I rubbed my sweaty palms down my pants, praying like hell that this was going somewhere good instead of bad.
But it took only a glance out the window before I noticed it.
I tried to speak, but my chest tightened and my words came out breathless. “What the hell happened?”
Not waiting for them to answer, I climbed out of the car and traipsed up the incline into the space between our houses. The closer I got, the more I didn’t want to face it.
Two cables looped around two branches on both sides of Tate’s and my tree and ran into the ground, securing the heavy maple in place. And at the trunk, what looked like some sort of steel brackets cut into the bark on top of and beneath a nearly two-foot slash across the width of the tree. I ran a hand through my hair, stopping mid-stroke as I took in the sight and tried to wrap my head around what could have done this.
“Tate.” I heard Madoc’s raspy voice from behind me.
But I barely heard him. I approached the tree, running my hand down the jagged trunk to the shallow gash, letting my fingers dip into the cut.
And then the bark bit into my skin as I curled my fist.
“She wouldn’t do this.” I swallowed down the trembling in my throat.
This tree was us. She would never do this. She would never try to cut it down!
“After you left, she went cold,” he started, and I felt him approach. “She wouldn’t talk about you. She wouldn’t come home on the weekends . . .” He trailed off, and I wished I didn’t have to hear this.
“I let her have time,” he continued. “I remembered how it felt when I lost Fallon. First loves are the worst pain.”
Except Tate never lost me. I was coming back for her.
“I came home one day the September after you left,” I heard Jax chime in. “And workmen were bringing down the tree.”
No. I closed my eyes.
He continued, “But when they sliced into it, she stopped them. She couldn’t do it.”
“I think she knew you would never have forgiven her,” Madoc added. “And she would never have forgiven herself once she got her head out of her ass.”
I bit the inside of my mouth to stifle my shaky breath. And then I opened my eyes, taking in the damage and almost hating her in that moment.
How could she?
“I understood at first,” Madoc told me. “I was with you the whole way, man. I knew what you needed to do.”
I finally turned around and met his eyes. He and Jax stood back, while Pasha had sat down on the grass with her bag of Sour Punch Bites, playing on her phone.
Madoc continued, “But then she stayed distant—she kept pulling away—and it was like slowly the family was breaking. All of us. She wasn’t Tate without you, and without you both, the rest of us had to struggle to keep things together. To feel normal.”
I dropped my head back, looking up at the bright green leaves fluttering in the early evening breeze. Aside from the gash, the tree looked healthy. It was repairing, thank goodness.
“After a while,” Madoc kept going, “and a lot of persuasion from me, she started to come around. To find her place without you. I think she felt like the fifth wheel all of the time.”
“I couldn’t be there for you and for her, Jared,” Madoc explained. “I don’t want to go into it. It’s Tate’s business, but I had to choose, and I’m not going to apologize for that. She needed me more.”
While I had a damn hard time understanding why he couldn’t be Tate’s and my friend at the same time, I was glad that if he had to choose, he chose her.
Tate had shut me out, she’d kicked me out, and she wouldn’t return texts or calls. But then I realized it wasn’t just me. She must’ve been different for everyone.
“There’s more,” Jax said hesitantly.
I let out an aggravated laugh, shaking my head. What now?
They started walking back from where we came. “Take a look in the front yard,” Madoc called out, gesturing in front of Tate’s house.
I didn’t have to walk far. When I spotted the FOR SALE sign on the other side of the driveway, the ache Madoc’s story had created in my gut turned to full-blown rage in my head.
“What the hell is going on?” I growled, eyeing the tall white wooden pole planted in the grass that hung the FOR SALE sign in full view of anyone who drove by.
Her house is for sale? My eyes shifted from side to side, the flood of thoughts keeping my feet planted to the same spot.
Jax stepped forward. “Tate’s off to Stanford in the fall. Her dad is spending most of his time abroad,” he explained and then approached me. “Last week, he decided to sell, since they’re both home so rarely. He’s buying a house closer to work when he’s in the country.”
“And Tate was okay with that?”
“She had no choice,” Madoc stepped in. “James wouldn’t let her spend her inheritance on buying the house from him. She needs it for medical school.”
I squatted down, running my hand through my hair. I breathed in and out, trying to stay calm, but this shit was flipping my world upside down. Tate’s coldness, the tree, the house . . .
What did I think was going to happen, anyway? That she was going to stay in this house forever? I knew shit was going to change, and I had to accept it. Tate fell away from me, and her life was as it should be. She was moving forward and on track.
But as my lungs filled and emptied, I wished the knots in my gut would hear what my brain was trying to convey.
Tatum Brandt isn’t yours anymore.
But then my fists tightened, and I looked up at her house.
And then at our tree.
And then at my house.
And I couldn’t accept that.
Even after all the good in my life—my business, my career, and how I’d grown—I was satisfied but not really happy.
I still loved her. I’d only ever wanted her.
“Are there any offers on it yet?” I asked, not meeting anyone’s eyes.
“They’ve had two,” I heard Madoc say.
Of course. No one could refuse a Leave It to Beaver house like this. The offers would come fast, and there would be plenty.
“James rejected both, though,” he continued. “He doesn’t seem to be in too big a hurry to sell. That’s why Tate’s staying at my house for a few days. They’re doing some touch-ups inside for new buyers.”
I ran my hand through my hair again, ignoring the fact that Pasha now had her full attention focused on me as she stared wide-eyed, eating her candy. There was only one other time she’d seen me really angry, so she was probably damn well enjoying this show.
I looked up at Tate’s house. Perfect white with some summer green trim. A big, beautiful porch. Her manicured lawn sprawling down an easy little hill. I remember loving the sight of the lights glowing inside on cold winter nights as I pulled into my own driveway.
And my fucking eyes started burning, and I had to look away.
The backyard where we made love the first time. Our bedroom windows facing each other. The tree that connected us.
I bared my teeth, inhaling a sharp breath. I’d thought nothing would change.
“Jared.” Madoc cleared his throat. “We just told you that your girl tried to cut down your tree. The one you tattooed on your back.” His hard voice got louder. “That the house she’s lived in ever since you’ve known her is up for sale.”
“She’s not my girl,” I barked.
“She’s not anyone else’s, either!” Madoc shot back. “Tatum Brandt loves one person. You. She will always love you.” His threatening growl was almost a whisper. “She breathes for you, no matter how much she denies it or tries to hide it.”
I wanted to believe that was true. That buried inside this new, cold Tate was the girl that still held my heart.
Standing up, I slid my hand into my p
ocket, my fingers fisting around the familiar round of clay that held her fingerprint. After all this time, I still needed the little thumbprint fossil she’d made as a kid. I couldn’t live a day without her.
“You should’ve come back for her a long time ago,” Madoc scolded.
“I did,” I growled, lashing out at Madoc. “Six months after I left I came back, and she was with somebody else!”
I inched back, my limp hand releasing the fossil and falling to my side as I looked at his shocked expression.
I nodded breathlessly when he remained speechless. “Yeah, I came back, and it was too fucking late, okay?”
Jax knew, but Madoc and I hadn’t been speaking, and from the looks of it, Jax hadn’t told him.
I could still feel everything as if it was yesterday.
I stand at my old bedroom window, stunned and angry. Frozen and hard.
I vaguely recognize the guy. Gavin something. He was from one of her study groups at Northwestern; I’d met him a year ago. I ball my fists. How long did she wait after I left?
Tate is in her bedroom, her arms wrapped around his neck as he holds her close, slow dancing with her. He kisses her, and my stomach coils into a knot.
His blond hair—matching hers—is cropped short, and she laughs as he hugs her close and swings her around.
Six months. She couldn’t even wait six fucking months.
I’d waited. I hadn’t screwed anybody. Not a damn thing but my hand—a pathetic loser still pining for her and believing she would wait. Holding out hope that I could get her back.
My chest caves, and I zoom in on them, hating that she laughs, hating that he dances with her, and hating that she’s moved on.
I still love her. Nothing has faded for me.
I fall into the window, my hands gripping the frame as I watch him kiss her neck. His hands are all over her, and she’s smiling.
Why is she smiling? She can’t want him.
He falls on the bed, taking her with him. She straddles his waist, and I lunge back, jutting my leg out and kicking the glass, hearing it shatter but not staying to survey the damage.
Let her move on if that’s what she wants.
I will, too, and everything will be done.
Bolting out of the house, I jump in my car and head back to my hotel in Chicago, where my team is racing.
I’ll forget her.
I try to forget her.
But I don’t.
I didn’t know when she started seeing that guy, but I knew one thing. She was back in the game before I was.
“Gavin,” Madoc remembered. “She tried to move on after you left. They dated for a couple of months, but then she broke things off.” He looked me dead in the eyes, but I didn’t want details.
“I don’t care,” I maintained. I didn’t want his name or the name of anyone else she’d been seeing.
But Madoc pushed on. “She’s been single for over a year, Jared,” he pointed out. “She wasn’t over you, so she cut things off with him when she realized she’d tried to jump back in too fast. It took her a long time to heal, but she needed to try to move on with her life.” He looked at Jax and then back at me. “She only recently started dating someone again,” he said quietly.
I cast an angry glance at him but kept my voice low.
“Who?”
“She started seeing Ben Jamison over spring break.”
Jesus. Ben Jamison?
“As far as I know, though,” Madoc continued, “they’re taking it slow. It’s not serious yet.”
I noticed Pasha staring, unblinking, at the spectacle before her.
“What are you staring at?” I growled.
She popped a gummy candy in her mouth. “This is better than TV.”
I crossed my arms over my chest, forcing my breathing to calm down as I dipped my head. “If she wants him,” I told Madoc and Jax in a calm tone, “then let her be with him.”
Madoc let out a bitter laugh. “Take off your pants.”
I popped my head up. “Why?”
“Because I want to see what a man with a pussy looks like.”
Mother . . . I moved right into Madoc’s space, standing chest to chest and glaring down at him.
He fell back a step but stood strong, looking like he wanted to drive a hole through my head with his eyes.
Jax cut between us, pushing me back as I held Madoc’s stare.
“Pasha?” Jax stood in front of me, arms crossed over his chest and looking into my eyes as he spoke to my assistant. “Does my brother drive with a charm hanging on his rearview mirror?” he asked. “It has a thumbprint on it.”
I dropped my glare to Jax.
“Yeah,” she answered. “And it’s around his neck when he’s on his bike.”
Jax continued, his smug smirk pissing me off. “Does he avoid blondes like a preacher in a pink shirt?”
I swallowed, hearing Pasha’s snort. “Can’t stand ’em, actually,” she answered.
Jax continued, holding my eyes, “Does he have an almost unhealthy obsession with Seether? Specifically, the songs ‘Remedy’ and ‘Broken’?”
“I’m to make sure they’re on every playlist,” she shot back, repeating my directions to her.
Goddamn it.
Jax dipped his chin, eyeing me defiantly. “Now, we can spend weeks going back and forth. You want her. You hate her. You can’t live without her one day. You can’t stand her the next. And we’ll all be ready to strangle ourselves as you two go back and forth, but let me ask you this.” He raised his eyebrows expectantly. “What would you do if Tate was in her room right now, curled up in bed and wearing only a sheet? Where would you want to be?”
My face fell, but my body flooded with heat at the idea of her warm body curled up between the sheets.
He inhaled a deep breath, knowing he had my number. “We want everything the way it was,” he said firmly. “And so do you.”
I shook my head and turned around, away from their eyes.
Yeah, I was still attached to her. So what?
I was happy with my life.
Pretty happy, anyway.
I was the man I had set out to be for her when I left. With a job I loved, I was able to invest in my future and start my own business. The freedom to make decisions—to spend my days doing work I loved—gave me not only security but peace as well. I had the kids at the track, the work at the shop, and the time and resources to explore my ideas and passion. I was proud of how I spent my days and of the man I’d become.
But my brother was right.
She was and would always be the last image in my head when I fell asleep at night.
I turned around and dug my cell out of my pocket, deciding that he was right. No more fucking around.
“Call my accountant.” I tossed the phone to Pasha. “Buy the house.”
“Jared!” She scrambled off the grass, shock flaring in her eyes. “This house is going to cost everything you have!”
I did no more than raise an eyebrow at her. She held up her hands and looked away, shaking her head. She was pissed off, but she knew the argument was over.
I knew why she was worried, and she had every right to be. She’d put in a lot of work building me, my name, and my business up, and even though it wasn’t her money, she cared about my security. I really liked her for that.
I ignored the slight grins Madoc and Jax flashed to each other and started back toward the car, calling over my shoulder. “And call the guys,” I shouted to Pasha. “I want my car here.”
Tate was right. The game had changed.
She had no idea.
Chapter 5
Tate
I slink through a glob of people, carrying my red Solo cup into the kitchen to refill.
Madoc’s house is a mess.
F
allon is having fun—alternating between picking up used cups and chatting with our friends, while her husband is downstairs with Jax, playing pool with some guys. Juliet and I mingle around the party, which is overrun with guests.
Everyone had come home for the weekend, and I’d brought Gavin, as well, trying to get my father used to a new guy in my life.
“Hey,” he whispers in my ear, coming up from behind. “I’m thinking it’s time to get out of here.”
I smile, taking Gavin’s hand off my stomach and spinning around.
“I don’t know if we can,” I state. “We’ve both been drinking.”
Keeping hold of his hand, I lead him to the counter, hearing “This Is the Time” by Nothing More traveling up through the open basement door.
“Madoc will let us use a room. We can just crash here tonight.”
My heartbeat throbs in my ears, but I don’t say anything. Use a room?
Gavin and I have been seeing each other for about two months, and there is no doubt that we get along. We are both pre-med, in the same academic fraternity, and he gets along with Madoc, although they’re not close.
Jax, on the other hand, will still have nothing to do with him.
My father has also had trouble warming to him, and I know why. His relationship with Jared is close, and it’s hard to move on. I understand that.
But I’m trying to move forward. Gavin is fun and smart, and when I’m with him, I don’t think about Jared.
It’s the only time I don’t think about him.
I’m trying to find some semblance of happiness again, but instead of getting easier, it’s getting harder.
Every day it’s more and more apparent that I don’t love him, and it’s bothering me.
Lots of people have sex without love, but I’ve realized one thing. It’s different. It’s not as good.
“I’m sure we could find a room to sleep,” I say quietly, giving him a small smile.
He looks at me. “Don’t you have a room here?” he asks. “I thought I heard Madoc mention it once.”
I stall, trying to figure out how to answer as I dump out my drink and fill my cup with water.
“I do.” I nod. “But—”
Then I jerk, seeing some guys crash into the kitchen, coming from downstairs and yelling as they filter down the hallway.
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