by Kim Loraine
Rolling her eyes, she handed me the rope. “What else is new? I bet you didn’t even realize we all saw you sneaking in from Hazel’s cabin this morning either.”
My neck heated, uncomfortable embarrassment creeping up in the form of prickles along my nape. “I was just…”
“Oh, believe me, we all figured out what you were just doing. Look, I want you happy the same as the rest of us, but we want her too. Mama has had too much heartbreak to deal with losing Hazel because you played her. And Hazel…she’s a good woman. She’s different than those…buckle bunnies you spend your time with.”
I gritted my teeth and fought the urge to tell her to shut the hell up. “I know that.”
“I hope you do. I’ve known too many guys like you, Tristan. The ones who know they’re good looking and think women owe them something because they’re God’s gift. They just end up hurting us.”
The flash of pain in her eyes had every single one of my protective instincts standing on end. I remember vividly that night when Buck picked her up from the airport, the bruises on her cheek, her arms, the fragility in her posture. Did she really think I’d hurt Hazel?
“I’d never raise a hand to her or any woman.”
“I didn’t say you would. But hurt happens in lots of ways. She’s already been down that road. You start down it again, and she’ll never come back here.”
Swallowing hard, I nodded and pulled my gloves out of my back pocket before sliding them on. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, Ser.” The sarcasm in my tone was hard to disguise.
“Tristan,” she started, but didn’t finish. What else was she going to say? She meant every damn word. And maybe she was right. Maybe I had moved too quickly with Hazel, and all I was doing was setting her up to have her heart broken again.
I took off Ranger’s lead and handed it to her, wordlessly telling her to put it away because I wasn’t gonna have this conversation with her now. Then I pulled myself onto the saddle and touched his ribs gently with my spurs. We took off at a trot, leaving my sister behind. I couldn’t talk to her anymore. Not when she was telling me things that I didn’t want to believe were true.
“Tristan!” Sera called. “I’m sorry.”
As I rode toward the pasture where I knew I’d find Buck, a flash of blond hair and curvy hips caught my eye. My fuckin’ heart kicked hard in my chest at the sight of Hazel. She was standing near the barn with a mug in her hands, steam curling from the top. The cold had her nose turning pink, but the smile on her face said she didn’t care one bit. That would’ve been the best thing I could’ve ridden up to until I saw who she was smiling at. Sam. He leaned on the fence post near her and grinned like the damn Cheshire Cat.
She finally looked away from my brother, and her smile faltered just a hair when she saw me. “Hey, there, cowboy. Sam was just telling me some tales about the trouble you boys got up to when you were kids.”
Sam laughed and took a drink of his coffee, his eyes finding mine with pure amusement in them. Oh, no, he didn’t get to come in here and charm her like that. She was mine.
“We got into trouble more than we did anything else. If that little one is anything like you, Tristan, we’re gonna have our hands full.”
“My kid. My hands. Not yours.”
Hazel’s lips quirked as she tried to fight a smile. “Well, someone’s possessive in the morning.”
Dismounting, I held out the reins for Sam. “Go on. You’ve been here two weeks and have barely done a damn hour of work a day. Buck’s breaking up the ice in pasture five. He could use some help.”
The look on my brother’s face was priceless. Like I’d slapped him. But, with a tip of his hat and a soft “Ma’am,” to Hazel, he took the reins and gloves I gave him and slowly strode away with Ranger in tow.
“What was that all about?” Hazel asked.
I slipped my arm around her waist and pulled her close. “He was horning in on my territory. I was just protecting what’s mine.”
She laughed. “Yours?”
“Yeah, mine. You have a problem with that, darlin’?”
“You’re wrong about him, but I’ll let it slide. I kind of like this caveman side of you.”
“Good, because I’m sure there’ll be hell to pay when he comes back, but you’re worth it.”
She snagged my hat off my head and lifted onto her toes to kiss me. I didn’t have the heart to tell her it was bad luck to take a man’s hat, because all I wanted was for us to stay like this forever. I wanted to keep her, but Sera’s words echoed in my ears, and I wondered if I was going to be the one who ended up hurting Hazel or if she’d hurt me?
Hazel
I sat next to Tristan at the table that night for our—their—family supper. I had to remind myself every day that I wasn’t a permanent feature in the Ryker house. It was harder with each moment I spent on the ranch. They were a big, boisterous family, usually filled with laughter and love. I wanted that.
“Hazel, thank you so much for the meal. It’s the best roast chicken I’ve ever tasted,” Mama said, smiling as she speared a piece of steamed broccoli. I knew she was lying through her teeth, but if she was going to keep that heart healthy, she needed to change her habits. A big part of that was her diet.
“Sure is, Hazel. I don’t even miss steak anymore,” Clint offered.
I rolled my eyes. These guys wanted nothing more than a big fatty steak and baked potato with all the fixings. “You can have a steak every once in a while,” I said, casting my gaze at Mama. “Just not three days a week.”
“Clinton, don’t give her a hard time. She’s right. I just kept on doing what I always did, thinkin’ exercise on this ranch would be enough to keep my heart healthy. I was wrong. I promised myself I wouldn’t be like your daddy.”
Tristan stiffened beside me, and I instinctively took his hand. “Mama—”
She held up a hand. “He ignored his symptoms until the day he died after his first bout with the cancer. Ignoring it doesn’t help it get better. It helps it get worse.”
Ever took another helping of broccoli and smiled. “We’re here to support you, Mama. Whatever changes you need to make, so will we. Right, Clint?”
Clint took a long breath but nodded. “Right. We’re in this together. All of us.”
Sera cleared her throat, and everyone at the table looked at her. “If we’re sharing important stuff…I had a call with the producer for the show today.”
“Oh?” Mama said.
“I agreed to be a full-time cast member on Saddle Up this coming season. But instead of just a competition, they want to change some of the structure.”
“What do you mean?” Sam asked.
“This season, they want it to be all men in the cast.”
Clint’s brow furrowed and he set down his fork. “Why, exactly?”
“Since Tristan is…off the market, they don’t have the romance angle they were looking for.”
That made my heart race, the thought of him playing at being in love with some girl who was just trying to become TV famous. I didn’t want him touching anyone else, looking at anyone else, even if it wasn’t real.
“What are you getting at, Sera?” Clint asked.
“They want this spring’s season to be called Saddle Up: Rodeo King, and the winner gets…me.”
Every single Ryker brother stared at her like she just said she was switching to a vegan diet on a cattle ranch.
“And you told them hell no?” Buck asked.
“I said I’d think about it.”
Mama pursed her lips tight before standing with a plate in her hands and walking to the kitchen.
“What is wrong with you, Sera? Why would you just drop a bomb like that at the dinner table? The last thing Mama needs is something else to worry about. You prancing around with a bunch of city boys trying to get themselves killed on a bronc isn’t gonna help her.” Tristan’s admonishment hurt her. I could see it in the flash of guilt in her eyes.
“Why can’t
I do this? You were eager to play it up for the cameras, flirting and teasing every woman on the ranch even when there wasn’t anything rolling. I’m surprised Hazel is the first girl to show up on our doorstep like this.”
“Sera,” Sam chastised. “You’re way too young—”
“Oh, don’t act like you have a say in this, Sam. You’ve been checked out of here since before Daddy died. We’ve been here. Working hard. I left for college, but I came back every break and helped. You abandoned us all.”
“He had his reasons,” Buck said.
“Sure. Sponsors and fancy hotels.” She snorted. “Forgive me if I don’t bow at your feet, Sam. I’m tired of letting you off the hook for everything. You didn’t come back for longer than a day when Daddy died. When Clint and Ever got married, you were gone so fast we wondered if you’d been here at all. So you don’t get to tell me what I can and can’t do.” Shoving her chair back, she stormed out of the dining room and up the stairs.
“Well, that went about as well as squattin’ with your spurs on.” Buck stood and grabbed his plate. “She’ll cool down, and we can talk some sense into her in the morning.”
“Or, you could just let her make up her own mind,” I said, resting my palm on my belly. “She’s a grown woman. If she wants to help out the show by taking this on, she shouldn’t be made to feel like she’s less than you guys.”
“Hazel, this isn’t something you should be…” Tristan started, then stopped when I let out a sigh.
“So now I don’t get to have an opinion either?” I stood, my hips hurting from sitting so long.
“That’s not what I meant.”
“It’s exactly what you meant. Don’t worry about it. You guys need to really think about what you’re saying to her by dismissing what she wants to do. It’s no different than Tristan doing the same thing, or you, Buck. A fake romance to avoid a scripted one is the same thing.”
I carried my plate into the kitchen and found Mama scrubbing dishes by hand, even though there was a perfectly good dishwasher right next to her. So I took up a place next to her, and the two of us silently washed and dried every single dish we’d used to cook the meal. I wasn’t really mad at them, just frustrated. I’d been that girl. The one who had all her decisions made for her by men. Did I think it was a good idea for someone her age to be taking on such a responsibility? No. But at the same time, I was thirty-one, a grown woman, and I’d made a choice that ended with me knocked up. I couldn’t really offer much advice.
Mama sighed and handed me a glass dish to dry. “She’s doing this because of me. To make sure we’ve got enough money to pay all my medical bills.”
“Do you need her to do that?”
“No. We’re just fine. But the fact that she thinks we aren’t kills me.” The guilt in Mama’s voice broke my heart.
“Then you need to talk to her and make sure she knows she doesn’t have to. She can’t make up her mind if she doesn’t have all the information.”
Mama took my hand and squeezed. “You’re gonna be a real good mama, Hazel. I’m so glad you’ll be my grandbaby’s.”
Tears sprung to my eyes. “Me too.”
“Tristan can be hard-headed sometimes, but I’m glad he was about you. My boys always go after what they love. Come hell or high water.”
Love.
That word had been hovering over us, unspoken, like a storm about to unleash. I just didn’t know what it would do once it happened. Wash us away, or keep us from burning to the ground.
17
Tristan
A week had passed since Sera told us she was gonna be the star of the new season of Saddle Up, and the girl hadn’t changed her mind. Even after Mama told her we didn’t need the extra income. I had to admit, I was glad someone else was going to take on the task of flirting for the cameras. My eyes were only on the woman I’d moved in with. Hazel and I seemed to fit together seamlessly. Our daily routines started and ended at the same time, me getting up to start my chores around the ranch, her going to check on Mama, making sure she took her meds and keeping her from doing too much.
At the end of another cold day of light snow and early dark, I watched Hazel and Mama standing at the sink, low voices murmuring together. God, she fit in here with us so easily. Like she was made to be part of this family. I wondered where we’d go after this, after the baby came. Would she want to return home? Or would she call this home with me?
“Falling in love looks good on Tristan. I worried he’d never give it a chance.”
Mama’s words hit me straight in the chest.
“He doesn’t love me. He barely knows me.”
“I loved George after five minutes of knowin’ him. I watched that man breaking a horse when I came to visit the ranch, and we locked eyes just before he took a kick to his hand that broke three fingers.”
Hazel flinched. I’d heard this story too many times to count.
“You ran to get him a bag of frozen peas while Aunt Raye called Grandaddy in to take him to the doctor.” I finished the story as I walked further into the kitchen.
“That’s right.” Mama turned toward me and wiped her hands on the towel over her shoulder. “And your dad and I spent the next five minutes leaning against the fence around the corral, icing his hand and falling in love.”
“He was lucky that horse kicked him.” I let out a low chuckle. “Never thought I’d say that.”
Hazel laughed. “It’s a great story. I’m sorry he isn’t here to tell it too.”
The honesty in her tone made me want to wrap her in my arms and make her see how much I wanted her. How much I loved her.
Fuck.
I loved her.
I’d been ignoring the thoughts, slowly falling with each day, but now it was impossible to ignore what my heart had been telling me, just like a kick from a horse.
Mama sighed, and Hazel immediately placed a hand on her forearm. “You should go sit down, Mama. I’ll bring you some herbal tea.”
“I’m feelin’ just fine, Hazel. In fact, I feel better than I have in a long time.”
Something eased in my chest. “That’s great, Mama.”
“It’s all because of you, Hazel.”
Shaking her head, Hazel offered me a pleading glance. She didn’t like this kind of attention. “I really…”
“Stop being so modest. I’ve got all my kids on the ranch, I’m alive, taking care of myself. I wouldn’t be able to say that if you hadn’t stepped in when you did.” Mama grabbed Hazel by the shoulders and pulled her in for a hug. Then she stepped back and looked from her to me. “Now. Since I’m feeling better, let’s talk a little bit about your baby shower.”
“I feel weird having a baby shower. I don’t know anyone here.”
Mama smiled. “You know us. Erin can come down and be with you, and of course, any of your friends.”
Unease flashed in Hazel’s eyes. I slid my arm around her and tugged her away from Mama. “Have you ever taken a moonlit walk in the snow?”
“What?”
“It’s barely snowing outside, so the moon is shining bright. It’s one of the best parts of winter on the ranch. Cmon. Let’s go for a walk, get some fresh air.”
She nodded and gave me a grateful smile before turning back to Mama. “Can we maybe talk about this over breakfast tomorrow? I’ll come over first thing and make something tasty?”
Mama’s grin made my heart swell. She already knew exactly why I was changing the course of the conversation, but the fact that Hazel was trying to save her feelings meant the world. “That’d be wonderful. But don’t you worry about waitin’ on me. I’ll have breakfast ready for all my kids. Tristan, I expect you to make sure our girl gets safely to the house tonight. The ground’s gonna freeze.”
“I promise, Mama. Hazel’s in good hands.”
She winked. “I know she is.”
Holding out Hazel’s coat, I waited for her to shrug into the thick, warm fabric before grabbing my hat from the rack and opening the d
oor. As soon as we stepped outside, the cold punched me right in the face, bitter and biting.
Hazel shivered and pulled her collar up around her throat. “God, you’d think I’d be used to this. I’m not new here.”
“It’s always a shock to the system when you leave a warm house and step into this.”
Instinct screamed at me to hold her close, but fuck if I knew if I should. She’d been as close to me as possible. I’d been inside her—recently—but I couldn’t decide whether the woman wanted me to hold her? God, she had me all tore up.
“Thanks for getting me out of that conversation. I didn’t come here planning to become part of your family. It’s all a little overwhelming.” Her soft voice mixed with the crunch of our boots on the thin layer of new snow.
“She’s just excited. They all are. This is the first Ryker grandbaby. It’s a big deal.”
“I guess I just never thought it’d happen, you know?”
I shook my head. “I don’t think I do.”
“Quinn and I…”
My gut clenched, and a bitter taste filled my mouth at the thought of her ex. That guy didn’t deserve to have her name on his lips. “Yeah?”
“We tried for two years. I just…struggled to get pregnant.”
“That’s not your fault.”
“I know. I really do. But he blamed me. He said I was broken. Even after the fertility tests and everything came back normal. He had me convinced it was me.” Her voice wobbled. “I’m a nurse practitioner, for God’s sake. I know how this works. My tests came back fine. It was him, but he wouldn’t do something as simple as jizz in a fucking cup. Instead, he made me think I was to blame for everything.”
“Darlin’, he doesn’t deserve one more second of your time. You’re free of him now, and that counts for everything.”
She let out a hard laugh. “But the thing is, Tristan, I wouldn’t be if he hadn’t cut me loose. I would have still been there, blaming myself for our empty nursery, wondering how I could fix things. I would have let him cheat on me over and over if he hadn’t told me he wanted a divorce.”