Diha glanced up at him, a little wrinkle between her brows. “What?”
“I was just thinking about how differently Nan and Mum handled problems in the family.” He leaned back and crossed one ankle over the other. “See, if you made Mum mad, she wouldn’t tell you. You’d just have cold breakfast for a week because she forgot to tell you it was ready. She’d forget to take messages, so if a girl I fancied happened to call or my friends wanted me to stay over, I wouldn’t know.”
“That’s...” She opened and closed her mouth.
“Petty?” Miles shrugged. “She made passive aggressiveness an art. I think I was in my twenties when I realized none of it was by accident.”
Diha’s frown deepened.
“She’s not a bad person, just different. But my Nan?” He chuckled. “She called you on it right then in front of people. She didn’t care. I think my dad is still oblivious to my mother’s passive aggressiveness because he’s used to more overt conflict resolution. To this day, I don’t think he sees it.”
“I don’t think my parents ever fight.” Diha propped her chin on her hand and crossed a leg.
“Even with all of you living together?”
“No. Perfect love story, remember?” She smiled. “I think they just talk so much there’s a constant feedback loop. Everything is decided by committee.”
He licked his lips.
That was as good of a sign as he could hope for.
“Do you think we can talk about what’s bothering you?” he asked.
Diha glanced away. “I’d rather not.”
“Why?”
She sighed and looked at him. “Because I know what the conversation will be. You’ll explain why you did what you did. It will be reasonable, if possibly flawed. I’ll counter with ideas for what you should have done to be more careful. Then we’ll discuss my feelings, which I’m entitled to. I can be angry at you for taking a risk and scared about what could have happened. It will end with us having talked ourselves in a circle for an hour or two. Today happened. Watching you get shot at was horrible. I wouldn’t be surprised if I have nightmares about it. But... It’s going to happen again. This is the nature of our job. I can accept it, but I never have to like it.”
He couldn’t help but smile at her. She’d thought through everything. He shouldn’t be surprised. She was brilliant and human. “Well, I guess we can skip ahead a bit then.”
“To what?”
“At what point is it too much? Everyone has a breaking point.”
She stared at him, her face devoid of emotion.
Did the question surprise her? Had she not yet asked herself that question? Or was it possible she hadn’t considered her own breaking point?
“Are you saying you don’t like how I’m reacting?” she asked, still not giving away a thing.
“No. You’ve thought through everything else, but not this.” He scooted his chair a little closer to her. “I’m invested in this. Yes, I know we agreed to wait to figure things out, but I already know how far I’m willing to go, what I’ll give up, if you ask me to. Do you?”
Her lips parted and her brows lifted a bit.
He’d surprised her.
Imagine how surprised she’d be if he were truly honest with her.
They stared at each other for several moments.
He’d fallen in love with her from day one of this circus, he just hadn’t realized it. If he had to take a page from his Nan’s book and pick up his life to chase after Diha, he’d do it.
“Wow, okay,” she finally whispered. “I wasn’t expecting that.”
He reached over and took her hand.
Her gaze narrowed. “I’m a little offended.”
“What?”
“You actually think getting shot at is something I’d end a relationship over?”
He leveled a stare at her. “It’s something that happens.”
“To people who don’t understand what they’re getting involved with. I know. Yes, it’s different because I care about you. I get to be in a funk. I get to be angry and sad and thankful you’re here. And that means you have to put up with me being this way.”
He threaded their fingers together. “I can deal with that.”
“Okay then.”
He lifted her hand to his and kissed her knuckles. “Is there anything I can do to make it better?”
“That’s nice.”
He couldn’t help but smile.
She’d said a lot more about the last time he kissed every bodily extremity. But he hadn’t said everything that needed saying.
“I mean it.” He stared into her eyes. “I’m not going to be put off by something like distance.”
Her smile dimmed a bit. “Good. I’m going to need to see that, though.”
“Is that a dare?”
“It’s a truth. It’s easy to say something when we’re here, in the middle of it all. But what about in a month or four? We aren’t very good at figuring it out later.”
“No, we aren’t.”
He wouldn’t go that long without seeing her.
No, he could already feel a plan taking form in his mind.
He’d done what he set out to do when joining MI5. And now he wanted something more. If that more meant leaving his career behind and moving across an ocean, he’d do it. Maybe he’d inherited more of his Nan than his brothers, but he couldn’t fight the sense that he knew his path was decided. And she was his next destination. Where they went from there, he hoped it would be together.
Miles pressed a kiss to her inner wrist, then the ticklish skin of her forearm and the tender inner elbow. He slid out of his chair and went to a knee at her side.
“Miles...” Notes of lust sweetened her voice.
“What?” He leaned on the arm rest.
She just looked at him.
Last night had been wonderfully normal. She’d fretted and talked to her family. They’d watched TV. He’d gotten a glimpse of what daily life could be. And he knew he wanted that. With her.
Things were going to change. Not all at once, but he knew that in a year he wouldn’t be in the same place. He was ready for it.
When she didn’t voice a protest or say anything else, he leaned in and gently kissed her lips. While he’d meant to keep the contact brief and light, she dug a hand into his hair and pulled him closer.
It was impossible to resist her.
Without breaking the kiss, he grabbed the arm rest of her chair and turned her toward him so he could kneel between her knees. Her other hand rest against his cheek and she sucked his tongue until his dick throbbed.
This woman was amazing. So damn amazing.
If he could, he’d kick his own ass, for not seeing it a year ago he’d do it.
Diha’s hand trailed down the back of his neck and fisted in his shirt. She pulled, dragging the fabric up. He sat back and let her pull the T-shirt over his head and drop it on the floor.
“Oh—Miles.”
Her eyes widened and her lips parted.
He glanced down.
The bruising had already begun to turn spectacular colors.
“It looks worse than it feels,” he lied.
She glared at him, no doubt seeing through his bullshit.
He held up his hands. “Okay, it hurts like hell. But, I’m alive to feel it.”
“Not funny.” She sat back in the chair, her brow once more furrowing.
Miles eased back and perched on the edge of his chair. So much for putting this afternoon behind them.
“I’m okay,” he said.
Her gaze was so intense he found he couldn’t see anything but her. “This time.”
He nodded, because he couldn’t deny it.
Was she really okay with it? Would his job be a problem?
She’d been offended when he asked, but given her reaction, he had to wonder if her words and heart were in agreement.
He wanted to be here, with her. But maybe what she needed was time and space to really th
ink about things? Could he get up and walk away?
Not with his dick rock hard, that was for sure.
Diha planted her hands on the arm rests, then pushed to her feet. She’d had her clothes laundered and was wearing the same black top and leggings from their first trip to Brighton. Funny how a garment with so much fabric could still be so tantalizing. The way it molded to her, showing off and hinting. He’d never thought of the tunic garments as sexy, but on her they were the most alluring thing he’d ever seen.
She took one step, then slid her knee between his thigh and the arm rest. He leaned back, startled and curious. She straddled his lap, her slight weight resting on his knees.
“I get to be worried and scared and happy,” she said.
“You do,” he agreed.
She bent her head and kissed him with the same heat as before. He would his arms around her, hugging her to him while his mouth made love to hers.
He slid one hand up under her shirt to feel the warmth of her skin on his. She sat back, grabbed the flowing hem of her top and pulled it over her head. He watched her drop it on the floor like some sort of gauntlet.
Miles couldn’t help but smile.
She lifted her hand and traced his lips. “You know, you only smile when it’s the two of us?”
“Because you give me something to smile about.”
He wrapped strands of her hair around his fingers and tugged. She tilted her head, exposing the column of her neck. He kissed down that strip of sensitive skin and felt her body relax.
Today had been hard. But they were alive.
He hooked his fingers in the straps of her bra and tugged them both down. She reached behind her and in the next moment her bra dropped to his lap. He covered her breasts with his palms, testing their weight.
Beauty and brains.
She was the complete package.
He kissed the top of each breast and sat back, forcing her to slid forward so that her pelvis ground against his.
“Miles,” she whispered, her voice dripping with need.
Somehow he doubted either of them had the patience to take their time. Later, after they’d worked out the complicated emotions of the day, he could love her as she deserved. Right now they both needed to feel something.
He shoved one hand into his back pocket and slapped it on the table. Diha never stopped kissing him. Her hips shifted, rubbing him with her heat in the most delicious way possible. Without breaking that, he flipped the wallet open and slid the condom out. He’d stashed it there two nights ago while she laughed at him.
Damn convenient now.
That done, he focused on her.
He sat up straighter, forcing her back a little and cupped her mound. She gasped, nearly sucking the air out of his lungs as he pressed his fingers against her.
Her head dropped back and she groaned.
“I want you naked,” he said.
“Oh, yes,” she hissed and shifted her hips, working with his fingers now.
Her hands gripped the arm rests and she moved against him.
“I can’t wait to feel you. How wet you are.” He bent his head and sucked her nipple.
Diha cried out, her body shuddering.
Was that an orgasm? Or was she that close?
She scrambled back, standing on unsteady legs, her eyes glassy, dazed almost.
He hooked his fingers in the waistband of her leggings and dragged them down her hips and thighs. She kicked out of them, holding onto his shoulder to steady herself. That done, he tore at the belt buckle and yanked his jeans open. Diha picked up the condom and tore it open. He shoved his underwear and pants down his legs, but before he could get them completely off, Diha was there again. She straddled his lap, grasped his cock and rolled the condom on.
She’d changed. He didn’t know the extent of the changes, but she wasn’t the same woman he’d first met. This Diha was confident. She was everything he’d ever wanted.
He pulled her forward for a deep kiss and slid his fingers through her folds. Arousal clung to his fingers.
So damn wet.
Miles grasped his cock and held it. She canted her hips, groaned, and sank down on him in one smooth motion.
They both groaned. His spine arched as she constricted around him.
“Fuck,” he muttered.
She tipped her head back, drawing his attention lower. To her breasts. He cupped them, marveling at the way her skin tightened and flushed under his touch.
And then she moved.
Diha’s nails dug into his shoulder as she rose over him.
God, he loved her nails. The little scratches she left behind were evidence that behind that demure face she presented to the world was a woman of intense passion. With her he could relax, smile, enjoy himself. And there was the proof that with him she shared more of herself.
“You feel so damn good,” he managed to get out.
He wasn’t sure his words got to her. Her eyes were shut and she panted for breath as she moved, sinking back down onto him.
Her pussy was hot and tight. Every time she enveloped him, he could feel the rising tide of his orgasm drawing closer.
Miles dipped his head and licked one nipple. He didn’t want to come too fast, but the way she was working him, he wasn’t going to last long. She thrust her chest toward him as she undulated over him. He was only too happy to oblige her. The way she shivered and moved was beautiful. Freeing.
Someday they were going wear down this need for each other and he’d finally get to take his time. But that was not tonight, this week or even this year.
A hand dug into his hair and she tugged. He leaned back, looking up at her.
Her brown eyes seemed to burn as she stared at him.
She was a goddess. His goddess. And he wanted to worship her for the rest of his life. He wanted this, with her, forever.
He sat up as she sank down, their mouths meeting in a hungry kiss. He gripped her hips, lending her his strength as she moved faster. A whimper of need escaped her.
Miles braced his feet wider, leaned back and as she sank down he thrust up.
Her eyes opened wide and her lips parted on a long moan of pleasure.
Diha’s gaze found his again, alight with need. She pushed up, and this time when he thrust she smiled.
“Yes,” she whispered.
Music to his damn ears.
Muscles quivering from the effort of holding back, he lifted her again, and this time there was no stopping the onslaught of pleasure as he plunged into her.
Diha slid a hand between them, touching herself even while her hips moved in short, jerky thrusts.
Miles lost his battle, leaned his head back and groaned his release. His body went limp and he sagged in the chair, gasping for breath.
Diha’s head rest on his shoulder, her body curled over his. He kissed her cheek between breaths while his mind felt as though it were buzzing.
This had to last. It had to work. She was too precious to him to give up for any reason. And that meant sacrifices had to be made.
She shivered and burrowed closer.
The chair just wasn’t built to accommodate two humans.
He cradled her to him and stood.
“I’m almost used to that,” she mumbled.
“Good.”
He carried her to the farthest bed. Her bed. And laid her down. She clung to him, pulling him over her. He kissed her cheek and chuckled.
“Be right back.”
“Promise?” she mumbled.
“Promise.”
She let him go and curled up on her side, watching him through hair that had fallen over her face.
Words bubbled up inside of him, but instead of saying them he turned and retreated into the bathroom.
He loved her.
It was something he knew in his bones. It wasn’t going to change. It was a fact for him.
But it was too soon to share that. Wasn’t it? Would she take it seriously?
He finished disp
osing of the condom and cleaning up before he’d arrived at a single answer.
Miles paused to ensure the door was secured then flipped the main room light off. Regardless of how he felt, they needed some quiet time together.
Diha was under the covers now and scooted over to the far side of the queen bed, making room for him. The bedside lamp made her dark hair gleam.
She patted the pillow that still bore the indentation from her head.
He pulled the blankets back, catching a glimpse of her still naked body, and got in. He wasn’t sure who reached for who first. The end result was the same. Her head pillowed on his shoulder. His arms around her.
It was perfection. She had to sense it.
Her fingers gently stroked around the bruise.
“In the morning I’ll be fine,” she said. “Tonight I’m just letting myself feel all the things. Okay?”
He peered down at her. “As you’ve reminded me, you’re entitled to those feelings.”
And he was entitled to his.
She looked up at him, her eyes full of things he couldn’t name.
Miles kissed her gently and smoothed her hair back.
“Are you always going to be this understanding?” she asked.
“I can try to be.”
“And I can try to handle this better in the future.”
He grinned. “The future, hm?”
She huffed a bit and rolled her eyes.
“You can feel however you want,” he told her. “Be mad at me if you want to. Just, talk to me, okay?”
“Deal.”
They lay there for several moments looking at each other. With each passing moment the warm ball of emotions seemed to grow.
“What are you thinking about?” she asked.
He opened his mouth, but the intended words wouldn’t come out. He couldn’t make them.
Miles was entitled to his feelings, too.
“How much I love you,” he said, deciding that the truth was best.
18.
Saturday. Hotel. London, United Kingdom.
Diha stared at Miles.
Had she heard him right?
She replayed that moment in her head, focusing on the way his lips moved.
I love you.
The words rang inside of her, giving freedom to the fragile hope she’d been ignoring for days.
Technical Risk (Aegis Group Task Force Book 3) Page 24