Until Harry

by L. A. Casey

  Do I? I shook my head. God, no, I couldn’t deal with that. It’s just a little – a lot – upsetting that he is acting like there is nothing between us. Not even awkwardness. He is completely at ease in my presence and shooting the shit like before things went to hell with us, which is weird because the last time I saw Kale . . . it was bad. There were declarations of unrequited love, tears and a lot of screaming.

  “Lane?” Roman’s voice broke through my thoughts. “Are you still there?”

  I cleared my throat. “Yeah, I’m here, and no, I don’t want it to be awkward.”

  Roman was silent for a moment, and then he said, “Does he look the same? Or is he fat and bald now? I’m praying for the latter.”

  I unexpectedly laughed.

  “Unfortunately, it’s the former.” I lowered my voice to a whisper. “He looks incredible, and he’s been going to the gym with my brothers. They were talking about changing up their workouts at the dinner table, and then they told me they took their health and exercise seriously now.”

  Kale was always a healthy size. He’d never had huge arms or shoulders, but now he had both of those things and more. His arms were chiselled, so was his chest, even his thighs were thicker. I didn’t get a visual of his bare torso, but I could imagine the defined abs that hid under his T-shirt and jumper.

  “Damn, does that make it harder?” Roman quizzed.

  I sighed, my shoulders sagging. “Yes and no. It would be just as hard no matter what he looked like, ’cause it’s Kale. But the fact that he is too hot for words is making it . . . difficult.”

  Roman snorted. “Your poor vagina must be a quivering mess.”

  I slapped my hand over my mouth when laughter flew free.

  Damn it, Roman! my mind cackled.

  “I’m going to beat the shit out of you when I’m back!” I stated, but giggled like crazy.

  This was exactly why I loved Roman; he could always lift my spirits no matter how many shadows tried to shade me from the light of life. He had managed to resurrect my old sense of humour, which was no small feat.

  He gleefully laughed. “When will that be exactly?”

  “I’m honestly not sure,” I admitted. “I’m going to stay awhile to help sort everything out with my uncle’s belongings, and to spend time with my family. The tension is thick between us, but I’ve missed them. I didn’t realise how much until I saw them.”

  “Of course you do, they’re your family,” Roman said, his tone soothing. “Look, I’m going to let you go. I won’t bother you while you’re with your family, but if you need me for anything, just pick up your phone. Okay?”

  This was why I loved him. He was one of the most thoughtful and considerate people I had ever met. “Okay,” I replied, nodding even though he couldn’t see me.

  “I’ll see you soon, honey,” he chirped. “I’ll collect you from the airport; just send me the date and flight info when you decide.”

  I nodded again. “I will.”

  “Bye, sweetie. You hang in there! I love you.”

  I smiled and closed my eyes. “I will. I love you too. Bye.”

  The line went dead, and I took a minute before I opened my eyes. When I did, I walked down the hallway and into the kitchen, where I found my father getting a start on the dirty dishes from dinner. I instantly felt rude for not cleaning up after myself, so I rolled up my sleeves and prepared to help, but when my father saw me, he shook his head.

  “You sit down,” he said, and nodded to the kitchen table. “We’ll take care of this.”

  Then he called my brothers and Kale in to help with the dishes. They filed into the room without a complaint and got to work. I sat down at the kitchen table and looked at my nanny when she entered the room and sat across from me. She stared at me, so I stared right back at her.

  “Do ye have a boyfriend?” she randomly asked me, her eyebrow raised.

  I wanted to roll my eyes when my father and brothers grew quiet as they cleaned the dishes in the sink. Lochlan was passing dirty plates to Layton, who washed them, then handed them to my father, who sprayed them down with clean water before handing them to Kale, who was on drying duty. I could see them stilling, not moving a muscle, as they turned their attention to my conversation with my nanny.

  “No,” I replied. “No boyfriend. I don’t have time for one.”

  That was a lie. I had nothing but time for a boyfriend. I just didn’t want one.

  Lochlan looked over his shoulder. “Who is Roman then?”

  Kale’s shoulders tensed, and he began drying off the dinner plates with unnecessary speed and force. I focused on Lochlan and raised a brow. “How do you know about Roman?” I asked.

  My brother shrugged. “I heard you mention his name on the phone in the hallway. Heard you also tell him you love him.”

  What a bloody eavesdropper, I silently grumbled.

  I wanted to glare at him, but I didn’t, I kept my cool and replied honestly. “Roman is my friend, and before you ask, no, he is nothing more.” My lip twitched. “He bats for a different team.”

  My nanny snorted, and the men relaxed. I shook my head at the four of them; they were acting like I was sixteen again and talking about a boy for the first time.

  “Although,” I added just to annoy them, “he did say he would be my baby daddy if I ever needed sperm. I may take him up on the offer because he is really good-looking. His has dark chocolate skin, a killer jawline and eyes that are always bright. I think we’d make a cute baby.”

  My nanny burst into laughter while Layton shook his head with a grin on his face. Kale glanced at me, and in that moment I wished I knew what he was thinking, because he was staring at me with an intensity that caused my knees to lock together. I broke free from his stare when my father clucked his tongue. He and Lochlan were less than pleased with my humour.

  “You aren’t funny, Lane,” Lochlan grumbled.

  I gestured to our laughing grandmother. “She would beg to differ.”

  My nanny snorted then as she laughed, and it made me smile. Lochlan turned away from me and shook his head, and I couldn’t help but shake my own at him. He was a huge pain in my arse, but only because he loved me so much. He felt that I was his responsibility because I was the baby of the family, and it was why he had been more overbearing than Layton. Sometimes even our father wasn’t as harsh as he was.

  Lochlan was the sole reason I never had a boyfriend growing up. He never admitted to it, but I knew he roughed around Blake Cunning, who asked me out on a date when I was sixteen. The next day Blake had a black eye and told me he didn’t think it was a good idea if we dated, and then he walked away from me without looking back.

  “Lochlan?”

  He looked over his shoulder when I called his name. “What?” he asked.

  I held his gaze and said, “I love you.”

  Lochlan stared at me for a moment before he turned away from me and went back to passing dirty dishes to Layton. Layton stared at our brother, waiting for him to reply to me, and I was surprised when Kale leaned over and said, “Say something back to her. Now.” I was even more surprised that Lochlan listened to Kale.

  “I love you too,” he replied, his voice low.

  I looked to my nanny, who was smiling at me, and I couldn’t help but smile back. I gestured to her knitting, when she picked it out of a bag next to the table, and pulled a face. “I can’t believe you’re still knitting.”

  She smirked devilishly. “Do ye want ta help me make some—”

  “No!” I cut her off, my voice slightly raised. “No bloody way. I have nightmares about knitting to this day. I told you I’d die before I ever picked up needles and wool again.”

  Snickers filled the kitchen.

  I looked around the room and found the only smiling face missing was my mother’s, and my uncle’s, of course. I sighed and relaxed into the chair. I had to make things good with my family. I had to make things how they used to be before I left and life went to the gutter. They
didn’t deserve to be blocked out because things didn’t end the way I wanted them to with Kale.

  They deserved better than the way I had been treating them the last six years, and it rightly fell on my shoulders to make everything better. I just hoped the relationships I walked out on could be mended.

  All of them.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Ten years old (sixteen years ago)

  Kale,” I whispered, and then held my breath to keep all noise to a minimum.

  I couldn’t sleep.

  All week, since I’d got home from a shopping holiday with my mother and nanny in New York, I’d found it difficult to go to sleep. I quickly got used to bright lights and noises in a city that never sleeps, and found that the silence in York screamed louder than any noise could. Tonight it wasn’t my jet lag or the deafening stillness that was keeping me awake though. It was something very distinctive. It was the reason I was trying to be deathly quiet as I called Kale.

  I was so scared the monsters would hear me and come get me before he woke up. I kept staring at my open wardrobe while I blindly reached down and shoved at Kale’s shoulder as hard as I could. He was sleeping on his blow-up mattress on my floor, as he always did when he stayed over, and it was pretty much his own piece of furniture inside my room.

  It was probably the last time he would be allowed to sleep in my room. My father said now that he was thirteen, he would have to sleep in my brothers’ room when he stayed over, which delighted him and my brothers.

  I blew out a frustrated breath when he grunted in his sleep, as if he refused to wake up.

  “Kale!” I pleaded, my emotion shining through my voice.

  He groaned and moved around on his mattress, trying to get away from me.

  “What is it, Lane?” he grumbled. “I’m sleeping.”

  The wardrobe door creaked, so I let out a little whimper, and like a shot Kale was up from his mattress and climbing onto my bed.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, now wide awake.

  I threw my arms around him. “The wardrobe – it’s open. They’re gonna get me.”

  Kale released a laboured breath but kept his tight hold on me. He placed his hand on my back and rubbed up and down. The action calmed me down a little, but not enough to let go of him.

  “The latch on the door is broken,” he murmured, his voice low to soothe me. “That’s why it opens when it’s been closed – you know this. We talked about it, remember?”

  I refused to believe that.

  If that was true, then why did the door just magically decide to open in the dead of night? Why not during the day when it was bright out and not scary? I’d tell you why: it was because there was no stupid broken latch on the door. It was the hideous monsters that lived inside my wardrobe that opened the door at night. They were planning to take me away.

  “It’s them,” I mumbled into Kale’s chest. “I know it is.”

  He sighed but chuckled a little. “I’m not going to argue with you. Move over and I’ll sleep on the outside of your bed, so that way, if they come out, they’ll have to fight me to get to you.”

  I gasped in horror. “No! What if they take you away?”

  They couldn’t take Kale away from me. No one could. I wouldn’t allow it.

  “I’m not going anywhere – now move over. It’s really late, and I’ve to get up for my football match tomorrow morning.”

  I did as Kale asked; I moved to the inside of my bed and shivered because that section of the bed was cold. Kale settled next to me, and I thought he was going to turn his back to me so he could watch the wardrobe, but he didn’t. He lay on his back and used his left hand to tug me over to him. I was wide-eyed as he settled my head on his shoulder. His arm was hooked around my body and his hand rested on my hip.

  My. Hip.

  I began to breathe heavily, and I felt myself blush like crazy. I could actually feel the heat crawl up my neck and spread out over my cheeks like wildfire.

  What the heck was happening?

  “You okay?” Kale mumbled to me, then yawned.

  I cleared my throat. “Yep . . . just scared about the monsters.”

  That was a lie; I wasn’t bothered about the monsters anymore. I was freaked out that I was feeling strange lying like this on Kale. He was on my bed, and I was just lying on him. I liked it. A lot. And that was super weird because Kale was like my brother, but I didn’t feel all tingly in my stomach when I lay with my real brothers, so why was it like this with Kale?

  I’m coming down with a severe case of the flu, I thought. It’s the only explanation.

  “Lane, are you sure you’re okay?” Kale pressed, worry laced throughout his tone. “You’re breathing really fast.”

  I swallowed and tried to control the rise and fall of my chest.

  “Yep, I’m good, like I said . . . just scared of the monsters.”

  He sighed. “There are no such thing as monsters, Lane. I told you to pay no attention to those stupid lads in your class at school.”

  I grunted and sat up so I could look down at Kale. My room was dark, but the night-light plugged into my wall helped brighten the place up a little. It was enough for me to see Kale’s face anyway.

  I looked down at his tired features, my eyes scanning over them. “But what if they’re right? What if monsters do come through the wardrobe at night and kidnap me? What if they eat me and spit out my bones? That would be horrible, Kale. I’d never survive it.”

  I frowned when Kale shook with silent laughter.

  “I’m not playing right now!” I huffed.

  He laughed harder and had to put his hand over his mouth to muffle the noises.

  I shoved at him. “You’re horrible!”

  I turned my back to him and lay down on my side of the bed. I tugged my duvet up and covered myself with it completely, but the darkness creeped me out, so I poked my head out of the duvet, leaving everything else covered. Kale was lightly chuckling as he turned to me and grabbed at me with his hands under the covers. I slapped at his hands and kicked at his legs, and he found it bloody hilarious.

  I was just about t0 explode with anger when Kale suddenly grabbed hold of my body and pulled me back into his. He wrapped his arms around me and pinned my arms to my sides, trapping my legs together by throwing his leg over them. I felt his bare chest pressed against my back and felt his breath on my neck.

  “Kale,” I breathed, “what are you doing?”

  I was feeling something, and I wasn’t sure what. I was very aware that it was Kale who was holding me, and I was also aware that I really liked it. I liked it in a way that I didn’t quite understand.

  “Protecting myself,” he chuckled. “I knew you were about to snap and hit me.”

  He was provoking me by laughing on purpose then.

  I growled. “You’re such an idiot.”

  “Possibly,” he said, chuckling, “but I’m an idiot who is going to protect you from all harm. Especially monster harm.”

  Huh?

  “How are you going to do that?” I murmured.

  Kale untangled himself from me and slid off my bed. I was shocked at how badly I wanted him to stay, but it felt wrong because Kale was my best friend, like my brother, so I knew I shouldn’t want him to hold me . . . not in a way that made my skin tingle and my tummy hurt.

  I shook my head clear of my very sudden and weird thoughts and focused on Kale, who was walking over towards my wardrobe. I gasped and gripped onto my duvet cover.

  “Be careful!” I squealed.

  Kale glanced over his shoulder, smiled at me and I just about died because he looked so . . . cute.

  Oh, my God. I thought Kale looked cute. My Kale.

  K–A–L–E.

  “What are you doing?” I asked, my heart slamming against my chest.

  He turned and nodded at the wardrobe. “I’m going to stand guard until you fall asleep or until the sun comes up. Whichever one comes first. You don’t have to worry. I’ll protect you.”


  I licked my suddenly dry lips. “You – you would really do that? For me?”

  Kale reached into the wardrobe and grabbed my baseball bat, then shut the door and leaned against it and winked at me. “Only for you.”

  Butterflies exploded in my stomach, and I got giddy with excitement.

  “I don’t know what to – thank you, Kale,” I breathed, completely in awe of him.

  He smiled at me once more and gripped onto the baseball bat. “Don’t thank me. I can’t have monsters kidnapping you, right?”

  I lay down and pulled my duvet up to my face so he wouldn’t be able to see my smile.

  “I guess not,” I murmured.

  “You guessed correctly,” he said, winking. “Now go to sleep, Laney Baby. I’ll protect you.”

  “You promise?” I whispered.

  “I promise to protect you always, silly.”

  I stared at him as I remembered when I asked my Uncle Harry how he knew he loved my Aunt Teresa and he told me what he felt like. He said his stomach got butterflies, and his heart pounded really fast when he saw her. He said she made his heart happy, so it beat really fast when she was around, like it was singing for her.

  He felt like I did at that moment when I looked at Kale. My heart was singing for him.

  It was a daunting thought, but I positively knew in that instant, even though I didn’t know exactly what real emotion was, that I’d fallen wholeheartedly in love with Kale Hunt, and it frightened the living daylights out of me.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Day one in York

  What are you doing here, Lane?”

  I jumped and looked over my shoulder when the voice of my father jolted me from my thoughts and brought me back to my sombre reality. I didn’t answer him straight away as I turned and looked back at the freshly dug hole.

  “I needed to think, so I decided to go on a walk,” I replied.

  When it had got late and my parents’ house became very quiet, my thoughts suddenly seemed to be too loud, so I’d decided to go on a walk. My feet brought me to my Aunt Teresa’s grave, and my Uncle Harry’s soon-to-be grave. I stared down at the grave plot that, starting from tomorrow, would house my uncle until the end of time, and it gutted me.