‘I’ve got a drawing in my room. I can show you what it looked like.’
She smiled and looked down, Sofia’s eyes were bright with excitement. She knelt down. ‘I would love to see that. I bet it’s perfect.’
Giovanni’s hand squeezed her shoulder in support. He was letting this happen. He was letting her get close to his daughter. That filled her with a happiness she couldn’t even have imagined.
Her brain jumped to a million possibilities and a billion conversations they hadn’t even touched on. She had to take her time. Think about this carefully. There was a little girl right in front of her who wore her heart on her sleeve, and Autumn was beginning to wonder if she did too.
She stood up and turned to face Giovanni, aware of how close they were. ‘Thank you for bringing me here,’ she said with a smile on her face. ‘I really appreciate it.’
For a moment all she could see was his dark brown eyes, so deep they almost seemed to pull her straight in. She’d never been much of a romantic. She’d never really had the big romance dream. But something pinged in her head. For her, this look felt like the one she’d seen exchanged between her friends at their wedding. And while this flooded her with happiness, there was still a tiny element of panic in her veins.
She knew exactly how she felt right now. What she didn’t know was how Giovanni felt.
She wanted to go with her gut and imagine that he was in exactly the same place as her. That would make her feel safe. Sure, it would open up a whole world of questions about her job, her life and her future plans. It would also challenge her to wonder if she could ever let go of her whole self and let someone else have her heart.
She so, so hoped he was in the same place as her.
But did she know that for sure?
Giovanni blinked and the edges of his lips turned upwards. Even though the air was cool, she just wanted to melt. This was it. This was what she’d been looking for.
‘Giovanni—’ she started, but a voice cut in behind them.
‘We have to close now.’
She spun round, her heart sinking deep inside her. The man gave Giovanni a nod and he held out his hand to Sofia.
The moment was gone—wrenched away—and Autumn struggled to catch her breath. Which was ridiculous, and she knew that.
‘Will you come and see my pictures?’ Sofia was skipping along as they exited the pyramid.
‘Of course.’ Her response was automatic.
Giovanni gave a nod. ‘Shall we pick up something for dinner?’
She smiled, her head spinning. What she probably needed to do was go back to her hotel room and try to get her head straight. But her conversation with Lizzy was pushing her forward. She knew there was a chance here to have the talk with Giovanni that she needed to have. The chance to find out if he might want to take things a stage further.
The thought of being shot down in flames danced around her brain. She was pretty sure her adrenalin rates were currently topping out at their max. But she was an adult. She could do this. She could have this conversation and deal with the consequences.
Or not...
CHAPTER NINE
IT WAS LATE. Pizza had been eaten. Pictures had been shown. And Sofia had finally gone to bed.
The sun had disappeared in the sky and they were still sitting in his garden, drinking wine. The white fairy lights that Sofia had insisted they wind around the trees were twinkling in the dimming sky.
Autumn was looking like the most perfect woman in the world right now. But she lived in another country. She probably had career plans he didn’t even know about. Could he really take the next step?
As he watched she lifted her wine glass to her pink lips and took another sip.
Every now and then her gaze met his, then flickered away. It was as if she wanted to say something but couldn’t quite get up the nerve.
A feeling he recognised.
Giovanni wasn’t sure where to start. Or if he should even start. All he knew was that if he was contemplating starting a new relationship that would involve his child, he wanted to be up-front right from the start. It seemed like the only way.
He reached for the wine bottle to top up her glass.
‘You’d better stop doing that,’ she said, in an oh-so-soft voice.
‘Why?’
‘Because I’m a lightweight. It only takes a couple of glasses for me to start to feel drunk.’
Giovanni picked up the remote on the table and flicked a button, turning music on around them.
Soft jazz sounds filled the air.
Autumn started laughing.
‘You don’t like my music?’
She shook her head. ‘It’s just the fact you have all this!’ She flung her arms wide. ‘This! This amazing house and even more amazing garden. Lights strung between the trees and speakers hidden in the bushes...’ She raised her eyebrows. ‘All these belonging to a man who masquerades as a master surgeon.’
He stood up and pulled her up next to him, wrapping his arms around her as he started swaying to the music. ‘May I have this dance?’ he asked, his voice low.
Her hands rested on his shoulders. ‘If you must.’
Her head was against his chest, her gaze on the table. ‘What are you looking at?’
Sofia had left her pictures on the table. She’d brought them from her room earlier, to show Autumn.
‘Her pictures.’ Her voice was quiet. ‘The pyramid. The pyramid with a dinosaur. The dinosaur with a clown. And the space rocket with a hot air balloon.’ She lifted her head and blinked heavy-lidded eyes at him. ‘How do you manage to keep it all straight in your head?’
He frowned. ‘Keep what straight?’
‘The crazy kid stuff?’
‘Sofia’s not crazy.’ He laughed softly.
She pulled back and looked up at him. ‘Sofia is a delight,’ she said flatly. ‘But...’ She leaned over and grabbed one of the pictures. It was another one of clowns. But they all had sad faces and glittery green shoes. ‘How do you deal with this? How do you know if she’s up or down? How do you know how to react?’
His chest tightened a little. ‘Autumn, not every sad picture is a trauma reveal. Sometimes kids feel a bit sad. I let Sofia paint whatever she wants. That’s what being a parent is. How on earth do I explain a clown and a stegosaurus holding hands when a stegosaurus doesn’t even have hands? It doesn’t always mean something. She enjoys painting, drawing, and generally getting glitter all over my house. Don’t you remember tramping in dirt from outside? Drawing on the walls in your room? Climbing out of windows or up trees?’
When he caught the expression on her face he leaned back, moving his hands from her waist to her upper arms.
‘Autumn, didn’t you ever just play as a child? Do crazy things? Build a den where you weren’t supposed to? Eat berries from a bush when you had no idea what they were?’
She looked so horrified that he knew the answer instantly.
‘Why would you do things like that?’ she asked in a small voice.
He reached up and stroked a strand of hair away from her face. ‘Because that’s what children do. It’s normal play. And it’s part of the heart failure of being a parent.’
She shuddered, and when she blinked he could see her eyes were wet. ‘But doesn’t every single second of that terrify you?’ she whispered.
He could see the hairs on her arms standing on end. Now, he was really beginning to understand about her interest in trauma. She’d said her parents had never been bad to her—and he knew that she believed that. But didn’t she know about the impact of constant controlling behaviour and its lasting effects? Because from where he was standing, she was living proof of that.
He took a deep breath and felt something fill his heart. He loved this woman. He wanted to take care of her, protect her. She was a good and true person. But could he ta
ke on someone with obvious lasting damage without worrying about her impact on Sofia?
‘Autumn, you should know that when Sofia was a newborn I didn’t sleep for weeks. I was a physical wreck. I used to hold a mirror in front of her face to make sure she was breathing. I actually thought I was losing it. Both Anna and I were the same.’ He gave a sad smile. ‘It wasn’t until much later that I found out that lots of people do that. Most people are overwhelmed by their first kid and that whole new element of things being out of their control. Talking to others made me realise I was just a normal new parent. Not the person who was losing all reality and rational thought that I feared I was becoming.’
She took a few deep breaths, the expression on her face thoughtful. ‘And once Sofia got older?’
He swung one hand towards the glass doors. ‘I told you—when she was a toddler, I was in the middle of renovations and I was on my own. Sofia had an absolute gift of being where she shouldn’t be. There wasn’t a child gate in the world she couldn’t get through.’
Autumn shook her head, the deepening sunset silhouetting her in shades of orange and red.
‘But how on earth did you cope?’
‘I took it one day at a time. That’s all you can do. And I asked for help when I needed it.’ He chose his next words carefully. ‘Part of being a child is making mistakes and learning. It’s my job to keep her safe to the best of my ability. But no matter how hard I wish for that to happen, there are always things I can’t foresee.’ He gave a shrug. ‘Look at what happened at school the other day.’
‘Yes...’
Her voice was quiet and he could tell she was still thinking. ‘Autumn, how much of a childhood did you have?’
She gave a little jerk and stared at him. ‘What does that mean?’
Giovanni could sense her automatic defences slipping into place. He reached up and slid his hand into her hair. He kept his voice low. ‘I mean that I have a woman in front of me I’m very attracted to. She’s a brilliant surgeon, with a brilliant mind and a big heart.’ He moved his hand and ran one finger lightly down her cheek. ‘But sometimes she seems a little sad. As if she’s never had the chance to live a crazy life and do things that seem stupid.’
Her gaze met his. ‘But...do people have to do that?’
He ran his fingertip over her lips. ‘Only if they want to. And I want you to know that if you ever feel like you want to be a bit crazy and lose control, I’m your man. I’ll take your hand and show you how.’
A tear slid down her cheek and he resisted the urge to brush it away, wondering if Autumn had ever had a conversation like this before. Inside, he knew that she hadn’t.
She gave a small shake of her head. ‘What if it feels like too much? What if I just want to take baby steps?’
Regret flooded through him. He was losing his heart to someone who might never be able to lose her heart to him. She was too closed-off. Too focused on control. Was he making a mistake?
‘I’d say that baby steps are a start,’ he whispered.
‘Good.’
She slid her hands around his neck, standing on tiptoes and brushing her lips against his. Part of his brain was screaming at him. Telling him to be cautious. But his body had other ideas and he matched every move that she made.
Within a few moments he was frustrated by the confines of her dress, and he pulled back and held his hand out to hers. The message was clear. But he wanted her to be sure of their next move.
Her hand slid into his and they walked back into the house and into his bedroom.
Giovanni took a few seconds to go and check on Sofia. By the time he got back to his own room Autumn’s dress was on the floor.
That was all he needed. He stopped thinking about everything else. He pushed it all away. Autumn was standing in her underwear, smiling at him. Her green eyes were still bright in the dim lights. She’d never looked more beautiful or more sure about anything.
She gave a smile and held out her hand. ‘What are you waiting for? Let’s try some baby steps.’
And he kicked his bedroom door closed behind him.
CHAPTER TEN
HE’D SLEPT WITH AUTUMN. And relived the experience a few times since. He’d brought another woman into his home, slept with her in that home, while his daughter was in the house.
If someone had asked him a few months ago about starting a new relationship he would have told them he had a whole set of rules. Those rules involved a certain length of time spent getting to know her, a judgement call over if she should meet Sofia, then the possibility of taking the relationship further—in the first instance far away from his family home.
But Autumn seemed to have thrown all that out of the window for him.
And he couldn’t quite get his brain around it.
‘You did what?’
He’d just confessed all to his sister, Bella. She was just as feisty as Eleanor, but easier to talk to.
‘I know,’ he muttered, pacing in front of the windows of his office.
‘She must be something special.’
‘She is.’ Giovanni’s shoulders sagged a little with the admission.
‘So, what’s wrong?’
‘Who said something was wrong?’
‘You did. As soon as you picked up the phone to me. You don’t do this, Giovanni.’ Bella knew him too well.
He leaned against the wall. ‘I feel dishonest. She’s let me know that she has issues with control. All related to how she was brought up.’
‘Issues that mean your relationship won’t work?’
He could hear the concern in Bella’s tone. ‘No, or maybe yes. I don’t know.’ He let out a giant sigh. ‘She’s terrified about things being out of her control. Even the whole child thing terrifies her. I don’t think she realises just how good she is around Sofia. Or how good she is with the babies in ICU. The staff there love her.’
‘Wait—I’m not really getting this.’
Giovanni rolled his eyes. ‘Neither am I. I can’t quite work things out.’
‘Okay, tell me the problem from your side.’
Giovanni nodded and started walking again. ‘Okay, I haven’t really told her about Anna.’
There was a long silence. Then, ‘She doesn’t know you were married?’ Bella sounded confused.
‘No, no—she knows that. She just doesn’t know that things weren’t that great with Anna.’
‘You told her about the accident?’
He stopped pacing again. ‘Yes, she knows about that. But, like everyone else in the hospital, she thinks that Anna and I were...’ His voice tailed off.
‘Still completely in love?’
Giovanni’s stomach clenched. ‘Yes.’
‘And why is that such a bad thing? Why do you need to tell her anything at all? Let her have the same impression as most people—that your beloved wife died and you’ve been a widower these last four years.’
Giovanni froze. ‘But that’s wrong,’ he said deeply.
‘Explain why.’
Giovanni ran his fingers through his hair. ‘Because if I’m starting a new relationship I want to be honest from the start. I don’t want to throw it in later. I want to sit down and tell Autumn that things weren’t that great between Anna and me. That I think she probably wanted to leave anyway, long before the accident. And that I’m not even one hundred per cent sure it even was an accident.’
‘Giovanni...?’
Bella’s voice was full of concern. And he knew he had to say more. ‘I don’t know. I’m probably just overthinking things. I mean, I’m ninety per cent sure it was an accident, but we had a fight just before she left. She was still on maternity leave. She shouldn’t even have been travelling into work. But she told me she’d do anything to get out of the house and away from me. Said I was trapping her.’
Bella didn’t speak for
a few moments. It was clear she was taking all this in. She’d known Anna better than most.
When she spoke, her voice was steady. ‘Giovanni, how long have you felt like this? Why didn’t you tell me?’
Giovanni swallowed. ‘Because I didn’t want to admit it might be a possibility.’
‘And it’s not. You can’t be rational about this. She was your wife, but you’d fallen out of love with each other. I can be rational. I knew you both. Anna was ready to leave. But she loved Sofia. She would never have done something like that. It was an accident. That’s all it was. Just a damn stupid accident. Park those thoughts, Giovanni. You are not responsible for this in any way, shape or form.’
She paused and Giovanni didn’t fill the silence. He was mulling over what Bella was saying. It felt as if an enormous cloud had lifted from his shoulders.
‘It also tells me something else,’ she said.
‘What?’
‘Just how much you like this new woman. It’s only been—what? Five, six weeks? This is so unlike you. She’s met Sofia, you’ve taken things further, and you want to tell her everything about you. Even your crazy fears that don’t make sense. You know she has some issues herself and you’re prepared to take them on board. Giovanni, you’re making me think I should start to consider her as part of the family. She’s special. You know she is.’
For the first time in the conversation the edges of Giovanni’s lips moved upwards and his face broke into a smile. He nodded his head in agreement. ‘You’re right. She is.’
‘Then whether you tell her you’d fallen out of love with your wife is entirely up to you. But focus on what you’ve got. This is the best news in the world for you and for Sofia. Take your chances, Giovanni. Grab them. If this is the woman you want in your life then work with her. Work together.’
The more Bella spoke, the lighter Giovanni felt. He should have spoken to her earlier. It would have helped him think things through.
‘Thank you,’ he said.
‘Any time. I’m your sister. I love you. All I want for you and Sofia in this life is that you are both happy. And, Giovanni?’
Reawakened by the Italian Surgeon Page 13