by J.R. Bowles
CHAPTER 54
“Gives me the creeps.” Zolar said staring at the wall.
“Me too.” John walked around the pit shining his light for any other drawings. His light fell on two stone chairs on the other side of the pit.
“Looks like those are meant for us?” John gestured causing the light to bob.
“Who's, is who's? I mean who sits where?” Zolar asked.
“Just take one. I guess if it's wrong we'll find out. “
”Good logic.” Zolar shrugged and sat down. He leaned back, laying his Maglite on the corner of the chairs arm. Sweat trickled down his neck in spite of the coolness of the room.
John walked over to the edge of the pit, shined his light down. “Wonder what's down there?”
“Hell, probably.” Zolar joked, but it didn't sound humorous, even to him.
“The light doesn't hit bottom.”
“Toss in a stone.”
John looked around, picked up a granite fragment about a third the size of his hand and dropped it. They held their breath listening for it to hit bottom.
After several seconds John turned to Zolar. “Did you hear it hit?”
“No.”
“Me neither.” John walked over and sat in the other chair. Leaning back his head, he closed his eyes.
They spent several minutes in near dead silence, thinking to their self, and listening only to the sound of their breathing.
“I wonder what the rest of the gangs doing?” Zolar's voice vibrated through the room.
“Partying, probably. What time is it?”
Shining his light at his watch Zolar said, “Almost eleven.”
John grunted a moan.
“Well John, what do you think about all of this?”
“I don't know. I just don't know. The past week has been totally insane. If you guys weren't experiencing these things too, I think I would have had myself committed.”
“I know what you mean.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure, anything.” Zolar looked at him.
“The things we've seen—these visions, or whatever they are—what did they appear to be to you?”
“Well, my best guess is they're the beginning of the universe. The creation of everything.” He looked to John for confirmation and added, “Is that what you think?”
“Yeah, I guess that's what they were,” John nodded.
“At least that's my impression now but I just didn't want to voice it. You're a physicist, this creation thing, must be right up your alley?”
“Not exactly. I'm in a different line but we studied some of it. You must have too in school. Creation is usually taught in biology, evolution, and physics. They touch on it in just about every science class.”
“I had it but it’s still pretty vague. If I remember correctly aren't there two theories?” John asked.
“Two scientific theories that are recognized as having possible merit. The Big Bang and the Steady State.”
“Sounds familiar, I just can't remember the what-fors. Would you refresh my memory?” John stuck his hands behind his neck as a cushion.
“You want it brief? Or in detail?”
“How about somewhere in between.”
“Let me see.” Zolar inhaled and paused. “The Big Bang is the one where a primal mass of matter was the only thing that existed, and it exploded. The primal mass, itself, has two theories. One is that the amount of all existing matter is finite; and the other is that an infinite amount of matter exists. If the mass is finite, then at some point in the expansion of the universe, the matter will start to contract. The other, of course, is that the matter will continue on into infinity; either renewing itself or it will eventually dissipate.”
“How about the Steady State?” John asked.
“It's a more recent theory. The Big Bang Theory was proposed in the 1930's and the Steady State in the late 40's. The Steady State says the universe is infinite in time and space. No beginning—no end. That as it disappears from our view at the edge of what we can observe it renews what is lost. I kind of think they're trying to say that the universe is round like a ball. All you see is the horizon but over the horizon is more.” Zolar stretched to pop his spine.
“The feeling I've been getting is we experienced the Big Bang.” John said.
“Yeah, me too, but with a religious slant to it. Or was that just my impression.” Zolar eyed him cautiously and continued. “I keep getting these feelings that Jackie, and the others, that after their centers were opened they experienced something else—something they're not talking about. Bernie just kept saying that when my key was used I'd understand. How about you? Any great revelations?”
John shook his head. “Just visions—incredible visions; except what we experience with Bernie wasn't too incredible nor a vision. It was real, or seemed real and then the healing of Jamal—then Azid. You said it was more than just physics but religious too, what do you mean?”
“Sort of a planned creation―an intelligent design. It's confusing, like so many meanings and causes for every action that we've seen.” Zolar paused trying to sort out what he wanted to say. “Did you grow up in some form of traditional Judeo-Christian teachings?”
“Methodist.”
“Good, it'll make it easier to explain. I had to study just about every religion there is. So, let me see if I can connect it with Christianity. Take the explosion of the primal mass―it was like God and Satan; you know the Judeo-Christian thing about kicking Satan out of heaven.
John shrugged, but nodded.
“More than that. It was, like I was saying, everything has more than just one meaning for what happened. I can't help but compare it to God kicking Satan out because Satan wanted to take over heaven. Satan was greedy, and through his own desire drew other angels to him. Well, in the Big Bang, the theory is that for some reason an imbalance occurred and caused the explosion. A sub-atomic particle drew other particles and caused the end of the status quo. A great war in heaven, so to speak.
“Like in the Bible where it says, 'in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was God, and the Word was with God.' Kind of confusing. It sounds like three beings or entities. You've got the Word, and then you've got the Word that was God, and then you got the Word that was with God. See what I mean, confusing. But doesn't it sound like three of them?”
“When you put it like that—it does.” John answered.
Zolar eyed the confusion on John's face but continued. “Just like the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost are called the Trinity. There is a lot of diverse beliefs on whether they are one or three. If you break it down it would be: 'In the beginning was the Word'―the Father is the beginning; the Father was the Word. Then you have 'and the Word was God—Jesus said he was the Son of God and the Word. Then you have the Holy Spirit, which came to mankind after Jesus died the last part is 'the Word with God.' The Word was not only the Father, but also the Son and then it became more; it was now with God.”
“Confusing?” John said shaking his head.
Zolar sighed in agreement. “Now, in the Big Bang, the theory is that before the explosion there existed only protons, neutrons and electrons—i.e., the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.”
“Yeah but where does the devil fall into all of that? John asked.
“How about this, what if everything in the primal mass, the whole glob, was God. Within the mass, there again the whole mass is God, but inside the whole thing there are the others—neutrons, protons, and electrons. Sort of like our little entity, Becky, alias, Kumara. She said she was neutral. There you got Good and Evil, Good being the proton, or positive charge. Evil being the electron, or negative charge. And the neutron of course was neutral. Well, what if an electron, the negative, you know the devil, well, what if the negative somehow attracted a neutron to it. Like Satan lured the angels to rebel. Then suddenly the whole thing is no lo
nger status quo, everything's off-balance, and boom! The whole damn thing falls apart.”
“Pretty far-fetched,” John said.
“Okay, look at it like this. Just keep that in mind and I'll take it further. After the explosion of the Big Bang, within the first five minutes of the beginning of the universe, things started to cool down. The theory is that the rest of the universe was formed by neutron capture―that's according to the theory—but within the first few minutes it cooled down enough to permit interactions between neutrons and protons, to form deuterium.”
“What's deuterium?” John asked, as he watched Zolar. Zolar was becoming physically animated, his hands gesturing freely as he spoke, his eyes wide and alert with a distant stare that made John feel Zolar was seeing these things in his mind as he told them.
“It's a hydrogen isotope twice the mass of ordinary hydrogen. It's heavy hydrogen. It's the same as hydrogen but bigger.”
“I don't see where you're going with this,” John said.
“Okay, it's like this, there was a war in heaven, and Satan was thrown out. God, being a very wrathful God, at that point, tossed Satan out but in doing that he created one of his own first laws. The law that states; for every action there is an equal opposite reaction. In tossing Satan out He also tossed himself out.”
Zolar stood up and began pacing, clasping his hands behind his back. “Don't you see, God had literally condemned himself to hell when he condemned Satan.”
John's mouth gaped open in disbelief. He started to protest but Zolar didn't give him a chance. “The void was hell, and he was literally falling apart. That's where the Christian's Jesus analogy comes into play. Remember we said God was the whole thing, everything that existed, the Word was God, Right?”
John nodded his head watching Zolar as he became more animated.
“What is a word?” Zolar stopped in front of John and pointed his finger at him.
“Uh,” John began wondering what Zolar wanted him to say. Zolar being a scientist must want the basic meaning. “It's a speech sound that symbolized the meaning of something.”
“Right!” Zolar smiled in agreement. “And what is a sound?”
“A vibration of atoms?” John said unsure if that was the answer.
“Right, again. Now, what if we substitute the word vibration for the word, Word in our Biblical creation sentence? In the begin was the Vibration, and the Vibration was God, and the Vibration was with God.”
“How does that relate to Christ?” John asked.
“I'll get there.” Zolar waived his hands. “But first, what is an explosion?”
John nodded slowly as he began to understand where Zolar was headed.
Before John answered Zolar said, “An explosion is the vibration of matter. Now, we said a vibration was a word, but the word we are referring to is more than just a vibration or a mere explosion. It is the symbol for something. Like speech. It is a set pattern of vibrating matter and it is set into a particular motion to create the desired effect.”
John felt like he was getting lost again but nodded. He hoped he would catch up by just listening. Zolar seemed to be repeating himself.
Zolar continued, “In the Big Bang theory they don't speculate too much on what caused it, but in the religious theory of creation; Satan caused it by being expelled from heaven. He drew the angels to him, and was booted out. It was the law of God—he disobeyed and out he went. But God had no choice; there was no longer a status quo. When he drew the angels to him that caused an imbalance.
“So now, compare it to the Big Bang. What if in the Big Bang an electron joined with a neutron, then you get an imbalance and kappow, the explosion occurred.”
John shifted his hips around nervously on the hard rock. His butt was becoming numb.
“Now in the Bang Theory—after the explosion occurred and as it cooled—neutrons and protons, began to interact and formed deuterium, the first element; and as it continued to cool more, the other elements were formed. Each one gobbling up particles that were available and bonding to form the other elements.”
Zolar paused and inhaled deeply. “Now, let's go back to the Christian theory. Christ became a sacrifice for all humankind?”
John scratched his head, now where was he going with this?
Zolar saw the bewilderment on his face. “That's what I said before; it is confusing and any incident can have more than one meaning.” He paused and thought a moment. “It's like perspective. If I said, without turning your head, describe this room, what would you say?”
“It is round, with a pit in the center. The walls are a pale stone of some sort, and there are two chairs made of a stone. Oh, yes, and a door.”
“You're sitting in the chairs, face forward. Can you actually see them?”
“No.”
“Or the wall behind you?”
John shook his head.
“Here's how I would describe it. There are two stone-carved, granite chairs against a wall. I don't see a pit and I don't see a door.”
John nodded. “Okay, I comprehend perspective.”
“Well that's the way the universe is, you only see it from your own perspective.”
“How does Christ figure into this?” John asked.
“Christ's life is symbolic of the creation.”
“How is that?”
Zolar walked around to the other side of the pit and peered downward as if he were expecting something. Then he walked back around and sat down in the chair again.
He sighed. “Well, let's make some postulates and assume they are true. Okay?”
John bobbed his head in agreement.
“Christ was the son of God, and yet the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost, were all one.”
John nodded. “That's pretty much what we were taught. I'm not sure how it works but....”
“Now, wait a minute let me continue.” Zolar held up his hand. “Christ died on the cross for man's sins. He was the sacrificial lamb to take away the fact that man had sinned against God. No matter what man does, unless man believes in Christ he could not be forgiven of his sins. Can you accept this postulate?”
“Okay, I accept it,” John said. “But you said it was the Judeo-Christian belief. How do the Jewish teachings fit in?”
“I'll get to that. Let's focus on Christ for a moment. It's confusing but bear with me. I'll have to jump around a little but I'll try to tie it all together.”
Zolar paused and watched John nodded his head without question. He wondered if John was understanding any of it. It was so strange to him; he could hardly believe his own ears as he heard the words come out of his mouth.
Almost as if he weren't saying it but someone or something else. Almost as if he was inspired by some unknown force. But was it good or evil?
“I'm going to start with Christ's death.” Zolar resumed pacing. “He died on the cross, or should I say he was murdered on the cross, because he had said he was the Son of God. But he knew it was going to happen. He saw it. Whether it was premonition or just common sense, I don't know. But anyhow, he accepted it as being a sacrifice for man's sin. He paid the debt for man sinning against God. Because if he didn't die man's sins couldn't be forgiven.”
John shrugged his shoulders.
“After Christ died, the Holy Ghost—or Holy Spirit, whatever you want to call it—was released to the world. People accepted the Holy Spirit into their life and now they call themselves Christians. If Christ hadn't died the Holy Spirit would not have been released. Remember the last supper?”
John nodded and said, “That was when Jesus passed out bread and wine to his disciples and said 'this is my body and this is my blood.' It is symbolic for people accepting Christ and his teachings.”
“Right,” Zolar said. “It is symbolic, but it's more than symbolic. Christ died and the Holy Spirit came to man. And man accepted him. But it's more than symbolic. The Last Supper is cannib
alistic in totality.”
“What do you mean? I can see it as symbolic cannibalism. Kind of a gross thought but…?” John shrugged.
“Let me take you back to the Big Bang theory for a moment. The explosion occurred.” Zolar cupped his hands together and then propelled them outward imitating an explosion. “Boom! Everything explodes out into the void–the nothingness–going to hell. Suddenly, as it starts to separate, it or part of it, realizes it is broken into a zillion pieces. It was condemned to nothingness by the very action that caused the explosion. It was condemned by God himself.
“Now, it’s falling apart, and as it does, you have these building blocks of quark, and energies even smaller, you have for better words, protons, electrons, and neutrons spreading out. All going to hell–into nothingness, not even space, was there. These neutrinos, particles, begin to accept the vibration of the Bang, the blast, the sound, the word, the plan of God, to save what he had condemned.
Well, suddenly one of the particles realizes what is happening to them and therefore, gives itself; sacrifice’s itself to another particle, so that other particle would not perish. That’s the way the elements were formed, Hydrogen, helium, and so on.
“Look at it like this. They join and formed matter. It gave up its self. If it hadn’t, no atoms would have formed and no elements. They would have been cast totally to the void, totally to hell. That particle realized it was going to no longer exist, but it–and if you don’t mind, I’ll use the word love–well it loved its lost particle, so it sacrificed itself and all came into existence. Well, the Christ sacrifice is symbolic of all of this, but yet it’s more.”
“Christ sacrificed himself for man, so mankind would not perish to hell someday at the judgment–remember the judgment already took place to start with―God judged Satan; he judged mankind and cast him out of the Garden of Eden. It's the law! God made the law and can't change it but he did send a sacrifice. To intervene for life. That sacrifice was…, Himself. Christ came to teach man how to live, so man would be spared the pit of an everlasting hell, the abyss of nothingness.”
Zolar watched for John's reaction but John remained quiet. When he didn't respond, Zolar continued as he again stared down into to the black pit.
“Remember what Christ cried out when he was on the cross. 'My God, my God, why has thou forsaken me?' Compare that to the Big Bang. The particles were sent out into the void. God's Son was no longer in heaven. He had been sent out to save mankind. God had condemned Satan, mankind and the particles to hell. It was God's law! A scientific law! It was force. But then Christ said while dying on the cross, 'forgive them for they know not what they do.' Do you realize what that means?
Zolar turned away as John stared blindly at the pit.
Whipping around Zolar began again. “Now the sacrifice happened. The Christ just didn’t offer up his being, but was murdered. They were fed. But it wasn't enough. Some of the particles began taking other particles—not as a sacrifice—they killed the particles, and devoured them. Cannibalistic.
“God had forsaken man and kicked him out. Christ was killed by man and forgave those that did it. They didn't know what they were doing.”
Zolar paused and waited. This was so outrageous even to him; he felt his head began to hurt.
“How does this relate to the Jewish faith?” John asked calmly although his heart was pounding. He wasn't sure of any of this, and he wanted to change the subject.
That wasn't the question Zolar had expected and it took him a moment to regroup his thoughts and back track.
“Satan being kicked out of heaven is from the Hebrew. Also the story of Adam and Eve is from the Hebrew. Take Adam and Eve, it's symbolic again, they were in paradise, Satan tempted Eve with the fruit of knowledge of 'Good and Evil' so she would be like God; and she tempted Adam. They were expelled from Eden. It's analogous to the Big Bang. Kicked out. Condemned by God. But it is Christ's life that is the only answer to a certain end and although a parable it is easier to understand.”
“What do you mean?” John asked.
“Because he spoke in parables but the parables were symbolic―his whole life was a parable. Think about it as analogous of the Big Bang. I mean, the universe had a spiritual father and a material mother. The action that creates the universe under the Big Bang was the separation from heaven. The father was the action; and the mother grew the child and expelled it into the vast void.
“Well, Christ's Father was spiritual and his mother was material. I know that's getting out on a tangent but there are many comparisons you can make.”
“How about the cannibalism?” John asked. “You said it wasn't just symbolic.”
“John, one of the laws of science is that something cannot come from nothing. Energy and matter interact and change forms but they just don't appear and disappear. We can neither create nor destroy, we only change it. I mean, if you burn paper you didn't destroy it—it's still there in ashes and its energy released goes elsewhere—you just change its form. All that exist came from something. We assume it's the primal mass, or we say it came from something. Some people say God created it. Well, if God created it—what did he create it from?
“He created it from himself. 'This is my body and this is my blood.'”
Zolar walked closer. “John, I know I'm sounding like a preacher but it's a revelation to me right now. I now see a joining of science and religion. Bear with me. In the first Chapter of John, the first verse is the part that talks about 'the Word and the Word was God―well, in the third verse it states, 'All things were made by him, and without him was not anything made that was made. All things!”
“If something can't come from nothing then God made it from something and what was that something?”
John stared at Zolar wide eyed.
“God created the universe out of his own body. This is my body and this is my blood. Something doesn't come from nothing. Everything lives and exists off of something else, it binds.
“Thus the breaking of the bread and drinking of the wine.”
“What are you getting at?” John asked.
“Everything that we feel, see, and touch is God? My body, my blood! Why do you think God's name is so sacred—so holy? All of matter—all life—all energy—all that exists, is God! Why do you think God is so sacred? If you were in the Donner Party and ended up eating your parents, wouldn't you think they were sacred?”
John's face paled as he came to accept Zolar's postulate.
“We are all God?” John repeated unsure of his voice.
“Yes!”
“But Good and Evil?”
“All God!” Zolar cried. “Why do you think Christ ask the question, 'my God, why has thou forsaken me?' Because man killed him and that man was God himself!
“Why do you think Christ cried out even while in torment, 'forgive them for they know not what they do.' Because, they were killing God. They were God, and they were literally killing themselves.
“God killed himself and set up a pattern that would bring himself back alive by sacrificing himself! God committed suicide.”
Zolar paused and then began to speak slower as if his own mind were beginning to accept what he had heard himself say.
“The mass exploded. It saw it was going to hell, and then it sacrificed part of itself so it would not cease to exist.”
John closed his eyes and placed his hands over them his elbows rested on his knees. He felt as if he were going mad. No wonder the mental hospitals were filled with people over the edge because of religion.
Zolar didn't stop. “The wrathful God condemned them—it was the law; but then he gave his son to save them. He destroyed himself, and couldn't forgive himself, so he gave his son—a part of him—and sacrificed that son, so they could be forgiven and would not perish to hell—to the void—but would come back alive in him.”
John shook his head in his hands. He didn't w
ant to hear anymore, but Zolar wasn't ready to quit. John's mind was screaming, why do I have this burden? His temples were throbbing.
“John, don't you see God died, went to hell, and then came back alive. The universe exploded but part of it sacrificed itself so it might continue to exist. Just like Jesus died, went to hell for three days, and then came back alive. All like the Big Bang, it exploded, went to hell then came back alive!”
John began to fidget he felt he couldn't bear to hear anymore. It was no wonder God was so sacred―God had died―not just God's son, but God himself. He felt his nerve endings screaming in pain, his body shook. What was he supposed to do with this knowledge? He didn't want to hear anymore.”
“Shut up!” A vain in John's forehead protruded. “I don't want to hear anymore!”
Zolar sat down in the stone chair beside John and patted his hand. He understood how John was feeling. He felt an overwhelming despair at the thoughts. He wasn't sure of why, but he felt suicidal. Had God committed suicide? “I can't John. It must be said.”
John was crying. Sobbing aloud. The horror—the hopelessness.
“God killed himself so we might live. No wonder he is to be held so sacred. The Good, the Evil, the Neutral, he created them all, for 'All things were made by him, and without him was not anything made that was made.' All created from himself. 'This is my body, this is my blood.' That's why Christ wanted to gather his sheep. Like the theory, that if there is enough matter in the universe then it will someday collapse but if there isn't it will go on, and on; and perhaps someday dissipate. It will no longer be able to renew itself. The energy will run out. That's why God has changed his mind several times about destroying mankind. Several times he has created a new covenant with man. He is collecting his sheep, his particles, his very self. Like the nursery rhyme of Humpty Dumpty. 'Humpty dumpty sat on a wall, humpty dumpty had a great fall and all of the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put humpty dumpty together again.'
“God had a great fall and is trying to put himself back together again. When he gets enough of his energy and matter he will collapse; and that which isn't collected will be cast further into the infinite nothingness, the second death; and they will be condemned. For without the energy and matter they lost it would surely be hell for all of eternity.”
“Shut the fuck up, I said! I don't want to hear anymore.” John sat stiffly erect in the chair, his hands balled into fists.
“I can't John. I know how painful this is but that's why you're here. I understand it now. If you choose the Good, the universe will collapse back into itself. If you choose the Evil, the world and all that we know will continue. But the further it continues the harder it will be to someday come back together. You're here to decide if you will lend your energy and mass to the Good that will end the world, or to the Evil that will continue it.”
Zolar became quiet. His own mind was trying to adjust to the revelation. John was leaning back in the chair his eyes closed, tears streaming down his cheeks.
As they sat there enveloped in the cool silence of the room the pit began to glow. A pale blue, then brighter as a mist rose from the pit. Then a green liquid rose into the chamber. It pulsated and as it rose higher it grew brighter. It began to flow over the edge of the pit, covering the floor it was covering their legs.
John and Zolar stared at the liquid unmoving. John silently prayed it would take him away. He wanted nothing to do with any of this.
The pure, liquid light enveloped the room and covered their bodies. They seemed to not need to breath. They sat there as it rose without resisting. After it had consumed their bodies it began to swirl, moving in a counter clockwise direction. It flowed slowly, shifting and turning, its light changing as it became splashed with flashing aqua gems, minute prisms, emulating solar systems, shimmering out a cold and fragile light. It was sparkling, it was dancing and then it shimmered out of sight and then there was nothingness.
Blackness.
They were cast out into the still and void. No gravity, no sound, no air, no desire, no one else with them.
They were each alone. No feeling, no sense of time. Not even the sensation that they had a body. Just a mass—existing.
They were truly alone. Each one unaware of the others existence and yet were aware that they would remain like that forever, and ever, for all of eternity.