by Mingmei Yip
Although I didn’t want to believe that all the five elements are nothing but emptiness, I felt happy to find the garden empty. Under the bluish white brilliance of the moon, the bodhi trees and bamboo groves were clearly visible. In the pond the stone bridge cast a dark shadow; the stone lanterns and rocks blended into one mysterious blur of cobalt blue. The frogs’ croaking, the crickets’ chirping, and the occasional flop of a fish’s tail wove a contrapuntal heartbeat in the evening’s sensuous silence.
I went to sit down on my favorite carp-viewing bench. The fishes’ scales, in the shadowy world of water and lacy weeds, glinted in the silvery moonlight; they made me think of the endless birth and cessation of the wheel of karma.
After a while, I stood up from the bench and followed the frogs’ croakings to the separate lotus pond. The large, wavy-frilled lotus leaves trembling in the air reminded me of flamenco dancers’ whirling dresses. I counted the dewdrops gleaming in the moonlight on the lotus pads until I felt my own tears. Were there other mysterious universes embedded in these glimmering beads? Could I just walk in and leave my confusion behind? Then one fat, wide-eyed frog, who I’d thought to be a stone ornament, suddenly rolled his eyes at me and croaked loudly, as if he were a sage who’d been waiting for ages for a fool like me to air his wisdom to. I reached out my hand to touch him, but he’d already jumped into the water with a splash-dismissing my sentimentality.
I looked up at the sky and came face-to-face with the moon. Through my eyes, the succulent disc resembled a teardrop smeared on rice paper. I imagined that it was about to drip, and stretched out my palms to receive the silvery sprinkle. I thought of Michael and wondered what he was doing now in New York, whether he was also looking at the lonely moon and thinking of me.
I held up my hand. The moon beams alighted on the solitary diamond, splintering it into a thousand shards of light. If I married Michael, would it be a mistake, as it had been when Mother decided to elope with Father? She always boasted how Father had brought a gun with him to propose. How finally it was not the gun that exploded, but Father’s passion.
The truth was, my father’s gun did explode-not on the night he’d proposed, but twenty years later-on my twentieth birthday when he gambled away Mother’s jade bangle.
After Father had failed to stop Mother’s suicide threat, he took out his gun and pointed it at his chest, as he’d done so many years ago. “Mei Lin, stop this, or I’ll blow my heart out!”
Mother dashed toward him and tried to snatch away the weapon. During their struggle, it went off. The bullet didn’t blow Father’s heart out, but made a small hole in the wall. Mother and I felt so relieved he hadn’t hurt himself that we had no idea that the end of this nightmare signaled the beginning of another. After this, Father was rushed to the hospital with a heart attack and before he recovered, died of another.
To save face, Mother didn’t tell any friends or relatives of Father’s attempted suicide, nor even his death. “I don’t want to be treated as a widow and you a half orphan,” she said.
Therefore, since my father’s death, Mother and I avoided friends and relatives, until we completely stopped seeing any. The only exception was, of course, my continued friendship with Yi Kong. Besides teaching me meditation and Zen painting, she would soothe my sadness and listen to my troubles with compassionate smiles, discreet lips, and generous hands, attracting me more and more by her charitable deeds and her rich, mysterious life behind the empty gate. Therefore, whenever I heard people say that temples are only for escapists and losers, I’d chuckle. Ha, nothing could be further from the truth!
Now the moon was beginning to set; I stood up and walked out of the garden. Still unwilling to go home, I wandered listlessly in the huge, silent temple complex. Then I looked for the shortcut that Yi Kong had told me about.
I strolled down a long, winding path that, I began to suspect, led nowhere. Curious, I kept walking until I bumped into a weather-beaten door in a small structure hidden by heavily gnarled and foliaged ancient trees. Why had I never found this place before? Hesitantly, I pushed the door and to my surprise, it swung open into a small hall lit by one tiny bulb near the floor. In the air floated the scent of flowers and the residue of incense. The room looked empty except for an imposing glass shrine in the center, inside of which sat a life-size, gilded Buddha. Offerings of fresh flowers and fruits surrounded the shrine.
I stepped up to scrutinize. The statue’s gilded face gleamed faintly in the nearly dark room. The legs were locked in the full lotus position. Beautiful image. But it was not a Buddha or Bodhisattva that I could recognize. A plaque attached to the bottom of the glass shrine caught the light of the small bulb.
OPEN THE SHRINE AND REALIZE THE MASTER’S
WHOLE BODY DOES NOT DECOMPOSE
ENLIGHTENMENT TO NONATTACHMENT OF BODY AND MIND
ETERNAL TRANSMISSION OF TRUTH
As I was racking my mind to figure out what this all meant, I discovered another row of small characters:
I PAY RESPECT TO HER GOLDEN BODY,
REVEALING MYSTERY SHIFU,
THE TEACHER OF MY TEACHER,
THE VENERABLE WISDOM FOREST.
DISCIPLE IN THE DHARMA,
YI KONG
I let out a gasp and took a step back. Suddenly the gilded face lit up for a few seconds. From the corner of my eye I saw a candle in the doorway before a sudden breeze blew it out.
Then the door creaked like sharp nails grating on metal. I felt my blood curdle inside and sweat break out on my forehead. As I desperately looked for a place to hide, a sonorous voice echoed in the hall: “Is that you, Meng Ning?”
Goose bumps shot down my arms and splashed over my body. My heart thudded violently and my armpits felt wet. I turned to find, like a hairless ghost, Yi Kong’s face flickering ominously over candlelight. It took me seconds to regain my senses. Then I stared intently at the figure in front of me to make sure she was not an apparition.
I finally got hold of myself and muttered, “Yes, Yi Kong Shifu.”
A long pause.
“How did you get in here?” She had relit the candle in her hand; the flame, raging and flashing under her, threw her face out of proportion.
“You told me about the shortcut.”
“Except for a few Shifus who work closely with me, no one else knows about this place.” Yi Kong eyed me reflectively. “It must be your good karma to be here…”
Yi Kong led me in lighting incense and making three deep bows to the statue. Her voice, deep and respectful, began to resonate in the hall like an ancient chant. “This is the Golden Body of Revealing Mystery Shifu, the teacher of my teacher, the Venerable Wisdom Forest…”
Instinctively I took a step back, then turned to look at her. “Yi Kong Shifu, what do you mean by the Golden Body…how is it possible that-”
“Be patient, Meng Ning. Listen carefully to what I’m going to tell you.”
Her voice filled the empty hall with voluptuous reverberation. “This phenomenon is called flesh-bodied Bodhisattva. That is, when a monk or a nun has achieved profound meditation practice, after they die, their bodies will not decompose-”
Feeling a chill, I again cut in: “Yi Kong Shifu, do you mean that this is actually the nun’s…mummy?”
Yi Kong shot me a chiding look and ignored my question. “Only one in a million will attain the state of a golden body, and this phenomenon will happen only once every few hundred years.”
She made another deep bow to the shrine; I immediately did the same. “Revealing Mystery Shifu passed away on March eighteenth, nineteen fifty-eight, at age eighty-eight. In February, she’d recognized that her worldly life was about to end, so every day she drank ten bowls of a medicinal soup. This was made from one hundred different kinds of herbs, with the result that she perspired and urinated profusely. A month later, although she’d lost a lot of weight, her face was flushed and her eyes blazed like torches. Ten days before she’d attained her circular tranquility, she entered thi
s shrine. Then she instructed her disciples to seal it up, and after that, she meditated and recited sutras all the way to nirvana.
“On the day she entered the shrine, she also instructed her disciples to open it eight months after her death, then take her desiccated body out to be lacquered and gilded, and then put back in the shrine. As they had been instructed, my teacher Wisdom Forest and other Shifus opened the shrine on October eighth, and found that not only was the Dharma body of their mistress intact, but her head had grown hair, and she emanated a faint, sweet fragrance and a pale gold aura. According to Buddhism, this resulted from her profound practice, strict vegan diet, and asceticism.”
I asked, “How?”
“Because monks and nuns with a long, strenuous practice of sitting meditation will have their arteries and veins opened up. And if half a month before they enter nirvana they also stop eating completely-so that only a minimal amount of fat and water will remain in their bodies-then their bodies will be mummified after they die. There are many ways to preserve the body. Some put it in an arid cave to let it air dry. Others leave it in an earthenware jar stuffed with wood scraps and straw papers. Then the jar will be sealed to keep out air and stored in a cool, dry place to dehydrate the body.”
I began to feel disgusted, but also fascinated to learn about all these methods of preserving dead bodies.
Yi Kong went on: “Revealing Mystery Shifu was a very special teacher. In the last fifteen years of her life, she didn’t eat anything, speak a word, or step out of this monastery.”
“But how can this be possible?!” I exclaimed, the air suddenly feeling stale in my mouth.
But Yi Kong again ignored me and continued: “Revealing Mystery Shifu hid herself in this small hut behind the Hall of Guan Yin. That’s why, after her death, we converted it to a relic hall for her body’s storage. During her long years of closed-door meditation, she consumed nothing except water, herb soup, or juice. Neither did she talk to anybody. If for a specific reason she really had to open her mouth, she’d just say ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ Later, she stopped talking completely. To communicate in case of emergency, she used a sign language that only Wisdom Forest Shifu, my teacher, could understand. Similarly, except for very specific reasons, she would not receive visitors. Every day for the last fifteen years of her life, all she did was meditate and silently recite sutras.”
Yi Kong stared into my eyes and added, “Only due to Revealing Mystery Shifu’s strenuous practice could her body attain this imperishable state.”
As my initial fright waned, I felt myself becoming entranced by this dead nun and suddenly revealed aspect of the monastic life. Could my body attain the same imperishability if I started to meditate strenuously tomorrow?
But before I had a chance to ask, Yi Kong spoke again. “Every day I come here to pay my respect to Revealing Mystery Shifu and never run into anybody. So today must be a very meaningful karmic day that I see you here. Anyway, it’s late now and we shouldn’t disturb Shifu’s Golden Body anymore. Let’s go outside and I’ll tell you more about this if you want to know.”
Hands pressed together, Yi Kong and I bowed deeply to the Golden Body three times before she led me out of the hall. As I turned back to the golden face, I felt as if she were looking at me with something to tell me, if only she could speak.
In silence, Yi Kong and I walked meditatively on the winding path leading back toward the stone garden. The air outside was balmy and scented by the healthy vegetation; the sky burned with stars. Was my encounter with the flesh-bodied Bodhisattva in the relic hall a dream, a nightmare, a hallucination, a revelation…or a calling?
We finally arrived at the stone garden and sat down on a bench next to the waterfall. Amid the sound of rippling water and the deep-throated croaking of the frogs, I asked Yi Kong if my body could also attain the same imperishability as Revealing Mystery Shifu’s.
“No,” she said, “unless…” She caught herself in midsentence.
“Unless what?”
She didn’t answer my question, but steered the subject in a different track. “Meng Ning, this only happens to monks and nuns.” She stared deeply into my eyes. “I should say this is a rare karmic result for only a few very special high monks and nuns.”
In the silence that followed, suddenly I realized her implication: if I wanted my body to attain imperishability like Revealing Mystery’s, I also had to be a nun. I shuddered.
Yi Kong looked up at the starry sky, then looked down around the moonlit garden before she continued. “What Revealing Mystery Shifu did certainly deserves the greatest respect. But we also need active, ‘entering the world’ nuns and monks to spread the Dharma and to carry out compassionate deeds.” She turned to search my eyes. “Our temple needs more open-minded, outgoing women to become nuns.”
Feeling an awkwardness crawling inside me, I looked down at the ground to avoid her gaze. A beat or two passed before I asked, “Shifu, why can’t lay people’s bodies attain imperishability after they die?”
Under the moonlight, Yi Kong’s nicely shaped bald head seemed to glow with enlightenment. “Because lay people are constantly bothered by worldly affairs. They can never concentrate as deeply in meditation as do people who belong to the religious order.”
I blurted out, “What about…someone like me? If I were to become a nun, could my body be imperishable after I die?”
Yi Kong shot me an intense look. “Possibly…but only if you become-”
Just then, a shout pierced the quiet of the garden like the twang of an arrow shooting through the air. “Shifu! Shifu! Oh, A Mi Tuo Fo!” It was the young nun Enlightened to Emptiness. She dashed into the garden, gasping, sobbing, and wiping her tears with her sleeve. She tripped over the stone lantern a few feet in front of us, and fell.
“What’s the matter?” Yi Kong dashed to her and helped her up. I hurried to both of them.
“Yi Kong Shifu…no good…no good…” She kept swallowing her own words. Yi Kong lightly touched her shoulder and said, her voice that of a concerned nurse, “Calm down and tell us what happened.”
Her face flushed, with some blotches of white, Enlightened to Emptiness spat out in one breath, “Wonderful Countenance Shifu tried to kill herself!”
Although Yi Kong’s voice sounded loud and sharp, her face stayed calm. “How did this happen?”
“I don’t know…”
“Let’s go to her now!” Yi Kong took my arm and the three of us dashed out of the garden and sped to Wonderful Countenance’s-Dai Nam’s-dormitory.
Nuns crowded the small room-milling around, talking, crying, yelling, passing Chinese medicinal oil, towels, a glass of water. Yi Kong spoke authoritatively: “Please step away and give Wonderful Countenance Shifu fresh air.” She turned to Enlightened to Emptiness. “Call the ambulance, quick!”
Dai Nam was lying on the floor. Next to her lay a rope, numb and stagnant like a lifeless snake. Shards, like miniature mountain snowcaps, were scattered everywhere. It was the ceramic Buddha knocked over from her altar. Dai Nam had tried to hang herself. The realization hit me so hard that I felt my heart lose balance and plunge over a precipice.
I jerked back, then asked a young novice, “How did this happen?”
She said, “A Shifu was passing Wonderful Countenance Shifu’s dormitory and heard a loud shattering sound. She knocked to ask what happened, but nobody answered, so she broke in. She found Wonderful Countenance Shifu hanging herself, so she immediately took her down.”
The young novice pointed to the heaps of shards on the floor and whispered into my ear, “Buddha sacrificed himself to save Shifu’s life.”
Yi Kong knelt beside Dai Nam. I went over to kneel next to them.
“Wonderful Countenance Shifu,” Yi Kong asked very gently, “are you all right?”
Dai Nam opened her mouth, but no words came, only the sound of forced air. The red, snakelike scar on her face writhed painfully as if it were freshly gutted.
“It’s all right now,
and you’ll be fine.” Yi Kong pondered for a few moments before she asked, very softly, “But why?”
Dai Nam repeatedly shook her head while lifting her hand to wave us away, then she closed her eyes.
A nun found a piece of paper on the altar and handed it to Yi Kong. I craned over her shoulder to read.
Shifus,
At twenty-five, I took my vow to be vegetarian so as not to harm any sentient being nor consume any stimulant to hinder my cultivation. But today I broke the vow I’d kept for twenty years. A lay woman offered me a turnip cake, which I gladly accepted and ate. Later I found out there was garlic, one of the five stimulants, sprinkled in the cake.
In my whole life, I have tried very carefully to keep my vows and I am very proud that they have never been broken for twenty long years. Now I am ashamed of myself. My contaminated body should not continue in this life.
Your servant in the Dharma,
Wonderful Countenance
Yi Kong whispered into Dai Nam’s ear, “But, Wonderful Countenance Shifu, you didn’t know there was garlic in the cake…”
Right then the ambulance arrived. When the two ambulance men tried to take Dai Nam onto the stretcher, she frantically pushed them away. So finally several nuns had to take hold of the stretcher and move her into the ambulance. Then we all followed the van to the hospital. Except for Yi Kong, we were all made to wait outside the emergency room. After a long time, Yi Kong finally came out with a doctor. We all felt relieved when the doctor told us that Dai Nam’s life was not in danger. But to make sure that everything would be OK, she would have to stay in the hospital for observation.
The next day, I went early to Kwong Wah Hospital to see Dai Nam. Enlightened to Emptiness was feeding her from a bowl of congee when I entered the medicinal-smelling room.