by Tey Holden
“I’m sorry for my silence. It’s just hard to talk about some things.”
“It’s okay, Jo. I understand how you feel.”
“I should share more with you. You should know all about me,” Jo said as she gently stroked Kate’s back.
Kate had her head in the crook of Jo’s shoulder with one leg over Jo’s thigh and a hand on her abdomen. “Do you want to try and tell me about it?”
Jo pulled her closer and kissed her on the head. “Manny was in my Jeep the day the IED exploded. He was the communications officer.” Kate closed her eyes, almost feeling Jo’s hurt. Jo continued with the painful story while Kate remained quiet, gently brushing Jo’s belly with the tips of her fingers.
“Poppy and the two other guys in his vehicle were gone. They seemed to have evaporated into thin air.” Jo paused when her voice trembled. The pain was still too vivid. “There were four of us in my vehicle. My driver and the guy behind him took most of the shrapnel from the explosion, and they both died on the scene.” There was another long pause. Kate turned her head up and kissed her under her chin.
“Manny was sitting in the front. I was sitting behind him. I landed several feet away from the vehicle.” Jo paused. “Manny was also thrown out of the vehicle.”
“I don’t know when or how it happened. It’s all blurry in my mind. I think I was unconscious for a while. When I regained consciousness, I could barely hear or see. There was a lot of smoke. It was very confusing. All I remember from that moment was the noise, the smoke, the stink, and the overwhelming, terrifying chaos. I tried to get up but couldn’t.” Kate could feel Jo’s heart rate rise and her breathing become rapid and shallow.
Kate held her tighter and kissed her on the head. “Come here. It’s okay, babe. You don’t have to say anything else if it hurts you.” She could feel the tension in Jo’s body.
“I want to tell you. I’ve never told anyone how I felt.” She slid down, rested her head on Kate’s chest, and closed her eyes while Kate slowly and gently combed her hair and caressed her scalp.
“I feel better when I talk to you. It’s like I feel less burdened by my thoughts.” Jo kissed Kate’s stomach in different places, and when she looked up, she found loving green eyes on her. Jo came up to meet her lips, and they kissed.
“Talk to me then.” Jo settled her face again on Kate’s stomach. Kate thought that as painful as it was, the fact that Jo wanted to continue talking was a breakthrough.
Jo settled her head again on Kate’s stomach and gently brushed her fingers over Kate’s thigh before she continued talking. “When I was finally able to lift myself from the ground, I looked around, and everything was blurry. I remember seeing devastation everywhere. Other vehicles had run the same fate. I was hurt but didn’t know it. I guess one becomes numb to some extent. I yelled out Poppy’s name and other names I could remember, but no one replied, or I couldn’t hear.”
Jo sat up on the bed, obviously agitated. Kate sat up as well and rubbed her back and shoulder. “I became anxious as I desperately looked for my friends. I saw a rifle on the ground and grabbed it. I stood up to try to get my bearings and began to walk in the direction where I thought we had come from. It was then that I heard the cries for help. I looked around, but I couldn’t see anyone. I couldn’t leave anyone behind. Whoever was screaming was hurt. I saw a first aid kit and took it. I made my way back following the screams and found the guy who was yelling.” When Jo paused, Kate sat behind her on the bed and wrapped her arms around her and held her. She closed her eyes when she felt Jo’s stomach clench and her body tremble. And when Jo cried, Kate pressed her face to Jo’s back and cried silent tears as well.
In tears, Jo continued. “I yelled at him. Told him he had to get up, and that we had to move out of there. He wouldn’t. I got mad and grabbed him by his shoulders, thinking that he wasn’t moving because he was in shock, but he would not get up even when I tried to pull him up. I cursed at him for chickening out and not getting up until I saw why he wouldn’t get up.” Jo stopped and let out a gasp. “He couldn’t. His foot was gone. I froze and cursed myself for not having seen the pool of blood he was laying in. I cried before I tried to tell him that he would be fine.” Jo paused again.
Having seen Manny’s prosthetic foot, Kate imagined that guy must have been Manny. Still, Jo continued to tell her story. It was as if she needed to get it all out of her system once and for all.
After her pause, she was able to get herself together and continued. “From the calf down, there was nothing, just a huge pool of blood where his foot should have been. I had taken combat first-aid training when I first arrived, and I also hung out with a few people from a medical unit. Whatever medical stuff I remembered kicked in at that very moment. I took the belt off my pants and made a tourniquet around his thigh with it.” Jo paused again and looked down and then over to Kate, who by now was on her right-hand side.
“All I remember is the blood. There was so much blood everywhere! I think he must have passed out as I applied the tourniquet because he wasn’t screaming anymore. I can’t even remember thinking if he might have died. All I knew was that I had to get him home. I hauled him onto my back and began to walk again.” Jo took another pause. “Then, I found the others. I helped those that needed help and others just joined me. I don’t know how much we walked. All I can remember is opening my eyes and seeing medical people around me.” She paused. “I also remember briefing the commanding officer.”
“They made you brief him in your condition?” Kate asked, appalled.
“No, I asked to see him. I had to let him know what was waiting for them ahead. They would have sent more people to that zone. I had to stop them. After that, I must have passed out because I don’t remember anything else. When I was able to make sense of things, there were doctors and nurses everywhere. At some point, doctors explained my condition. I’m not even sure I understood everything at the time. I was just numb all over, physically and mentally.”
There was much more to tell, but she couldn’t. She was exhausted by the time she finished. Everything was in glimpses that she had attempted to put away in the darkest and furthest corners of her mind.
“And while you were convalescing, did anyone come to see you?”
“A few of my commanding and fellow officers came to visit.”
“I wished I had been there for you, baby. How did you survive all of that alone? God!”
“I don’t know, Katie. I think that at a certain point, when we know we can’t do anything about our situation, we hand our soul over to those who can do something for us and hope for the best. I suppose that’s what I did. I can’t even remember thinking during those first few days. Then, in trying to recollect my thoughts and make something of what had happened, the nightmares began. I asked about Poppy and the others. No one said anything at first. After I don’t know how long, a psychiatrist came and finally told me what had happened.”
Kate took Jo’s hands and kissed them as if with that gesture, she could heal her pain. “Dear God!”
“They told me that Manny had survived and that he had been flown back to the States. They said that if I hadn’t found him, he would have bled to death.” She paused again. “The worst fucking day of my life and then they made me a hero. That’s why they gave me those medals.”
“You went through so much.” Kate combed Jo’s hair back affectionately. “Now I can understand why you don’t want to talk about any of it.” Kate ran her hand over Jo’s back as she talked. “I can also understand why you resigned, and why you felt you needed to live, and how Lorraine’s lifestyle was appealing and liberating.”
As Kate talked, Jo leaned back on the bed with her and began to doze off. When Kate noticed the steady breathing followed by complete silence, she knew that Jo had fallen asleep. It was the usual pattern. There had been many nights, since they had been together, when Kate had soothed her that way after waking up from her terrifying nightmares. Kate would always hold her tight until Jo
calmed down and fell asleep in her arms. In the morning, Kate never mentioned the nightmares, but Jo always knew that she had been there to hold her.
“I love you, baby. I wish I could take away all your hurt with my love.” In the silence of the night, she remembered Grams’ words telling her that Jo needed her love to heal. I hope my love works, Grams.
***
Medical school match-day came quickly upon them. That was the day when all the medical students were given the envelopes with the notification of where they would be going for residency.
Kate’s eyes were huge as she looked at Jo with the envelope in her hand. “Open it,” Jo said. “We’ll go wherever. It doesn’t matter to me, really. Open it!” You’re all that matters to me. Jo smiled with excitement. Kate’s hands shook as she tore the envelope open. Jo adored her trepidation and the excitement she saw in Kate’s face.
Kate gasped when she read the letter. “Well?” Jo asked expectantly.
“Oh, my God, Jo! I can’t believe it!” Kate’s beautiful green eyes were filled with tears as she jumped, grabbing Jo by the shoulders, making her shake. “I got in! I got in!”
Jo couldn’t wait any longer, she took the letter from her hands and read it. “Holy shit! Baby, you got what you wanted!” Kate threw her arms around Jo’s neck and kissed her in a frenzy. She wasn’t even thinking about herself. All she could think was that Jo would be able to easily transfer to Washington and not ruin her career.
“Oh, Jo! I’m so happy for us! Baby, we’re going to Washington!” Jo was delighted to see Kate so happy.
Although there were many happy faces in the room, there were also not so happy ones. One of the not so happy ones was Lindsey’s. “How could this be fucking possible?” She demanded as she glared at Manny. “I thought your father had it all arranged?”
“Sssh, baby! You don’t say that kind of thing out loud. I’ll call him. Maybe he couldn’t do it. Maybe there was someone else with more influence than him pushing another candidate.” Manny couldn’t help but smile when he saw Jo and Kate hugging in the distance. In her fury, Lindsey walked away and left the ceremony. After Lindsey left, Manny walked over to talk to Jo and Kate. “Congratulations,” Manny said to Kate. “Judging by your happy faces, I have a feeling that you got your wish.”
“Yes, it’s wonderful. Now Jo will be able to transfer to Washington without hurting her career. This is just incredible. Did Lindsey get Children’s too? I know she wanted it also.”
“No, she got into Holy Cross in Maryland.”
“Oh, how does that work for you?” Kate asked.
“She will be closer to Washington than when she was here. That will make my commute easier.” He laughed. “I’ll keep my studio in town, for convenience, while Congress is in session.”
Jo looked at Manny and wondered if he had anything to do with Kate’s match to Children’s. After all, his father was a powerful senator. Kate certainly had the credentials for the position, but there had only been a few spots available and many good candidates. Did he ask his father to make the call? Manny knew what Kate wanted and how well that would work for Jo. Manny would help her if he could. The only thing was that his wife had also wanted a spot at the same place. If he had any influence through his father, he would have surely used it for his wife, wouldn’t he?
“Maybe we’ll do some catching up in Washington,” Manny said.
“You bet.” Jo extended her hand, and Manny took it, but he also embraced her warmly.
“Take care of yourself, Manny,” Jo said.
“You too.” Then he looked towards Kate. “You’re an incredibly lucky woman, and I’m not talking about your residency match. You struck gold when you found your partner. There’s no one better.” He put his hand on Jo’s shoulder. Then he hugged Kate and left.
“He’s an awesome guy.” Kate sighed and took Jo’s arm. “He loves you, you know? I’m almost jealous.”
Jo laughed. “Come on, let’s mingle and celebrate.”
There had been talk about a party after the ceremony, but Kate told Jo that she had excused herself from going. “Why don’t you want to go?”
“There’s only one person I want to celebrate with, and she’s right here with me. Let’s go home and have our private celebration.” Kate wiggled her eyebrows, making Jo laugh.
“Baby, let’s go to the party. It’s your big day, and I want you to celebrate it. I assure you that we’ll have our private celebration later tonight.”
Kate bit her lower lip and kissed her. “Okay, then, let’s go!”
“That’s the spirit!”
***
A few months earlier, Manny had closed the deal. He met with his father and explained Jo and Kate’s situation. “Manny, I know you never ask for much, and I know what this woman did for you and for me by saving you, but I can only recommend one person. It’s either Lindsey or Kate, your call.”
“Dad, I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Jo. Recommend Kate.”
“Are you positive? Lindsey is not going to be happy.”
“She doesn’t have to know. It’s my call, Dad.”
“Very well, then. So be it.”
“Dad, one more thing. Jo and Kate don’t need to know about this either. Jo is the type of person who would never accept favors. She’s hard-core Army. She also needs a job transfer to Washington. Can we look into that?”
His father laughed. “You may just turn out to be a good politician, you know?” Father and son laughed.
“I’ll see what I can do about that, but from what you’ve told me, I think that when she walks into the Pentagon, she’s not going to need my help for any red carpet to roll.”
“No, you’re right. Let’s hold off on that and see what happens.” The senator from Wyoming felt enormous pride that his son had chosen duty and honor over his personal convenience. He chuckled as he walked out of his office. Manny felt good as well. Thinking that in some small way he had been able to do something good for the person to whom he owed so much.
***
After their private celebration at home, they cuddled to each other in bed. “Katie, I have a question to ask you.”
“What is it?” Kate turned and partially climbed on top of Jo.
“Would you marry me?”
Kate chuckled and kissed her. “Okay, the answer is yes, but I need to know why you hadn’t asked until now. I know you, and I know that you must have had a reason. I mean, we’ve always talked about long term and the forever kind of thing, so to be frank, it’s not like this is totally new.”
Jo smiled. “That is the most unorthodox ‘yes’ to a marriage proposal that I’ve ever heard!” She laughed.
“Well, I hope you mean that you’ve heard in movies or from other people!”
“Of course! I assure you this is the first time that I’ve ever proposed to anyone!” Jo replied in an indignantly, funny tone.
“Well, in that case, I assure you that as unorthodox as it may have sounded, this is the first time I’ve ever been proposed to or accepted. I’d like to make clear that, even though it took you five years to ask, I accept without any hesitation!”
Jo raised herself on the bed to position herself better. “Yes, there was a reason for waiting. I would have asked five years ago, but I thought you needed time.”
“Time for what?”
“First to grieve for Grams, second to get to know me, which you definitely do very well by now. And I don’t’ mean just my body, which we both know very well you can’t resist.” She chuckled when Kate came at her to reach for her lips.
“See what I mean?”
“Okay, okay, so it’s true. Go on, I feel there is more coming.”
Jo smiled. “See how well you know me?”
Kate said nothing this time and just looked at Jo’s chest, which was fully exposed. “You have two minutes, McCallister. I’m looking at something I like very much.”
“Umm, and I’m feeling very soft skin down here.” Jo put her hand under
the sheets and caressed the length of Kate’s back to finally rest her hand on her butt.”
“I remind you that you’re in the middle of a marriage proposal, and that your hands should not be there until you get all the clearances.”
“I thought I had been cleared five years ago?”
“Well, right now the light has turned yellow, so watch your next move.”
Jo chuckled. “The other reason was that I wanted to see you through med school. It was important to me to see you achieve your career goal before you made any final decision about us.”
“Why?”
“I thought it important that you reached your goal.”
“Jo McCallister, I’ve loved you since the moment I saw you. What else can I say that you don’t know yet?” Kate pretended to think. “Ah, yes! I would have said ‘yes’ five years ago just the same.”
Jo laughed, pleased with Kate’s responses. “Yes, I think you would, but I wouldn’t have been as sure that you meant it the same way you do today.” Then Jo sat up and reached for the drawer on the nightstand on her side of the bed. She brought back in her hands a green rectangular box and handed it over to Kate. “Open it. It’s something very special for us.”
When Kate opened the box, the green eyes looked back at her in awe. “These are Grams’ wedding bands.”
“Yes,” Jo looked at the rings and then back at Kate, “she asked me to give them to you when the right moment came, as a way of letting you know that we have her blessing.”
“Oh, Jo!” Kate crashed in her arms and cried tears she hadn’t cried in years. Of course, her tears also made Jo cry, but when the crying stopped, Kate spoke again. “I always knew I had her blessing. She adored you. She told me to hang on to you, and to have children and make a family with you. I’d like to do that, sooner rather than later, we’re not getting any younger, you know?”