‘What did he say, Miss Lydia, that has made you so unwell?’
Slowly and with many hesitations, Lydia told her. Sevda gasped. ‘I did not imagine.’
‘How could you?’ Lydia said brokenly. Then something clicked in her mind. ‘I must find Charlie.’ She sounded frantic.
‘Hush. Do not upset yourself. The baby is well. I will bring him back, but you must rest.’
When Sevda returned with the small bundle, Lydia gazed down at him, a new pain in her heart. ‘How could I ever do what that man wants?’ Charlie was awake now and chirruping quietly to himself.
Her companion did not answer immediately, but then seemed to decide she would speak. ‘It would be very sad, but…’
‘There is no “but”, Sevda. How can you suggest such a thing?’
The girl looked uncomfortable. ‘Charlie would be with his father. The family is very rich and he would have a good life with them. And for you, you could go home and never tell.’
It was almost word for word what Valentin Boucher had said.
‘He would have a good life,’ her friend repeated. ‘Better than a tiny room in a bad part of the city that is hard to pay for, even if you find work and someone to look after Charlie.’
Lydia’s eyes filled with tears and the girl hugged her tight. ‘It is very horrible, I know. But you must decide.’
Sleep would not come that night. When she was not feeding her son or settling him to rest, she lay awake, her eyes wide open looking into the darkness, tormenting herself over the right thing to do. She could not bear to let her baby go, yet Sevda, the kindest creature in the world, was right. What kind of life could she make for this little boy? If she gave him to the Bouchers, it would break her heart. More than that, she would not wish to live another day. Yet she must not think of herself. It was Charlie and only Charlie that mattered. Paul Boucher was his father and Elise would be a competent mother. The woman’s delight at having her own child at last would surely overcome any grudge she might feel. No doubt they would hire a wet nurse until the baby was weaned. Charlie would grow up in a family that wanted him, one who would see him as an answer to their prayers, and he would lack for nothing. Could she deny him that, because of her own selfish love for him? Or did she have the courage, the real courage to let him go?
Chapter Twenty Eight
It was towards dawn before she finally drifted into a light doze, but she had slept for only an hour before she was woken. It was the slightest of noises. She scrambled upright and stared across at the cradle, but Charlie’s small snorts reached her as a comforting rhythm. What had woken her then? She swung her legs from the bed and searched for slippers. There was the noise again, a scratching at the window she had made sure to close. It might be hot in the day but nights had become increasingly cold. In a daze, she staggered across the room and opened the shutters, then fell back in surprise at the figure that stood a few feet away. It was Elise Boucher. The woman has come to take my son was Lydia’s first thought. She was about to slam and bar the shutters when she saw the expression on Elise’s face. It was anguished and drawn.
The woman gestured to her that she wanted to talk, and she cautiously opened the window a fraction. ‘Miss Verinder, Lydia. May I come in? I must speak to you.’
‘But what are you doing here at this hour? And how did you come?’ How was it the woman had evaded the palace guards, the harem eunuchs?
‘There is a small gap in the palace wall where the stone has crumbled. It is at the other end of the garden.’ Elise waved a hand leftwards, a direction in which Lydia had never walked. ‘Some of the stones have been piled back and the crack is very overgrown, but if you bend and slide it is just big enough.’ She drew in the air the shape of a low, narrow opening. ‘It leads beyond the palace walls.’
‘Do many people know of it?’
Elise shook her head. ‘If they did, it would have been made safe. You have to know it is there to find it. Melek, my slave, told me. Last year she had a sweetheart in the palace and it was forbidden they meet. So…’ She spread her hands in a Gallic gesture.
Lydia had never troubled herself with how Latif had managed to deliver Ismet’s messages, but this must have been his way into the garden. Did he know Melek, she wondered? She would not be surprised; this was a very small world, she had come to realise.
‘Who knows you are here?’ she asked. Elise had arrived secretly, but she could have been sent by her father-in-law to pressure, to browbeat. It might be a trick.
‘No one. You are safe – for the moment. That is why I have come at dawn. I am watched day and night, but even Yusuf has to sleep. I must be home before the household wakes.’
The mystery deepened. The only thing clear to Lydia was that in some way this woman’s appearance was connected to the dreadful offer Valentin Boucher had made. She would take a chance, she decided, and threw the windows wide.
‘You had better come in.’ She did not relish conducting a conversation at a distance. There were too many ears in the palace always ready to listen. ‘Are you able to climb over the sill?’
‘Yes, I think I can – with help.’
Lydia supported the woman’s thin figure until she landed safely on the floor. ‘Please, lock your door. I must not be seen here.’
Elise’s voice was barely above a whisper. Knowing that Naz would soon be lurking in the corridor outside, perhaps even now with her ear to the door, Lydia quietly turned the key. If later she had to explain the locked room, she could say she had slept badly and wanted not to be disturbed.
‘Won’t you sit down?’ she said.
Elise sank gratefully into the chair by the window. ‘I will be quick. You met my father-in-law last evening and I know of the proposal he made you. We are to adopt your baby. Pretend he was born in France and has been brought to Turkey by his nursemaid. We are to say he is the son of a relative who died in childbirth, and there is no one else in the family who can look after him.’
She had been ignorant of the details of the adoption Boucher proposed, but they had all the hallmarks of the ruthless man she had come to know. Neat, plausible and, crucially, details that could not easily be checked.
Her mouth puckered in distaste. ‘If I agree, you will become the mother you have always wanted to be, Elise – and I will go back to England without a stain on my name.’
‘You must not.’
‘Not go back to England?’
‘No, no. Go back to England, but take your baby with you.’
Lydia stared at her. ‘You do not want him?’
Elise looked longingly towards the cradle. ‘I want him more than I can say, but for his sake you must not agree to this proposal.’
Lydia shook her head in bewilderment. ‘I have been thinking that for his sake, I should.’
‘If you do, you will sentence this poor child to a life of unhappiness.’
‘But you will be his mother. How can you say that?’
‘I would do my best for him, how could I not, but I am no match for Valentin. I have no power within the family. Look at me, Lydia, what do you see? A figure of sorrow, n'est ce pas ?’
Lydia looked and her heart filled with compassion for this lonely woman. And guilt, too, enormous guilt. She had made things a hundred times worse with her shallow flirtation. ‘Do you know…?’ She could not bring herself to finish the sentence.
Elise was unfazed. ‘Do I know of your affair with my husband? I am fairly sure that Paul is your child’s father, yes.’
Lydia wished she could shrink to inches high and crawl beneath the divan. ‘I am so sorry,’ she said, knowing how inadequate the words were. ‘It was never supposed to happen. I was foolish – more than foolish. I have hurt people I never meant to.’
‘My dear, do not distress yourself. Paul and I are friends, good friends. He has spoken to me of you and I know he feels most ashamed of his conduct. But tant pis, it is done and we must pick up the pieces, no?’
‘You are very generous.’
‘I am not a jealous woman. And you have been foolish, I agree, but you are very young and it is a hard lesson you have learned. But you must not make it worse. Paul is this child’s father, but Valentin is his grandfather. That is what you should fear.’
‘Surely he must welcome a grandson. What worries you so?’
‘Look at what Paul has become,’ she said simply. ‘That is your child’s fate. Yes, he will live in luxury – he will eat the best food, wear the best clothes, receive the best education money can buy – but he will be ruined. It is an heir that Valentin wants, not a grandson. A boy to carry on his wicked work, to continue the corruption and violence. As soon as he was sure the child was a boy, he made his proposal. If your baby had been a daughter, you would have heard nothing from him.’
Naz! That was why the slave had hung over the cradle. It was dreadfully plain now. She had been ordered to confirm that the baby born in the harem was indeed a boy.
Elise got up and went over to the cradle, looking down at the sleeping child with love in her eyes. ‘What is he called?’
‘Charlie. It was my brother’s name.’ Her throat tightened with incipient tears.
‘Charlie,’ Elise said in her French accent. ‘It is a very English name. I like it.’
‘I like it, too.’
When her companion was once more seated, Lydia said tentatively, ‘Elise?
‘Yes.’
‘I understand you fear your father-in-law, but you must have wanted a child for years. Why have you come to me? You are near to having your dream come true.’
‘It would not be a dream, Lydia. It would be a nightmare. I have longed for a child – in my heart I always will – but not like this. I have grown glad I am barren. At least I have not the torment of seeing the child I brought into the world twisted to another’s evil.’
She was struck dumb, for the first time waking to the terrible reality that Elise had painted. But her companion had not yet finished. ‘Valentin will mould him, school him in whatever way it takes, until the child becomes an echo. If he is weak, as Paul is, he will buckle and become a mere shadow. If he is strong, and I think Charlie will be at least as determined as you, he will be whipped into shape until you would not recognise him as yours. That is his future.’
Lydia jumped to her feet and strode agitatedly towards her visitor. She was a jangle of pain and confusion. What this woman had said had turned her thoughts upside down. She ran her fingers through her hair, tugging at it wildly. ‘I cannot bear to hear another word.’
‘You will hear nothing more from me, except that you must leave the palace as soon as you can.’
‘I am to leave in any case – I go on Monday.’
‘That is good. And where will you go?’
Lydia shrugged. ‘I have no idea. Wherever I can find a room.’
Elise stared at her. ‘Here in Constantinople? You do not return to England?’
‘How can I? If I did, I would bring disgrace on my family and I’ll not do that. I have hurt them enough already.’
‘I think you are wrong. Your family will be shocked, yes, but they will love you. And they will love the little one.’
Lydia shook her head and Elise sighed. ‘If you are determined to stay, I will find rooms for you. Out of the city a little, somewhere Valentin Boucher is unlikely to find.’
‘Can you do that?’ A small pinpoint of light had emerged through the darkness and Lydia was eager to follow it.
‘It will take a few days, but I will do it. When I have an address for you, I will come again.’
‘I cannot thank you enough.’ She felt a rush of love for the woman she had so thoughtlessly injured. ‘I have been at my wits’ end not knowing where to go and lacking anyone to advise me. Now all that concerns me is the meeting with Ibrahim.’
‘Ibrahim? The man who is clerk to the library?’
‘Yes, he is the bearer of messages from your father-in-law. He is coming this evening after supper. I must give him my decision then.’
Out of the blue, her companion lurched forward and grabbed Lydia’s hand. ‘This evening? You say he is coming this evening?’
‘Yes, why?’
Elise jumped up, abruptly letting go of Lydia’s hand and beginning to pace up and down the room. ‘The minute you say no to Ibrahim and he takes the message back, you will be in danger. Valentin will be enraged. He sees the boy as his – he has already employed a wet nurse – and he cannot imagine you will not agree. He will make threats and you can be certain he will carry them out, or order others to do so.’
‘But I must be safe here in the palace,’ she protested.
‘I would hope so, but I fear it is not certain. I must go immediately. I will find rooms for you today without fail.’
‘But you are watched, you say – how will you manage?’
‘I must lose Yusuf.’ She thought for a few seconds. ‘I will be unwell and take to my bed. Then he will be idle and go to the steward’s room to play okey with him. Once he is involved in the game, I will slip through the rear door and through the garden. There will be carriages to hire in the road below.’
Elise had been speaking almost to herself, but now she turned to Lydia. ‘Pack your belongings, but on no account allow anyone to know you are doing so. There are spies in the palace, too.’
She walked quickly towards the window and Lydia rushed to help her climb on to the sill. Once on the other side, she said, ‘I have a few friends who will help. One will be your guide – he will have the new address. Tomorrow at dawn, climb through this window, and turn to the left. Some distance along the wall, you must look hard and find the small gap I spoke of. Crawl through the opening and wait on the other side. Your guide will be there to meet you.’
‘Is it possible you can arrange everything so swiftly?’
‘I must. The moment you speak to Ibrahim and refuse the offer, you are in danger.’
‘And is Charlie in danger? Not Charlie, surely.’
‘If Valentin cannot get the boy through barter, he will take him by force.’
Her heart beat so hard she could hear its thrum in her ears. ‘But if I don’t meet Ibrahim this evening? Your father-in-law was clear that if I refused his offer or made no decision, it would lapse.’
‘The offer may lapse, my dear, but his determination to have the boy will not.’
Lydia’s face looked ghostly in the dawn light. ‘How can I protect my son?’
Elise stood quite still, silently looking at her. ‘There is a way,’ she said at last. ‘But you will not like it and you may refuse if you wish. I can take the baby with me.’
‘Now?’
‘Yes, now. You can trust me, Lydia. I will keep him safe. Then tomorrow you have only yourself to get through the wall.’
‘But what will happen to him? Where will you take him?’
‘To my friends. There is a lady in the old city… I have helped her in the past and she will help me now. It is her husband who will come to guide you. If you agree, I will go straight to her with Charlie. Her daughter lives in the same house and has her own small baby which she still feeds. She will care for your son until you arrive tomorrow.’
The thought of losing Charlie from her sight for even a few hours tore Lydia apart. But what choice did she have? ‘The baby’s absence will not stay a secret. People will notice he is no longer here.’ It was a prevarication.
‘You can say he is a little unwell, and you wish to him to have quiet. Keep your door locked and ask for your food to be left outside.’
‘I could, I suppose.’
‘I must leave now or my absence will be discovered. I can take the baby with me and deliver him to a safe place, but it is your decision.’ Elise’s whisper had grown hoarse.
‘This woman might refuse to take Charlie. What then?’ Lydia was still prevaricating.
‘She will not, I assure you. We are friends for many years. I must go now if I am to leave the baby with her and find rooms for you both. Is
that what you wish?’
Lydia choked on tears that had been edging ever closer and lifted the sleeping child into her arms, wrapping him in several layers of blanket. She stroked the soft nape of his neck with her forefinger and kissed each of his cheeks several times. Then through a haze of misery, handed him through the open window. Elise took him and glided away like a ghost, melting into the September dew. For a moment Lydia wondered if she had imagined the whole thing; it seemed too fantastical. But she had only to look across the room – the empty cradle proved it all too real.
Chapter Twenty Nine
No day had ever gone more slowly. Lydia kept the key turned and when Naz scratched at the door, she made sure to open it a few inches only. Charlie had a few snuffles, she said, nothing serious, but she did not want him disturbed. The cleaning could wait. If she guessed right, the girl was in Valentin Boucher’s pay and would almost certainly know of his proposition. No doubt she knew of the meeting with Ibrahim that evening, too. She would be expecting, along with her paymaster, that Lydia would hand over her baby without a murmur.
She had done just that – given Charlie to another. Somehow she had fought back the tears, and after an hour when she had stayed at the window, motionless and unseeing, had gone about the business of bundling the baby’s clothes into the linen bag. But her mind was besieged. Had they really been in danger and could she trust Elise to deliver the baby to a safe house? Or was the woman so frightened by her father-in-law that she would have second thoughts and give him straight to Valentin? But she had to trust her. She had no other option. And surely Elise would not brave Valentin’s reprisals unless she judged the situation so bad she could do nothing else?
At this very moment, the woman could be in danger. And Charlie, too. If Boucher’s spies worked through the night, they would have seen her creep into the palace garden and leave carrying a bundle. And what could that bundle be, but a baby? A hellish vision filled Lydia’s mind. Boucher’s henchmen could follow Elise, snatch the baby before she reached the safety of the old city. His mother should be with Charlie; she should never have let him go. She should have left with Elise. Why hadn’t she? She tried to calm herself. This way was better, she argued. Her visitor had been desperate to go before daylight and there had been no time to collect what was needed for their new life. And though one woman and a baby might escape scrutiny, two European women wandering the streets at dawn with a baby in their arms would almost certainly give rise to gossip and lead to discovery.
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