Where the Devil Says Goodnight

by K. A. Merikan

  His palms throbbed with pain, but a growing sense of confusion flooded his senses when he opened his eyes, tasting apples.

  He was naked.

  He wasn’t in bed.

  He wasn’t even inside a house, and for precious seconds, he stared at the pale drops of dew on the lush green carpet beneath him, unable to explain what happened. Confusion turned to terror when he raised his head and glanced at his hands, which rested on the cool, uneven surface of a large rock.

  Its porous structure was streaked with what Adam thought to be red paint at first, but when he realized the liquid was still soaking into the stone, his breath sped up, and he turned his hands without thinking.

  Icy from being held against something so cold, they hardly felt like his own, but by the time he saw twin gashes running across his palms and the crust of dried blood, his heart dashed into gallop, as if it were trying to run from this place as fast as possible.

  Adam’s breath wheezed when recognition stepped in. Fighting for air, he looked up, all the way to the top of the cliff above the Devil’s Rock he and Emil had stumbled upon on Kupala Night. The sky was a dusky gray, already touched by sunlight yet still drained of color.

  With a sense of deja vu, he saw shadowy figures around him, candles, and an empty basket on the unnaturally smooth upper surface of the boulder. The tree crowns high above spun like a carousel, and he had no recollection of getting here, nor would he be able to find his way back to the parsonage.

  The answer was so obvious, yet he didn’t want to accept it.

  He’d been possessed again. Only this time he had no idea what horrible, outrageous, or immoral things he’d done while under the demon’s influence.

  He screamed out when soft wool touched his arm, but when he spun his head, ready to fight, he was baffled rather than terrified.

  Filip Koterski, the forest ranger, covered Adam’s naked body with a thick blanket. “It’s okay, you’re safe,” he said.

  “H-huh?” Adam uttered, so thoroughly shaken he couldn’t make himself get up, though panic was sinking its claws into him already.

  Had the devil made him sleep with Koterski and didn’t even leave him with a recollection of it?

  “How did I get here?” he asked, wrapping himself in the blanket nevertheless. His feet were ice cold, and all he wanted was to sneak into Emil’s warm bed… but that would never happen, because there was one thing he could recall about last night for certain—Emil’s home had burnt down.

  The ranger smiled as if finding Adam naked in the woods with his hands cut was nothing out of the ordinary. “You returned.”

  Adam uttered a sharp laugh. And wrapped himself with the blanket even more tightly. His gaze drifted to his own blood on the rock, and he stood as the birches around him sang a soft tune. “So you saw me sleepwalking? I know one shouldn’t wake people up in that kind of situation, but you took that quite far…”

  Koterski’s face revealed nothing, but his eyes shone with fascination and glee that sent unpleasant shivers down Adam’s back. “I’m sorry. You looked very much at peace. I only saw you when you entered this area and followed, because it was unusual.”

  “So you assumed I make a habit of walking around naked?” Adam tried to make it sound like a joke, but his heart thudded like crazy when he noticed the content expression on Koterski’s face. The black hole in his memory had him terrified.

  “I guess I was curious.” Koterski shrugged. “But you’re the one who cut your hands and marked the Devil’s Rock. What should I make of that, Father?”

  Adam’s knees weakened, and he looked back at Koterski, who turned from a parishioner like any other into a snake that could sink its venomous fangs into his flesh at any moment. “I can’t recall any of that. I sleepwalked, remember?”

  The rapid thud of hooves sent Adam’s senses into panic, and he stepped closer to the altar, spinning around just in time to see Emil walking into the grove through the very same passage they’d used four months ago. Ghostly pale, dressed in the pajama pants Father Marek had given him last night and an open jacket, he stared at the two of them with his mouth open.

  “What’s going on? Adam? Are you okay?”

  Adam’s entire body itched to step away from Koterski and closer to Emil, but even in his confused state, he knew it might suggest the nature of their relationship, so he stayed put, wrapped tightly in the woolen cocoon. “I don’t know,” he said, following Emil’s gaze to the blood stains on the rock. They were shaped like his hands.

  Emil stalled for only half a second before charging at Koterski like the wild north wind. He knocked the ranger to the ground with a hard punch before Koterski could have covered his face.

  “What did you do to him?” Emil yelled, and tried to pin Koterski down, but this time his opponent was ready and grappled with Emil, snarling like a rabid dog.

  “I found him! Gave him a blanket! What the fuck is wrong with you?”

  Adam snapped out of his stupor and grabbed Emil’s arm so hastily the blanket almost fell off his shoulders. “It’s true. I must have sleepwalked.”

  Emil’s nostrils flared, and his green gaze darted between Adam and the forest ranger. “And why would he be walking around the forest at night with a blanket? One so nice at that,” he said, indicating the fine weave of the thing. “Jinx broke out of Mr. Giza’s stable and stormed to the parsonage as if he were having flashbacks of the fire. I saw that you weren’t there, but he was so agitated that I mounted him. And he brought me here.”

  Koterski rolled his eyes and shoved at Emil’s chest. “The only reason I won’t be punching you back is that you’ve had enough for one day. Are you drunk? I get it, must be a tough time for you.”

  Emil sat back in the wet grass with a helpless expression that had everything inside Adam longing for him.

  “Thank you for the blanket. Emil will take me back the parsonage,” he told Koterski and wanted to grab Emil, only to realize his fingers were caked with blood as if he’d murdered a pig with his bare hands.

  Koterski stepped back. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, he’s sure!” Emil rose to his feet with a snarl. “Stay away from him.”

  Despite the situation being so dire, so strange, Koterski smiled. “Of course. I wouldn’t want to spoil your reunion.”

  Adam’s insides twisted, and he made himself laugh despite fright clawing its way into his chest. Did Koterski know about him and Emil? Was that a threat? “Very funny.”

  Emil didn’t want to deny the accusations and clenched his fists. “Let’s go.”

  As soon as Koterski backed into the dusky woods like a demon that had come to taunt them, Adam followed Emil out of the grove, to where Jinx waited for them, huffing with impatience. Emil was concerned about Adam’s bare feet, but even though it made no sense, Adam was so hot on the inside he didn’t want to borrow Emil’s boots or mount the horse. In fact, riding the huge stallion while naked was the last thing he’d have been comfortable with, and the cool touch of damp leaves eased the heat inside him at least.

  But as they walked back to the same path that had brought them to the Devil’s Rock on Kupala Night, fear wouldn’t stop stalking Adam, a constant reminder of the cuts on his hands.

  “Do you think he’s back?” he eventually choked out, curling his hands to his chest under the blanket.

  Emil swallowed. “You won’t like to hear this, but I think he’s never left.”

  Adam stopped, his toes digging into the carpet of fallen leaves. The soft rustle of the trees above gained a low undertone, as if something deep in the woods had just blown a horn. “What do you mean?”

  Emil pulled him into a hug, as if the argument they’d had last night was long forgotten. He’d lost so much, yet he still had enough strength left in him to offer Adam support.

  “I mean exactly that. You haven’t been exorcized. Whatever was inside of you that night is still there, and for some reason, it wanted to come out tonight.”

  As soon as Adam
heard that, the strange heat inside him flared, an indication of the presence that shouldn’t be there. “I should have told Father Marek,” he whispered, meeting Emil’s gaze. This past summer had been the happiest in his life, and to think that the disturbing presence had lived inside him all along—watching and feeling all he had—felt like an assault on his intimacy. He could practically sense the beast’s claw marks on his back.

  Emil kissed his temple. “Is Father Marek really someone who’d understand this?”

  Adam leaned into the caress, climbing to his toes when Emil’s arms slotted around him, enclosing him in a cocoon that promised absolute safety. Maybe it was naive, maybe the demon wanted him to believe it, but as they stood in the quiet forest, before the sun was even all the way up, he felt invincible. “I guess not. But I have to do something,” he whispered, rolling his forehead against the firm chest.

  With his mouth dry, Adam shifted closer and took hold of Emil’s forearm, briefly distracted by the hair tickling his palm. “We should go. Board the bus and just go.”

  Emil cocked his head. “Huh? It’s Forefathers’ Eve tonight. And tomorrow’s All Saints’ Day. There won’t be any busses, and my motorcycle—.” He gave a low exhale, but what had happened to everything Emil owned didn’t need to be said out loud.

  “Then let’s borrow Father Marek’s car and have him pick it up later.”

  Emil took hold of Adam’s hands. “I understand you’re freaked out, but I’ll keep an eye on you. If you feel the same in two days, we’ll arrange something, okay?”

  Adam’s chest clamped down around his heart, and he massaged his breastbone, struggling to keep a clear head.

  It was getting brighter now, and the first birds called out somewhere in the distance, greeting the approaching day. Adam didn’t want to go back to reality yet, stuck between the misery of truth and the need to forget about the being that found enjoyment in wrecking his life.

  The air smelled of falling leaves. And of Emil. Their summer was almost over.

  Maybe he really was being too hasty? Two days shouldn’t change anything.

  His gaze settled on Emil again, and it was as if his body remembered the closeness they’d shared on the night when the demon had first struck, reacting with goosebumps and a tingle at the base of his spine.

  “Maybe we should do what we did last time? To get it under control?” Adam said, trying not to choke on words too much, but it was near impossible when the perspective of parting from Emil forever was almost upon him. Because once they were out of Dybukowo, there would be no more playing house. He’d be back to living at a large parsonage, every day wondering if Emil wasn’t growing tired of the secrecy of their relationship. The pain of it struck Adam like an arrow and pierced his chest, making him bleed life itself.

  For a while, Emil stared at him in silence. “As in have sex? Just last night, you refused. You don’t want to have sex with me, but now you’re asking for it, because you think it will appease the demon inside you? I’d do it for you, because… I’d do anything for you, but I don’t like what you’re saying one bit.”

  Adam studied the somber expression on Emil’s beautiful face, his strong brows, which had lowered in displeasure because of him. Emil was only partially correct. Adam had avoided doing more than kissing and touching, because of the way it ended last time. But there was also an illogical, sinister voice at the back of his mind that told him what they did was somehow less sinful than penetration. It made no sense from a theological standpoint, but he kept tricking himself into thinking that way, otherwise he couldn’t share anything with Emil.

  Did it even matter anymore?

  “You think I don’t want you?”

  Emil gave a deep sigh. “You’ve made that pretty clear last night. Are you sure you’re not cold?” he asked, moving his gaze to Adam’s chest, his lips pressing together

  Adam swallowed hard, bracing himself as if he were about to crash through a glass wall, and met Emil’s gaze. “I do want you. Since we met, I hardly ever think about anything else but you. I’m afraid of what might happen, but maybe having those boundaries made it also easier to excuse what I’m doing.”

  Emil wrapped his arms around Adam’s shoulders. “What do you want to do, then? I’d hate for our sex to be something you do against yourself. I want you but not like this. Not for the wrong reasons.”

  “There are no wrong reasons.” Adam said, already longing for a kiss to take away his fears. “I’m afraid of taking that step because I don’t know what’s going on with me, but I want to have you inside me, whether it chases the devil away or not. I always wanted it,” he said, at once knowing just how true it was.

  Emil delved in for a kiss quicker than Adam could have anticipated, but everything inside of him lit up with liquid fire as soon as their lips met. Nothing had ever felt so right. He was naked in a forest, with his hands cut, wearing only a blanket, yet fear had no place in his heart. Not in a moment so perfect. When Emil was by his side, kissing him like this, sliding his cool fingers against Adam’s burning skin, even the dirtiest of deeds were pure.

  Adam let go of the blanket, and allowed it to drop into the leaves. He buried his face in his lover’s neck, and pushed against the firm body, which felt more inviting than a warm hearth on a winter night. Emil’s skin was the softest, most pleasant surface Adam had ever touched, and in a moment of madness he wished he could wear it as his coat.

  “Show me how it’s done,” Adam whispered, hugging Emil more tightly as embarrassment curled in his stomach.

  “H-here? You sure? You’re burning up.” But his hands already roamed over Adam’s back even as he looked around in search of villagers who might have strayed from the path to forage for mushrooms. But he didn’t stop, and Adam hoped he never would.

  Adam had needed months to make up his mind about this, but now that he said yes out loud, he couldn’t have been more certain of his choice. It was as if he’d suddenly gotten tunnel vision, and Emil’s naked body over his was Adam’s only goal.

  “Maybe it’s the demon, maybe he tainted me but I don’t care. Please. I just want you. Now,” Adam whispered, climbing to his toes to grind his cock against Emil’s. Heat burned at the base of his spine, sending hot streams to his limbs, cock, to his head, until he could barely think.

  Emil nodded and bent down to spread the blanket over the cool undergrowth. The thick wool lining was a godsend when they sat on it. “You’re not ‘tainted’. You’re perfect.” His kiss made Adam let out a soft moan he couldn’t hold in.

  Sinking into the soft plush that created a barrier between his bare skin and the ground, he reached for Emil and pulled him down too, meeting eyes almost as green as the leaves in the hidden gorge. The demon’s presence was a constant thought at the back of his mind, but he wanted to forget it. He wanted to escape its horror and open up to the best thing that ever happened to him.

  “You know I’m not perfect. But you’re here for me anyway.”

  When Emil rested his weight on top of him, between his legs, there was no fear left in Adam. As if it had been teased out of him with leeches and left behind on the Devil’s Rock. This man always thought about Adam first. He’d just lost his home, he’d suffered a bitter rejection, but he still came when Adam needed him most, to save him from Koterski, from the demon, maybe even from Adam himself.

  They kissed again. And again. Emil’s tongue gained pace by the second, its penetration becoming more intense as he grinded against Adam, who pushed his hands under Emil’s top and squeezed his pecs before giving the pierced nipple some attention with gentle rubs. Soon, they would become one, and Adam couldn’t wait to gorge on all of Emil’s delicious flesh.

  It was only then that he remembered the hand-shaped scars on Emil’s back and choked on air, briefly fleeing the kiss. “And the burns? What if that happens again?” he asked despite everything inside him wanting another taste of the delicious mouth.

  Emil licked his lips, so close Adam wished they could mel
t together. “I don’t even care anymore. I need to be close to you. It’s like an infection eating up my brain. If I get burned again, it would have been worth it.”

  The way his gaze pinned Adam to the blanket spoke of such raw honesty Emil could tell him pigs flew and Adam would have believed him.

  Scents of nature mixed with the herby aroma of Emil’s skin. Adam could see it clearly now. One day, he’d want to top Emil too, but today, he craved to be a vessel for his man’s passion, to hide under him and give up all pretense of control.

  He wanted to feel all of Emil’s lust unleashed on him. Not because of tricks, not with fake bravado. He wanted it right here, in the ancient forest where they belonged.

  He pushed apart the folds of the jacket and rubbed Emil’s chest, which broke out in goosebumps as soon as the icy air perked up his dark nipples. They were like two ripe raspberries Adam wanted to taste, and he leaned in, nipping and pulling at the pierced one as Emil stirred above him with a gasp.

  “You want me to get pneumonia and die?” Emil chuckled and lowered his kisses to Adam’s neck. Gentle at first, they turned into bites as Emil kneaded Adam’s sides.

  The sky above lit up with brilliant shades of violet and orange, and as Emil gasped into Adam’s ear, his long locks teasing Adam’s skin as if they had a mind of their own, the forest sparked with magic that had nothing to do with the dark presence that had first brought the two of them together.

  Soft light revealed Emil’s beauty to the world with all its imperfections. The scar on his eyebrow, the little hump on his nose, were all parts of the one man Adam needed more than anything or anyone in the world. The man who offered him more piece the Lord ever had. And in this moment in time, he wasn’t afraid of the blasphemy passing through his mind.

  Sin was an empty concept when his body sang in tune with nature.

  He lost his fear.

  “I will keep you warm. You’re welcome inside me,” Adam whispered, rubbing his cheek against Emil’s in an endless moment of pure excitement that had his legs trembling as they settled around Emil’s hips.