by L. A. Casey
She laughed. “Why are you sorry? You couldn’t help that he thought about you.”
I knew that, but I felt guilty all the same. “I owe you a massive apology, Drew,” I said, keeping my gaze on hers.
She blinked her emerald-green eyes. “What for?”
I swallowed. “For how I treated you growing up when you were nothing but sweet to me. I was petty, childish and plain horrible to you for no other reason than you had Kale. I was out of order to ever be rude to you, and I should have known better. I’m so sorry; I hope you can forgive me.”
Drew stared at me for a moment, and then the corners of her eyes creased as she smiled. “You don’t have to be sorry.”
My mouth fell open, and it caused her to laugh.
“What do you mean?” I asked. “Of course I do. I was awful to you.”
“I forgave you years ago.” She shrugged. “You were heartbroken, and I now know that people do things beyond their control when they are heartbroken.”
I looked at Kaden’s picture.
“He was a little stunner, Drew. You and Kale created someone incredible, and I’m so sorry that he died.”
“He’s still with us.” Drew looked from me to Kaden’s picture on his headstone, and she smiled. “He was a hoot – you’d have loved him.”
“I would have,” I said quickly.
She sighed. “I miss him every day. He’d have been nearly six if he were alive now.”
“Six,” I whispered.
“He was a mini Kale,” she mused.
I smiled. “Kale showed me videos and pictures, and I said Kaden was the double of him, but he was adamant that he looked like you.”
That made Drew chuckle, and then a long stretch of silence unfolded before Drew looked at me and said, “You need to help him.”
I blinked. “I’m sorry?”
“Kale,” she said. “You have to help him. I’ve tried for years to help him find peace about losing Kaden, but he is trapped in time. Every day it’s like he relives the day our son died. It took time, but I now relive the other memories we shared with our boy. I remember the good times. When I think of him, happiness fills me, but I know when Kale thinks of him, he’s filled with sadness.”
“I don’t know how to help him,” I admitted. “He isn’t the same Kale I knew. Too much has changed between us.”
To my surprise, Drew touched my shoulder and said, “The pair of you are two sides to the same mirror. You’re the same but reflect different things. You know him, Lane, better than anyone. If anyone can help him, it’s you.”
I didn’t know if her faith in me was well placed.
“I’ll always love Kale, Lane,” she continued, “but he was never mine.”
My hands began to shake. “Of course he was.”
She shook her head. “He was yours. He just didn’t know it. I knew it, though, and I fought tooth and nail to have him when I knew I should have let him go to be with you. He chose you over me, and I know that if I’d never gotten pregnant with Kaden, he wouldn’t have stayed with me as long as he did. Kaden bonded us together, but our son was never going to keep us together. We loved each other, but he loved you more.”
“Drew—”
“The night of your uncle’s birthday party, when I threatened you to leave him alone, I followed him back to your house, and I heard him tell you he loved you and that he wanted to be with you.”
Shock tore through me.
“You did?” I whispered.
She nodded. “Instead of being mad at him, I started to hate you like you hated me. I hated you because you had his heart and I could never get it, and you hated me because I had his body and attention.”
I didn’t know what to say so I stared at Kaden’s headstone.
“I can’t believe things have wound up this way,” I said after a few minutes of silence.
Drew chortled. “Trust me, I’ve thought that for years.”
“I’m glad we’re talking about this, though,” I said to her. “I ran away to America to escape these kinds of conversations.”
“How did that work out for you?” she asked, sarcasm laced throughout her tone.
I laughed. “Not good. I still feel the same as I did six years ago.”
“Tell Kale that then, Lane,” she pressed. “Don’t leave anything to chance. You don’t know what’s around the corner for anyone. You could be here one minute and gone the next.”
I nodded. “I thoroughly believe that.”
“I’m sorry about your uncle,” Drew said, as if she sensed me thinking of Harry. “He was a sweetheart and was great with Kaden when Kale brought him around.”
I smiled. “I’ve no doubt. He was brilliant with me and my brothers when we were little. I think that he spoiled us because he never had any kids of his own.”
Drew linked her arm through mine. “I want to be your friend. I want to get to know the Lane that Kale always went on about, because she sounded pretty cool. A little crazy, but still pretty cool.”
I laughed as I turned to her and gave her a tight hug. When we separated, Drew walked up to Kaden’s headstone and kissed his picture. “See you later, sweetheart.” She turned to me and winked. “Don’t be a stranger.”
I nodded. “I won’t. You’ll see more of me, I promise.”
Drew left then, and I could have collapsed with the weight that lifted off my chest. Never in a million years would I have thought a conversation with her could turn out that way, but I thank God that it did, because I didn’t realise how much I needed to resolve things with her.
I looked at Kaden’s sweet picture once more before I turned and walked back up to Lavender’s grave, where I retook my seated position on the grass.
“Dude,” I breathed, “I just made up with Drew Summers.” I shook my head in disbelief. “She wants to be my friend and wants to get to know me. She wants me to help Kale too – can you believe that?”
I exhaled a deep breath because I still couldn’t quite believe it.
“Lane, is that you?”
I looked over my shoulder when a man called my name. I pushed myself to my feet and brushed my clothes down when I saw a familiar face walking towards me.
“It is you,” he said, smiling wide, his eyes gleaming.
I gaped at him in utter shock. The moment he smiled, I knew exactly who he was. There was only one person, besides Kale, whose smile I thought was stunning, and this man was rocking it.
“Daven?” I gasped. “Daven Eanes?”
He gestured to himself with the large bouquet of flowers he had in his hand.
“The one and only,” he chuckled.
It was the strangest thing, but I felt like I needed to hug him, so that was exactly what I did. I moved to him, threw my arms around him and hugged him tightly. For a few moments he did nothing, but he eventually hugged me back, and laughed when I stepped away from him with wide eyes.
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” he mused.
I blinked. “I feel like I have, I haven’t seen you since . . .”
I stopped talking and frowned.
Daven gave me a small smile. “Since our girl’s funeral?”
Our girl. That made me smile.
“Yeah, since then,” I nodded. “It’s been so long. How have you been? You look great.”
He really did. He’d been a slim twenty-year-old boy when I left, but now he was a twenty-six-year-old lean man.
“Thanks, you’re looking pretty good yourself,” he said, winking playfully. “I’m doing great. I’ve got myself a beautiful wife, and we have two kids – twin boys. My wife is working on our third.”
I gasped. “You have a family?”
Laughter rumbled from him. “You seem quite surprised.”
Shit.
“It just seems so grown up.” I chuckled, hoping I didn’t offend him.
He smiled wide, taking my shock in his stride. “I did a lot of growing up after I lost Lavender. After she died, I did a lot of reflectin
g, and I didn’t like the person I was. I was an all-round arsehole, and I didn’t treat Lavender the way she deserved. Thank God she put up with my shit all those years; I treasure every one of them that I had with her.”
My heart warmed.
“She loved you,” I said with a smile. “Trust me when I say I argued the case of how much of an arsehole you were better than anyone, but she knew you deep down, and she loved who she saw.”
“Thanks, Lane,” he said, his voice holding some sort of emotion that he chased away with a clearing of his throat.
I nodded. “It’s the truth – she loved you greatly.”
“I know,” he said, smiling sadly. “I love her too. I always will.”
Present tense. He was still in love with my wonderful friend, and I didn’t blame him. She was one heck of a girl. “I love her too.” I smiled, sorrowfully. “I miss her every day; I still can’t quite believe that she is gone. It doesn’t feel real, and I don’t think it ever will.”
Daven nodded in agreement, then turned and looked down at her grave for a moment before he placed the beautiful bouquet next to the flowers I’d brought her. He had a small smile on his face, and leaning down, he kissed her picture and murmured, “Hello, babygirl.”
It choked me up.
“You want to know something?” I muttered to him.
He stood upright and looked at me. “What?”
My tears fell. “I’ve cried myself into dehydration multiple times since I got here on Friday.”
Daven laughed at me and dug out a Kleenex packet from his back pocket. He took a piece of tissue out of the packet and handed it to me. I accepted it with a raised brow, and it caused him to laugh. “I’ve two kids, I need tissues and wet wipes on me at all times.”
I laughed too and wiped my cheeks and under my eyes.
“So, you got home on Friday?” he asked.
I nodded. “Yeah, but it feels like I’ve been here a hell of a lot longer. I think it’s the reason I’m back that has me so messed up.”
“I’m sorry about your uncle, Lane,” Daven said and gave my shoulder a squeeze. “I met him down the pub a few times after I got off work. He was a great guy. I went to his funeral, and I would have spoken to you, but you had a constant crowd of people around you that day. Kale was like your personal bodyguard; I didn’t want to get too close. He isn’t very fond of me for some reason.”
I tearfully laughed as I wiped under my eyes once more. “He knew I didn’t like you, so as my best friend, he automatically didn’t like you either. It seems he hasn’t grown out of it.”
Daven snorted. “I’ll say, sometimes when we’re in the same shop or something, he’ll glare at me until I’m sure he is going to kick my arse.”
I laughed. “He would never hit you – he’s not like that.”
Or at least he used to be not like that.
“I hope you’re right,” Daven mused and dropped his arm from around my shoulder.
I smiled. “He’s just protective I guess.”
Daven’s lip quirked. “After all these years, if he is still that way with you, then it seems like he has a thing for you.”
I felt my cheeks heat up. “Give over.”
Daven laughed at my embarrassment over his teasing. “Are you staying for long?” he asked, then winced. “Sorry, that was nosey. You don’t have to answer; it’s none of my business.”
“Don’t worry about it,” I said, waving him off. “I am staying. I decided to move back.”
Another stunning smile spread across Daven’s face.
“You know what this means?” he asked.
I blinked. “What?”
“We’ll have to hang out and become the proper friends Lavender always wanted us to be.”
I smiled warmly. “She used to blow a fuse when we’d be at each other’s throats.”
Daven laughed and looked down at her picture. “She was perfect, wasn’t she?”
I nodded. “She was; her heart was my favourite thing. She was just brilliant.”
Daven smiled, then looked back to me. “You’ll have to meet my wife and kids – they’ll love you. They’ve heard about you from my stories about Lavender, so they’ll want to meet you.”
Daven worked his way into my heart with that one sentence.
“You told them about Lav?”
“Of course.” He nodded. “My wife is the one who pulled me from my depression and helped me start living again. I love her with all of my heart, and I’m a lucky son of a bitch to have her. My boys have seen some pictures of Lavender, and they know of her as my good friend who is in heaven.”
I placed a hand on my chest. “Daven, I might cry again. It touches my heart that you keep her memory alive when you don’t have to.”
He smiled sadly. “I acted foolish when I was younger, but I was so in love with her, Lane. She was my world, and when she died, I wanted to die too.”
“Me too,” I whispered.
Daven suddenly chuckled and wiped at his eyes. “She’d be laughing her arse off if she were here right now.”
“Don’t I know it.” I chuckled and dried my face once more.
Daven looked up then and said, “There’s your Kale, walking in the gate.”
My Kale. I felt my face flush but didn’t correct Daven. I looked up and saw he was right. Kale was walking up the left pathway that would lead him to the section where Kaden, my uncle and my aunt were buried.
“It’s really sad what happened to his kid. I can’t imagine what he must be going through.”
I liked that he said “going” instead of “went”. Daven knew that losing someone wasn’t a particular feeling that lasted for a certain amount of time; it was something you had to live with for the rest of your life. I looked from Kale to Daven when he cleared his throat.
“Give me your number,” he said, grinning, “so we can set up a playdate.”
I laughed again and called out my number to him, watching as he saved it into the contacts on his phone. He winked at me and then gave Lavender’s picture a kiss.
I heard him murmur, “Catch you later, babygirl.”
When he stood up, he wiggled his phone at me. “Speak to you soon.”
“I look forward to it,” I said.
Daven left then; as he walked down the pathway towards the cemetery exit, I switched my gaze to Kale. I found him standing in front of Kaden’s grave, his hands in his pockets as he stared down at the headstone. I wanted to go over to him, but I didn’t want to intrude. Instead, I sat back down on Lavender’s grave and smiled at her picture.
“You’re taking care of Daven, I see.” I shook my head. “I’m sorry I never saw what you did, but I’m seeing him now, and you were right: he is pretty fabulous.”
I chuckled and then sat in silence for a while, picking blades of grass out of the ground and cutting them with my nails. I was about to talk some more to Lavender when a shadow fell over me. I looked up and Kale was standing over me.
“Hey,” I said, smiling, and got to my feet, brushing my jeans down as I stood.
He nodded and joined me in looking down at Lavender’s grave. I frowned as I stared at the picture of my beautiful friend who was taken far too soon.
“I saw Daven Eanes over here with you,” Kale mentioned after a moment. “Did he give you any trouble? I know you never got on well with him.”
I chuckled. “It was fine. I think we actually just became friends. He was visiting Lav and found me here instead.”
“I see him here a lot,” Kale commented. “He brings her fresh flowers every week. Sometimes his wife and kids are with him, and they keep her headstone clean and the area around it nice and tidy. He’s pretty close to her parents too.”
That brought me a great deal of comfort.
I exhaled. “It’s insane to think he is married with kids. So many people that I went to school with are all moving forward and doing normal things people do when they grow up. They fall in love, get married and have kids. I feel s
tuck in time. Right now, I feel like I’m twenty again and just buried Lavender.”
“I feel like that every day, kid,” Kale sighed. “It’s been five years since my Kaden died, and it still feels like I just lowered him into the ground.”
My heart hurt for him.
“I hope it gets easier for you, Kale, I really do.”
He didn’t reply, but looked back to Lavender’s picture.
“She was one of the greatest people ever,” I said, smiling. “She came into my life right when I needed her; it was like she was my guardian angel. She helped save me from myself.”
I shivered when Kale’s arm slid around my waist.
“I’ll be forever grateful to her for that,” he murmured.
I looked up at him and sorrowfully smiled. “This hurts.”
“I know, darling.”
“Before anyone I knew had died, there was a time when I used to come here with my dad,” I mused. “We’d take a shortcut through here to get to the playing field through the hedges, and I remember thinking, even though I was little, that I wouldn’t like to say goodbye to anyone I loved. Now my aunt, uncle, friend and best friend’s son are buried here. I still can’t believe Lavender is gone, and I don’t think I’ll ever get over my uncle and Kaden.”
Kale kissed the crown of my head.
“Life throws curve balls at you, Laney Baby. There will always be something unexpected. We just have to pick up the pieces the ball smashes and try to put them back together.”
I frowned. “I’m not as strong as you, Kale.”
He turned me to face him. “Are you joking?”
I shook my head. “I’m a coward.”
He almost growled at me. “Don’t you ever say anything like that about yourself again. After all the shit you’ve been through, you’re still here, and that counts for something, Lane.”
I stared up at him, mesmerised that I was finally seeing some emotion in him.
“I met Drew when she was on her way out,” he commented. “She said you both spoke.”
I nodded. “I apologised to her for how awful I used to be, but she was adamant that I had nothing to be sorry for. She’s pretty great.”
“Yeah,” Kale agreed.
I glanced up at him. “She told me that you used to talk about me a lot, and that you used to have nightmares about—”