by Louise, Tia
“You’ll have to show me your room.” I look in the rearview mirror at Lillie sitting in her booster in the backseat.
She’s so cute in her mermaid getup. Right before we walked out the door, she grabbed a headband with feathers and a tiara on top.
“Ms. Terry is in the E hall.” She takes my hand like a regular little adult and leads me across the lawn and up the stone steps.
Walking past mothers in starched skirts and blouses, scarves, and Prada bags, I get Eleanor’s insistence on Lillie’s attire. All the little girls are wearing smocked dresses and patent leather shoes. Hell, I’m starting to wonder if they even play at this school.
Lillie’s teacher, by contrast, is delightful. A petite young woman with light blonde hair and a bright smile, Ms. Terry is round and huggable and clearly in love with her class.
“Good morning, Lillie! My, you look fancy! Are you a mermaid?” Lillie nods excitedly, and her teacher continues. “Get your things from your cubby. Today we’re learning red monster number two or dos.”
I’m impressed. Colors, numbers, and Spanish. “Hi, I’m Ruby, Lillie’s new nanny.”
“Nice to meet you!” She shakes my hand, and we spend a few short minutes getting to know each other. I give her my cell number, and she gives me the syllabus for the semester. A syllabus in preschool? Walking away, I search the sheet for where they get dirty.
“Lillie has a new nanny?” That voice doesn’t sound friendly.
Turning, I can’t believe it. “Serena Whitehead? I thought you moved to Charleston.”
“Ruby Banks?” She does not smile. “It’s Serena North now. My husband Dr. Phillip North and I just moved back to Oakville with our daughter Whitney. I see you’re still here. Working as a nanny now? Is that right?”
The way she says it makes me want to crawl under a rock.
Which I will not do.
“Remi needed help, so I agreed to do this for a month.”
“Remi?” Another woman, slightly older steps up to join us. She’s wearing a starched white shirt, a floral, tea-length skirt right out of the 1950s, and a condescending sneer. “What’s this about Remi? Who are you?”
“It appears Remington has hired a new nanny.” Serena says. “Ruby Banks, this is Anita Flagstaff.”
“Hello.” I nod. “Nice to meet you. I have to go.”
“Just a minute.” Anita is still scowling, looking me up and down. “You’re the new nanny? Where’s Eleanor?”
“I’m sorry. Why are you asking?”
“I was best friends with Sandra Burnside Key. I want to be sure Lillian and Remi aren’t being… taken advantage of.”
“Is that so?” One thing’s for sure, this woman won’t bully me. “Did someone ask you to do that?”
“Of course not. I consider it my duty as Sandy’s friend.”
“Perhaps this is something you should discuss with Remi. I don’t feel comfortable discussing family matters with strangers.”
Turning on my heel, I square my shoulders and walk with purpose toward the door.
Anita Flagbitch speaks in a whisper loud enough for me to hear. “Looks like a live-in geisha to me.”
“All I know is Phillip better not get any ideas.” Serena’s voice is rude as it ever was. “Ruby Banks is trouble.”
My face tries to get hot, but I fight it. For starters, I’m a nanny, I’m not Japanese, and by definition geishas did not all sell sex. Many of them were artists, musicians, and educated companions…
Whatever. All that explaining would be “casting pearls before swine,” as Ma would say.
Instead, I push through the door and through my feelings of embarrassment. I’m not doing anything wrong, and I’m too old for these women to hurt me.
6
Remi
Hiring Ruby might be the best decision I’ve made all year.
When I walked into the kitchen this morning, I could tell something was up by the way Lillie was dressed. Since she started preschool, Eleanor has had her walking around looking like an escapee from Toddlers and Tiaras, minus all the makeup. And the tiara.
I think my daughter might have liked that part.
Seeing Lillie laughing, brimming with excitement, and looking like a regular little kid this morning, melted my insides. The stress is off, and she’s having fun again.
Don’t get me wrong. If Lillie were the type of kid who wanted to wear smocked dresses and patent leather shoes all the time, I could deal with it. I want my daughter to be happy, but this morning I saw her true personality.
I also saw Eleanor’s attempts to control it, whether it’s because she doesn’t know how to let Lillie express herself or because she sees that expression as a threat. I don’t know.
Ruby, by contrast, lets my daughter shine. She gets on her level and plays with her. She talks to her, but she doesn’t force her to be an adult.
It’s incredible how it affects me. She’s like a gift.
Walking around my office, I toss the stress ball in the air, giving it a squeeze every time I catch it. I stop at the French doors facing the lake in my office.
All three floors have them. They’re lined up parallel to each other, with balconies on the second and third levels.
Ruby’s right, it’s a beautiful home, and the layout works well with my family situation. Each floor has privacy, like its own quarters… I never noticed it before.
I haven’t noticed a lot of things.
Gazing out at the calm waters, the cranes stepping carefully along the banks, I dismiss any second thoughts I might have had about hiring Ruby.
Sure, it was impulsive and seemingly out of the blue, but I’d been researching hiring a nanny for weeks. I had planned to go through a service, but trusting my gut has gotten me this far, and Ruby is clearly the right person for the job.
She’s a smart, independent woman who isn’t afraid of Eleanor and who also happens to be great with Lillie. It’s a stroke of luck I’m not sure a service would have provided.
My mind drifts to the way she took Lillie’s invitation to play that Disney princess scene last night. Ruby didn’t care who saw her. She didn’t care if it was silly. She only cared about getting to know my little girl and making a friend.
Seeing her that way did something more, though. It found a crack in the wall I’d built around my heart. It took all the feelings I’d set aside and stirred them up, twisting them into a new and unexpected emotion.
I realized in that moment… I am different.
Before, I didn’t believe I could ever move on without betraying my wife’s memory, no matter how many self-help books I read. It didn’t matter if I was thirty, with more than half of my life still ahead of me… I felt guilty if I responded to the sight of a beautiful woman.
Hell, I felt guilty for being attracted to Ruby.
Despite everything Drew said, I couldn’t let go and learn to live again. What changed?
I don’t have to ask. The answer struts around this house with bouncing curls and sparkly mermaid shirts. Lillie is the key to it all, and now I have to decide how I’m going to handle this new information.
Before, when it was only attraction, I could dismiss it. I’m a mature adult, I’m five years older than Ruby, I can handle myself.
Now that she’s become my ally, now that I know she’s smart and tough as well as sexy, now that she’s stolen Lillie’s heart and treats my daughter like I would…
It’s a pull I’m finding hard to resist.
I turn from the window and toss the stress ball on my desk. I will resist it. I’ll focus on something different, what I hope to accomplish. The reason I hired Ruby in the first place.
Sure, it was so I could move Eleanor into her proper place, but it was also so I could focus on my work and move my investment firm to the next level.
I’ve been following a few tech startups. One even has a bid from the military that could bring in a huge windfall in the coming months, but I’ve fallen out of the mix. Now I’m ready to g
et back in there and start doing more. Having more time means I can keep the investments rolling.
Picking up my phone, I tap out the old, familiar number. It only rings once before my friend and investment scout answers.
“Hastings here.” Stephen’s voice hasn’t changed. It’s as impatient and arrogant as always. “What’s on your mind, Remington? Psychology Today?”
“I want to know the latest on the Stellan project.”
I tried to acquire the communications security app a year ago, but I confess, fighting with Eleanor and my own apathy probably lost me the deal.
He exhales as if he’s bored. “You haven’t asked about Stellan in six months.”
“I’m asking about it now.”
I hear his fingers tapping on computer keys. “Looks like he took some time off. Probably found a glitch or bumped into a patent issue.”
“Let’s hope it’s the former. Send him a note. Say I’m still interested if he’d like to talk to me and see if there are any rising projects along the same lines out there. I want to be the go-to guy when it comes to military security.”
“You always were. Until you dropped out of sight.”
“Right. I’ll be doing research on my end, and Stephen, get me an invite to the Empire Investments annual gala.”
If anyone can get me to the capital investors’ Manhattan party of the year, it’s my old Navy buddy.
“Are you saying you’re back?”
“I’m back.”
With Ruby taking care of Lillie, I won’t be fighting with anyone. I can work uninterrupted. I’ll dig in and make the most of my time, not having to check in and intervene every few hours.
Still, Eleanor’s voice is in my head. “Your daughter is only four once. A large inheritance won’t make up for spending time with her father.”
As much as it grates my nerves, she’s right.
I grew up with a dad who chose work over me. He was never around for anything I did. He missed every baseball game, every science fair, and every awards ceremony. Yet, he always showed up to let me know when I was getting off track. He always managed to assert his control without ever showing me his love.
Lillie will not have the same lonely childhood I did.
Pulling out a post-it, I hastily scribble a note across the front: Time for Lillie.
I slap it on the bulletin board and stick a pin in it to be sure it doesn’t fall off.
Every day, no matter what, I’ll make time for her, spend time with her, make sure she knows no matter how important Daddy’s job is, it’s never more important than her.
A close second: No sex with Ruby.
My hand goes to my stomach, and I rub the sting away. Yeah, she’s pretty great. Her smile warms my insides and everything she does feels special. The worst thing I could do is have a casual fling with her.
For starters, what happens when it’s over? How could she continue working here with us seeing each other every day? How could she continue living in the house? It’s too much of a risk to expect things to go back to normal after something like that.
I suppose it could happen, but I can’t take the chance. No matter how strong my feelings are for her, I will not act on them.
I don’t write it down, obviously, but it’s decided.
The rapid thud of footsteps on the stairs draws my attention to my open door just in time to see the woman in question on her way to the third floor.
Her purple skirt swishes around her legs, up to her narrow waist. Her silky hair falls around her shoulders and her small breasts bounce… Damn, I reach down to adjust my fly.
Turning quickly, I swipe the mouse back and forth to bring my oversized Mac to life. A large colorful bar graph is on the screen.
Yes, market analysis is what I need. The perfect boner-killer…
I refocus my thoughts.
I’ve always been good at tests. No reason to think I’ll fail this one.
7
Ruby
“Wait. How long have I been gone?” Drew’s voice is all the comfort I need after my run-in with the elementary school bitches turned preschool mean moms. “You’re a nanny?”
I’m pacing my enormous bedroom on the third floor. “And you’re not going to believe how much he’s paying me.”
I tell her, and she shrieks again. “That’s… a hundred eighty thousand dollars a year!”
“I know!” I walk to the French doors facing the lake. “I was going to flip out, but then I googled it. Most celebrity nannies make like two hundred a year.”
“So you’re not the highest paid nanny in America. I guess you’ll have to keep looking…” She’s playing it off, but I can tell she’s impressed. “You know, I had a feeling Remi was well-off, but hell. I didn’t know he was that rich. What is he? Bill Gates’s kid?”
“I don’t think Bill Gates is old enough to have a son Remi’s age. He’s only thirty.”
“Have you slept with him yet?”
I almost choke. “He’s my boss, Drew.”
“Well, have you?” She’s laughing now. “He’s hot as fuck.”
“You can say that again.” Leaning against the window sill, I remember him in those bare feet and faded jeans last night. “But I’m a professional childcare provider.”
“Why should that stop you?”
“I couldn’t keep working for him if I was sleeping with him.” My voice goes soft, and my stomach sinks at the truth. “I’d have to give up this amazing job… give up the chance at finally being financially independent.”
We’re quiet, and when she speaks again, I’m reminded why Drew and I have always been so close. She just gets me.
“So are you going to sleep with him?
We both start laughing harder. “I’m hanging up now.”
“Love you, hooker.”
“Love you more.”
Only Drew would know exactly the predicament I’m in—brain versus hormones.
Isn’t the brain controlled by hormones?
I’m in trouble.
A glance at the clock tells me I have about an hour before I have to pick up Lillie. Walking down the stairs, I stop on the landing at the second floor and see Remi at his impressive workstation, frowning at an enormous computer screen. Those hazel eyes quirk up to meet mine, and the frown is replaced with that smile.
My stomach tightens.
“Hey!” He slides back and stands, walking to where I’m waiting. “Did you meet Lillie’s teacher? She seems great, but I don’t know. What’s your professional opinion?”
That makes me grin. “She’s amazing. Lillie’s going to learn a lot this year.”
He nods, and I notice his bare feet again. He’s in those jeans, but this time he’s wearing a maroon tee that shows off his toned arms. Those biceps… I remember him lifting Lillie this morning at breakfast and how they flexed. It takes all my willpower not to exhale a delighted sigh.
“Seemed like something was up with Eleanor this morning.” He walks back into his office, and I follow, noting that ass, wondering how much I should share with him about my earlier power struggle.
I guess he did say Eleanor was driving him crazy, too. “I didn’t mean to have a run-in with her on my first day here.”
“Technically it was your second day.” He stops at his desk and looks up at me with that panty-melting smile. “What happened?”
The way he says it, it’s almost like a joke, like he knew it was coming all along. I guess that makes me feel less guilty?
“Apparently, she’d put out this fancy dress for Lillie to wear to school. I didn’t know, so I let Lillie wear what she wanted.”
“I thought Lillie looked great—exactly like herself. Mermaid princess.”
“Right.” Now I’m confident he’ll understand. “I guess I could have made her change. What she wears isn’t so important to us… but it’s a big deal to her.”
“I think it’s great how you treat her. It’s how I would.”
“She’s a lot like yo
u. She’s adorable.” The words are out before I realize what I’ve just said.
“Is that so?” His smile changes from panty melting to flat out want.
His hand twitches, and I can imagine going to him, putting my hand on his shoulder and pulling our mouths together. I imagine straddling his lap, him lifting my shirt over my head, pulling on my nipple with his lips… Oh, hell, I’m already wet.
I want to bone my boss.
Bone my boss…
Yes, please.
“Don’t you think she’s like you?” My breath is shallow, and he returns to where I’m standing.
“I hope she’s not.”
“Why? What’s wrong with you?”
His chin drops, and it’s like he’s baring his soul. “You’re a therapist… tell me what you think—unless that’s not allowed… Can you treat your boss?”
“Of course, I can.” Can I? “What’s bothering you?”
We’re so close, and today his scent is less earthy and more soap and sexy man-scent. It’s delicious.
“Is it inevitable… Do we all eventually turn into our parents?” He looks up at me from under his brow, and Oh, sweet Jesus, those eyes.
“Lord I hope not.” I gently tease. “My mom is a piece of work… and my dad, well…” I don’t want to get into that.
“Dads.” He exhales deeply. “I can’t be that man… Absent, distant, always distracted by my work, missing Lillie’s childhood. Showing up only to criticize.”
The tone in his voice pulls at my chest, and his eyes are so earnest. They capture my heart.
I swallow the tightness in my throat. “Well, I know a little something about distant fathers. You are not like that.”
“I try not to be.” The muscle in his jaw moves, and he looks over my shoulder. “Eleanor says I work too much. She says I’m missing my daughter’s most important years… Sometimes I think she says it to get under my skin. I mean, I have to work, or I’ll fall behind. Other investors will get ahead of me.”
Reaching out, I touch his arm. It feels so good, warm and strong. “Everyone has to work, Remi. You can’t feel guilty for providing for your family.”