Time For Love Box Set

by Karen Deen

  “Well, yes and no, but it’s not important tonight. Go home and switch off. The night watch has got this, and will continue to work on your notes over the weekend. Get out of here and try not to think about work for at least two days.”

  I roll my eyes at him. “Sir, how long have you been a cop? Over thirty years if my memory serves me correctly. How many days in those thirty years have you not thought about work?”

  He starts to smile as he looks up from his computer screen. “Five, to be exact. My wedding day and each of the days my four children were born. Not another day since that work hasn’t been in my head. But if my wife ever asks, you better answer every day I spend with her is work-free too. Got it?” He laughs and points his finger at me to make sure I understand. “Now get out of here and try to minimize the amount you think about work, will you? I need you around for a long time to come so don’t burn yourself out. Sometimes we just can’t save them all no matter how hard we try. Remember we’re only human. Time to switch off. See you Monday.”

  I know that’s it, the conversation is over. One thing about my boss is he doesn’t waste time. If he thinks the conversation is over then it’s over. His hand will just wave you away if you try to continue.

  “See you Monday morning.” Walking out to the parking lot, my mind is trying to figure out what he wants to talk to me about. I wish he hadn’t said anything until next week if it wasn’t urgent. I already feel like my head is on overload.

  I need a good run, pound the pavement for a while and then I’ll hit up the gym. I know Xavier trains clients until after seven pm on a Friday night so that’ll give me time to get my run in before he gets home. That’s if he’s home at all tonight. Half the time he ends up at Alesha’s apartment. I’ve got a key to his place, so it won’t matter if he doesn’t show. Though the way I’m feeling tonight, it would be great to catch up with him for a chat or, better still, a debrief, which is what it really is.

  One thing about running is the repetitive sound of your feet hitting the pavement that’s mesmerizing. It puts you into a type of trance that helps your mind to switch off a little. I can’t run with earphones. I need to be able to hear every sound around me. Plus, the sound of nature is relaxing. Reminds me of the beautiful things that are around us, if we just take time to look. If we can take off the dark shades that we all try to hide behind, there is hidden beauty everywhere. Feeling the light spits of rain, I make the decision to cut my run short. I head back to my apartment before I get saturated as the rain falls heavier. I’ve run kilometers in the rain before when I was so wound up, I just needed to run regardless of the weather. Tonight, I’m not that desperate. I’d rather be working out in the gym giving Xavier shit to pass the time.

  Normally on a Friday night, I would have a date lined up and be heading out for drinks shortly. My phone was buzzing constantly all afternoon, which is usual, woman looking for a date or just a hook-up. Not often I’ll date a woman more than once, but sometimes if she piques my fancy and it’s been a while, we might have a second go around. Tonight, though, it’s making my skin crawl just thinking of going out with any of them. Must be too much work on my mind that it’s screwed with my sex drive. Maybe it’s because the case is a suspected dating murder, I don’t know. Just thinking about sex or dating anyone in my little black book makes me feel anxious.

  Entering Xavier’s apartment, it’s empty and dead silent. Time to crank up the stereo with some heavy music full of bass. I know how much he loves me to annoy the neighbors, who complain to him, not me. I mean, what are friends for, right, other than to piss off your neighbors for you. My playlist is blasting, I hit the punching bag to warm up before I move to the speed ball. Tonight calls for a fierce kickboxing session when my partner arrives home. If Xavier is lucky, he might walk away from this one without too many bruises. I won’t say none, because that never happens for either of us. But fuck it feels good when we’re finished.

  I’m in the groove of punishing the poor speed ball and my arms are hurting from being pushed so hard. Stopping to take a quick breather, I hunch over with my fists snug in the boxing gloves resting on my knees. I totally zone out. When the music is changing songs, I hear the sound of a female voice and that makes me stand up straight. Someone is in the apartment and I haven’t heard them come in. Normally when Xavier comes home, he calls out loudly, so I know he’s here. It must be Alesha, who’s also got her own key. Maybe she’s meeting Xavier here tonight when he finishes.

  I walk out to the living room, shirtless, sweaty and looking like shit, nothing she hasn’t seen before when Xavier and I work out. I hear her trying to convince whoever it is with her that she won’t be long and just needs to grab a few things. She smiles as she turns into the hallway and sees me.

  “Hi, Kane, sorry to interrupt, just grabbing some clothes for Xav for tonight. We’re staying at my place and he didn’t pack anything for a dinner out with Mom and Dad. They’re bored so I’m the lucky child who gets to entertain them tonight. I won’t be long, and I’ll be out of your hair.”

  “Hey, no drama, you aren’t interrupting me, plus it’s your boyfriend’s apartment so you have more right to be here than I do. Also, that answers my question whether he’s going to be here tonight.”

  “Why, did you need something? Did you need to talk to him about anything important? I can cancel dinner.” She looks a little concerned. I know Xavier has told her sometimes we just need time to talk without her here and she totally understands. She is an amazing woman, quiet, but with a big heart and secret strength.

  “Nah, I’m all good, just a shit week and was looking for my sparring partner to beat the shit out of. I’ll catch up with him tomorrow. You go and get what you need, I’ll get back to it. Tell him he owes me a beer for making me box on my own.”

  She laughs as she walks into his room, looking over her shoulder she smiles. “Lilly is in the living room waiting if you want to say hi.” She disappears into the room.

  Fuck. Lilly.

  She’s the last person I was expecting to see tonight. I’m not sure I’m in the mood for the ear bashing I think she’ll let loose on me for leaving her in New York without saying goodbye. May as well get it over with. It will top off the shit week it’s been.

  “Kane.” She looks up quickly from her phone and then back to typing on it and not paying an ounce of attention to me.

  “Lilly, how are you?” Trying to be polite and make conversation, she slowly looks up after a few seconds.

  “Fine, thanks. How about you?” Now I might not be the smartest guy with women, but even I know that when a woman uses the word ‘fine’ you usually need to run. Fine means they’re pissed at you and if you value your life, you either apologize in a general fashion for whatever you may have done. Or, get out of there before the knives come out and she starts screaming at you. If you’re getting the silent treatment and then she says she’s fine, that’s heavy shit and you really need to beg for forgiveness for being born. Maybe it’s not quite that dramatic but it is dangerous territory, that’s for sure.

  I think I should just go with the oblivious tact and keep moving forward.

  “Shit week, but that happens. I should keep working out, it helps soothe the beast.” My comment makes her look up from her phone. Her face changes instantly.

  “Are you okay, Kane?” She can tell I’m not my normal cocky self.

  “Yeah, just working out some frustration from the job. I’ll be fine. Nothing unusual for me. Enjoy your night and thanks for asking.” I don’t want her to see me when I’m not worth talking to, so I turn to head back into the gym.

  “Kane,” Lilly calls me. I stop but keep facing forward.

  “If you need to talk, as a friend, I’m always here.” Her voice is not the strong sexy purr I remember. It’s more the softness I hear from Alesha at times. Not what I expect from Lilly and definitely too sweet for someone like me who will just break that.

  “Thanks, but I’m good.” Walking away, I know I’ve p
robably hurt her again but it’s for the best. My darkness doesn’t need to taint her brightness.

  Sitting on the weight bench staring into nothing, I keep seeing the picture of my missing woman. My logic makes me think that she’s already dead even though my gut thinks differently. If I was taking the logical approach then she is probably lying somewhere waiting for me to connect together the puzzle pieces, so we can find her and bring her home to her family. To give them their loved one to mourn. Then find the bastard who did this to her and make him pay. We owe her justice and I intend to make sure that happens.

  The girls are long gone from the apartment and I didn’t even bother to crank the music up loud again after they left. My mood just got lower after seeing Lilly. Her face just made me remember what we had and what I was missing all week. I should never have gone there with her. Just looking at her, I should have known she would be different.

  I’m not sure how long I sit with my thoughts scrambling between different topics in my crazy mind. I should head home, shower and settle in for the night with plenty of beers. My body is now feeling the lack of energy after my run and workout. Standing up, I reach over to grab my towel to wipe down the equipment before remembering I’m out of beer. Fuck it, I’ll just steal Xavier’s and replace it tomorrow. That’s what he would do if the roles were reversed.

  Walking into my dark apartment, I put the beers in the fridge and decide I only need the lamp on in the living room. If I’m going to sit and drown my sorrows on my own, then I’d rather do it in the shadows.

  Not sure what it is about a hot shower but some days you can just stand under there for hours, or until the hot water runs out. At different times, the relief it gives is different. Tonight, it’s like it is washing away the frustration. Frustration at not being able to find my victim, not having answers for her mother and father who are beside themselves. Frustration at the feeling my boss is about to drop something on me Monday and I have no idea what it will mean for me. Frustration that I can’t pursue Lilly and be the man she’s looking for. Just fucking frustration at life.

  I just don’t know some days if I can do this job for a lifetime. Not sure I can survive the pain and darkness it brings.

  I need a beer or… six.

  Chapter Nine

  Lilly

  “Do we really need to go to Xavier’s on the way home? Surely you can drop me off first then head over there,” I complain as we drive out of the office parking garage.

  “That’s just stupid. Why would I do that when I’m driving right past it on the way to your place, then I can continue on to my place.” Alesha glares, wondering what’s agitating me.

  “Fine. Just don’t be too long in there. I want to get home and run a hot bath.” I return to scanning social media on my phone as she cautiously moves through the city traffic that builds up on a Friday afternoon.

  “You’ve been in a bad mood all week since we got back from New York. I know you aren’t PMSing because we’re on the same cycle. So, what’s got your knickers all twisted up?” Keeping her eyes on the road, ever the cautious driver, Alesha is waiting for an answer.

  “I haven’t been in a bad mood, what are you talking about?”

  She just starts laughing. “Right, let’s call the boys on a conference call, shall we, and ask their opinions? You’ve been snapping everyone’s heads off. I think something happened in New York you aren’t sharing.” Stopping at the traffic light, she looks across at me with loving eyes of my big sister. I really want to tell her, but I know I can’t. I made a deal with Kane and I still think it’s for the best to keep it between us. Otherwise, it’ll just make it too awkward for everyone.

  How do I say to Lesh that I’m sulking because I had the best sex of my life with Kane and we made an agreement that it was a one-time-only chance? I want to scream at her that I’m pissy because I want more of Kane. I know normally I’m the one who overshares my sex life, but I can’t this time and it’s driving me crazy. How can I hold in this vital information about our amazing night? The way he played my body like he owned it. Even if I could share, I’m not sure Alesha would be the right person. She’s close to Kane and it would be weird for them both. Don’t know why that worries me now, but it does.

  I need to try to change the topic of conversation. I know I’m not very good at lying. God, why did she have to ask me in the car when I’ve got nowhere to run?

  “I’m just tired this week, after travelling. The weekend partying left me exhausted, that’s all. Sorry if I’ve been a growly bear all week. I just need to get home and relax. Tomorrow I’ll be a new woman.” I doubt it but there’s always hope.

  Getting out of the elevator for Xavier’s floor, I hear the music pumping away. I can feel my heart skipping a few little beats. That loud music means one of two things; Xavier is home working out or it’s Kane.

  Since I know Xavier is at work then it only leaves option two.

  Shit, I’m not prepared for this.

  I need to play it cool and calm.

  Grabbing my phone out of my bag, I use it to look like I’m really busy as Lesh is talking away to me.

  I’m not really looking at anything in particular, but it does the trick.

  Alesha disappears down the hall leaving me standing awkwardly in the middle of the living room pretending to be messaging someone really important.

  I hear his voice and my body is already responding. Down, girl, you can’t go there, so just relax. Easier said than done as he walks into the room with no shirt on and all sweaty.

  Good Lord, this man is a hot specimen!

  Eyes down, woman, and try to pretend you haven’t even noticed him. Well, not until he gets close enough, I can’t ignore it anymore. I quickly flick my eyes up to look at him and then back down again.

  “Kane.”

  “Lilly, how are you?” he asks. There’s something flat in his voice, though. It’s lost its powerful tone and just sounds tired. Hearing him saying his week at work hasn’t been good, I can feel his body telling me how sad it feels. I want to wrap him in my arms and comfort him, but I know I lost that chance.

  The best I can do is to offer my friendship. It’s the furthest from where I would like to be but at least he knows I’m here if he wants me. He thanks me and disappears again into the hall. It’s like feeling him walk away again in New York, except this time I get to see his back as he leaves. In New York he just disappeared, which pissed me off. The sunken eyes and dropped shoulders this time, though, tells me today is different. He’s struggling, and I feel bad for him. I wish I didn’t have to leave him here, but I have no other option.

  Alesha is talking away about Mom and Dad and dinner. “Why don’t you come too? You know they’d love to see you. Plus, you can rescue me from Mom and wedding talk. She’s not getting the message that we just want something simple and small.” Although I’m normally the first to jump at a dinner invitation, tonight I just don’t feel like being around people. Between my bad mood funk that has been hanging over my head all week and worrying about Kane, I know I’ll be bad company.

  “Thanks, Lesh, but not tonight, you guys are on your own to be punished. I’m too tired to put up with Mom on a mission. I’ll think of you while I lie in my hot bath with a glass of champagne. Good luck with it all.” I laugh at her rolling her eyes at me.

  “One day this will be you with Mom wanting to plan your wedding. Don’t come looking for me to save you. I’ll be throwing you under the bus just like you are tonight to me. I have a very long memory, little sister.” She pulls into the visitor spot outside of the building so I can get out.

  “Well, we both know that my marriage will be many, many, many years from now. I’m not even ready to have a relationship, so how the hell can we be thinking of a wedding. Hold that thought in the memory vault for a long time.” I lean across the center console and give her hug. “Give Mom and Dad a hug from me. Tell them I’ll catch up with them over the weekend. Have fun.” She groans as I get out of the car laug
hing.

  “Call me tomorrow and tell me all about it. Just not too early.”

  “You bet it’ll be early, that’s your punishment for not coming.” She laughs as I close the door, and she pulls out of the spot.

  Any other night I’d go, I’m just not feeling it tonight.

  Stripping off all my clothes, the steam of the bath water rushing from the tap is starting to rise up and fill the room. My mind is elsewhere looking into the mirror. I see the strain on my face, and I know that thought that’s been sitting there in my mind, just waiting. That’s exactly what I need. Sometimes you’ve just got to trust your gut. No matter how stupid your head is telling you that you are. Time for action, screw the repercussions.

  Everything is falling into place as I take the last few steps.

  Breathing deep, I put my hand up and knock.

  No looking back now. What’s the worst that can happen?

  He turns me away, and I humiliate myself?

  I’ve survived worse before.

  Hearing footsteps, my stomach lurches.

  The door opens and standing before me is Kane in the dim light, wet messy hair, water droplets running down his bare chest and just a towel around his waist. My dreams have been full of perfect images but the one before me is so hot.

  Oh. My. God.

  This man is sinfully good-looking.

  “Lilly, what are you doing here?” I bite my lip and step past him into his apartment. Turning back to face him, I slowly undo the belt on my coat and let it start to slip open. Revealing a sneak peek of the white baby doll outfit I purchased in Victoria’s Secret in New York.

  “Let me help you forget, Kane. Use me to take it all away, at least for tonight,” I say softly to him as I hold out my hand. Offering myself to him.

  He already has the door closed and steps towards me. His face has changed from the sad-looking man I saw earlier tonight and only moments ago when he opened the door.