‘Hi sis,’ Alex said, nudging her in the ribs. Catherine understood that to be Alex’s attempt at friendly sisterly contact, but it was not sufficient. She turned to Alex and forced her into a hug. Alex squirmed as though she was nine years old and being suffocated by an affectionate grandmother. Catherine laughed at her discomfort and whispered, ‘She doesn’t look gay.’
‘Meaning that I do?’ Alex said, affronted.
Catherine chuckled at the offence in her sister’s eyes. Catherine turned and caught Beth’s stare which she quickly tore away, but not before Catherine saw the satisfaction that lurked there. She briefly had the look of someone who had crossed a barrier and achieved some great feat. When Beth turned around the expression had been replaced by a look that darted all over the place, eager to collect coats and offer drinks.
Catherine traversed the short but busy space towards Nikki and introduced herself. The wariness began to dissolve from her eyes. Catherine gripped her hand tightly.
‘Anyone who can put up with her has my love, respect and sympathy in equal measure.’
Nikki returned the squeeze of the hand. ‘I can’t argue with an obviously intelligent woman.’
‘Oh, Alex, she’s a keeper,’ Catherine cried over her shoulder.
Catherine was relieved to see the tension fade from her eyes. There was something genuine about Nikki that she liked immediately. She sensed that the woman wore every expression openly.
‘Please, sit down,’ Beth said, graciously. The room was crowded with five adults and two children. Catherine wondered if they might have to play musical chairs to get a seat.
Nikki took the single chair by the window opposite the other single chair beside the Christmas tree into which Alex had flopped. Catherine and Tim eased down on to the three-seater sofa and, following some good-natured tussling between the girls, Lucy got the third seat and Jess sat on the floor in between her sister’s feet.
Catherine hid the smile that started in her stomach. The balance of power between the two of them was shifting and Lucy occasionally got her own way, which was surprising, but even more so was the fact that Jess didn’t have a tantrum every time she did. The dynamics were changing and they both seemed to accept it.
‘Shall I take the presents out of the bags?’ Jess asked, turning her face towards Catherine. Her eyes had already settled on the pile of presents beneath the tree. Catherine forgave her impatience. She would have felt the same if she had ever seen presents beneath a tree in this house.
‘Take them out and place them over in that corner,’ she said, pointing to the other alcove. ‘So that no one trips over them.’ Catherine was conscious of the limited space in the small room.
Beth returned with a tray holding seven small glasses of a milky yellow liquid. ‘It’s eggnog,’ she said, lowering the tray for everyone to take a glass. ‘There’s no alcohol in it,’ she offered to no one in particular, but the words found Alex’s ears first.
‘May I?’ Beth asked Alex, indicating that she would like to sit in the chair nearest to the presents.
Alex removed her gangly legs from the chair and positioned herself on the floor in front of Nikki’s legs.
Catherine sipped at the warm liquid and found it surprisingly tasty and creamy. A gentle heat coursed through her and she found herself contented and calm. From the kitchen she could hear the low hum of Christmas carols playing on the radio.
‘Do you mind if I…?’ Beth asked, indicating the pile of presents.
‘Of course,’ they all chorused.
As Beth leaned over the edge of the chair Catherine was struck by a distant memory. She had the vague recollection of the three of them in bed one Christmas Eve night. Despite their shared terrors they had still had the innocence to hope.
They had all crowded onto Catherine’s bed, listening out for the sound of sleigh bells and, although they had all known that Santa didn’t exist in their house, some flicker of hope ignited and shone every Christmas Eve.
They had lain there and shared their fantasies and agreed on one definitive version of heaven. They hoped that they would be woken gently by their mother to find stockings filled with fruit and nuts at the bottom of their beds. They had hoped that they would tear downstairs into a warm cosy room to find a pile of presents beneath a sparkling tree. They had hoped that their mother would sit beside the presents and hand them out one by one with an expectant air and a loving smile.
Catherine glanced across at Beth whose eyes were alive with anticipation and was in no doubt that she remembered too. It was clear to her that Beth was trying to act out the fantasy that they had all dreamed many years ago. She felt a rush of love for her sister’s generous nature. All her life she had put other people before herself.
‘This one is for Jess and this one is for Lucy.’
Catherine was relieved that they both had the manners to say thank you. She was beginning to realise that as a parent even the silliest things were a cause for concern. Her children’s manners had never interested to her before, but now they were important. She wanted them to demonstrate the polite and loving children that she knew them to be.
Catherine leaned forward, feeling the eagerness of their shining expressions as though their excitement was her own. ‘What is it?’
‘Give them a chance, love,’ Tim said, also leaning forward.
Unsurprisingly, Jess got into her package first and pulled out a Hello Kitty backpack. Catherine was thrilled.
‘Cool, Aunty Beth, cool.’
Beth seemed to take the word cool for thank you as Lucy managed to gain access to her package. A set of Beatrix Potter books lit up her daughter’s face.
‘And this is for Tim.’
‘You really shouldn’t have,’ Tim said, seriously. Good manners dictated that one did not buy presents for virtual strangers but, then again, he hadn’t bargained on Beth.
Catherine watched with interest as he unwrapped a waterproof sports watch with all sorts of gadgets including a stopwatch. Catherine was shocked. She had told Beth that Tim had started swimming laps again; this gift would be invaluable. She was also a little dismayed that she hadn’t thought of it.
Tim struggled to hide his embarrassment. ‘Really, Beth, I can’t accept this.’
‘Don’t be silly. You’ve been my brother-in-law for eight years. Call it a catch-up present.’
Tim looked to her for guidance. He was struggling with conscience and good manners but Catherine shook her head slightly, instructing him to accept. This was Beth’s chance to act out their dream, their fantasy. It was important to her.
‘Oh look, another two for the girls,’ Beth said, excitedly, as though just discovering them for the first time. They all laughed and the atmosphere became one of fun and excitement. The girls eagerly ripped off the paper to find a pair of walkie-talkies.
‘Nikki, I hope you like this,’ Beth said, handing her what looked like a rather heavy-looking box. Nikki thanked her, genuinely surprised at Beth’s thoughtfulness. She opened the wrapper to display a black box with a buckle fastener. When opened it revealed a treasure chest of art materials, linseed oil, turpentine, canvases, a palette and a selection of brushes and pencils.
‘I don’t know what to say,’ Nikki said, shaking her head in amazement. She lifted the brushes with the reverence of a true artist.
‘Jeez, thanks sis. Makes my gift look kinda crappy,’ Alex moaned, good-naturedly. Catherine could see that she was touched by Beth’s thoughtfulness.
‘Oh look, last two for a couple of little girls.’
Catherine had had enough. ‘Beth, this really is too much. I can’t let you—’
‘Catherine, shut up,’ Beth said, firmly.
Catherine’s mouth slammed shut whilst Alex burst out laughing. ‘Christ, it’s a miracle.’
Catherine offered her a withering look to which Alex bobbed out her tongue.
‘Well, at least let us give you a gift,’ Catherine said, regaining the use of her mouth.
; ‘Let me do this my way, please.’
The girls opened their gifts at the same time and shared an intake of breath. Lying inside a velvet box on black velvet cushions were gold bracelets that differed only in the colour of the stones that were separated yet held together by gold knots the whole way round. Jess’s bracelet was filled with tiny sapphires and Lucy’s with emeralds.
‘Tim, will you please speak to her?’ Catherine begged. The bracelets looked very expensive and Catherine felt uncomfortable.
Tim shrugged. ‘If she’s anything like her sister she’s hardly going to listen to me.’
Beth ignored them and turned to the girls, who were transfixed by the jewellery. ‘They’re not the same but they’re similar. They’re both precious and beautiful. I want you to look at these and remember that you’re sisters, just like Mummy and Aunty Alex.’
‘And Aunty Beth,’ Alex finished.
Alex was next to receive a gift, which was the entire works of Charles Dickens.
‘This isn’t like the others,’ Beth said, reaching for the last present underneath the tree. It was a large envelope that looked like a card. Catherine was intrigued. She opened the envelope and saw a beautifully crafted card with ribbon and glitter. She began to read the verse, which was so heartfelt that she knew that Beth had pored over the inscribed words for hours until she’d found the right ones. As the verse continued into the card she opened it up and something fell on to her lap but she continued to read. Beneath the printed verse, Beth’s sure hand had written:
To my darling sister, Catherine, you were the angel of my dreams and the saviour of my day. You guarded me always.
Catherine’s eyes glazed over, the words on the card blurring into obscurity like a windscreen with no wipers on a rainy day. She wiped at her eyes, and her gaze rested on the item that had fallen out of the card. Her eyes narrowed as she recognised the Christmas card given to her mother many years ago. She read the words in childish handwriting on the front of the card. She locked gazes with the snowman in the top right-hand corner, his nose obscured by a mark on the Sellotape.
‘You kept it?’ Catherine asked, shaking her head in disbelief.
Beth nodded and Catherine could see the emotion in her eyes. ‘I remember the day you brought it home from school. You were so proud and full of hope that she would like it. You were devastated when she threw it in the bin. You cried for hours. Later that night I took it out of the bin and cleaned it up. It was so beautiful. I didn’t give it back to you at the time because in anger you would have ripped it up.’
‘I can’t believe that you kept it,’ Catherine said, handling it as though it were a precious scrap of papyrus bearing the earliest hieroglyphics.
‘I kept it in the back of a book to protect it. I always knew it was there and always intended to give it back to you. When the bitterness was gone. Now it’s time.’
Catherine struggled to hold back the tears. There was no better present that she could have received from her sister. It was like being handed back her life. She could look at the card now and feel no anger for her mother, only the joy she had taken in creating the object at school.
With the card clutched in her hand Catherine stepped across her daughters and hugged Beth tightly, imparting within that embrace exactly how much the gesture meant to her.
Within minutes gifts seemed to be travelling across the room from all directions and Catherine almost lost track of which present was from who, but the red Christmas card was never far from her grip.
Every gift was so thoughtfully chosen. Beth’s heart had gone into these presents for every single one of them, even Tim and Nikki who she had never met before this day. Catherine was overwhelmed with a feeling of love and devotion for her sister.
Beth slipped silently from the room to tend to dinner. The girls were happily playing with their presents whilst Nikki and Alex were inspecting the contents of Nikki’s art box. Tim was pressing buttons on his watch. Catherine followed her sister.
She passed through the inner room and noted the transformation there also. Beth had kept a similar colour scheme throughout the lower level of the house and the walls looked clean and fresh, giving the room an airy, cool feel. The room was dominated by a round dining table already laid with care and precision. Stylish silver crackers were meticulously set beside exquisitely folded napkins.
‘How long did it take you to do all this?’ Catherine asked, as she entered the kitchen. It too had been worked on, and without the encumbrance of an eating area had gained in space. The counter tops and cupboard fronts had all been replaced and a gleaming new cooker busily roasted and boiled like an orchestra, producing a cacophony of delicious smells.
‘It’s nothing. I just wanted my family here for one good Christmas.’
Catherine placed an arm around her sister’s shoulders, feeling her bony frame beneath the chunky jumper. She opened her mouth but decided against it. Beth looked so content that Catherine didn’t want to spoil it by nagging her.
‘And there’ll be many more like it. Seriously, though, Beth, this is wonderful. Everyone is really enjoying themselves and it’s all thanks to you.’
Beth’s face lit up with gratitude and then turned mildly serious. ‘Alex seems much calmer.’
Catherine chuckled as she tore a tiny amount of bronzed skin from the enormous turkey resting on the side. ‘She’s getting there. It’s hard for her, not drinking, but with Nikki and us behind her, she’ll make it.’
‘You must support her,’ Beth said, narrowing her eyes at Catherine. ‘Every day is a battle for her and she needs to know that you’re close by. Promise me, Catherine?’
‘Hey, of course, I promise.’ There was real fear in Beth’s eyes. ‘We’ll both be there for her. We’re her family and she knows that.’
Catherine would have liked to say more but an eruption sounded. They both looked to see the source. Jess and Lucy had commandeered two horses in the name of Nikki and Alex and were riding them bareback in a race. Both teams had reached the doorway at the same time and were tussling to get through first. Jess and Lucy were crying with laughter and it warmed Catherine’s heart to see her oldest daughter enjoying such a childish game. Pure light shone from her eyes.
‘Get back, you cheat,’ Nikki shouted as Alex tried to barge her way through. ‘Reach over, Jess, and tickle her feet, she hates that.’
Jess did as she was bid and reached for Alex’s feet and although she had no chance of reaching them from atop Nikki’s back, the mere threat forced Alex to squirm around, giving Nikki the opportunity to force herself and her jockey through.
‘I declare Jess and Nikki the winners,’ Catherine cried from the kitchen doorway.
‘And I reckon they did it in nineteen point seven seconds,’ Tim said, looking very pleased with himself for mastering his gift.
Beth ushered them out of the kitchen and instructed them to sit. Catherine took charge of the seating arrangements and placed Jess between Alex and Tim, and Lucy between herself and Nikki, with Beth at the head of the table.
Beth produced a feast of festivity that was devoured amongst laughter, cracker pulling and joy. The playful banter between Catherine and Alex lasted throughout the meal and was particularly enjoyed by Beth, who was the quietest of them all but contented.
After a delicious dessert of Christmas pudding and cream they returned to the front room and settled in the places they had been previously, still wearing their cracker hats, Beth refusing any assistance with the clearing up.
It was with disappointment that Catherine realised the time and, despite her enjoyment of the day with her family, felt it was only fair to arrive at Tim’s parents punctually.
Catherine packed up the presents while Beth retrieved the jackets. They bid farewell to Alex and Nikki who had already taken possession of the sofa.
‘Thank you for a wonderful day, Beth. It’s been lovely.’
Beth nodded and swallowed, a sad and distant look in her eyes. Catherine felt that she
was already somewhere else.
Catherine reached out and hugged her sister tightly, almost too tightly.
During the drive to Tim’s parents, Catherine allowed the contentment of the day to wash over her. Jess and Lucy were busily comparing bracelets in the back seats. Tim hummed some festive tunes and she stared out of the window imagining the ties they would forge over the coming years.
Twenty
Alex
‘No, no, no, no, no. I don’t want to get up.’
‘Alex, it’s almost ten. Get out of bed, you lazy lump.’
Alex threw a pillow that missed Nikki by inches, but then had a marvellous idea. ‘Why don’t you join me?’
Nikki laughed. ‘Yeah, right, and we won't see daylight until tomorrow. Forget it, pal. We’re taking that walk, remember?’
Alex groaned and rolled over. It was Monday 27th and still a bank holiday because of Christmas falling at the weekend. The previous day had been dull and rainy and they had spent the most part of it snacking on festive treats and watching Christmas films curled up on the sofa. At the end of the day Nikki had stated that, weather permitting, they would work off their indulgence with a brisk walk around the park.
‘Come on, lazy bones,’ Nikki said, pulling the covers from Alex’s grip. ‘There’s something in the kitchen to prepare you for the arduous journey.’
‘A taxi?’
‘Use your nose and smell the love.’
Alex tentatively stuck her nose out from beneath the pillow and caught her favourite smell.
‘Is there brown sauce?’
Nikki answered the affirmative with her eyes only. ‘But it’s going in the bin if you’re not out of bed in five minutes.’
Alex made noises as she forced herself out of bed. Nikki surely knew how to use her own passions against her. Nothing started her day like a bacon sandwich with brown sauce. She dressed quickly, drawn by the inviting aroma of her favourite meat.
Dear Mother: A gripping and emotional story that will make you sob your heart out Page 22