Ellie
Page 71
Ellie made for the lavatory the moment the train pulled out of the station. She knew she was going to break down any minute and she didn’t want any witnesses.
She sat on the seat, leant her arms on the washbasin and let the tears flow, the last glimpse of Camellia imprinted on her mind for ever.
Asleep against Bonny’s shoulder, swathed in a patchwork blanket. Bonny’s blonde hair bright against the tiny dark head, the picture framed by the grey stone of the porch.
The train chugged on and on, swaying her gently from side to side as she sobbed, her face buried in the sleeves of her coat. She was desolate, the pain in her heart like a red-hot dagger, twisting and turning. She had lost so many people she loved – her mother, Marleen, Charley – but this time the grief was overpowering because of her guilt. What sort of a woman was she that a career and people’s opinion of her meant more than keeping her own child?
People tried the door handle but she ignored them. She’d left behind the sensitive girl who cared about other people’s needs.
When the well of tears had finally run dry, she sat up and looked at herself in the tarnished mirror above the basin. Beneath her felt hat her eyes were swollen, black mascara forming two lines down her cheeks. She took a clean handkerchief from her pocket, wet it under the tap and held it to each of her eyes, then wiped away the black smears.
‘Tonight you’ll be with Edward,’ she whispered. ‘You’ll dress up and go with him to his club and you’ll get very drunk. You’re almost twenty-three, beautiful and talented, and the world is at your feet.’
Taking a compact from her bag, she powdered her nose and put on fresh bright lipstick with bold strokes.
She didn’t have to tell herself she’d shrugged off the old, sweet and gentle Ellie. She could already see Helena, a harder, ruthless woman, looking back at her in the mirror.
Standing up, she braced herself against the swaying motion of the train, tilted her hat to one side and forced herself to smile.
‘You will be a big star,’ she said aloud. ‘Nothing and no one will stand in your way.’
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Copyright © Lesley Pearse 1996
Lesley Pearse has asserted her right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work
This novel is a work of fiction. Names and characters are the product of the author’s imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental
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First published in Great Britain in 1996 by William Heinemann
First published in Great Britain in paperback in 1996
by Manderin Paperbacks
First published in paperback by Arrow Books in 1998
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ISBN 9780099557463