong”

  If you catch yourself indulging in emotional reasoning, remind yourself to question the feeling and find out if the feeling tells the truth. Say to yourself, “ I’m not going to let emotional reasoning cloud my judgments. Feelings often lie. I’m going to fact-check before accepting something as true.”

  Should and must statements

  Sometimes being unapologetic will help you to beat your anxiety. When we are anxious, we make statements to ourselves using the phrases that contain should or must. Here are some examples: “ I should not annoy my co-workers by asking for help”. Or “my boss did not reply to my sick day email. He must be upset at me”. These statements arise as the emotional consequence of guilt. When our anxiety makes us direct should or must statement towards others, or ourselves we feel irritated, guilty, resentful or frustrated. These statements often surface automatically, out of our awareness and we unwittingly use these statements as a way to take on a pessimistic view in our lives. This often causes a great deal of emotional distress. If you find yourself making should or must statements because of anxiety, say to yourself, “ I recognize this thought pattern. This is “using should or must”. I’m going to let go these thoughts and relax a bit. Everything is going to be fine.”

  Labeling and mislabeling

  This is another thinking pattern that motivates us to focus on the negative aspects of life. Anxiety often ruins our self-esteem, and as a result, we tend to frequently label ourselves and others with demeaning labels. Labeling and mislabeling is overgeneralization at its worst. This negative mindset is developed from the self-image based on the errors we have made. Persistent anxiety can make us view ourselves as losers.

  In most cases, people with this thinking pattern unconsciously nurture hostility, jealousy, and hatred, and label others negatively. Whenever you identify a labeling and mislabeling thought, say to yourself, “these demeaning labels are the products of anxiety. They don’t describe others or me. These labels are not real, they are mislabels. I’m learning to forgive myself for all the mistakes I’ve made and move on with my life.”

  Personalization

  Personalization makes people take things personally. In personalization, an anxiety sufferer may feel responsible for other’s anger for failure, for bad weather, or for a host of uncontrollable circumstances. Teenagers with anxiety may suffer from guilt when their parents get divorced; because they believe it’s their fault. People with severe personalization tendency may keep blaming themselves for virtually everything. When a crisis erupts, they immediately think, “ I must have done something wrong”. They may obsessively keep reviewing the incident to find a reason to blame themselves. When you find yourself engaging in personalization, say to yourself, “ I can recognize this thinking pattern. I’ll never blame myself without convincing pieces of evidence”.

  Chapter 2

  Relaxation: Why It Is So Important?

  Anxiety triggers our sympathetic nervous system and creates a feeling of stiffness throughout our body and a storm of thoughts in our mind. When we practice relaxation, it activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which counteracts the distress we experience in our body and mind.

  Have you ever paid attention to the physical symptoms while experiencing anxiety? Anxiety expresses itself through the physical symptoms. If you eliminate the physical aspects of anxiety, you can take its power away.

  The physical symptoms of anxiety diminish when you relax your body. When the body becomes relaxed, your mind becomes calm. When our body and mind is settled, we feel in control. And all the negative forces of mind that try to take our peace away, disappear.

  To manage anxiety, your goal should be relaxing the mind and body. You don’t have to fight to attain relaxation— you only have to let go.

  Every time you feel anxious, remember to relax. You may also whisper to yourself, “Relax” or “loosen up”. In this chapter, we will discuss several relaxation technics. We’ll start with breathing exercises.

  Calm Breathing Exercis
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  The way we breathe changes the way we feel. Our breathing slows down when we feel calm. The breathing speeds up when we feel tense. But the opposite is also true. If you can deliberately slow down the process of breathing, it will pacify your mind. The following exercises are a quick fix for anxiety. Practicing all the exercises included in this chapter will give you temporary relief. But in order to achieve the lasting solution, you have to apply the cognitive and behavioral strategies included in this book.

  You can practice breathing exercises anytime, anywhere. But practicing on an empty stomach can produce the best result. Whenever you feel anxious, practice these exercises sequentially; the result will be instantaneous. We will start with Diaphragmatic Breathing.

  For this exercise (diaphragmatic breathing), sit down comfortably with your back straight or lie down comfortably with your knees bent and head supported. Use a flat and firm surface. You can place a pillow underneath your knees to feel more comfortable.

  Now place your right hand below your belly button and left hand a couple of inches below your collar bone.

  Now with your mouth closed a slow deep breath through your nose. Make sure your upper chest does not move as you breathe. Take the air inside your belly— and let your abdomen move out as you breathe in and fall as you breathe out.

  Notice the difference between abdominal breathing and chest breathing. As you inhale, be aware as the air enters into your nose and the cool feeling.

  As you exhale, instead of using your nose, exhale through your pursed lips and tighten your abdominal muscle as you empty your stomach.

  Do it again: Breathe-in through the nose. Breathe-out through the mouth (pursed lips). Do it at least five more times.

  The best time to practice abdominal breathing is in the morning before you start your day.

  Our next exercise is a pranayama breathing technique. In yoga, breath is called “Prana” or the life force. Pioneers of yoga believed that by controlling our breath, we can bring our mind in control. The following exercise is called alternate nostril breathing or “Nodi Shodhan Pranayama”.

  Sit in an upright position. Now, block your right nostril with your thumb and inhale deeply with your left nostril while mentally counting from one to five.

  Now block your both nostrils with your index finger and thumb. Hold your breath until you count five.

  Now exhale slowly— this time through your right nostril, while mentally counting eight. Use your index finger to block your left nostril as you breathe out.

  Hold your breath again and block both of your nostrils until you count to five.

  This is round one. Do it again.

  Here is the sequence…

  Breathe-in (left): One…two………five.

  Hold One…Two………Five.

  Breathe Out (right): One…Two………………Eight.

  Hold One…Two………Five.

  Do this exercise for at least two more times.

  Keep the flow natural and don’t force -breathe. If this exercise is too advanced for you, you can skip holding your breath.

  Relaxing Different Muscle Groups

  Anxiety makes our muscles tensed. If you relax your muscles, you will relax your feelings. In this exercise, we’ll learn how to calm the mind by progressively tensing and relaxing muscle groups throughout your entire body. This exercise will show you the difference between tensed and relaxed muscle so that you can recognize the physical feeling of anxiety the moment it arises.

  To practice this exercise, sit or lie down in a comfortable posture. Make sure you won’t be interrupted during the exercise session. This exercise will take 10 to 15 minutes; so make sure that you are not in a hurry. Wear comfortable clothing. Remove your shoes.

  If practicing in a lying position makes you feel sleepy, practice in a sitting posture. Our goal is to learn to relax the body while awake.

  Now take a long deep and slow breath through your abdomen. Hold it for five seconds, and exhale slowly.

  Breathe again and watch your body expands with inhalation. Breath out and notice that your body contracts with exhalation. Remember to maintain the natural breathing as you go through each step.

  Now raise your eyebrows as high as you can. This will tighten the muscles in your forehead. Hold until you count from one to five, then release abruptly. As you release the tensed muscles in your forehead, notice that tension falls away as the muscles become loose. Pause for 10 seconds.

  Smile as widely as you can, and tighten your cheek muscles. Hold to the count of five, then release. Feel the muscles of your cheek soften as you release the tension. Relax for ten seconds.

  Now squint your eyelids tightly shut and tighten your eye muscles. Take care not to hurt yourself while tensing any part of your body. Make sure that you are applying gentle pressure. Hold for five seconds… then release. Pause for 10 seconds. Then continue to work on all the other major muscle groups of your body:

  Mouth— Open your mouth wide enough to stretch the hinges of your jaw. After five seconds…release.

  Neck and shoulders— Bring your head back so that your chin pointing toward the ceiling. Hold to the count of five and relax.

  Contract your upper back by making your shoulder blades closer. Stay for five seconds, then release. Now lift your shoulders up closer to your ears. Hold for five seconds, and then let go. Feel the tension melts away as you loosen up the shoulder muscles, and remember to breathe naturally.

  Chest— Tighten your chest by taking a deep breath.

  Hands— Clench your both fists and hold to the count of five, then let go.

  Entire arms— Clench your fists and draw your both forearms towards your shoulders. Tighten your biceps and keep the pressure for five seconds. Then release.

  Stomach—Tighten your stomach muscles by sucking in. Stay for five seconds… and let go. Make sure to maintain a 10-second pause between two relaxations.

  Buttocks— Tighten the muscles of your buttock by pulling together. Hold for five seconds. Then release. Remember to breathe normally as you contract and release each muscle group.

  Thighs and knees— Press your knees together and tighten your thighs. Keep the pressure for five seconds…. And let go.

  Feet— Flex your feet, pulling your toes toward the shins and feel the pressure in your calves. Maintain the tension for five seconds…. then release. curl your toes toward the floor, tensing your feet. Hold for five seconds…and release.

  Your whole body is relaxed now. Breathe in deeply and exhale slowly. Take a couple more breaths before you end this exercise.

  The Laughing Cure

  It’s true that a good sense of humor can’t heal all illnesses, but data is mounting about the physical and mental benefits of laughter. There are immense short-term benefits of good laughter. Reliving anxiety is one of them.

  Laughter reduces the secretion of stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol and triggers release of endorphins and oxytocin. It stimulates the feeling of caring, forgiveness, and love, which overpowers the sad feeling of anxiety. Laughter elevates the free flow of emotions, hence dislodges blocked emotions, unresolved conflicts stored in the bottom of the unconscious mind. The release of blocked emotions and unresolved conflicts liberates the mind from unwanted emotions. Laughter is a wonderful non-violent method for emotional release and catharsis. It soothes the soul, works as a natural antidote for anxiety, stress, and depression

  In yoga, there is a practice called Hasyayoga or laughter yoga, which involves prolonged voluntary laughter. This practice is based on the principle that forced laughter provides the same physical and mental benefits as spontaneous laughter. When this exercise is done in groups, maintaining eye contact, it soon becomes contagious and turns into real laughter.

  This laughing exercise is about letting go all your inhibitions and laugh like a child.

  It is a wonderful way to let go all the negative emotions and feel rejuvenated.

  You can practice laughter yoga alone.

&
nbsp; You can also find a partner or join a laughter yoga club or class in your area.

  To do this exercise, start by clapping with your hands parallel to each other; it will increase your energy level by stimulating different acupressure points located in your hands.

  Move around with clapping your hands with a 1-2-3 rhythm; you may move your hands up and down and swinging them from side to side as you clap. If you are practicing alone, you can do the warm-ups in front of the mirror.

  There are different ways to perform warm-ups, you can clap hands, talk gibberish or swindle the tongue. Start quietly, and then increase the volume, as you get comfortable. Lion laughter is also a good warm-up. To do it correctly, open your mouth and stick your tongue out fully; stretch your hands out like the paws of a lion. Make a roaring sound; then laugh from your belly.

  Now in rhythm with your hands, say your first chant, “ho ho, ha-ha-ha” while breathing in and out deeply from your belly. You may continue clapping and chanting as you move around in a room in a circle.

  Increase the volume of your laughter, as you get more comfortable.

  Instructors can use different techniques to make this exercise more fruitful like greeting laughter technique, where the participants walk around the room to greet each other with laugh; or argument laughter where the participants are divided into two groups, then look at each other, point at each other and laugh louder at each other with belly laughs. The participants can laugh with holding hands or hugging each other. Gradually the laughter winds down, and the practitioners enter into a state of deep relaxation.