by LJ Swallow
The sadness in his tone brings guilt over my selfish behaviour. The only way I can stop thinking about Keir is to focus on Jack. His hand remains on my cheek, and I put mine over the top.
“Sorry,” I say.
“No, I understand why you feel strongly, and why you want Keir back, but I'm scared.” He sits.
“Scared?”
“Of losing you, just as I'm finding you again.”
Jack folds me in his arms, squeezes me against him so my face is squashed in the rough material of his coat. The grip on me hurts, and I wriggle to catch my breath. Jack's embrace loosens and he kisses the top of my head. Wrapping my arms around his waist, we hold each other for a few moments, lost in an awareness of the steps we’re taking. I’d like Jack to kiss me again, but being in his arms is comfort enough for now.
I force Jack to return to Asher and Eli; I need to be alone with my thoughts. Keir encompassing my thoughts while I’m with Jack is wrong, and not helping our tentative steps back into a relationship. This needs dealing with and, a couple of days later, I pluck up the courage to attend class. If I see Keir, I can stop obsessing.
Ava joins me at the cafeteria and buys me lunch, but I can't touch the sandwich she puts in front of me. I drink the juice, chewing on the straw, and scrutinise every face entering through the double doors. The noise from the clattering trays and voices pounds into my head; I’m used to quiet after days of hiding in the Nephilims’ house. As usual, no one pays us any attention, but I can’t help glancing around the room. Who will Keir’s next victim be? My gaze lands on a blonde girl, immaculately dressed with perfect make-up. Her? Keir likes pretty girls; and they always like him.
“Where’s Jack?” Ava asks.
“He stayed with Asher. We’re still working on… stuff. He’ll be back tonight.”
“Stuff?”
The look I give warns her to back off. “Vampire stuff.”
“Have you sorted the feeding thing out yet?”
There's no malice to her words, only curiosity, but I am not going there with her. Not now. “None of your damn business.”
“Wow, Dahlia. Stressed much? No need to be rude.”
Ava stops looking at me and shifts her attention to a spot on the wall. How can she sit there knowing what she's done to Keir—to all of us?
“How about you? Any word from Darius yet?” I ask, quietly.
“He’s sent a soul hunter, once, but that’s it.”
I enjoy the paling of her face, the fear in her green eyes. “Odd. I would’ve expected the Caelestia to collect you by now. I wonder what the reason is.”
“It’s harder for them to find me now.”
I laugh at her. Something else is behind their decision to leave her alone. Maybe Ava knows what, maybe she doesn't. She surely realises she's had her final chance with Asher and Eli. “If the Caelestia wanted you, there’s no way you’d be sitting there now. There’s a reason.”
A tall figure catches my eye. Keir stands in the cafeteria doorway looking the same as when I last saw him alive, but he's dressed differently. Darker clothes, an edgier image. We stare at each other, and I don't know what he can see in my look, but he shifts his gaze to his feet for a moment. Hurt? Or do I remind Keir of his old life and add in some guilt? When he looks back up, there's no emotion, only the cruel turn to his mouth I've seen him give to the soul hunters who tried to kill him before. Before Ava.
Keir saunters over, scrapes a chair, turns it to face us, then sits. Every muscle in my body tenses. What the hell is he doing coming near me?
“Dahlia. Haven’t seen you for a while. You’re back too then?”
“Evidently.”
“How’ve you been?” He grins.
Keir's behaving as if he's taken a holiday, not spent his spare time murdering people.
I overestimated my ability to deal with this. “Piss off, Keir.”
Keir's eyebrows pull together before his face relaxes back into his smug smile. “That’s not very nice. It’s been a long time; I wanted to catch up.”
“Fuck off. I don’t know you.” A couple of curious onlookers from the adjoining table whisper so I lower my voice.
“Dahlia, we’ve shared so much… how can you say this?” I want to slap the mock hurt out of him.
What I need to accept and denied for weeks hits me. “You’re not Keir.”
Keir leans across the table towards me and reaches out a hand. “How’s Jack?”
I'm not sitting here, being taunted by him. I stand, shoving back my chair, ignoring when it falls to the floor as I grab my bag and stomp away. Blindly, I push through the doors and fight the heavy breathing dizzying me. How did I expect to react? I rest against the wall underneath a board covered in notices, fighting back the tears and attempting to stop hyperventilating. Don’t follow me.
Ava approaches. No way. This is her fault. I pull forward and walk away.
“Dahlia!”
“I don’t want to talk to you either,” I shout, not looking around.
A couple of girls nudge each other and giggle as they pass—if only they knew the danger in their pathetic lives.
In a few strides, Ava catches up and reaches out. “Talk to me. I can see how upset you are.”
I stop and turn to Ava, fighting my desire to slap her. This is why we meet in public, because if we weren't, I'd grab Ava by her stupid pink hair and smack her. “This is all your fault. Keir should’ve killed you the first time he had a chance, and now he’s lost. You’ve created evil. How does that fit with your angel soul, Ava?”
“Don’t you think I know that? That I wish I’d died too? But I have to fix this situation; I created it.”
God, she's pathetic. Ava needs to stop lying. “You’ve human blood on your hands, now that he’s killed. Nothing would redeem you now.”
Ava blinks at me, and her eyes glisten. Crocodile tears. “When I’ve fixed this, I’ll leave and accept the fate I deserve.”
“You deserve to go to Hell. You have no idea what you destroyed when you annihilated Keir’s morality. Or what you’ve created.” I pause and edge towards her. “Yeah, return Keir’s soul, but he’ll never be the same, not totally. You don’t come back from killing people.”
“Nothing you can say will make me feel any worse than I do. This haunts me all day, every day. And the hardest part is he chose this himself; I fought with Keir, tried to stop him. And nobody fucking believes me.” Ava's voice falters.
To my surprise, she walks away, back towards the cafeteria. I hesitate. A large part of me wants to follow her and continue the conversation we're finally having about this, but I know here and now isn't the right time.
I should pull myself together and speak to Keir, hear the truth from his own mouth. He doesn’t scare me.
32
DAHLIA
Every time I see Keir again on campus, he’s with a girl. A couple of times, he’s with Ava, but never sees me, and I prefer this. Shrinking into the background is my way, after all. Until I realise Ava and Jack are deliberately keeping me under supervision. They rarely leave me on my own, and I know why—they don't want me approaching Keir alone. Despite my words to Keir in the cafeteria, I still can’t convince myself the old Keir has completely gone. Jack must've said something to the others about my continued denial, and I'm furious. I never expected him to betray my thoughts to others.
I wait in the same place as every other night this week—underneath the branches of the oak tree, hidden in the shadows, and resting against the bark. Jack is suspicious about where I go now. I need speak to Keir tonight—I can't leave this much longer—before Jack interferes in my evening walks.
Keir’s with Zach, the Nephilim enemy who once tried to kill him now his confidante.
Well, tough. I'm here and I'm going to confront him. Once Zach leaves.
They sit beneath a large wooden gazebo on metal benches, a private spot I’ve watched them every evening this week. Located on the top edge of the park and out of range of the nea
rby street lamps, their shadowed figures blend into the darkness beneath the gazebo roof. What do they discuss? Killing people for souls? Sick, twisted ideas. Every day I watch them, and every day I return home without plucking up the courage to approach Keir after Zach leaves.
Tonight.
As Zach moves into the trees, I wait to see if Keir follows. He remains seated under the old gazebo looking down at his boots. My heart jumps in my chest, and I realise I'm holding my breath. As I exhale, I move out of the shadows and towards him.
“Hey, Dahlia.” Keir doesn't look up.
I stop, blood swooshing in my ears.
“Why do you follow me here every night, then not come close enough to hear what me and Zach talk about?”
“I’m not interested in what you talk to him about. I just want to talk to you.”
A light shines across the gazebo, not quite stretching into the space Keir occupies. I want to see his face; I can't tell his mood from his slackened stance.
“Come and talk to me then.”
In the darkness of the quiet park, I hardly see or hear anything. The cars pass at the edge, a few hundred meters away, but nobody else is near. Few people pass through this park at night, less so since the apparent serial killings. In front of me sits the serial killer.
“Why are you doing this, Keir?”
“Doing what?”
Keir rises and walks down the small steps toward me. My twisting stomach hurts, and I fold my arms across my chest, as if that's any form of self-defence.
He stops short of me, gazes down, and I meet the shining eyes of the man who once saved me from demons. The guy who saved my life and put me back together again when Jack was torn from me. This man has been part of my waking life every day since the day that I lost Jack.
Until recently.
Until Ava.
The man standing in front of me is Keir. How could he be anyone else? I want to reach out, to him and tell him I understand and can help him, the way I helped Jack. What do the others know—any of them? Keir was mine before they met him. Ava was jealous, now Jack is too. They don't understand. I don't want Keir in the way they think. Yes, I love Keir more than I've loved anyone, apart from Jack, but as if he’s my brother. Keir cared for me, protected me in my darkest times, and he can’t be doing what the others say. Zach is responsible for the deaths, not him.
“I don’t believe you’re evil, Keir,” I say softly. “I don’t believe you killed those people.”
Keir barks a short laugh. “I did kill them, Dahlia. And I’ll kill more.”
The ground lurches as the evening chill intensifies and runs through my body. “I don’t believe you.”
“Dahlia, what’s not to believe? I’m Nephilim. It’s what we do.”
“Not all Nephilim. Not you.”
I remain close, itching to touch him still. Keir crosses his arms over his chest, digging his hands into the leather of his jacket. His imposing height should worry me, as should his strength, but I'm not frightened.
“You should leave; I’ve given you enough chances,” he says.
“Chances?”
Keir leans down. “Each night you come here, and each night Zach sees you too. Then the following evening he asks me where your soul is.”
I take a small step backwards. “What?”
“I haven’t taken your soul yet, and I’m running out of excuses.”
“That! That proves you’re still Keir. You haven’t hurt me yet!”
Keir laughs, the low, bitter sound echoing around us. “No, it means I’m wary of who is near you, whether you’re a trap for me. I need to be sure you’re unprotected. Are you?”
Increasing doubt flickers at the edges of my mind, the oncoming fear leaking into my muscles. “What?”
“You still have an angel soul; you know how precious that is to me and my kind.”
“No, you don’t take souls, Keir; you release them.”
Keir makes an exasperated noise. “No. Not anymore. That isn’t me. Dahlia, have you spoken to Ava at all?”
“I try not to. You know that.”
“Things aren’t the same; they never will be. This is who I am now.” He moves toward me, digging his hands into his pockets, as if to stop himself taking hold of me. “Get away from me. I will hurt you.”
I choke back the tears, but they spill. Keir's empty face shows no emotion, his eyes no compassion. A memory of the night Jack disappeared sears across my mind, and the same emptiness as the night Jack died fills me. “Keir…”
“Tears, Dahlia? Really?” he mocks.
Why has it taken me this long to accept the reality? In frustration, I scream and throw myself at his impassive body and yell over and over, pushing, hitting, and scratching, but nothing shifts him. Keir catches my hand and pushes me back. I grab his sleeve, stumbling to keep my footing. The Keir who stepped from nowhere and pulled me to safety from demons is gone, and now he's the demon I need protecting from.
“For fuck’s sake, Dahlia, just leave!” he yells. “You’re annoying me and that’s making things worse.”
“You won’t be like this forever! We’ll return your soul to you!”
Keir stiffens. “What?”
“Asher and Eli—they’re trying to find a way.”
His mouth twists and he laughs. “Tell them they’re wasting their time. I don’t want my soul back. Not unless they hand it to me nicely packaged to give to Zach.”
“You can’t mean that.”
“I was weak, not anymore. My stupid soul tied me to a soul hunter and to humanity before her. If your friends come near me, I’ll kill them too.”
Before I fully comprehend what he’s saying, Keir seizes my arms and grips me painfully in place.
“I won’t stop at you. I’ll look for the others too. You’re all pathetic and wasting your time!”
I yelp in pain as he squeezes my arms tighter, and I attempt to pull away. “Keir…”
Keir throws me backwards and I slam into the ground. I roll, preparing to run. The whole time I've known Keir, I've never missed my soul hunter strength. I didn't need the advantage; the small, quiet girl no longer had enemies who could find their way past Keir. But I'm lost now he’s the enemy. Keir pushes me again, and I land face down on the hard ground, breathing heavily, as I sense him moving closer.
Keir grabs me by the back of my jacket and pulls me to my feet, spinning me around to face him. Confusion crosses his face for a fleeting moment, and then he blinks.
“You've made some fucking stupid choices in your short life, but this one has to be the worst. What did you think would happen if you followed me?”
“That you'd listen, and if you saw me, you'd remember who you were!”
He lets go and steps back. “Who I was? Nephilim, Dahlia. Always Nephilim. Stupid, stupid girl. If I don't listen to Ava, why the hell would I listen to you? You're nothing!”
His words knock my feet from under me, and he lets me sink to the ground. Shaking, I peer at him from under my hair, realising for the first time how right he is. My stupidity and tie to Keir is about to cost me my life.
JACK
What if Dahlia dies?
Okay, so I was stupid to let her go, instead of challenging her when told me she was taking a walk. The new Dahlia I came back to isn't the sort of person you want to challenge; she's darker and closed off from people. I've only begun to scratch away this hardness and towards my chocolate-eyed girl; upsetting her is not a good idea.
Never again. If Dahlia comes back alive, I'm never backing down again.
Ava lost her temper with me, smacked me across the head when I put two and two together and told her where I thought Dahlia was. I caught her hand in surprise, amused she'd attack me. I don't know whose temper is worse—hers or Dahlia's. They have more in common than they think, these soul hunters whose emotions run deeper than they’ll admit.
We run through the park, Ava barely keeping up, and I force a slower pace. My preternatural speed is an advant
age, and she's holding me back. This park is big, and we've circled a while with no luck. The park is shrouded in darkness, a place of daytime social activity a no-go area. I don't want to think about the last time I came here at night, hidden in the thickly wooded areas, waiting for my victim. Now we're chasing something a lot worse. After half an hour of running through the pitch black, from one end of the park to the other, we stop beneath a lamppost.
“This soul tie thing, can’t you tell where she is?” asks Ava, breathing heavily.
“No. I'm trying to sense her though.”
“Sense her?”
Sometimes Ava asks stupid questions. “I’m a demon; Dahlia has an angel soul. I can sense her if she’s close.”
“And? Is she close?”
I kick a stray drink can on the ground in front of me. I want to shout, tell Ava if I could sense Dahlia, I wouldn't be standing here, I'd be running to her. My shoulders slump, head banging with fear for her safety.
“So we keep going! I’m sure this must be where is.” Ava reaches out a hand and touches my shoulder. “We’ll find her.”
I voice the unthinkable. “Will Keir kill her?”
Ava's silent response ramps up my fear, and I watch in desperation as she walks towards an area of the park we’ve yet to check out. If Keir touches Dahlia, I'll fucking kill him.
I catch up to Ava and voices reach my ears.
“Wait,” I say.
We're beneath the canopy of a large evergreen tree, branches bending over us, out of view from others.
“What?” asks Ava, sharply.
“Listen.” Definitely voices, and I'm positive one is Dahlia's.
A panicking Dahlia. Shit. I grab Ava's arm.
“Umm. Vampire hearing? Don’t have it. Can you hear them?”
Definitely her. I head in the direction of the voices, treading slowly so I can listen.
“Jack! Wait!”
Someone screams.
“Over there… Fuck!” I hiss.
I can run fast, and when I hear the scream, I’m with Dahlia in seconds. Adjusting my eyes to the shadows beneath the tree, I see her small figure with a taller one standing over. Keir. Without thinking, I slam into him. He stumbles, then turns and lifts his hand. A force smashes me to the ground. Crap. If he's going to use his powers, we've no chance. Dahlia sits and hugs her knees, hair tumbling across her face.