by Bella Jewel
I stare at her, my best friend, and I know I’d do anything for her.
What’s wrong with trying?
I swallow and nod. “Okay, I’ll try, but Scarlett, if it doesn’t feel right, please don’t push me.”
“I promise! Oh, I’m so excited!”
She leans forward and hugs me, and I return it, smiling at Isaac over her shoulder.
My life just took somewhat of an unexpected turn.
It seems to be doing that a lot lately.
And I’m not sure I mind.
~*~*~*~
AMALIE – NOW
“Bikers.”
It’s the first word Caiden says to me when I step into his tea room later that afternoon. I’m on cloud nine after hearing Scarlett’s label is willing to hear a song if we put one together and consider it for the album. I thought nothing could take away from my mood, but the second I step in here, a dark cloud hovers, and I know instantly my mother has been speaking to Caiden and his mother.
“Pardon me?” I ask him.
He glares at me. “I’m in here, stuck, with nobody and you’re out there, screwing around with bikers!”
Damn my mother for this.
How dare she?
She knew exactly what telling Caiden something like this would do, and yet she chose to do it anyway. Because she gets some sort of satisfaction out of bringing me down, out of hurting me. I can’t even trust my own mother. That hurts, deep.
“I’m not running around with anybody, Caiden. They are protecting me after my attack. That’s all.”
“Then why did one come and pick you up, upset your mother by telling her off, and then proceed to put you on his bike and ride off. That isn’t protection. Are you a biker whore now?”
I flinch.
“Stop it. What I do is none of your business. You’ve made it clear you don’t care about me, so why do you care what I’m doing?”
“I always knew you’d never find better than me. You don’t deserve better than me, after what you did. But you could have at least had some respect. I’m in here suffering, and you’re having the time of your life. Going on tour, riding around with some bad ass biker. Does it make you feel good, to know I’m trapped while you are flying free?”
He knows he’s hurting me. He knows it, and that’s why he’s doing it.
He’s poking me right in my sore spots.
“I can’t even get a job,” he sneers. “You can pursue your dreams, but I can’t.”
“I know,” I say softly. “I know, and I’m sorry, Caiden. You know that. I’ve told you that a thousand times over. You know I am never going to forgive myself for what happened to you, but you could get a job, you could get out there, you’re choosing not to.”
Wrong thing to say.
I know it the moment it leaves my lips.
His face goes red and he starts yelling, angrily.
“I’m choosing not to? I’m choosing not to? I look like a fucking monster. I can’t walk on the best of days. I’m stuck here, living in depression, alone, fucking scared and you’re out there enjoying your life and making yourself feel better by coming here. Does it work, Amalie? Does it make you feel better?”
“Stop it,” I cry.
“Do you sleep better at night? Knowing I’m in here, but you visit me daily so that makes it okay? Does that ease your guilt?”
I clench my eyes shut, taking a deep breath. Don’t do this, Amalie. Don’t let him do this.
I open my eyes and try to stay calm. “You’re angry. This isn’t the best time for me to be here.”
“I hope every fucking time you look in the mirror, you see this—” He jerks a finger to his face. “I hope it haunts your dreams. This is all your fault. You ruined my life. You fucking ruined me. I hope your boyfriend’s cock is making you happy. Think of me next time you’re on his bike, think of what you fucking did!”
He’s screaming so loudly his mother has come running into the room. She steps in front of me. “Get out of my house. And do not come back.”
Tears are rolling down my cheeks, but I do as she asks. I turn, and I get the hell out of her house.
I run to my car and get away from there as fast as I possibly can. I don’t know where I’m going to go. I don’t know what I’m going to do. My mind is spinning. My heart racing. My stomach turning. I’m panicking, it’s been a long time since I’ve felt that desperate emptiness that makes me feel like curling into a ball and giving up.
My vision is blurred from my tears, and I’m crying so hard no sound is coming out. I’m scared. I know that I’m at a point where I just can’t take much more. I need an escape. It’s afternoon, I still have a few hours, so I drive toward Scarlett’s ranch. I hope she’s there, but at the same time I don’t.
I don’t know if I can hold it all in any longer.
When I arrive, there are a few bikers hovering around, as they always are. The caretakers at first didn’t like it, but I think they’ve come to enjoy their rowdy company. I slip out of my car, and I’d try to stop the tears, but there isn’t a great lot of point. They’ll know I’ve been crying the moment they see me. I park my car right at the barn and get out.
I know Scarlett has some nice horses. She also has a lot of land. And I need to clear my head. I grew up around horses, I know them, and I’m not afraid to take one out. So, that’s exactly what I do. I climb out of the car and walk into the barn, glancing at all the horses. Scarlett told me they’re all placid, so I go to the closest one, a grey gelding with big, brown eyes. He leans over right away for a nuzzle, and I know he’s the one.
I find a saddle, a bridle, and then I get him out and get to work. One of the bikers on duty, Mason, comes in when I’m halfway through. He’s probably in his mid-thirties somewhere, and, like the others, is incredibly good looking, in a quiet, scary kind of way. He’s rougher around the edges, with a jagged scar running down his cheek, and the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen on a man. Sometimes, in the right light, they could be mistaken for a bluish kind of silver. He has long dark hair that is braided down his back. I’m not sure of his heritage, but his looks mesh together in a way that is striking.
“Hi, Mason,” I say to him when he stops and places a big, thick hand on the horse’s rump.
It doesn’t flinch.
“Amalie,” he says, holding my eyes. “You goin’ for a ride?”
I nod. “Yeah. Is Scarlett here?”
He shakes his head, eyes narrowing. “You sure you’re in a state to go for a ride?”
I swallow. “I had a hard day, but surely it’s safe to go for a ride here? I won’t go far, just into the big paddock for a stretch. I can ride, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“Can see that,” he tells me, eyes flicking to the horse then back to me. “You’re tackin’ it up like some sort of pro, but it is nearly sundown ...”
“Please, Mason. I won’t go far. I won’t be more than an hour. Haven’t you ever needed to just clear your head? You know that feeling your motorbike gives you? That’s the feeling the horses give me.”
He doesn’t smile a lot, but his eyes do lighten a touch. “When you put it like that, can hardly argue. Okay, but for the love of my balls, get back on time.”
“Thank you.”
He stares at me a second longer, then turns and leaves. He walks out and I continue my mission tacking the horse up. When I’m done, I find a helmet and a pair of boots and lead him out. I wave to Mason as I move to the big paddock and open the gates. My heart is beating so wildly, a mixture of anticipation and pain from earlier. I can’t wait to let this horse loose in the paddock and forget the world for just a moment.
I climb onto his back after I’ve locked the gate and walk him around for a while. He’s obedient and does everything I ask of him. Feeling more confident, I push him up into a trot, moving him around in a figure-eight and a few circles, warming him up, before I decide it’s time to stretch his legs. I aim him toward the paddock that rolls on for miles, and I give him a g
ood kick.
He’s responsive and jerks into a canter right away.
My pain is taken away and I smile for the first time in hours. I inhale the cool air that brushes across my face and let my lungs expand and pull, taking it deep into my body. The horse, who I have decided to name Silver for the day, gets faster and faster. Moving from a canter into a gallop. We fly down the paddock, and I feel exhilarated. Like nothing in the world could touch me.
Now I know why those men rely on their bikes so heavily.
This kind of freedom is hard to find anywhere else.
When I reach the end of the paddock, I look back up. The house is nothing more than a tiny speck in the distance. My heart is racing, my body pumped, and I don’t want to turn around and go back. I glance around. Scarlett told me there are hundreds of horse trails through her property. She made sure of it. So I jump off Silver and open the gate, stepping out to where the land becomes endless.
Nothing is fenced in.
I climb back on and we take the closest trail to the paddock. It starts just waving through some thick trees, but slowly the terrain gets a little thicker. The wind is soft, and the view is incredible. In the distance, above the trees, I can see mountains. Lush mountains. I close my eyes a few times, gently breathing in deep. Slowly, my body unwinds and I’m able to think again for the first time.
Silver rears.
It comes out of nowhere, like a flash of lightning. I lurch forward when his feet hit the ground again, but instantly he launches back up. Then he starts going backward, snorting, prancing from side to side. I hang on and my eyes dart around. He is frightened of something.
“Whoa, boy,” I tell him, trying to soothe him.
He flicks his head from side to side and from the corner of my eye, I see a furry animal burst out of the bushes and dart across the track. I can’t see what it is, it moves so fast, but it’s enough to send Silver into a craze. He backs up faster, and I pull his reins, turning him around and deciding to get him the hell out of there. He’s obviously not used to trails. I start trying to lead him out when he rears again, this time so hard I go backward.
I land on the ground, flat on my back, crying out in agony as my already sensitive body hits the deck. Silver bolts, disappearing out of the trees before I can do anything to stop him. I cry out, but it’s no use, he’s a horse. He’s hardly going to stop. I try to push up, but my body is in agony. I’m winded and can’t breathe. I don’t know if anything is broken, or if I can even walk.
I start to cry, fear and panic mixing in my body and exploding forth. I lie there like that for a while, crying, desperate to make it all go away. And then I pull myself together. I have to try and get up, and I need to get out into the open, because if I stay here, the sun will set and I’ll be stuck. The terror I’d feel, being out here alone at night, not being able to hear, would be the end of me.
I’m sure of it.
I roll to my side, trying to push up, but the pain in my ribs is excruciating. I done a fair bit of damage to them when I was taken by Trey, so they’re already sensitive. And my ankle is throbbing, which makes me think I’ve twisted it. Still, I grit my teeth and push up into a standing position, crying out as I put pressure on my foot. Yes, definitely twisted. I glance down, and it’s already swelling.
Not good.
I wonder how far down this path I actually travelled. I’m starting to think it was a whole lot longer than I realized. I can’t see the exit from the trees, I can’t see Scarlett’s paddocks. My heart races, and I take one agonizing step after the other, hopping as much as I can, although every time I do, my ribs cry out in protest.
It’ll take me well into the night to get back up to the house at this rate. I can only hope someone will notice me missing. Mason knows I’m out here, surely he’ll alert someone when I haven’t returned in a few hours. I hope Silver is okay. Will he run home? Will he be waiting down the track further? I really, truly hope he doesn’t go in the opposite direction and get lost, or worse, injured.
I’d never forgive myself.
And I really don’t need any more of that right now.
Guilt.
Shame.
I keep walking, and with every step, the sun slowly starts lowering on the mountains, making it just a little darker with each passing second. If I can, at the very least, get to the outside of this trail and back into the paddock, at least I know I’ll be safe. In here, outside of the fences that protect the paddock, anything could happen.
And when the sun falls, I won’t hear anyone calling out to me.
I won’t hear them.
And I won’t be able to see them.
Two of the most important things will be stripped away from me.
I have to get out of here.
Fast.
-7-
MAVERICK
“What do you mean she isn’t fuckin’ back?” I bark at Mason, who is staring between Scarlett and me.
“She said she was just ridin’ down into the paddock, wouldn’t be more than an hour. It’s been three. Haven’t seen or heard from her. Thought you would want to know.”
My heart lurches.
The sun has just disappeared, bringing on night, and Amalie is out there, alone, with a horse, and hearing that is going to make it fucking hard for her to know if danger is lurking.
“Why would you let her out on a horse alone?” Scarlett demands, throwing her hands on her hips.
“Pipe down, tiger,” Maverick says, stepping up beside her. “Amalie is an adult, and she made a choice to go for a ride. Not Mason’s fault.”
“She can hardly hear, Maverick!” Scarlett says, glaring at him. “He knows this. Which means he knows if anything happens out there, she is in even more danger than the rest of us.”
“She was upset!” Mason says, throwing his hands up, face tight. “Fuckin’ cryin’ her eyes out. What did you want me to do? Crash tackle her? Like Maverick said, she’s a fuckin’ adult. Wasn’t my place to throw down and stop her from goin’. She was on your land, which I assumed was safe enough.”
She was upset? Crying? About what?
Whoever fucking upset her, I will fuckin’ make them burn.
I will fucking stomp all her demons until they’re bleeding.
I will fix her, and I will bring promise back into her eyes.
“Not about safety,” I growl at him, crossing my arms. “It’s about common sense.”
Mason glares at me, and I hold his stare. Making my position loud and clear. He looks away first, and I turn to Scarlett. “Got any off-road motorbikes around here that have lights?”
She nods. “Yeah, the people renting my house use them all the time. In the barn.”
I nod. “I’m goin’ to take one, see if I can find her. She probably got distracted, but now it’s dark she has to be panickin’. I gotta get to her.”
“We’ll stay here, look around the property close by and see if we can see anything,” Scarlett agrees.
“Anyone tried her phone?” Maverick suggests.
Scarlett pulls her phone out and tries Amalie. She wouldn’t answer, she never does, she can’t hear us speak over the phone, but if she at least picks it up then we’ll know that she’s okay, at the very least. Scarlett calls three times and it goes to voicemail.
“She often doesn’t answer, I’ll send her a text.”
She punches out a text, and I stride into the barn and over to the motorbikes parked against the wall. I pull the closest one off, wheeling it out, and then I look to Scarlett.
“Where would she most likely have ridden her horse? Explain it to me.”
“She would have started in that paddock, am I right, Mason?”
Mason nods at the paddock and I glance at it, it is lined with white wooden fences and disappears into the darkness. It’s a massive paddock, lit up by arena lights, but I imagine they only go so far before darkness hits hard and heavy.
“That’s where most people ride, but she would have gotten to the end and o
utside of the fences. I told her about trails I had put in through the woods down there. My guess, knowing Amalie, she wouldn’t have gone too much off the track. She would have gone to the first one, you won’t miss it, it starts just outside the gate, try that one, it connects with some of the others.”
“Okay,” I say, throwing my leg over the bike and kicking it to life.
Been a long time since I’ve ridden anything off-road. I give it some gas and yell out over the angry, rumbling sound, “She comes back here, text me.”
Then I speed toward the paddock. I push the gate open when I reach it, taking the bike through, and then I close it behind me.
It’s dark, so I can’t ride as hard as I want to, and believe me, I fucking want to. Thinking of Amalie out here, alone, in the dark, possibly injured has my chest clenching with something unfamiliar. It’s a panic I haven’t experienced when it comes to women. She has me, I don’t know why, but she does, and I need to know she’s safe.
It doesn’t take me long to make it to the end of the paddock, and I see the gate Scarlett was talking about. I also see a horse standing on the outside, snorting and pawing the ground. It’s fully saddled up, but it has no rider. My heart fucking drops out of my chest, and I put the stand on the bike and climb off, opening the gate at the end.
“Whoa there, fella,” I murmur, approaching the horse.
It prances from side to side, but eventually lets me catch it. I rub its nose. I’m not much of a horse person, but it’s an animal all the same, and I’m not a fucking dick. I take whatever is on its head, and pull it toward the gate. When it walks through, I let it go and it bolts. At least it’s confided in here until the morning.
I get back on the bike and ride out, closing the gate behind me.
I see the trail Scarlett was telling me about straight away. It’s fairly open and obvious. I can’t see Amalie, and I pray to fuckin’ God she isn’t injured somewhere, or worse. I ride hard, entering the track and going flat out down it. Slowly, it gets thicker and thicker, and fuck, if she came in this far, she could be anywhere.