by Karen Deen
“But Mommy, you were sad last night with Zach and said you didn’t want kids. I thought you meant us.” I knew Sammy must have heard me yell after Zach last night. I wasn’t sure how to answer that, but luckily Zach jumped in for me.
“It’s okay, little buddy. What you heard Mommy saying last night was not about you two. Your Mom loves you both so much, you make her so happy. Mommy and Zach were talking about something else that is just for grown-ups to talk about. But I promise, it wasn’t about you. Mommy and I both love you very much and never want you to leave here. Okay?“
I stopped breathing as I looked up into Zach’s eyes. He hadn’t realized what he had just said to the kids. He had fallen in love with my kids, which made me long for the day that maybe he could fall in love with me too.
“Can we get some food now, I am really hungry and Sophia is thirsty. I tried to look after her, Zach, and be the man like you taught me. I was looking for the creek when Grant found us. But Sophia wouldn’t stop crying.” I tried not to laugh as I thought about the difference between the twins. Sammy had a long way to go to understand women.
“I am sure you did a fantastic job of being the man while I wasn’t there, but how about you let me take over for a little while. Would that be okay, buddy? Could I look after Mommy and Princess Sophia and you for a little while? You can just be a little kid and play on the farm. How about that?” Zach took Sammy up into his arms and gave him a big hug that told him that it was okay to trust Zach. He would take care of them all. My heart melted watching the interaction between the two of them.
“Okay, Zach that sounds cool because Sophia just cries all the time anyway. You can fix it for her and make her stop. I hate when girls cry.” Sammy felt relived he could pass on the job.
“Me too, buddy, me too,” Zach repeated and started to head into the cottage. I followed with Sophia, wrapped in my arms. Mitch stopped me on the way in to tell me the family would head up into Zach’s house for a while. That would give us some space to settle the kids and get them fed and cleaned up. I had tears in my eyes as I thanked him and told him we would be over in a little while.
I had never known the love and support of a big family, but today I felt it to my core. These beautiful people had taken us in and we were part of them now. Just as they were part of us and I knew now I could never let them go. Especially Zach. He may try to fight this, but after today, I was never giving up. I didn’t know what this was but I wanted to know more and continue to feel the incredible sensation in my heart that I felt when I was with him.
I stood in the cottage kitchen watching Zach fuss over the kids, getting them food and a drink. I knew for sure this was what I wanted. I wanted Zach and I wanted him here with us. I wanted us to become his family.
Zach
Emily took the kids in to bath them and put them in fresh clothes while I cleaned up in the kitchen.
When they were done, we would head over to my place to be with the rest of the family and see what the afternoon would hold in store for us. I knew I could use a very stiff drink to get my nerves under control, but the timing was not right and that could wait.
“Thank you,” I heard, whispered from just behind me. I turned to see Emily standing before me looking exhausted, tears of relief in her eyes. She took my words away with her beautiful eyes. I reached out and drew her into my arms. We both relaxed and let the tension of the morning seep out of our bodies. I ran my hand up over the back of her head and stroked her, letting her know by my touch what I wasn’t able to say in words. This woman had my heart along with those two kids, but I just couldn’t tell her. I couldn’t hurt her like that when I had to walk away. I was already hurting and I didn’t want that for Emily. Her scent was wrapping me up and carrying me away in a fantasy of a time that we could all be together like this as a family. How I longed for that and longed for it with Emily. I needed to get myself under control. I tried to pull away from Emily. She pulled me tighter and whispered, “Just hold me Zach, just make me feel safe.” I could never say no to her. With that statement she slayed me. That was all I wanted, to keep her safe.
“While ever I walk this earth, Em, I will be here to keep you all safe. I will never leave you. Never.” Just then, as per usual, our silence was broken by Sammy doing a nudie run with his towel around his shoulders, looking for his Mom to make sure she wasn’t far away. Although he pretended to be brave today and be the man, I know he was scared and happy to be home.
We both pulled back and giggled at the sight of a little white butt running back down the hallway, yelling to Sophia that he saw Mommy and Zach cuddling. If I wasn’t trying to keep it in my pants myself, I was sure that kid was trying to cock-block me. I loved him dearly, but every time, Sammy, every time. As he got older I would need to teach him about timing with girls. To be honest, his sucked big time.
“I better get them dressed so we can head over to see your family. But Zach, please know I can never thank you enough for looking after us all today. You are our Prince Charming, even if you aren’t wanting to be. Thank you” With that, Emily turned and walked down the hallway to the kids, leaving me standing in the kitchen with blue balls again. What I wouldn’t give to lean down and taste that woman’s lips. Just once, so I can remember it forever.
Emily
The smell that greeted us as we came through the back door told me that Me-me had been cooking to keep from panicking about the kids going missing. She was one of the special mothers, who no matter how many children she had there, always had more room in her heart to love more people. Me-me had taken the three of us into her family and it felt amazing.
“Who is up for some chocolate chip cookies fresh out of the oven? Come and get them!” Me-me looked straight at the kids with a huge smile as they ran in to her arms. To Samuel and Sophia, being in the arms of Me-me was part of feeling like they were home. I was not sure how this all happened so fast but, I would never be sad it had happened.
We spent the rest of the afternoon sitting out on the back porch of Zach’s place, talking and laughing while the kids were entertained by Luke, Zach, Lilly, Alesha and Mitch. The kids took it in turns to have the adults pushing them on the swings and playing in the sand pit. Zach told the kids they would have to wait for another day to get on the horses because today had just been a bit too busy. He was also honest with them that they had been a bit naughty today so they had to be good to be allowed on the horses. The kids were disappointed but understood.
Chatting with the girls, they mentioned to me that Zach was due to go away overnight at the end of this week for the awards ceremony with Alesha. Mitch wanted to make sure I would feel okay out here at the farm on my own. He offered for him and Me-me to stay at Zach’s while he was away. I saw a relieved look on Zach’s face knowing we wouldn’t be here on our own.
“That would be great if you were here. I could cook you dinner and the kids would love to spend time with you.” I turned to the kids, “Sammy and Soph, we are going to have Gruffy and Me-me stay next week and they will have dinner at the cottage with us. Is that okay with you two?” The kids both screamed yes and jumped up and down.
“Can we have a sleep over at Zach’s house with Gruffy and Me-me?” Sammy asked. “We have never slept over with anyone. Please, Mommy, it would be fun with Gruffy and Me-me. Me and Soph would really like to, pretty please.” How could you deny eyes that looked up at me with so much hope.
“You will have to ask Gruffy and Me-me if that is okay. They may not want you two noisy kids sleeping at Zach’s house.” I giggled as Sammy looked around to face them and show them the same big puppy dog eyes.
“Gruffy and Me-me can we please have a sleep over party with you? All my friends at school sleep at their grandparents, but we never have. Can we do that with you?” Sophia was so sweet when she was asking. I looked up to see tears in Me-me’s eyes and I could have sworn I saw water in Gruffy’s eyes too.
“Oh my God, of course you both can. It will be so much fun. I am so excite
d and then Mommy can have a night to herself. What do you say Gruffy, do you think we can handle a couple of rug rats for one night”?
“I think I can cope,” He said as he leant down and scooped Sammy up onto his shoulders, tickling him. Sophia hugged Me-me and said thank you, checking it would be okay that she brought Pinkie because she couldn’t sleep without her.
Zach came up behind me and whispered in my ear, “You have just made my Mom and Dad the happiest people alive. Be prepared, you may never get your kids back. My Mom may keep them forever.” He chuckled as he walked over to where Luke and Grant were leaning on the railing with their beers staring out at the sunset over the mountains. Alesha and Lilly had been sitting chatting on the couch and called me to go and sit with them.
Lilly being Lilly, always so forward, came straight out with it. “So, what is going on with you and my brother, Emily? Every time Zach looks at you it’s as if he wants to strip you naked and devour you on the spot. Your return gaze is one where he is making you melt to the ground. There is no way there is nothing going on, so spill the beans right now.” I laughed a little because if there was one thing you could always guarantee with Lilly, it’s that she got what she wanted.
“Lilly, there is nothing going on, we are just friends.”
“I call bullshit, Emily. The chemistry between you is off the charts. There may not be anything happening yet, but you both want it to, even if you won’t admit it.” Alesha smacked Lilly in the arm and looked at me with those eyes filled with apologies.
“Sorry, Emily. You know what Lilly is like, she pushes until she gets the gossip she wants. Whatever is happening here is none of her business, but I will admit, you both look amazing together and there is definitely a buzz happening.”
“See, it’s not just me.” Lilly pushed back at Alesha on the arm.
“Girls, nothing is happening. Well, not at the moment anyway. I won’t deny that your brother is the hottest man I have ever laid my eyes on and I wouldn’t mind if something was going on. We need to get through a few walls before anything can ever be more than friendship.”
“Uh huh, so you do want something to happen, then. I knew it. Told you, Alesha. Well leave it to me.”
“Oh God no, Lilly you stay out of this and right away from Emily and Zach.” Alesha put on the big sister voice that said she meant business.
“Yes, please Lilly, I don’t need any help. I am fine, okay. Please forget we had this talk and keep it all to yourself. I just need to worry about my kids and myself at the moment.” Alesha and I looked at Lilly knowing that is was too late, her brain was already going crazy hatching plans. We rolled our eyes knowing that, no matter what we said, Lilly would ignore it.
Now was a good time to leave and get the kids home. It had been a really long day and I needed to get them into bed and settled for the night. To be honest, I could use a really good sleep too. I was emotionally exhausted from last night with Zach and then today with the kids. I grabbed the kids, said our goodbyes and thanked everyone with all my heart. I tried to show them all through the tightness of my hugs how much it meant to me that they came running today. The hugs were returned by all of the family, but the one who shocked me was Grant. He grabbed me like he didn’t want to let go. He spoke very quietly, told me they were amazing kids and he would always be here to help. It really shocked me. One day, I would learn his story, but first I needed to sort out Zach and I. I may not have much in my life, but the one thing I had was strength when I needed it. It was time for Zach to see the true strong woman I could be when I was determined. Fighting for Zach was what I wanted with a passion. I couldn’t contain it for much longer. As I walked to the cottage, I could feel his eyes on me. I turned to see Zach watching me with a look that said more than he knew. He wanted me and that look told me all I needed to know.
Finally laying down in bed felt amazing.
The last twenty-four hours had been a whirlwind of emotions. My head had not had time to even digest everything. My body was physically exhausted from running all over the farm at a frantic pace this morning and the lack of sleep from last night. It was my head that was so tired from over-thinking. I was lacking the ability to even function for much longer. My eyes were heavy and as they lowered and sleep claimed me. I drifted into the land of slumber and, as I did every night I dreamt of Zach. Every night, those dreams were getting far more x rated and my longing for them to be real was shown by waking up incredibly horny. Some mornings I just had to take the edge off, picturing it was Zach who was touching me. Whispering sweet dirty thoughts in my ears as he devoured my body with his hands and his mouth. It had been over five years since I had been touched by a man, but the longing for Zach was reaching a point that, if I managed to get him alone, I would really have to fight to keep my hands to myself. That was not me, as I was never forward with a man, but Zach was different. The feelings I was developing were the ones I saw in movies and read about in those books that moms called ‘Mommy Porn’. Hot steamy romances, which were the closest I was getting to any action in the last five years. I never pictured they were real, just fantasies. But now they were becoming my fantasy and, unbelievably, my reality. If only I could work out how to the end the story with my happily-ever-after like all those fantasy fairy tales.
Chapter Sixteen
Zach
After the excitement of the weekend, I realized there was no way I could ever let those three people in the cottage out of my life.
I had so many emotions I was coping with. I tried to rationalize everything, but to be honest. I was doing a crap job of it. I knew how I felt about the twins. They had found a place in my heart and I already loved them dearly. There was no denying it. Whether they liked it or not, I had claimed them as mine and they would be the closest I would get to have my own children. I would always love and protect them, and maybe spoil them just a little, too. The fear I felt when they disappeared was like my heart was going to break and that I had failed. I had failed to keep them safe and protect them, just like I had my daughter. I had taken on that role and already it had tested me.
I had come to accept that I couldn’t change what had happened with my daughter and that choice had been taken out of my hands by someone else. This was my choice, though, to take on the protective role of Sophia and Samuel. They were precious and deserved to have a stress-free life and the love of a family. Emily had done an amazing job so far and I just wanted to help her and make that job a little easier. As the kids grew older, Sammy especially, needed the influence of a man to help guide him through the hard world of finding himself. I wanted to desperately be that man, along with Gruffy and my brothers. It was a little different with Sophia. I wanted to be that man, to stand behind Emily at the door the first time a boy called to take her on a date. While Emily would lecture him of the rules, I would give him the look that chilled him to the bones. If he hurt her in any way, I would rip his balls off and feed them to him one at a time. I would be that man that would wrap her up in my arms when she was hurt and tell her that it would be okay and that I would look after her.
It was easy to rationalize my feelings and thoughts with the twins, but Emily was hard. So hard it was hurting and confusing to me. My longing to kill her ex-boyfriend and how he had hurt her was the strongest I had ever felt. I had never been a violent man, but my anger had reached a level I had never felt before. I couldn’t stand knowing how hurt she had been and how tough a life that asshole had made it. To abandon a woman and her twin babies was something I couldn’t even comprehend, let alone forgive. I never got to ask Emily what happened to Greg, but it was a question I needed to know the answer to. I want to know if he ever contacted her again. The funny thing was the anger I felt here was worse than when I found Christina cheating on me. I had been gutted at the time yet my own hurt was not as important to me as the hurt that was inflicted on Emily by someone else.
That is why I was so torn with my feelings for Emily. I couldn’t take being the person to hurt her again. I
know she tried to tell me that children didn’t matter to her, but I am not entirely sure that is true. I look at her and she reminds me of my mother. Someone who should have a large family to spoil, love and nurture. She is an unbelievably caring person who has had to fight hard in life, yet it hasn’t taken away her spark or smile. I knew this because of that smile she gave me and her beautiful laugh slayed me every single time. It was like a sword that kept cutting through the wall around my heart. I wanted to be able to keep the wall up and protect myself so I never went through the same feeling again, but she just kept chipping away at it.
It was my brain’s job to rationalize that I needed to keep my distance from Emily for both our sakes. But my heart and other particular parts of my body were telling me to ignore my head. When Emily was anywhere near me, my body was on high alert and I just wanted to be with her, hold her, touch her, but most of all claim her. She made me feel amazing, like she was the sun that always shone brightly, even on cloudy days. She brought a warmth to me that was like laying in the sun on a beach in the warm sand. It warmed right to your core and every muscle felt it and relaxed into the sensation. I knew it wouldn’t take much for me to fall more than I already had for Emily. I was balancing on the edge of the cliff and I knew if I took one step, I would be over the edge and falling with no way of return. That scared the hell out of me, but also gave me a feeling of wanting to take that step.
Was I being stupid to stop this from happening? Emily had tried to tell me what she wanted, but I walked away telling myself it was for her benefit. What if I was hurting her more by walking away? I was so conflicted, it consumed me every thought.