by K E Osborn
Who knew if she could even recover from that?
She was so quiet and wasn’t herself for weeks after. She would talk to me and Mum, but not really anyone else. She was shutting down and I didn’t know how to help her. She would lock herself in her room listening to depressing music. Mum made her go and see a counsellor. I saw one too because I was having recurring nightmares. I guess that terrible scene was not something most seventeen year old's see so it affected me, but I didn’t let it depress me the way it did Indi.
She hated her parents for leaving her like that and I don’t blame her. I would have too, but she was starting to push me away and I resented it, especially seeing as how we now lived in the same house. She was grateful that we took her in, no question about it, but she would argue with me a lot mainly about homework. She really wanted to be a nurse and to gain admission into her course she needed to obtain a particular grade in her final year. Without it, she couldn’t do the job she has always wanted to do. But she had it in her mind that if she couldn’t help her parents, then why should she try to help anyone else? It was so sad to watch her dreams slip away all because of the selfish actions of her parents. The counsellor talked to her endlessly about trying to catch up on her school work, and I think she was finally starting to see that her parents’ actions were not her fault. There was no way she could have saved either of them.
She came into my room one night while I was studying hard, I wanted to ace my final exams though I never had any intention of furthering my education after I left school. My primary focus was on the band and music, even though I’d been letting that slip a little since Indi moved in, I wanted her to feel like I was there for her. Which I was trying to be, when she would let me. I stayed home most of the time and practiced music in my room. A couple of times she came in and listened to me playing and I’d put on a performance just for her. It seemed to make her smile if only for a moment. That was all I wanted, to see Indi smile again. It was hard after such a traumatic experience, but eventually after a lot of hard work she was coming back to me.
It was six months after her parents’ deaths that she came to my room one night. I was studying, but I stopped and looked up as soon as she came in. She looked different, calmer somehow, like maybe she was actually feeling okay. She walked in and sat down on my bed without saying anything. I looked at her and she smiled slightly, so I got up from my desk and walked over sitting next to her.
“You doing okay?” I asked.
“Yeah, I feel better today. I think I might actually start studying for my final exams later,” she said and it made me smile so wide.
“Really? You’re gonna do it?”
“Yeah, seeing you studying so hard, and you don’t even want to do anything other than your music, has made me realise if I want to be a nurse then I need to sort out my shit, stop wallowing and get my arse into gear,” she said and then giggled.
The sound was like music to my ears. Hearing her giggle again after months of not even talking was something to celebrate.
“I’m so proud of you. Not giving up on your dream is something to celebrate.”
“I’ve wanted to try something,” she said and I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.
“Okay, what? Like a new cereal or something?” I asked completely oblivious.
She shook her head and bit the side of her cheek looking like she might be a little embarrassed.
“Indi, what is it? Talk to me, I’m your best friend.”
She smiled and took my hand in hers. “I think, well…I don’t know, maybe I’m just being silly,” she said and looked away from me. She had piqued my interest and I wanted to know what was going through her gorgeous head.
Spending so much time with her every day, since she moved in, had brought us closer. Sure we weren’t talking all the time. Sometimes we’d just sit together and watch television in silence, but we were always together and something was happening. Something that made the hairs on my arms stand up when I was near her. I loved her, of that I am sure, but she was my best friend and she was grieving and I didn’t want to take advantage of that. My hormones were all over the place, I mean I was a seventeen-year-old teenager and I thought a lot about Indi and the things I could do to her at night. I spent a lot of my time in the shower fantasizing about her and making myself feel the pleasure I wished she was giving me. I wanted to feel her skin against mine and kiss her supple, soft lips, but I wouldn’t. I couldn’t do that to her, not now, not while she was in so much pain. Plus, I had no idea if she even felt the same way I did. It was so hard to read her signals.
She loved it when I played for her. It always seemed to make her eyes sparkle, but whenever it was just us, there was a charge between us. It felt like a pulse shooting from her into my very soul and I don’t know if she felt that too. It was hard to tell, she didn’t give anything away. But at that moment on the bed as she sat next to me with her hand in mine, the pulse was there and this time I noticed her breathing differently. Slightly quicker and I couldn’t help but look down at her chest rising and falling with every short breath. She was affected, by me, and I was sure as hell feeling the signals she was clearly sending out.
“You’re not being silly, Indi. Tell me what’s on your mind?” I leaned across and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She nuzzled into my hand and I moved it to her cheek to hold her flushed, soft and delicate skin so tenderly it made me tear up. Something was happening. I didn’t know what, but I couldn’t wait to hear what she had to say.
“So I’ve been thinking about something for a little while now. Even before what happened and I moved in here, but it’s been on my mind a lot more since I started living with you.”
I looked down at her lips and she licked her bottom one ever so slightly, but enough to make my dick twitch in my pants. I had to look back into her eyes to stop myself from getting a raging hard on for her. I didn’t want to scare her away.
“Okay?” I asked not knowing where this was heading. “Indi, tell me,” I said as I caressed her cheek again.
“Well, I was wondering what it would be like to kiss someone,” she said and I raised an eyebrow and smirked.
“Someone?” I asked and she smiled and leaned closer to me.
“I’ve never kissed anyone before and I’ve always wondered what it would be like.”
I’ll admit it stung a little. She just wanted a kiss and I was her only available option. It’s not like she wanted to kiss me, she wanted to kiss anyone who would kiss her back.
“Well, I’m sure there are guys at school that would love to kiss you. I mean you’re gorgeous, you have an amazing personality, what guy wouldn’t want to kiss you?” I replied trying not to sound as heartbroken as I was feeling.
“But there’s one problem with that,” she said and I squeezed my eyebrows together looking at her as I dropped my hand from her cheek. Touching her made this harder and all I wanted to do was lay her back and make love to her. But she obviously didn’t want me like that. I was hurting. I wanted to cry. I know that sounds sappy, but I’d loved Indica Malone for as long as I could remember and now she was telling me she didn’t feel the same. It wounded me deeply and I really wanted this conversation to end.
“Oh yeah?” I asked and turned away from her so she wouldn’t see my eyes watering.
“Yeah, there’s this guy I know and I really want my first kiss to be with him. But I don’t think he knows that I like him,” she said and my heart sank and started to beat faster. I felt sick and I wanted her to leave so I could wallow about Indi liking some other guy that wasn’t me.
“Well, maybe you should tell him? He’d be lucky to have you, Indi,” I said and looked down at the ground.
She took my hand again and pulled it back up to her cheek. I looked at her and creased my brows wondering what she was doing.
“What…” I said but trailed off as I got lost in her amazing blue eyes.
“Caleb, I want you to kiss me,” she whispered.
I watched her lips as the words flowed from her mouth and I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“But what about the guy you like?” I asked in confusion. She giggled and moved in closer to me. I could feel that pulse weaving between us. That pull I always felt drawing me closer to her. I was addicted to her, and even looking in her eyes made me melt inside.
“Caleb, I’m looking at him,” she said and it took a second to register, but when it finally did my heart thumped so hard I actually lost my breath. I gasped and she smiled as I tried to keep it cool and together, rather than jump into the air and celebrate. I was bursting at the seams and all I wanted was to finally taste her.
“Wait, really?” I asked trying to get the words out in a deep manly voice, but instead they came out high-pitched and desperate. I mentally slapped myself.
She giggled again and nodded as I stared into her eyes dazed by her stunning beauty. Her blonde hair was sitting perfectly over her small shoulders and the tips were dangling over her breasts pointing right into the crease in the middle. I couldn’t stop myself from looking down at them and wishing I could bury my face in the supple mounds.
“Caleb, I’m up here,” she stated with a giggle.
I shook my head breaking out of my gaze and I looked back into her eyes. “You really like me like that?”
“Yes, for ages. I just never thought you were interested.”
I scoffed so loudly I’m sure my parents heard. “Indi, I’ve wanted to kiss you since Annie’s fifth birthday party. I nearly did when we fell on the ground after I chased you, but I kissed your forehead instead,” I said and she smiled and bit her bottom lip.
“Really?”
“Uh-huh,” I replied and she inched closer to me.
“I wanted you to kiss me then too,” she said and I grinned so wide it made my cheeks hurt. “Why didn’t you?”
I shook my head. “I just didn’t think you would want me to.”
“Caleb, I’ve wanted you to kiss me since I can remember.”
I leaned in so close to her I could feel her hot breath against my aching for her lips. “Well then, I better make up for lost time.” I pulled her closer, our lips barely touching, looking into her eyes waiting for her to let me know that it was okay to kiss her. She smiled and leaned in the rest of the way pressing her lips to mine. She gently kissed me and I felt like I wanted to explode and ravage her so hard she wouldn’t stand for a week. But Indi was the girl you treated with respect, the girl you take things slowly with and love her, rather than take what you want. She was special and in that moment I knew we would be together forever. She was the reason I existed. My soul purpose and the reason I was put on this planet was to take care of her, and I promised myself as I let my lips open and I slid my tongue inside her mouth that that was exactly what I would do. I would protect Indi with my life, she was worth fighting for and she made every part of me feel alive, more alive than I’d ever felt before.
Everything about her was screaming at me to take her, but I gently moved my hand to the back of her head and held her to me. Her hands ran up my muscular arms and into my shaggy shoulder-length hair. She tugged on it slightly which made me groan into her mouth. I felt her smile against me and I couldn’t help myself, I leaned into her and pushed her backward on the bed. She fell down onto the mattress with ease and I climbed over her body and kissed her more forcefully. She held onto me tightly letting me know my actions were approved. I couldn’t help the raging boner that was forming. Indi turned me on. I had imagined this exact same scenario a thousand times, but the actual event was a million times better than in my visions.
Indi was perfect and we fitted so well together. Her tongue massaged mine and I kissed her so hard even my lips were hurting. I started to grind into her and she moaned into my mouth letting me know she liked what I was doing. Indi was my everything and at that moment nothing could beat the perfection that was happening with us. Indi and I had both been waiting for this moment for so long and it had arrived. For a moment, I hesitated because I felt like I was taking advantage of her depressed state of mind, and I never wanted to take advantage of Indi…ever. But she was the one who came to me and told me she wanted to kiss me. I had no willpower when it came to her.
How the hell was I going to say no when she basically threw herself at me?
We kissed passionately for ages, it was the best half-an-hour of my life until we heard Dad calling out for us. I broke away from her and we both looked at each other panting and gasping for air. I leaned in and gently kissed her gently once more before I rolled off and sat on the edge of my bed trying to control my hard cock. She sat up next to me and smiled so brightly. I smoothly moved my hand to her cheek and stroked over her swollen bottom lip with my thumb and she kissed it softly. I knew right then, in that action, that I was lost to her forever. There was no coming back from this.
Indi would be mine.
Always.
I took my hand from her face just as Dad opened the door to my bedroom. He looked in and we were both silent and just smiled at him. He flexed his eyebrows and smirked.
“Everything okay in here?” Dad asked.
I nodded my head while Indi said, “Yep,” in a high pitched voice.
“Okay, well dinner’s ready if you guys can break away from homework for a while,” he said looking at Indi. She was looking anywhere but at him and was giving us away with her embarrassment.
“Yep sure, we’ll come now. Right Indi?” I said and stood up.
“Mm-hmm,” she murmured.
Dad chuckled and shook his head. “Okay, well come down when you’re ready, and Caleb?”
I looked at him. “Yeah, Dad?”
“Try and lose the boner before you come into the kitchen. Your Mum doesn’t need to know what’s going on in here, okay?”
Indi’s eyes opened wide and she looked at me while I chuckled.
“Okay, thanks, Dad,” I replied. He winked and walked out closing the door behind him.
“Oh my God, Caleb, he knew!” she said softly but with a harshness behind it.
“So?” I asked and she frowned.
“What if they kick me out now? I’m sure they wouldn’t want me to be sneaking in here all the time.”
“Indi, relax. Hux is cool. He won’t say anything to Mum, and even if he did, Mum loves you and I know she’d be happy about it. I’m happy about it,” I said and she bit the side of her lip and tried to hide her smirk. “Are you happy about it?” I asked suddenly getting the feeling that she wasn’t as into it as I was.
“I’m happy, Caleb. For the first time since…I’m happy.”
Those few words made me smile so wide that I felt like a bloody idiot. “Well good. After dinner, can I kiss you again?” I asked taking her hand in mine.
“You can kiss me like that again whenever you want to, Caleb McCormack-Slade.”
“Well, in that case…” I brought my lips to hers once more quickly and softly. She kissed me back and I felt my heart kick start into gear. Indi was the woman I was going to love for the rest of my life. She was my one if there is such a thing, and I wanted nothing more than to tell her I loved her but then wasn’t the time. She was still in pain even though she was smiling and I didn’t want to say anything to upset her. We were in a good place and I was happy with the progress we’d made in the last half-an-hour. We parted lips and she gripped my hand tightly as we walked out of my room and down the hall toward the kitchen. When we got to the doorway, we let each other’s hands go and looked into each other’s eyes. We didn’t need to say anything, no words slipped our lips, but we knew that we were in a good place and that I was going to be her brave knight who would save her from the evil dragon. The dragon being the terrible depression she was feeling. I would save her. I would make her remember love and I would make her mine, at any cost.
Indi and I were sneaking around the house trying to spend as much time alone together as possible. But it was hard with school, the band, and us both findin
g jobs. We thought we were old enough to start bringing in our own money. Indi got a job as a casual receptionist at the local doctor’s office and I was tutoring school kids in music. It was hard to find the time to be together. By this time, it was nine months after her parents had died and Indi wanted to save up enough money to be able to afford her own place to rent. She loved living with us, but she felt like she was a burden on Mum and Dad, so she decided she needed to save for her own place. I wanted to move in with her, so I was saving madly too. We hadn’t discussed moving in together, but I just assumed that was the road we were taking together. We’d been showing our affection for each other for the last three months and our kissing was getting very hot and heavy.
One night when Mum and Dad were at a party in London they were staying out all night, something to do with Dad’s band, Indi and I stayed home because we were so close to finals we really wanted to study. But study was the last thing on my mind, being home alone with Indi was something I’d been waiting for over the last three months, and it was finally here.
That night Indi and I would make love for the first time.
I decorated my room while she was studying. I lit her favourite scented candles placing them everywhere and cleaned my room. I made sure that the bedsheets were clean and fresh and I even put on her favourite CD into my machine so we could listen, even though I thought the band was shit. I just wanted everything to be right for her. She was perfect, so our first time together had to be perfect too.
We had dinner and then I took her up to my room, and when we walked in she smiled brightly and looked back at me with a glimmer in her eyes.
“You did this for me?” she asked and I nodded.
“Do you like it?”
“I love it, Caleb. But why?” she asked and I tensed up.
I thought it would’ve been obvious, and suddenly I realised what if she wasn’t ready or didn’t want to go that far with me? I could feel the blood draining from my face as she smirked at me.