by Renee Young
Sawyer Dane Mathews had the potential to own every part of me. My body was already his. No one could make me feel the way he had. My thoughts were already overruled by him. Everyday since we’d met he danced through my mind like he owned it. If I wasn’t careful he’d own my heart soon as well.
I didn’t know if I wanted to be careful.
Chapter 14
I hadn’t seen Sawyer in about a week. He’d been busy with a case he was working on and I’d been caught up with getting my first book ready for publishing. Though we’d talked throughout the week, both through text and over the phone we hadn’t had time to actually meet up.
Working with Nick was so easy. I didn’t have to worry about overly entitled customers bagging on me over something I couldn’t control. I didn’t have to stress about some creepy upper management fuck coming in and sexualizing me at work. I didn’t have to be on my feet every day just counting down the seconds until I got to go home. It was a fucking dream.
This whole process was a dream. My dream. When I was growing up I didn’t know what I wanted to be or what I wanted to do. I always kind of thought I’d go into some kind of creative field. More performing than anything else. I used to dance, I used to sing, hell I played the damn trumpet. All of that was apparently a passtime though.
While I did love each of those fases, writing was where I found me. Creating an entire world just from my own imagination almost made me feel powerful. I could make my characters do whatever I wanted to. I could create the character that didn’t get stuck in a dead end retail job for years. I could write about a girl who lived happily with her family; mom and dad both safe and healthy. Whatever I wanted could be on paper.
And people could read about them. They could immerse themselves into the fantasy. Get lost along the way with me. That was always the scariest part of writing for me. Putting my work out there meant I was opening myself up to criticism and judgement.
At least working retail if someone was unhappy with something I got to blame management. Now, it’s almost like I’m management. Crap.
The thing about my specific brand of anxiety, was that I could make a decision and feel one hundred percent comfortable with that decision- for about a day. If I was lucky. I was so good at talking myself out of things; I could be a damn sales woman. If I had to convince people to never buy something that is.
“I can see that mind of yours overworking again, Olivia. Breathe and remember what you want. Think about the books you love and how easy it would have been for your favorite authors to never have written or worked to get them published.” Nick interrupted my thoughts as he had done a lot this week.
“You’re right. It’s just hard. I feel like I have to rewire my entire thought process. I don’t know why I need so much convincing. I know this is what I want. Why is it so hard for me to let go of this feeling?” I asked him. I have used him as basically a damn therapist throughout this process so far.
“I may have an idea. Have you thought about maybe publishing under a pseudonym? A pen name?” He looked up from his work at me.
“I don’t know. How would I even come up with one?”I asked him curiously.
“It could be whatever you wanted, Liv. I have a writer who used her pet’s name and her mother’s maiden name.” He suggested. I thought about it for a while.
“Does it have to be two names?” I wondered and he shook his head.
“It can be whatever you want.” He shrugged.
“Can we just publish under my last name? Just Kent?” I thought. “I think I want my name on it in some way, but maybe not having my first name would help ease the anxiety a bit. Just Kent.”
“I like it. Maybe people will think Superman wrote the books and that’ll drive sales.” He laughed and I joined him. “Alright, so we have editing for ‘Delightful’ just about finished. We need to get your cover design figured out and then we need to get you a release date.”
The rest of the day, Nick and I worked with a nice artistic man named Michael to figure out my cover. We’d decided to use a photo of people who were meant to be my main characters. I’d suggested we get Nova to do a photoshoot for it, but when I made the mistake of showing them some of her work (the photos of Sawyer and me) they fell in love with one photo specifically. It was of Sawyer facing the window and I stood behind him with my arms wrapped around his torso. I was wearing his button up white shirt that fell below my butt. The photo was of me facing the camera but my eyes were closed and my hair had fallen covering most of my face. I wasn’t easily recognized so that was the only reason I was calling Sawyer.
He answered on the third ring. “Hello, beautiful.” His deep voice flitted through the speaker.
“Hey Sawyer. How’s work?” I asked him.
“Boring. Now, I know you’re in the building so why don’t you come visit my office. Distract me a little.” He flirted and I let out a breathy giggle.
“As much as I’d love to come up there and make sure you aren’t doing what you need to be doing, I actually called for a reason.” I informed him.
“What’s up, baby?” He asked, sounding a little concerned now. I heard him shift on his end, probably sitting up a little in his chair.
“So Nick, Michael and I were trying to make a cover for ‘Delightful’ and I told them we should use Nova for whatever photo we wanted to use. I showed them a few of the photos from our shoot to show her skill you know? Anyway they fell in love with a photo and they were wondering if you would be okay with being on the cover of my book?” I spit out in a hurry.
“I would love to be on your cover, Liv. What photo is it?” He asked and I let out a breath of relief.
“I’ll send it to you.” I offered.
“Nah, I miss you. I’ll come to Nick’s office.” He said before abruptly hanging up. He missed me? I couldn’t help the little flutter in my tummy at the thought of him sitting around thinking about me.
This week our conversations were sweet. He was so thoughtful in asking how I was doing and he seemed to actually care. Of course we would share a lot less appropriate words as well, but it was mostly innocent. My overactive mind kept going back to him saying he wanted me to fall in love with him and I couldn’t help but think he was actually working towards that.
Maybe our relationship wasn’t completely sexual. Maybe we could have a real future together. Maybe he could be it for me.
“Please give me a really good reason why we haven’t done this all week?” His voice sounded behind me as a pair of arms wrapped around my waist.
“If I had one, I would happily supply you with it.” I shrugged, enjoying his arms around me. He dropped his head a bit and placed a sweet kiss just below my jaw.
“Well, this is what we do now. We visit each other since we’re in the same damn building. I don’t want to go that long without seeing you again.” He whispered in my ear and I felt a blush rise to my cheeks.
“FuckingDeal.” I said at the same volume while my teeth pressed into my bottom lip. I used the phrase he'd coined when discussed our arrangement.
“You treatin’ my girl right, Nick?” Sawyer questioned, taking his attention but not his arms off of me. His girl? What the fuck is he doing to me and my stupid heart.
“Have you ever known me to not treat a lady right?” Was Nick’s response.
I rolled my eyes and pulled Sawyer over to the men who were gathered around a computer screen with a mockup of what my cover would be. The photo was blended into the gunmetal colored background and the title sat towards the bottom with my last name just beneath it in a smaller font.
“It looks so good baby.” Sawyer approved and I felt a little giddiness sit in my stomach. “Can you believe it? That’s your book! I’m so fucking proud of you.” He cocooned me in his grip once again. He sounded more and more like a boyfriend than a fuck buddy everyday.
I looked at him, trying to get a read on where his mind was at. What was he hoping to get out of us? Did he want more than just sex? Was he just p
laying with me?
“Do you want to come over for dinner tonight?” I asked suddenly. I wanted to know what we were. I wanted sex too, but that was slightly less important at the moment. I kept my eyes on the man who’d captured my attention as of late. He looked at me, seeming to analyze as well.
He must have found what he was looking for, because with a cute little smile he nodded and mouthed ‘Yeah’. So I guess I was having dinner with Sawyer. We’d be alone with no threat of anyone hearing or interrupting us. “Should I bring anything?” He asked aloud. At first my thoughts were racing. Was he wanting to do some kinky shit? The image of restraints and blindfolds and whips ran through my mind. It took a good minute for me to realize he meant for dinner. Could he bring anything for dinner.
I let out a laugh at the train my thoughts took and he looked at me in wonder. With a shake of my head to show it was unimportant I suggested he bring dessert.
“It’s a date.” That’s what he’d said as he walked out of Nick’s office, leaving me confused. Was it a date? Were we dating? I kept my eyes trained on the door as if it would make him come back and give the answers I so desired. I barely noticed Michael slip passed me and out of the room, following Sawyer.
“You’re doing it again.” I heard Nick basically sing from behind me at his desk. I turned to look at him, about to tell him to stop judging me, but he wasn’t even looking at me. He was looking at his computer completely focused on the task at hand.
“How could you possibly know that?” I asked him. I could hear the exasperation in my words.
“You think really loud, Liv.” He shrugged, still not looking at me.
“Whatever. He’s confusing.” I muttered. The last time I dated a guy was in high school. I’d slept with guys and I’ve had plenty of ‘friends’ but I haven’t had a boyfriend or whatever in years.
“He’s a good guy though.” Nick stood up for his friend. He let out a sigh and turned away from his work, focusing on me. “Look, Sawyer has had some issues in the past. I’ve known the guy since we were in school together and he hasn’t had the easiest life. He hasn’t had the best track record with women, so he began to treat them the way he’d been treated. He was disrespectful and he just plain didn’t care. With you he’s different.” He stated simply with a shrug.
“What do you mean ‘different’?” I wondered.
“It’s not really for me to say. All I will suggest is that you give him a chance. Maybe he can help you just as much as he could use your help.” So fucking cryptic.
“I’ll keep that in mind. Are we done for the day? I apparently have a date to prepare for now.” I chuckled.
“Sure. I will see you again Monday.” I said goodbye to the gentleman, who was beginning to feel more like a friend than anything else.
I felt the strong desire to make this evening special and I had no idea where that was coming from. I wasn’t sure if it was because of the sweet conversations we’d had during the week, or if I really just wanted to have good sex after we ate. I couldn’t fight the impending sense of doom over what this evening could mean. I was certain at this point that I had feelings for the man I didn’t know nearly enough about, and I wasn’t sure if he felt the same, or if I should try and fight these feelings.
Chapter 15
House was clean, candles were lit, dinner was in the oven with about forty-five minutes left to cook. I was ready for the night with Sawyer. I hadn’t asked, but I was pretty sure he’d be staying the night with me, so I made sure I had clean sheets on my bed. Not that I intended for them to be clean in the morning.
Sawyer had texted me saying he’d be over around five, so any minute now he’d be ringing my doorbell. Maybe he’d used his large fist to pound on my door instead. Okay, why the fuck did that turn me on?
It had to be him. Everything about him screamed sex. Arousal, pure unadulterated pleasure; that’s what Sawyer inspired. The way his hair fell into his deep blue eyes if he didn’t gel it back. His thick arms covered in a few tattoos that were expertly done. His slip inducing voice that I felt deep in my gut every time he so much as chuckled. He was a walking talking erotic novel, and he had the fucking skills to back it up.
I could feel the flushed heat crawling up my neck as I remembered our adventures last weekend. The way he’d listened to my every command. His ability to have me melting in front of him with just a flick of his talented tongue- all of it filtered through my mind. My dirty train of thought was interrupted by a pounding on my front door.
I rose from my seat at the island with shaky knees and walked my horny ass to the front door to let in my living wet dream. “Dinner first or..?” He trailed off with a knowing look in his eyes. Fuck. I was in for a great evening.
“How about we fuck, then we eat, then we fuck again.” I suggested without a hint of a joke in my voice.
“Fucking deal.” He muttered what seemed to be his favorite phrase. Three steps into my house and he had me pinned to the wall near my front door. He dropped his head and almost met my lips, but he looked into my eyes first. “We have to talk at some point tonight too, okay.” I nodded. I would have granted him just about anything at this point just to feel his lips on mine. I got my wish as his plump pink lips landed on mine with force. The quick kiss was urgent and needy. “I want you right here.” His voice sounded in my ear as he trailed kisses down my neck.
“Fine, but I’m in charge.” I’d agreed, trying to take back some control. He used both of his hands to grab my wrists and pin them behind me, which naturally created and arch in my back. He used it to his advantage, and shifted both of my hands into just one of his. He used the other to grab my boob over my shirt.
“Fight me for it.” He grunted and shoved his knee between my thighs, separating my legs so he could get closer. “No, my sweet, right now I’m in charge. If you’re a good girl, maybe I’ll let you take the reins next time.” The dominant part of me wanted to argue with him, but somewhere inside of me I also craved to be manhandled by this gorgeous man, so I let him have it.
“Okay, tell me what you want then Sawyer. How do you want me?” I looked into his eyes, attempting to look innocent. Like I didn’t feel his hard length grinding ever so lightly into me.
“I want you bare. Now.” He let go of me and took a step back. Just enough to allow me to undress, which I did quickly. He took the time to pull off his suit as well. His eyes didn’t leave mine, just as mine never left him. “Now turn around.” He demanded when we were both naked and ready.
I turned to face the wall and I felt his hands on my hips. He pulled back, bringing my ass towards him. “Hands on the wall, don’t move them. Brace yourself, baby.” We grunted. I couldn’t see him but I could feel how excited he was as he grazed my opening. “We are gonna do this quickly. You’re going to come when I tell you to, and then you’re going to show me that little trick of yours again.” I nodded in compliance. “Good.”Was all that was said before he thrust his hard cock into me.
“Fuck.” I groaned. It had been too long since I felt him filling me. Too long since he had been able to give me the pleasure I’ve only received from him. He let out a grunt as he continued his quick pace in and out.
“You made work so fucking hard this week Liv.” He groaned. “You kept working your little ass into my thoughts. Do you have any idea how many times I had to fuck my fist because of the thoughts you inspried?” I imagined him with his thick hand wrapped around his erection while he thought of me. I let out a moan in response. I was too turned on- too far gone for words. “Think about it. Right there at my desk. I know you like that I got off just thinking about you.” I nodded as he continued his thrusts. “None of it was as good as this right here. Your perfect little pussy ready just for me. Only I get to make you feel this way. Tell me Livvy. Tell me I’m the only one who can fuck you like this.” He demanded.
“No one has ever made me feel as good as you do.” I got out between my continuous breathy moans. “You feel so good Sawyer.”
“Unh. Say that again, then I want you to come.” He demanded and he reached his hand around to tease my clit.
“Fuck!” I moaned. I was almost at my peak when he began to work the sensitive bundle. “You feel so good Sawyer.” His name came out as almost a shriek when he pinched my clit which had me tipping over the edge and coming all over his cock. He groaned as I tightened around him.
“Shit.” He cursed and I felt a twitch coming from him. “I’m fucking coming.” He grunted. I knew, just from the feeling that he definitely had not used a condom. Again. He rode out his orgasm and my house was filled with nothing but heavy breaths as we both tried to calm down.
“You good?” I asked, still standing in the awkward position with my hands on the wall and ass out in the air. He was still inside me trying to come down from the high.
“Yeah.” He huffed out between his deep breathing. I felt the pressure on my hips leave while he slipped out of me. “Fuck.” He groaned. I straightened up before reaching down and grabbing his suit shirt. I slipped into it and kept my eyes on him as he pulled on his boxers.
“Question.” I announced. He looked at me and I could see he knew what I was going to ask. With a resigned sigh he gestured for me to ask. “Are you trying to get me pregnant?” I half teased.
“I know. I’m sorry, I just saw you standing there and I couldn’t help it. Shit I’m like a fucking teenager again when I’m around you. I can’t control myself.” His words stirred something in me. I was proud of my ability to have him come apart like this.
“I get it, believe me.” I let my eyes trail over him to emphasise my point. “We need to figure something out though. I mean I am a firm believer that a baby is always something to be celebrated, not to be treated like a mistake or anything- but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try and prevent the creation of a new life. I mean hell, Sawyer, we don’t know anything about each other.” I let out a little chuckle. “Imagine having to be tied to me for the rest of your life, just because we couldn’t hold off for another few seconds in order for you to slip on a condom. At the very least- pull out.”