by Mingmei Yip
“Do you work for the cultural or the religious department?”
“You speak with an accent-where did you come from?”
“What’s the brand of your camera. Nikon? Canon?”
“You married? Why not?”
“How many children do you have?”
“How much money do you make?”
One young man even looked over my shoulder and read aloud my notes. Knowing that I was from Hong Kong, a middle-aged woman asked me to teach her English.
Ignoring the distractions, Enlightened to Emptiness and I worked fast-we couldn’t afford to waste time. At four in the afternoon, we’d already finished initial documentation of cave no. 44 with a double dragon sculpture, cave no. 54 with three Buddhas, and cave no. 59 with reliefs of apsaras-flying bodhisattvas.
A few hours later, the van driver, Mr. Qian, began walking restlessly outside the cave, so we knew it was time to go back.
The days passed with us getting up early, eating a large steaming bowl of noodles for breakfast, then riding out to the temple complex in the van with Mr. Qian. Little Lam soon stopped coming, having tired of watching us work in the caves. The days blurred together as we recorded the contents of cave after cave, then rode back home in the van. I ate alone most evenings, since Enlightened to Emptiness continued keeping her vow not to eat after noon. Then I would wash in water brought up in a large, stained, plastic bucket and go to bed.
I was happy to be using what I’d struggled so long to learn, yet I felt no desire to spend years in the remote dusty reaches of China. The place was so secluded, and the work so exhausting, that I truly achieved an empty mind. The confusion that had overwhelmed me in New York was letting me alone for now, but waiting, like the phoenix, to soar again.
On a hot day during the third week, we were working at our last destination of the day-cave no. 45 of the thousand-armed Guan Yin. This cave felt so cool that I gave out a sigh of comfort as I stepped in. I took out a handkerchief and wiped the sweat from my face, then I turned to smile at my young friend. “Shifu, wouldn’t it be nice if we could now have a Coke with ice?”
“Hmmm…” She thought for a while. “But I’d rather have iced green bean soup-that’s what really dissipates the heat.”
“Not a bad idea, Shifu!”
Still laughing, our eyes caught the statue.
My friend gasped. I let out a small cry.
“Poor Guan Yin,” I blurted out, “she has lost at least half of her arms!”
The young nun exclaimed, “And her whole face is gone!”
Seeing this heartbreaking sight, Enlightened to Emptiness immediately plopped down and did prostrations. I did them with her. After we’d finished, we stood up and scrutinized the mutilated Goddess.
Enlightened to Emptiness whispered to me as if fearing that the earless statue might hear our conversation. “Miss Du”-she was now counting the Goddess’s outstretched arms-“there are only five left.” Then she exclaimed, “Ai-ya!” and shook her head in dismay.
If all objects, like humans, have fate, then surely this thousand-armed Guan Yin’s was not as lucky as the others who had the fortune to escape natural or man-inflicted damage. Then I thought of the Golden Body, dead for a hundred years, with the luck to be cared for and pampered like the living, or should I say, better than the living.
When I raised my camera to take another picture, I noticed the bare space on my left ring finger. Not wanting to take any risk that it might attract too much attention or even get stolen in China, I had left the engagement ring back home. Because of my hectic schedule in Anyue, I hadn’t thought much about Michael. It’s sad to realize the truth that human emotions are, like the stone statues, equally vulnerable to the lapse of time. Now ten thousand miles away, was I also out of Michael’s mind?
My gaze fell on the two large holes in the Goddess’s face. I stared at them as an emptiness started to gnaw at me. I didn’t want my life to end up like the holes-dark, empty, forgotten.
I peeked at Enlightened to Emptiness, who was now snapping pictures with fierce concentration. Are all nuns’ lives trouble-free like hers? I doubted it. She was just still too young to be enlightened to the machinations of this Ten Thousand Miles of Red Dust.
After three weeks of uninterrupted work on the sculptures, we felt so overwhelmed and exhausted that we decided to have some fun on the weekend-the last Saturday before we’d go back to Hong Kong.
“Let’s start with the local market,” I suggested to Enlightened to Emptiness.
She sighed.
“What’s wrong, Shifu?”
“Hai, but…”
“But what?”
“You know, it’s forbidden, actually not forbidden, but…inappropriate for a nun to go to the market.”
“But Shifu, remember that all Bodhisattvas, after they have attained enlightenment, all come back to this dusty world, right in the marketplace, to help the others.”
“Hmmm…OK, I’ll go, but…”
“My lips are sealed.”
In the midst of the crowded market we detected many stares and remarks directed toward us.
“Hey, a nun!” a teenage girl exclaimed, nudging her girlfriend.
“Mama, that woman has no hair!” a child pulled at her mother’s tunic and yapped.
“What’s that pretty girl doing with a nun?” a young man said to his friend, while throwing malicious glances at us.
A vendor smiled at my friend. “Miss, much cooler to have your head shaved, eh?”
Worst was when a plump man with missing teeth spat vehemently on the floor-a gesture to cast away bad luck. Some ignorant men believe that if they see a monk or a nun, especially in the morning when the day is starting, it will bring them bad luck. Shaved heads signify “nothing left,” which might result in “nothing left” in their pockets and rice bowls.
I peeked at my nun friend. She looked a little upset.
“Shifu, are you all right?”
“Oh, yes. I’ve experienced worse,” she said, resuming her spirited stride. “One time a man even came up to knock on my head.” She smiled. “But most people are still very respectful to us.”
Soon we squeezed into a stall crowded with children and their parents and saw a display of candy figures: dragon and phoenix, as well as the monk Xuan Zhuang, the crafty monkey and the lazy pig depicted in the famous novel Journey to the West.
“Miss Du, look,” my friend said excitedly, “he’s making the candies.”
The craftsman, a skinny, wrinkled fortyish man, ladled melted sugar from a pot, poured it on a slab of marble, then, with a small knife, started to pinch, pull, press, and cut the sugar. In just a few minutes, human figures, animals, tigers, birds, fishes, even insects were born under his dexterous fingers.
I bought the dragon for myself and the monkey for my friend. “Shifu”-I handed her the candy-“Enlightened to Emptiness.”
We chuckled. In the novel, the crafty monkey was named Wu Kong-Enlightened to Emptiness.
Happily my friend licked the monkey’s head, then said suddenly, “Oh, Miss Du, I don’t think I’m supposed to eat this.”
“Why not? It’s vegetarian.”
“It’s in the shape of a monkey, after all!”
“Oh, come on, Shifu, it’s not really an animal. No one from Hong Kong will see us here. Relax.”
“All right then,” she said, noisily biting off the monkey’s head.
Enlightened to Emptiness and I continued to lick and wander, following the flow of the crowd. My friend looked completely enthralled by the diversity and animation of the market. Her large eyes took in everything. Her pink lips let out excited oohs and aahs. So young and energetic, she really should have had some fun in the secular world before entering the nunnery. I wondered what made her become a nun at such a young age and whether she ever felt regret. Had she ever tasted the flavor of being with a man she loved?
Memories arose in my mind of strolling with Michael in the night market in Hong Kong. I re
membered his hand reaching out to mine, his asking me to take him to see a Chinese opera with a happy ending, my teasing him about how I liked dogs, especially on a plate…
Then, we had been two strangers brought together by the fire. Now we were troubled lovers ten thousand miles apart.
“Miss Du-” Enlightened to Emptiness’s high-pitched voice awakened me from my reveries. “Let’s take a look here.”
We were now in front of a book stall crowded with several young people and teenagers. My friend immediately plunged into flipping through pages of old books and movie magazines as well as cheaply printed books on astrology, physiognomy, palmistry, and cooking.
As I was about to suggest that we leave, I found the young novice’s eyes shining bright and her lips moving soundlessly while she seemed to thoroughly enjoy herself.
I poked my head over her shoulder. “Shifu, what are you reading?”
Blushing, she tried to hide the book, but then handed it to me.
It was a martial arts romance comic book.
The blush still lingered on the young nun’s face. “I’ve never read anything like this before.”
“You like it?”
“Hmmm…sort of, but…I don’t know.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t tell Yi Kong Shifu.”
Her face beamed. “Yes, I do.”
The stall owner leaned forward. “Miss, I have other things very juicy. You want to take a look?”
Fearing that he might not have the discretion not to show something indecent to a nun, I tugged at my friend’s sleeve, whispering, “Shifu, let’s go.”
31. Great Protector of the Dharma
Back in my room in Circular Reflection Monastery, I found two letters on the desk. One was from the United States and the other from Hong Kong. So even before opening them, I’d already guessed the senders: Michael and my mother. Michael’s had been sent a week earlier.
I felt a bit guilty that I first opened the one from the States.
Dear Meng Ning,
So far you haven’t called me. I know you must be very busy, but please don’t forget about me.
Recently my heavy workload really seems to be getting to me. In the last two weeks, I flew to attend meetings in three different states: Arizona, Florida, and Texas -all boring places. Of course, one of the reasons I felt despairing was because you were not with me. Otherwise I’d have enjoyed the trips, no matter how tedious the meetings.
How’s your work in Anyue going? Please take very good care of yourself in such a remote place. Be sure to drink only bottled water. Don’t even brush your teeth with tap water. Also stay away from local doctors and hospitals.
Since I haven’t gotten a letter from you and you don’t have a phone, of course I wonder how you are. I really miss you and worry about you. Maybe you have written-mail from China takes a long time to reach the U.S. Or maybe you tried to call and it never got through. I know the connections from China to the States are horrible.
Please call me collect and write to me.
I love you.
Michael
PS. When you’re appreciating the beautiful landscapes and sculptures in Anyue, don’t forget to think of me.
After I’d finished reading, I pressed the letter to my chest and let out a sigh. The serenity I’d felt being tucked away in a remote part of China crumbled at the thought of Michael, far away in New York, lonely without me.
Next I ripped open the other envelope, slipped out the letter, and saw my mother’s large characters.
My beautiful daughter,
How’s your trip? I hope everything’s fine. But still, be very careful in China and don’t trust anyone there, nor any gweilo in America, not even this Mic Ko. Although he’s now your fiancé, he’s still a gweilo after all!
Your grandmother once told me that in all foreign devils’ eyes, the most desirable woman is a combination of a good cook in the kitchen, a polished hostess in the living room, a great fuck in bed (excuse the vulgarity). What exploitations! So now I’m glad that I’ve never taught you how to cook, that we’ve been too poor to own a house with a big, elegant living room for you to play hostess, that-as for the bed, all I can remind you is, don’t forget the cup of water! You must think your mother is crazy, for what couple would really put that between them in bed, let alone now that you’re engaged? But you better not slight an old woman’s wisdom, like I did when your father and I were very young (he nineteen and I nine) on a wonderful evening in May!
I’m fine in Hong Kong. But Hong Kong is not fine. Although you’ve never shown any interest in either politics or economics, I’m sure you must have heard about the stock market crash. Companies closed, workers fired, people committing suicide. One manager plunged his big BMW into the sea just outside City Hall. Every day, banks are swarming with people desperately trying to exchange Hong Kong money for U.S. dollars. The black market skyrocketed as high as $12 Hong Kong for $1 U.S. Can you believe that?
Enclosed is an article in the newspaper I just happened to read and I think it might interest you. Are you having such a good time thinking about this gweilo American Mic Ko that you forget about your own Chinese mother?
Worriedly yours,
Mother
PS. One more thing. If you really love this Mic Ko, go ahead and marry him quick, because Hong Kong is really doing very badly. Women can starve by marrying a doctor of philosophy, but never a Western doctor of medicine!
2nd PS. I almost forgot to tell you that your Mic Ko called many times and I only understood half of his English. Sounded like he was complaining about you not calling or writing to him. Having had enough of his nagging, I told him everything-when you’ll be back in Chengdu and the name of your hotel.
3rd PS. Do you not like this Mic Ko anymore? Or have you met someone better than him, like a Chinese Western doctor?
I muttered to myself, “Mother! Why did you give my schedule to Michael? I went to China to be left alone!”
Then my gaze fell on the newspaper clipping:
BIG SPONSOR DISAPPEARS, GOLDEN LOTUS TEMPLE
IN FINANCIAL TROUBLE
Au Yeung Wei, alias Sunny Au, Hong Kong billionaire and president of The Sun Real Estate Corporation, has not been seen since he left his luxury house in Clear Water Bay last Wednesday morning. A day before his disappearance, his company filed for bankruptcy. It was rumored that he is now in Europe, where he is said to have deposits of more than three hundred million U.S. dollars.
Among the many organizations that will suffer from Au’s disappearance is Golden Lotus Temple, of which, according to sources, he is the biggest supporter. It is reputed that he has, since 1982, donated over twenty-five million Hong Kong dollars to the temple after he had learned about its Golden Body. It is also reputed that he was so impressed by the imperishability of the Golden Body that he believed it to be his guardian goddess, not only for this life, but also for his future ones. He wanted the donations kept secret so he could be the sole donor and have all the merit for himself.
With his disappearance and his company’s filing for bankruptcy, the construction and expansion of the Golden Lotus Temple have also stopped. The chief nun, the Venerable Yi Kong, is still in Xian on a trip to recruit painters for the decoration of the Temple ’s Hall of Grand Heroic Treasures, and is not available for comment.
As I read the article, I felt like a stone was pressing on my chest. Was it possible that Yi Kong, who always gave me the impression that she disliked and distrusted men, got her main support for her temple from a vulgar businessman? And had this Sunny Au become the main sponsor, or hufa-great protector of the Dharma-only because he thought the Golden Body was his guardian goddess?
Suddenly a thought hit me hard. Could the vulgar man I’d seen dragging his big bottom into Yi Kong’s office be Sunny Au?
Maybe the nuns’ world was much more complicated than I’d thought, or would want to admit. I remembered during our quarrel, Michael had said about Yi Kong:
You really believe
she got all her donations to build a school, an orphanage, a nursing home, and to reconstruct the whole nunnery only from women?
Then:
If she has no idea what it’s like to be loved by a man, then how can she be so sure that that kind of love is illusory?
Feeling a headache coming, I reached out to turn off the bedside lamp, then plopped down on the bed. I flipped like a fish in a frying pan, but, exhausted as I was, sleep did not come for a long time.
The next day, since Enlightened to Emptiness would be going back to Hong Kong in the afternoon and I to Chengdu to sightsee, maybe do some research in the Sichuan museum, I invited her to have tea in my room. We took the tea bag provided by the temple and brewed ourselves tea with water from the temple thermos. Then we sipped the fragrant tea while chatting about this and that.
After a while, my friend suddenly asked, “Miss Du, your fiancé-he must be a very nice person, isn’t he?”
Although I’d told her briefly about Michael, I was still taken aback by this question from a nun. “Yes, he’s a very nice person, and very nice to me.”
“What does he do?”
“He’s a doctor.”
“Wow, a doctor, how nice.” She stared at me curiously. “What kind?”
“Neurologist.”
“You mean he fixes people’s brains?”
I chuckled and nodded. “I don’t know much about medicine, so I guess so.”
“Wow, he must be very smart to be in this specialty.”
“I think so.”
“Wow, Miss Du”-her large eyes shone intently-“you’re so lucky.”
A pause. Then I asked, “Shifu, you mind if I ask you something personal?”
She shrugged. “No, I have no secrets.”
“How old were you when you became a nun?”
Her answer came as a surprise. “I was raised in Golden Lotus Temple.”
“Were you? Then how come I’ve never seen you there?”
“Yes, you did.”
“Really? I have no memory-when?”
“One time I came into the library when you and Yi Kong Shifu were looking at some paintings. Then Shifu introduced me to you.”