by J.R. Bowles
CHAPTER 50
“Jamal would you quit pacing.” Mindy complained from the sofa. “We've sat in this room all day waiting for Azid to call. I'm getting bored. Can't we go out and get a little exercise. The hotel will take a message if anybody calls.”
“Okay Baby, I guess you're right.”
Jamal had called his place but none of his people had heard from Azid. Jamal told them to put the word out on the street and whenever they found out anything to call him. He was worried. This wasn't like Azid. He knew something was wrong, he could feel it but he didn't know what.
“I'm going to slip into a jumper. I'll just be a minute.”
Mindy changed and sat down on the edge of the bed too and slipped into a pair of leather pumps.
“Damn.” She yelled as she jerked her right shoe off.
“What's the matter?”
“That damn kitten shit in my shoe.”
Jamal laughed for the first time today. “What did you expect? You didn't provide it with a box.”
“Oh, I know. I was hoping it would use the papers I put down.” She said as she hobbled to the bathroom on her toes with shoe in hand, so as not to smear it worse.
Jamal was still grinning when she returned.
Mindy leaned down to scratch the kitten's chin. “I'm not mad little baby. I'll bring you a treat back.”
As they left the hotel Mindy lit a Camel and inhaled a couple of times. Jamal walked on the curb side still worrying about Azid.
They approached a little white girl pushing a baby carriage. Jamal figured she must be pushing her sister. The baby was about five months old, her bare legs kicking, arms waiving, all dressed in a pink shirt. The white plastic pants stuck out as the baby's bare legs kicked. What drew his attention was the fact the children's mother was several feet behind them arguing with another woman about which store they would go to next.
As they walked past the baby, out of the corner of his eye, Jamal saw Mindy flick her lit cigarette into the carriage. He started to stop and come to the baby's rescue before it was burned, then quickly decided against that action for fear he would be blamed. Even in all of his hate for the whites he had never thought about harming children. He kept walking beside Mindy. As they passed the two arguing women he heard the baby scream out in pain. A sound that pierced his nerve endings.
They kept walking as the mother scrambled to her baby's call. Jamal wanted to look back to see if everything was all right. He kept watching Mindy as her face remained stoic. Only a faint smile touched the corners of her lips.
Jamal started to stop her there in the street and confront her with what he had seen. Maybe it had been an accident, he told himself.
He shook his head and thought, “No, she did it deliberately. She seems so sweet, so gentle with the kitten. How could she be such a fucking bitch?”
This was not the place, he decided. Perhaps over their dinner.
They walked on quietly until Mindy chose where she wanted to eat. Jamal never argued over her choice, it didn't matter to him, besides she was the one that always paid.
After they ordered Jamal decided to question her but he wasn't sure exactly how.
“Mindy, I've got something to ask you and I want you to be honest with me.”
Mindy looked at him with her soft brown eyes shining. “Uh-oh,” she thought. “He must have seen what I did.”
“Jamal,” she said softly, “there's no reason why I shouldn't be honest with you.”
“I'm not judging you. I just want to know why? I saw you flip your cigarette into that carriage.” He stopped anticipating her denial.
She nodded her head and said without a trace of remorse. “I didn't realize you saw it. It's wasn't like I could help it, I mean I could have, but I just hate the whites so much, I want to hurt them.”
“But a baby?”
“That baby will grow up.” She stated defiantly. “Jamal you of all people understand how I feel. Look at what they have done to your people. Well they enslaved yours but they took every hing away from us and put us on reservations. Reservations! It's the same damn thing as putting you into prison.”
Jamal shrugged. “I understand and if you had asked me a week ago to help you I would have but after this past week I just don't feel the same hatred. It's not gone I just don't feel the vengeance I did.”
“You're a fool Jamal. This man John, that all of you seem to be drawn to, is no different than any of the other whites. Even if he's not consciously using you, he's doing it unconsciously. I understand a lot more of what's going on than you realize.” She decided it was time to lay some of her cards on the table, she would need Jamal to take John's power. She had to convince him that John was the enemy. All whites were enemies.
“He's nothing without the rest of you. Don't you realize that? What is he, some kind of god or something?” She shook her head vehemently. “I don't think so and down deep I don't think you believe that either. Who the hell said god was white?”
Jamal noticed that her eyes seemed to blaze. He had been a center and he had an understanding now of something that he had never understood before. He knew that he wouldn't be able to explain it to her. If someone had tried to explain to him, what he now knew, he would have denied it. As he looked at her he realized that he had fallen in love with her. More than sex, more than friends, it was a spiritual love, something he couldn't understand. He would just have to watch over her and protect her from herself.
“Mindy, I know how you feel. I understand it. I truly do and I want you to understand that you can depend on me. No matter what happens, I will be there with you.”
She smiled broadly. “Thank you Jamal, I knew I could depend on you.”
As they spoke with each other, neither one understood the depth of the conversation. Each one believing the other one's comprehension of their situation was far less than the actual fact.
When they returned to the hotel Jamal had a message to call his place.
Jamal hung the phone up after finishing his conversation.
He turned to Mindy, “They found Azid. Dead!”
He went to the bathroom and closed the door. Collapsing on the floor he cried silently, his tears flowing freely. His pride dictated his privacy.