Hellucination (Wrath Limited Edition)
Page 20
The souls were every bit as vicious during this stage. Terrified, I pushed my way out of the crowd, heading for a corner I saw out of the side of my eye. I was so deep in the masses of envy that I could only find that one escape route. But it wasn’t an escape; it was a defensive position. I fought my way towards it.
I was almost there when a seven-foot creature jumped into my way, preparing to tear me apart. I saw it for a mere second, turning my head quickly so I wouldn’t look at it. Seeing that I didn’t care about him, it jumped on someone next to me and buried its claws into that soul’s stomach, which ripped apart like an exploding water balloon.
I shielded my eyes away from the explosive gore around me. As the fighting became nasty, I made my way into the corner of this place. I hunkered down, putting my back to the wall.
I sat for what seemed like hours while the fighting sounded increasingly intense. Finally, my curiosity got the best of me, so I stood up to see what was going on.
It was a madhouse. Bodies were everywhere. Everybody’s visage was altered to some extreme. I stared at the desperation in the souls left alive, and I began to notice some of them were more demonic then others.
I saw a man and a woman fighting each other. She was covered in scales. Her mouth was immense and had protruding teeth. The man just had small horns and claws; he was almost normal in appearance.
Compared to her, he was nothing. She picked him up and stuck his head into her mouth. It was clear what I was seeing. Those who let envy overcome every aspect of who they are, were the most transformed. Those who had allowed envy to destroy their lives but not the lives of others, were more human looking.
She clamped down and bit his head off. His neck stump spewed blood, spurting to the beat of the music. She found another victim near her and bit half his torso off.
She threw them onto the pile of bodies. The bodies amassed until only five of the envious were left standing.
I tried to think of what the sin of envy can do, and I realized many people are murdered over envy—envy of their possessions, spouses or even fame.
I watched as the five survivors stood over the fallen. They were the most satanic, deformed atrocities I have ever seen. They were the worst of the worst, and they all looked at each other, because they knew: There could only be four of them. I saw three pedestals and only one stage. They all began to hyperventilate, and right when I thought they were going to pass out, they charged at each other like runaway freight trains. Claws and teeth ripped and shredded each other until one of the five was ripped apart. The four screamed with Hellish delight.
The chamber—an arena, really—began to hum of its own accord. The dead began to shift and murmur. Wounds healed and limbs reattached in a grotesque dance of the macabre. The dead were alive again, and their monstrous forms were no more.
The music started, and the four winners floated up to the envious positions of the stage and pedestals. Their demonic features faded, beauty and wonder emanating in their place. I noticed that the head-biting woman had taken the main stage. Lights shone on her, and she glittered and dazzled.
I hid in that corner of stone while thinking; I had to understand what was going on. As I watched the last of the souls get comfortable on their pedestals, I wondered how long they stayed being envied by the masses?
I thought about my own responses to envy and what I actually envied. I knew what I should do. Maybe, just maybe I could get out of there.
The souls below shuffled and pushed roughly around each other, not caring about anything except for those who were elevated to something beyond them.
The pedestals moved under the feet of the envied. The light shone onto them like rock stars, and the souls beneath,—dead until a few moments ago—now prayed at their feet. They also begged and wanted to do anything to be elevated.
I turned and looked for a way out, and I believe I saw it. I prayed it was the exit. I stepped over the huddled masses, who never realized they were as good, or even better, than the people they put on the pedestals.
As I passed one of the pedestals, I finally looked at an elevated soul up close. I took a look to see what was so enviable about him, and I could immediately feel it in my bones. This man was better than me. He had a bigger house, better kids, and his wife was gorgeous. What’s more, he does exactly what he wants as a job. It was cake, and he made a fortune, giving him vacations, mistresses, and the American Dream. I walked past him towards the next soul on a pedestal.
Her pedestal was even higher than the man’s. As I neared, I could feel a psychic backlash from her slam into me. The envy was even worse. Her life consisted of perfect kids, a perfect life, and she always gave her husband more than he asked for. She was there for every kid’s party, doing whatever she wanted while also being the head of a household. It was perfect in every way. She was a size one, her shoes were a size two and they were Gucci. Everything about her screamed that she had made it. No one could come close to her libido, her closeness with her family, her love for her husband, or the chores she did while working as a full-time actress.
At least, that is what everyone saw and believed. Envy gnawed at the insides of everyone around her.
I turned towards the exit. The envious didn’t want to leave, so the exit from this Hell was plainly marked. I continued towards it and wasn’t looking back when I heard the blast.
It was a huge rippling that crossed everyone around me. I had to turn to see it (I was lucky not to have turned into a pillar of salt).
I saw the envied ripped apart again by the mutated envious. The demonic war to be among the envied was starting over.
I stumbled and fell and began to crawl towards the exit. It was another stone doorway. Before I crawled through, I closed my eyes. I saw the faint white light in front of me. I turned behind me and saw the faint red light at the other end. This had become my cue, so I lurched through the doorway.
I thanked God.
My soul dropped into myself. There was nowhere else to go but into myself. That’s when I realized I was on the last level of Hell. At least, that’s what I hoped.
I turned and walked away from the Auditorium of the Envious, down the next tunnel into another Hell.
THE MISUNDERSTANDING AND THE UNDERSTANDING OF HELL
I had no clue what to expect. I wanted to stop walking, but my legs wouldn’t let me. I tried figuring what sins were left, but most thoughts eluded me. I was confused; your mind and memories flash through you when you’re in Hell.
“I saw Lust, right? I saw that?”
I felt my cock go hard. I knew I’d visited the level of lust because my body reacted to it.
“I visited Envy.”
My cock suddenly shriveled up, trying to hide inside of me. I figured I must have been there, as my body reacted to the thought of it too. But I was still disoriented. Couldn’t think properly. I tried to stop and think, but my legs kept walking.
“Pride? Have I seen Pride?”
My thoughts began to anger me because they weren’t giving me answers. What I had was a hunch, but that wasn’t reliable.
I took another step. A feeling of dread and hatred washed over me. Flames began to erupt all around me, and I tried to jump back. But my legs kept pushing onwards. Molten rock and sounds of anger permeated the strait I traveled as it opened to something else. Something I wasn’t prepared for. My thoughts of pride swiftly fell to my side as an unknown hatred overcame me.
Each step closer shook me. Tumultuous thoughts raced around my head as if a swarm of bees encircled me. Thoughts focused on past deeds, horrifying scenarios that were done to me and to those I cared about. Some were by accident and others were on purpose.
The fire overcame me and wrapped around me, engulfing me in an ever-loving hatred for those who’d harmed me.
My flesh caught fire. And I felt a fire blaze inside me because that’s all it could do: Eat me from the inside and bring out anger and hate into a boiling state that left only one thing inside of me.
My legs finally stopped and I just stood there, a dripping mess of abhorrence, annihilation, and vengeance that began to crawl everywhere around me.
That’s when I saw them.
Other souls were caught up in this hatred and self-pity that were at the bottom of this pit. Every soul’s wrath burned into eternity. The soul closest to me was a maelstrom of liquid fire. I watched his soul undulate as the inferno grew inside him while spreading to burn everyone around him. It was as if a volcano erupted behind his pupils and towards my own.
As his wrath burned towards me, mine reacted, spewing back towards him. The flames engulfed each other and took parts of us away. Others around us started doing the same to us. That made the anger inside of all of us bubble even more.
My personal fire scorched and ate into the souls around me, and their feelings of wrath needed to consume me. In turn, the fire of my soul began to reach farther into the pit, reaching into others who hadn’t harmed me yet; their fire was just there. I needed to consume and so did they.
My spirit was no longer my own. The flames of anguish burned and wanted revenge on all who were there, ready to consume me in a blaze of their own hatred.
Even though they burned those around them, the burning didn’t register as an attack, so when they were attacked in turn, they felt transgressed and were indignant. The conflagration worsened and worsened.
None of these people around had intentionally hurt me. I didn’t want to hurt any of them even though I was ripping them apart with hatred. The fires raged around me from all sides, man and woman alike. I was thinking about all of those who had wronged me in my life. I knew they were lost or trying to get ahead or even just trying to survive. I knew what happened was a type of collateral damage, inflicted on everyone around them because of hatred they felt for themselves. I knew I had people intentionally hurting me, but at some time in their lives they were friends, lovers, and even brothers and sisters. Understanding of this sin came to me in waves.
Even the most angry and hateful of those who violated me were acting out of self-loathing and disgust for themselves. I didn’t hate them, or want their destruction. I just hoped they would find themselves and learn what their actions truly stood for.
With the flames of wrath crawling through my spine, I looked deeper into the inferno to see thousands of people who could never let the hatred go. I could tell they blamed others for what happened; they never let go because it was easier to blame.
My legs began to work, so I took a couple steps forward. The flames began to become more intense as those around me, buried under their own hatred, reacted to my movement.
Fire crawled out of me while it danced around me, engulfing me but realizing, deep down, Wrath was never really a part of me. Yes, I’d been to the point of angry stupidity, saying crap I shouldn’t have while trying to hurt those in the moment. But it was only ever in that moment. I didn’t exact revenge or try to hurt loved ones or business associates.
There is a reason we are supposed to get angry and upset, because when the feeling is kept in your pocket, hateful feelings become wrath, something that can consume your very soul and disrupt your entire life.
The fire that raged from me and through me began to sputter. The fires of Hell didn’t consume me anymore. I was vastly surprised at the outcome, and I bypassed several sections of wrath at this time. I saw other tunnels and caves that led to other sections. I turned to look in one. I saw a soul skinning the flesh off of another human being. As I looked closer, it was the same person on both ends.
My soul screamed at this revelation. This soul was tearing himself apart for all eternity. He was both victim and executioner. This being’s soul split, and the Id tortured himself.
I saw a flash and could see his prey look like someone else, but it was just a flash, and then it was gone. He was left to mutilate himself while thinking he was acting on revenge. I couldn’t see it all. I refused to because it was truly one of the most sickening aspects of cruelty I could ever imagine.
My mind was listening to my own thoughts when it suddenly went blank. I stood there as my vision slowly shrank from the fires of Hell and into darkness. The only thing I had left was a feeling that quickly disappeared as well.
I’ve walked in the darkness before, hoping to go where I knew I should. But this was different. Every step I took turned me around as if I was walking in a three-foot-wide circle. It spiraled into itself and even though I felt I was walking on a straight path, it just led me into a deeper vortex, spinning me around and around. Where I would stop, nobody knew.
I couldn’t see, couldn’t taste, touch, smell or hear. But I followed it towards the bottom. I could say I didn’t feel, but that would be a mistruth; I could feel I was going downwards. It felt like the changing pressure on an airplane, when you have to swallow to pop your ears. The darkness drank me, only allowing me to move into it. I panicked as my mind clutched onto one thought:
I was on my way towards Pride. I always had an aversion to it. I’ve always tried to keep myself in check because of it. I’ve often been lost in the sin of Pride and struggled with it. I knew it was the most seductive of the sins and the most hideous.
I took several small steps, finding a flat surface. I was no longer going down. I took ten more strides and then another ten steps. I knew I was where I was supposed to be. I closed my eyes because this little act became my saving grace. I left the Pit of Wrath and took another step across the next threshold. Everything about me trembled, and my heart—what was left of it—palpitated. My brain felt as if it was convulsing slightly while the blood in my veins froze.
I stopped and apologized to God as if I didn’t know what was really going on, even though, in the back of my mind, I did. I felt I was in the worst place imaginable. Getting out of it would be an unimaginable nightmare.
I refused to open my eyes. I couldn’t believe where I was. Sure, I’ve never been lost in my pride; I knew anything I could do, someone could do better. But I saw the fits of pride from my life and knew I was stupid about it. I knew I had been stubborn, egotistical and full myself, letting these actions harm me. I didn’t see how it had harmed anyone else, but I guess I was about to.
I realized I was on the last level of Hell that I understood. I’ve seen a lot of things down here that would turn a man’s hair grey. I saw many other tunnels that led to places my mind couldn’t completely fathom, so I only saw them faintly.
I tried to open my eyes, but they wouldn’t obey. I struggled and even grabbed my eyelids, trying to pry them open. After a minute, my eyelids began to part ever so slowly, allowing me to see just a fraction of what was out there. They stayed that way, partially obscuring what I was trying to discern.
I stopped and let my eyes close again. I tried to make my heart gain a natural rhythm. I willed for everything to stop. I was crazy with fear. I tried harder to stop everything, to stop time and fear. And then something happened.
Time stopped, and everything froze for me. I couldn’t feel my heart, and I wasn’t breathing. My body died. I felt like the damned. Because I was.
Damned and dead, I opened my eyes, very slowly. I felt a rush. My eyes adjusted while my body began to wither. But it was more than that. Everything I’d felt, thought, judged and experienced folded onto me like a 20-ton weight. It never gave me any release, it just pounded on me. I couldn’t shrug it off.
My knees buckled, and I fell to the stone floor. I looked around and found myself lost in a realm of every sin imaginable. I couldn’t escape or find solace. I was bare. My mind was naked. I was thrashed on all sides by every single sin and by every single thought and action from my life.
I was at the heart of Hell and I felt I could never escape. I slowly stood up and made my way deeper, to finally find my place, where I belonged. Everything about me beg
an to tighten and convulse as I walked through the last unrepentant doorway.
THE TORTURES OF THE DAMNED AND THE HOPELESSNESS OF PRIDE
A haze of redness whisked all around. It swirled around me like a Cheshire cat, looking for an opening into my being. I tried to scream. It was the worst thing I could have done, because the haze swirled into my mouth and down my throat, ripping my esophagus as it scrambled into my soul. When the redness touched it, my body shook and my blood froze. I panicked and moved my arms, only to feel the ice shatter and rip my veins apart. Still panicking, I fell to my knees, and the ice ruptured everything inside of me. I tried to stand still, but every movement I made tore me apart.
As the torments of Hell began to sink into me, I could feel others all around me. It was still pitch black but I could feel a wave of nausea, as my soul tried to flee but there was no place to go.
A scream came out of nowhere and it burst through me, shattering my insides. The scream became louder and louder, almost cracking my skull. I clutched onto the sides of my head and noticed the scream was coming from me!
As my throat began to burn, the red haze began vomiting out of mouth. I began to force myself to throw up. I dropped to all fours, retching for what seem like an eternity. I felt it puke all out of my system while my veins began to lose their icy consistency. I retched and heaved until I felt empty.
Then a blue haze surrounded me. It too forced its way into my body, through every last opening. This time, I was on fire, and it tore through me like liquid lava.
I fell to a prone position on the floor in agony. Every cell in my body burst into flames. I screamed and rolled around in my own blood, covering myself in gore. The blood began to evaporate from the heat—heat that opened wounds on my body in one instant, then sealing them in the next.
I cried out to God to make it stop!
I cried and cried, knowing I was stuck in Hell and this was just another preliminary. I begged and pleaded when, out of mercy, it was suddenly over.