Chapter 12
Liam stepped inside the quilt shop, wondering if he would be able to face his own mother after the disaster he’d just encountered with Lucy. He evened his breath and mentally washed Lucy from his thoughts, hoping it would help him concentrate. His heart raced as he approached his mother and sister, who were looking over the supply list with Steve. He paused before interrupting, noting the mutual admiration between his sister and his best friend.
It made him happy that his sister was interested in Steve. In Liam’s opinion, there was no one he would rather see Lydia with than his friend. Steve was a good man, and would do right by her. But would their mother allow such a thing? He had no doubt that Steve would convert for Lydia, but with all the negative things he’d said over the years, he wondered how eager Steve would be to succumb to the Amish ways.
Liam’s thoughts went back to Lucy. Did he love her enough to go back to being Amish? Did he love his family that much? The answer was a resounding yes, but he feared it was too late.
Steve looked up at him. “Are you going to share that box of goodies, or do you plan on eating them by yourself?”
Liam knew his friend was teasing him, but he suddenly felt uncomfortable. He handed the box of baked goods over to Steve and watched him open it. Did he dare taste the sweet confections made by the hands of the woman he loved? He didn’t think he could enjoy her pastries without feeling guilty, especially after the way he’d just handled himself. He’d acted no better than he had when he was a teenager.
Steve clamped his jaw over a sweet treat after offering the women first pick. He held the box out to Liam but he refused. Liam used the excuse that it was too close to lunch time even though he had no appetite at the moment. He was looking forward to the break from having to be polite to his family most of the morning while they worked. His mother had kept her distance, but he’d felt her gaze upon him several times. Liam didn’t wonder where he’d inherited his stubbornness from. His mother would let him sweat it out until he came to her. It was her way; had been ever since he could remember.
Nellie asked Steve to show her the plans for renovation, leaving Liam standing alone with Lydia.
She swallowed the last bite of her cookie and leered at her twin brother. “Are you ashamed of us?”
The question startled Liam, who had immediately stuck his nose in the supply list, hoping to buy some time while coming up with something to say to his sister.
“No. Why would you ask such a question?”
Lydia brushed stray blond curls back into her kapp. “It seems you want to keep it a secret that you know us—that we are familye.”
Liam looked into his sister’s eyes that burned with anger. “Steve went to school with me. He knows who you are. The rest of my crew doesn’t know my past. Not because I’m ashamed of it, but because I don’t talk about my personal life.”
Lydia poked her brother in the arm. “Why do you think mamm opened this shop? She was selling her quilts fine at the flea market. She didn’t need to take on a project of this stature. She did it hoping to bring you back into our familye. You are bringing shame on her by not acknowledging her.”
Liam grabbed a cookie out of the bakery box and bit into it. It was a guilty pleasure he’d tried to deny himself, but now it was more of a distraction than the treat he’d hoped for.
“I suspected she’d opened the shop with me in mind to do the repairs. But I can’t change who I am now. Too much time has passed. What do you think the Bishop will say if he finds out she’s keeping company with a member of her family who rejected the baptism to become an Englischer? She needs the community and its support, and trying to mend fences with me could weaken that support for her.”
Lydia took a deep breath. “She needs you more than she needs the community. We have not been much of a part of the community since—not since daed’s accident and you left us. I haven’t taken the baptism yet.”
“You haven’t?” Liam was shocked.
“Nee. I didn’t want to and mamm hasn’t forced it on me. I think she’s afraid that if she does I will leave her like you did.”
Liam ran his fingers through his dark blond hair. “I’m sorry for leaving the way I did, but at the time I was an emotional kid and didn’t think it through. By the time I realized it was a mistake, it was too late to turn back.”
Lydia placed her hand on his. “It’s never too late to come home. We miss you.”
Liam pulled his sister into a hug, and fought the tears that formed behind his eyes. “I’ve missed you both so much. But I had a tough time dealing with the accident. It was my fault he died. I should have been there to save him.”
Lydia pulled away from her twin. “It was not your fault. If you’d been there, mamm would more than likely be mourning your death too.”
“Hasn’t she already mourned the loss of her son all this time?” Liam couldn’t hold in the tears any longer. He lowered his head to disguise his pain.
“I suppose she has,” Lydia said quietly.
“I’ve really made a mess of this haven’t I?”
Lydia sniffled. “It doesn’t have to be a mess. You can fix it.”
“I don’t think I know how.”
Lydia looked him firmly in the eye. “You can start by taking responsibility for the wrong you’ve done. We are ready to forgive and forget, but first you have to be repentant of the sins you committed against your familye.”
Liam knew it was the right thing to do, but he didn’t know how to give up being an Englischer.
Chapter 13
Lucy pulled on the front door to the quilt shop, spotting Liam toward the back of the long room. She slammed the door, watching bits of plaster filter down from the holes in the ceiling. She chided herself, knowing how hard Nellie had worked at cleaning the floor near the front of the shop. She’d have to make it up to her later. For now, her target was Liam, who’d stopped in his tracks when she slammed the front door. Now, he watched her approach, fear in his eyes the way an animal looks just before the conclusion of the hunt. She almost enjoyed the fear she saw in his eyes as she approached him, fists on her hips. When she closed the space between them, he flinched.
“Are you going to slap me again?” he asked, holding his arms in front of him defensively.
The grim line of Lucy’s mouth broke when her lips parted to speak. “I should! How dare you come into my bakery after all these years and not say a word to me.”
Liam backed up a step. “I had intended to say a lot of things, but I couldn’t force myself to say them. I figured you’ve moved on with your life and probably have a family of your own and wouldn’t care what I had to say anyway.”
Lucy looked into his blue eyes that used to delight her when she gazed upon them. Now all she saw was a handsome stranger in front of her. She longed for him to pull her into his arms and whisper that everything was going to be alright, but it wasn’t, and she couldn’t allow herself to hope for such a childish whim.
“Just because I’ve moved on with my life doesn’t mean I don’t want to know where you’ve been all these years.”
She wouldn’t tell him she didn’t have a husband or kinner; she wouldn’t let him off the hook that easily. Besides, she didn’t want him knowing the truth. She’d held out hope for his return all these years and had wasted that time wishing for something that would never come to pass.
“There isn’t much to tell,” he admitted with the pain of realization that the last seven years had been devoid of what he’d had with her. He’d taken her for granted, and he’d had to live with that regret all this time.
“There isn’t much to tell?” she asked through gritted teeth. “You’re an Englischer. Look at you. I barely recognize you anymore.”
Liam heard creaking above him as he mindlessly watched bits of plaster dust float to the floor like dry, powdery snow.
“You knew when I left the community I intended to explore the Englisch ways. I may look like an Englischer on the outside, but in
my heart, I will always be Amish.”
It was the first time he’d really thought about it, but he’d meant every word of it. He didn’t feel Englisch at all, despite his physical appearance. His heart would always be with his family—with Lucy. So why had it taken him this long to realize it? He wanted to pull her into his arms and tell her he still loved her, but it was obvious she had a family of her own now.
Lucy took a step toward him. “You can’t have a foot in both worlds. You made a choice when you left the community, and now you will have to live with that choice.”
Liam scoffed at her. “I don’t have a foot in both worlds. And that decision doesn’t have to be set in stone.”
Lucy narrowed her eyes. “You’re right. You are fully Englisch. You made the choice.”
Liam was very aware of her every move. Her skirts wavered from the slight breeze blowing in the building from the open back door. The air around her seemed almost animated as it swirled up the plaster dust that fell from the ceiling. How could he make her understand why he’d stayed away for so long when he didn’t even understand it himself? It was too late. He’d destroyed his relationship with his family and with her.
Liam lifted his hands in surrender. “You’re right. I can’t live in both worlds, but I don’t know how to go back. Too much time has passed already. Our lives have changed. We’re grown up and have separate lives no matter where I stand.”
Lucy studied him for a moment. Was he talking about the two of them or his family?
“You can go home any time you want, but you can’t have it both ways.”
Liam turned his back on Lucy. “I’ve disappointed everyone I care about. I can’t do the same thing to these men that depend on me for a job. It’s too late for me to go home. This is my life now whether I like it or not.”
Lucy spoke softly around the lump forming in her throat. “I imagine your mamm would see it differently than you do.”
Liam whipped around to face her. “What about you, Lucy? How do you see things?”
A single tear rolled down her cheek and she flicked it angrily. “It no longer matters what I think. Too much time has passed for us. But time stood still for your mamm. She’s been waiting for you all this time. It’s her time. She deserves to have her son return to her.”
Lucy gazed upon his handsome face. She couldn’t admit it to him that she herself had waited all these years hoping and praying for his return. The sense of betrayal would not allow her to admit she would always love him. Looking at him now was like looking into her past. He was her past and he needed to remain there for the sake of her heart. If she allowed him into her fragile heart again, it would surely break beyond repair.
Liam reached out to her, but she backed away.
“I’m sorry,” he managed softly.
“Please don’t come into the bakery anymore. It’s best if we don’t see each other anymore.”
The ceiling creaked while fresh clumps of plaster fell all around Liam. Lucy turned and walked toward the open back door. Before she reached the entrance that led out to the alley, she turned to look at Liam once more, determined it would be the last time she laid eyes on him. The truth was it hurt too much to see him, and she needed to get over him once and for all.
Chapter 14
Lucy stood in the doorway of the quilt shop watching helplessly as a large portion of the ceiling collapsed onto Liam. Her feet remained planted in place as though frozen for what seemed like several minutes, when in reality only a few seconds had passed. Rushing to his side, she coughed from the cloud of plaster dust that had camouflaged the severity of the damage.
Tears clutched Lucy’s throat as she tugged at a large board that had connected with Liam’s head, but she couldn’t budge the large section of ceiling under which he was trapped, that she estimated to be about ten feet wide. He groaned from the pain, and Lucy was grateful to hear he still had some life in him, though he lay motionless on the floor in the pile of rubble. She prayed frantically in her mind while brushing white plaster from Liam’s face.
“Liam, please wake up! Open your eyes—please! I didn’t mean the things I said to you…I still love you.” She pleaded with him, but he barely stirred.
Muffled ringing interrupted her immediate thoughts. It was coming from the cell phone in his shirt pocket. She lifted the phone to her ear after pressing the talk button.
“Help,” she said weakly to the person on the other end of the line. “Liam’s been hurt. The ceiling of his mother’s quilt shop collapsed and I’m afraid he’s dying.”
“This is Steve, who am I talking to?”
Lucy remembered Steve as being one of Liam’s employees.
“This is Lucy Graber, I own the bakery next to the quilt shop. Can you help me? I can’t move the piece of plaster board off him. It’s too large.”
“I’ll send an ambulance, and I’ll be there in just a few minutes myself.”
Lucy dropped Liam’s phone on the dirty floor and picked his head up, placing it gently on her lap. She smoothed his dark blond hair and pressed the corner of her apron to the cut in his hairline that the plank of wood had created. She lightly blew the plaster dust from his eyelashes, causing them to flutter.
His lashes fluttered a few more times and his breathing seemed shallow. Lucy whispered a prayer as she continued to stroke his hair lovingly. She’d dreamed of holding him again, and now that she had him close to her, she wished the circumstances could be different. She feared she would never get the chance to tell him she still loved him. Why had she wasted time arguing with him instead of declaring her love for him?
Then another thought occurred to her. Had Lydia and Nellie gone home for the day? She’d already exposed his past to his employee when he called a few minutes before. Liam would surely never forgive her for such an act of betrayal. But how could she blame him when she hadn’t forgiven him for leaving her seven long years ago.
Lucy leaned down and placed a kiss on Liam’s cheek. “I forgive you,” she whispered. “I’ve not stopped loving you. I will follow you into the Englisch world if that’s what it takes to never lose you again. I’m sorry I didn’t follow you when you asked me to when we were eighteen.”
Lucy began to sob. “I could have been your fraa. We would have had a wunderbaar wedding with our familye and friends. We could have had at least four kinner by now. They would all be as beautiful as you. Our girls would have bouncing blond curls and they would sit at your feet as you read the scripture. Our boys would be strong and work hard in the barn with you mucking the stalls and milking the cows. Our dochdern would help me plant in the kitchen garden while you and the boys were plowing the fields for planting season. We would have wunderbaar meals together and I would make your favorite deserts for after. I remember how much you like my baking.”
Liam stirred a little, his facial expression displaying grief. Lucy imagined he was in a lot of pain, and with the weight of the large section of plaster board that still lay across his torso, she worried his breathing would stop altogether.
Lucy hiccupped a staggered breath from crying so hard. “I promise my sweet Liam that I will spend the rest of my days with you if you hang on long enough. Your mamm and Lydia aren’t even here. Please don’t die before you can reunite with them—with me.”
Liam’s eyes fluttered open and closed a few times, and Lucy prayed he could see her. “Shhh,” she soothed him. “Everything is going to be alright. Help is on the way.”
She leaned down and kissed him again, allowing her lips to linger thoughtfully on his cheek.
“I’m so sorry for slapping you all those years ago. I wanted to hold onto you and never let you go, but you were determined to leave me. I felt helpless. I don’t think I stopped crying for at least three months after you left. I kept hoping you would get a taste of the outside world and come back begging me to reconcile. But you never did. After a while, I hardened my heart and refused to let anyone in my heart. I was asked to court many times, but you were alway
s the only one I ever wanted. You are my true love.”
Liam’s eyes fluttered open and remained there about a half slit. “Lucy,” he managed so low, she barely heard him.
Lucy cradled his head closer to her and kissed his forehead. “I’m here, Liam. I love you. I’ve never stopped loving you.”
Out of the corner of her eye, Lucy could see Steve standing in the doorway that led to the alley. Panic traveled through her like a lightning strike as she wondered how long he’d been standing there and how much of her one-sided conversation he’d overheard.
Chapter 15
Steve rushed into the room and knelt down beside his boss and friend. He turned to Lucy and looked at her thoughtfully. “If you help me, I think we can move this piece of plaster board without hurting him. I’m going to lift and try to shove it clear of him. I need you to try to keep him still. When I move this, he may shift and it could cause more damage.”
Lucy nodded as she held tight to his free arm and cradled his head in her lap.
With one swift movement, Steve picked up on the edge of the large section of ceiling and pushed until it was clear of Liam’s body. Liam groaned and tried to move, but Lucy steadied him with her free hand.
Steve knelt down and checked Liam’s pulse.
“His pulse is strong so that’s a good sign. But we probably should try not to move him in case anything is broken. How did he get the gash in his forehead?”
Lucy pointed to the long board she’d moved after the accident. “That hit him in the head. It was still across his head, but I moved it.”
“Is he still bleeding?”
Lucy eased the pressure on his head wound noting that the blood had stopped. She smoothed out her apron not caring that it was stained with blood. In the distance, she could hear the siren from the ambulance drawing near the shop. Relief washed over her when they pulled into the alley and stopped where Lucy could see them.
The Quilter's Son: Book One: Liam's Choice Page 4