by Wells, Linda
“I know exactly how you feel, but at least it was winter when I went through it, so the attraction of the outdoors was not as strong as a good fire.” Audrey laughed and patted the sofa. “Come on, we leave in a few days so let us take advantage of this time without our husbands hovering nearby and you feeding Rosalie. You know that is what is at work here; Darcy simply does not want you to suddenly become ill or out of someone’s sight.”
“Mother hen.” She said with frustration and she heard Audrey’s amusement. “I do love him.”
“How could you not? I wondered how I would have done with him.” She said thoughtfully. The silence from her companion was deafening and the glare was scorching. “This was years ago … Elizabeth! I only thought it because Aunt Catherine was so adamant about Anne marrying him and I thought, well, what about me? I never …” She sighed. “Elizabeth. Stop it. I am very happy with Robert.”
“Forgive me. I am rather possessive of my husband.” She said quietly, and settled beside her. Audrey held her hand. “I think of how he worried about losing me and it breaks my heart.” She wiped her eyes. “I spent so many nights watching him sleep, and thinking of Mr. Harwick, and wondering if he would find someone to love him the way he needs so badly.” She burst into sobs and Audrey held her tight. “What is wrong with me?”
“Nothing dear, nothing. As you say, you love him deeply.” She kissed her cheek. “There now, you do not want him to see you like this.”
Elizabeth sniffed and sat up. “I do not seem to be crying as much anymore, and my mind is not as cloudy as it was.”
“No that improves rapidly. Do you feel sad? Alicia did, that is why they went to the sea. Her last letter seemed to have her back in good spirits again.”
“No, I am not sad.” She took a deep breath and smiled. “I am well, just tired. But please do not tell Fitzwilliam that!” Audrey laughed with her and they held hands. “Now, you must write to me. I want to hear everything of Bath.”
“I promise that I will write to you.” Audrey smiled and stroked her hair. “I am most looking forward to seeing Grace again. She will be waiting for us in the house that Robert’s parents have taken.”
“How are you getting along with them?” Elizabeth asked delicately. “Are things improving somewhat?”
“Oh, well, his father has never given me any trouble; it was always Robert who could never measure up. I am sure that he will be a good father to our children to spite his own. But we are both glad that we will be alone in Bath.” Seeing Elizabeth’s understanding smile, she laughed. “Oh, Elizabeth, I watch you with Rosalie and wish that I could have been so brave to feed Grace, but Robert would not hear of it. Well neither would my mother or Mrs. Singleton, so that settled it. You are fortunate to have no interfering relatives!”
“That is because we live so far away, another reason not to give birth in London.”
“London! You did not even give birth indoors!”
The two women laughed and Elizabeth sighed. “Tell me about the churching ceremony.”
“Surely you have seen it done? It is just a blessing to you, a celebration of your recovery, and some say, it wipes away the sin of you becoming with child to begin with.” Both of them shook their heads with the foolishness of the notion. “It is most important to your husband.”
“Yes, he is eager.” The women exchanged glances. “I am as well.” Seeing Audrey’s raised brows, Elizabeth looked down at her swollen breasts, her still rounded belly, and thought of every other part of her that had changed, and said softly, “I think I am.”
DARCY WALKED INTO HIS DRESSING ROOM to change from his muddy riding clothes and found Adams at work. His valet removed his boots and poured out water for him to wash, and when Darcy stood from the ewer and reached for a towel, he noticed a letter tucked into the bundle of his soiled shirt and breeches. “What have you there?”
“Your clothes, sir.” The man flushed and cast his eyes down. “I will just set these in the stairwell and we will have you dressed in a moment, sir.”
“Adams.” He touched the pile in his arms. “There is a letter under here. What is it?”
“It is nothing …” Taking possession of the pile, Darcy found a letter with his name written in Elizabeth’s hand. “What is the meaning of this?” He demanded.
“Sir … I was given that by Mrs. Darcy to hold. I am returning it to her now that she is clearly well.” He continued to look at his feet and spoke very quietly.
“Why would you wish to return it, why did you not give it to me?” He looked at the envelope and back to Adams. “Why does her health make a diff …” Darcy stopped and stared at his name; and his heart began to pound. “I was to be given this if she died.” Adams said nothing, which confirmed the fact. “Leave me.”
In a flash the man was gone. Darcy stood still and stared at the unopened letter in his hand and wondered if he dared to read what he knew were to be Elizabeth’s last words to him. Sinking down into the shaving chair he continually passed his hand over it, and tears began to trace down his cheeks as he considered the situation where he might have had to read the letter. Would our daughter have survived? Would I have faced two deaths? Would Elizabeth have died in my arms in the woods? How could I have left her all alone to summon help? Would I have had to accompany them both home, walking with their bodies back to the house, covered in their blood? Would she have lived only to die days later? What would I be doing now? Would I be drunk, refusing all offers of sympathy? How would I go on?
Darcy did not hear the dressing room door open, but he did feel the touch of Elizabeth’s lips upon his and her hands taking the letter away. “Fitzwilliam.” She whispered, “Look at me.”
He lifted his head and grasped her hands. “I cannot bear to think of the world without you in it.”
“Then do not, because I am very much alive.” She smiled and kissed his cheeks. “Stop mourning me.”
“This letter …”
“Was never to be read. I asked Adams to return it to me. You were unfortunate in catching him.” Darcy drew her into his arms and she stood between his legs while he rested his face on her shoulder. She whispered in his ear. “Shall I burn it?”
“No dearest. I will never read it, but I cannot burn any letter of yours. I know it contains your love, and that should never be destroyed.”
“Then I shall keep it for you. Together we can lock it up in the strongbox in my dressing room, and you will not be tempted to read it.”
“I never wish to read it.” His embrace tightened. “I was just beginning to relax. You are well. You are exhausted, but you amaze me with your care of Rosalie and me, as well as our guests and home. You should still be in bed, and you are walking about this house …” He swallowed hard. “You are well. Rosalie is thriving …” He sighed and kissed her hair. Elizabeth kissed his bare shoulder and ran her hands over his back. He sighed again and she looked up to kiss his lips, and then gently probing his mouth with her tongue, found his to suckle. Darcy groaned and melted into her. “Lizzy, you cannot kiss me this way.”
“I can if I mean to love you.” She said softly and kissed his neck. “Come to bed with me.”
“Elizabeth, we cannot …” He looked at her and his eyes were full of his longing and need. “Can we?”
“You told me that the moment I was ready …” She looked down, and Darcy lifted her chin and kissed her, then cupping her face in his hands kissed her lips slowly. Moving around her face, he kissed her eyes, her jaw, then down to stroke over and over beneath her ear, drawing her body closer into his arms as her sighs and moans made his desire grow.
“Elizabeth!” He gasped and unbuttoning her gown drew down the front, and helped her to pull her arms from the sleeves. She wore no stays over her chemise, and her breasts, swollen and heavy, were there before him. “ohhhh.” He sighed and she blushed, embarrassed by their appearance. Darcy saw nothing at all wrong and lifted his hand to touch with the barest caress, and milk began to leak, then flow over his h
and. Elizabeth cried her dismay and turned away. “I am sorry!” She sobbed and held her face in her hands.
“Elizabeth.” Darcy immediately slipped his arms around her waist and drew her back against his chest. “Why are you apologizing? You are not ashamed of your milk, are you?” He kissed her shoulder and her throat. “I marvel at you feeding our baby. Why would I care about a little spilled milk?” He whispered and kissed her ear. “Would it help if I drank from you?” He felt her nod and he smiled, and turned her around to find that his mouth was just at the perfect height to suckle. Elizabeth rested her cheek in his hair as he moved from one nipple to the other, and when he finished, rested his face between them. “Whenever you need this service, my love …” Elizabeth laughed softly, and he looked up to see her smiling shyly.
“Now, what of the rest of these things?” He started to draw down her skirt and her hands immediately clutched it. “What frightens you, love?”
“I do not look as I did before.” She confessed. “I fear that you will be disappointed.”
“I loved you how many times the day that you gave birth, and I found you more enticing than ever, how could I not love you now that you are not great with child?” He tugged at the gown and it fell to the floor. Darcy ran his hands up over her legs and felt the new curves that she had been given. “Ohhhhh, Elizabeth!” He moaned. “You were a beautiful woman before but now, oh I am a fortunate man!” Darcy stroked over her hips, then up her slightly rounded belly, “And look at this!” He sighed and kissed her naval. “Your body is beautiful!”
“It is misshapen and soft.” She said unhappily. “Oh how can you look at me without disappointment? Now I understand why men turn to courtesans, if their wives are stretched and ugly …”
“Stop.” He looked up and commanded her. “Stop.” Darcy drew her chemise over her head then standing, lifted her into his arms, and carried her to the bed. He looked over her, taking in her figure, then lay down and without preamble, Darcy lifted her so that she lay on his chest. Elizabeth gasped then laughed, and he smiled before kissing her again. “I love you. I love every inch of you. I love your shape, your scent, your beauty, your laugh, your eyes, everything, everything about you. I am lost entirely without you. I do not ever want to know what it is to not wake with you in my arms, or hear your voice when I enter the house. Your body is different because you carried the second greatest gift you ever gave me, and I will treasure her and every child we ever have. If I were to reject you because your body changed, I would be the most ungrateful fool that was ever born and would be undeserving of your love.”
“That is true.” She smiled and he laughed softly. “Forgive my insecurities; I am supposed to be comforting you.”
“I prefer us comforting each other.” He ran his hand down her back and cupped her bottom.
She caressed away the hair from his brow, “Rosalie was the second greatest gift?”
Darcy smiled and caught her hand, then kissed her ring. “This is the greatest gift, by far. I love you above everything.” He kissed her lips then rolled so that she was beneath him. “Are you sure that you are ready?”
“Yes.” She tugged at his drawers and he had them off before she could blink, and started to laugh. “You are eager!”
Darcy settled over her and chuckled. “I cannot tell you how good it feels to lie like this once again; I hardly know what to do without a baby in the way!” He kissed her and laughed when she wrapped her arms and legs around him. “Taking possession, my love?”
“You are all mine, and I have missed you.” They lay together kissing and exploring each other’s bodies with their hands and mouths as if it were their wedding night once again, until Darcy stopped and looked down at her with that familiar and very welcome silent question in his eyes. Elizabeth slid her hand around from where she was caressing his bottom to take his arousal into her hand, and stroked him, then wordlessly answered his question by guiding him to her entrance. They kissed, their mouths sliding together, their tongues entwining, their arms wound tightly around each other, and he at last lifted his hips to slide inside of her once again.
“Ohhhhhhh, I have missed you!” He gasped. They began to move, a little awkwardly at first, learning how to make love once again and finding the rhythm that they had lost. It did not take long for him and Elizabeth’s rapture was marked by another shower of milk. They lay gasping and laughing, covered with the liquid and kissing each other. “Everything is an adventure with you, Elizabeth!”
She sighed as he took up a towel and wiped her off. “I do not know whether to laugh or cry.”
“You know my opinion.” He smiled as she took the towel from him and performed the same service. He lay down again and pulled her to his chest so that they faced each other. “You felt no pain?”
“No, only bliss.” She smiled and he grinned proudly. “Did it feel differently?”
“If anything it was better, we have lived through a terrifying experience, and it only makes me love you more.” She wrapped her leg around his hip and tucked her head under his chin. Darcy relished the feeling of them holding each other so closely again. “Being inside of you Elizabeth, is like coming home.”
Elizabeth laughed and looked up at him with dancing eyes. “Well, it seems that the knocker is back on the door. Welcome home, Fitzwilliam.”
Chapter 13
“Good Morning, Mr. Bennet.” Robert Lucas called. Mr. Bennet turned and smiled, then dismissing his steward waited while the young man dismounted. “Good morning, Lucas. What brings you to Longbourn?”
“I heard from my sister that Miss Bennet has a suitor.”
“Well you certainly do not hesitate do you? No dancing around the subject?” He laughed and saw that Lucas was in no humour to play along. He reminded him of another young man. “You knew of Mr. Bingley months ago.”
“I did, and I knew that he was in town. I do not know the extent of his attentions towards Miss Bennet, nor how she is receiving them. My sister was unable to give me the answers I require.”
Mr. Bennet cleared his throat. “I am unsure if I will be able to, either. My understanding is that Mr. Bingley has called frequently upon Jane at my brother’s home, and has met them at a few dinners, but that he seems to be awaiting the Darcys’ arrival before pressing his suit, if indeed he does.”
“He is not serious? He is playing with her affections?” Lucas asked with concern while rubbing his horse’s head, then readjusted his grip on the reins.
“He has only just married off his difficult sister; I believe that he has not been able to focus on much else until that was accomplished. He has called as a friend at the Gardiner home, and has been in attendance at a few dances where the Matlocks were also present. I do know that he is speaking with the owner of Netherfield about leasing the property.”
“Then it is settled.” He said softly. “I thank you …”
“Just a moment, sir. Mr. Bingley is a young man wishing to fulfil his father’s wish that he purchase an estate. My son Darcy has urged him to get his feet wet by leasing. Their friend Stewart, you know him, recommended that he investigate a convenient and affordable estate. It is pure coincidence that it is near Jane.”
“I see.” Lucas considered the problem. “I have spoken to Mr. Darcy about Netherfield. I did not know that it was in regards to Mr. Bingley, but then, I had not spoken to Miss Bennet yet, either. He was kind enough to offer me advice on Lucas Lodge.” He fell into thoughts about the quiet man he had observed while attending Cambridge.
“I hear that the King’s illness has suspended the court presentations until further notice.” Mr. Bennet offered. “Anybody may attend St. James’ for now.”
“Yes, Father is rather appalled, as you can imagine.” Lucas smiled. “He is claiming that he will not attend this year for his annual visit because the exclusivity is eliminated. Why do you mention this?”
“Lizzy said that they will go to one large social event while they are in town to retrieve her sisters. Lady Matlo
ck insists that it be at St. James’ to give the Darcys maximum exposure to as many peers as possible. Jane will accompany them.” He looked at Lucas meaningfully. “Perhaps the date could be coordinated and you could accompany your father, should he go?”
“I imagine that Mr. Bingley will be present.” He said thoughtfully.
“I have no doubt.” Mr. Bennet smiled. “I will not push my daughter in either direction sir, but I have my opinions. Perhaps a side-by-side comparison would aid her. Shall I write to Lizzy?”
Lucas smiled. “If you write to her, please send my congratulations for her safe delivery, and my regards to Miss Bennet. I will, however, not be attending St. James’. Miss Bennet has seen enough of me to know my character. I will not play a game.” He paused before mounting his horse. “Your opinion does not rest on the suitor’s wealth?”
“No, on my daughter’s potential for happiness, she would be cared for in either situation.” He watched the young man ride away and walked towards the house to go and write to Elizabeth. “I just had my opinion confirmed.”
“BRRRR.” Adams said dramatically when he took his place back in the servant’s coach.
“It is terribly quiet between them.” Millie said softy and looked at Mrs. Robbins. “Mrs. Darcy was in tears when I tried to clean her gown.”
“Miss Rosalie finally fell asleep when I held her. I tried to convince Mrs. Darcy to let me take her in here for a while, but she would not agree. She is determined to … Well I do not know what she is doing. How was Mr. Darcy?”
“Silent as the grave.” Adams said grimly. “The man’s coat is covered with all manner of baby. He clearly tried to give relief, good man. I talked to John, he said the child was crying nearly constantly, and finally Mr. Darcy was banging on the roof, yelling for him to stay clear of the ruts. For him to raise his voice in the presence of his wife, he must be frustrated indeed.”