by Maya Banks
“You don’t have to make a decision right this minute,” Tabitha broke in. “Taking a morning-after pill or getting a shot aren’t your only options. You could totally wait and see if you even are pregnant and then pursue your options then. Women have many choices these days, Pippa.”
Ashley squeezed Pippa’s hand and stared urgently at her friend. “If you want this baby, if there is a baby, you have to know we’d help. All of us. You wouldn’t be alone. I just want you to make the best choice for you. But whatever that is, you have our absolute support.”
Pippa could no longer hold back the tears. They streamed down her face as she stared at her best friends in the world. “I don’t know what I’d do without you guys.”
“You forget one important part of the equation,” Sylvia pointed out.
Everyone looked at Sylvia.
“The father. Obviously you’ll have us, but is he going to take responsibility in this matter?”
Pippa nodded. “He would. I have no doubt he would. I told him I’d let him know if I was pregnant and until then to back off. I just had to process all this, you know?”
“Yes, honey, we know,” Carly said sympathetically.
“This probably sounds crazy to all of you, but from the moment I realized there was a possibility, everything changed for me. I began to imagine this tiny life inside me and even though I could take a pill and it would all go away…” She took a deep breath. “I’m not sure that’s what I want.”
She looked up at each friend in turn, but she saw no judgment or condemnation in their eyes. All she saw was unwavering love and support. Determination. Loyalty.
“If… If there’s a baby. I think I want it.” She swallowed the knot in her throat and then spoke with more conviction. “I know I want it.”
“Take some time to get used to the idea,” Sylvia advised. “There’s no hurry. You don’t have to make up your mind today or even tomorrow.”
But Pippa knew the more the initial shock wore off, the more firmly she’d be entrenched in the idea of having and keeping her baby.
Her baby.
Already she felt fiercely protective of it.
Out of the wreckage of her shock and confusion came the very firm realization that she’d never do anything to end the pregnancy. Nor would she ever give up a child she gave birth to. Her possessiveness and the strong surge of love she already felt were shocking in their intensity, especially because she didn’t even know if she was pregnant.
If she was, whatever happened, she would keep the child. She’d go to Cam and together they’d work out an amicable solution.
Maybe she was being stupidly naive, but until he showed her differently, she was going to believe wholeheartedly in his sense of responsibility.
Her hands shook as she raised a glass of water to her mouth. After taking a long drink, she put it back down and then leveled a stare at her friends.
“Okay, girls, how long do I have to wait before I can take a pregnancy test?”
Six
Pippa paced the floor of her living room, trying not to stare at the little stick lying on the coffee table just a few feet away.
“It isn’t time yet,” Ashley said when Pippa stopped and hesitated.
“Why does it have to take so long?” Pippa exploded.
She couldn’t take not knowing another minute. The past weeks had been ones of unimaginable stress with Cam breathing down her neck, asking her every few days if she knew anything yet. The last time he’d asked, she’d all but screamed at him to back off. Maybe he’d finally gotten the hint or maybe she’d just sounded that desperate because he hadn’t been in contact for the past couple of days.
The hell of it was, he acted concerned. It almost seemed as though he was acting on the assumption that she was pregnant and had made it his mission to “check on” her frequently.
He was making her insane.
“It’s only been two minutes,” Ashley soothed. “It doesn’t do any good to sit and stare at it. It won’t make things go any faster.”
Pippa sank onto the couch. “You’re right. It’s driving me crazy, though. I just feel it. In my gut. I’m pregnant. And don’t tell me it’s some psychological crap and that I’m imagining all the symptoms. I’m just telling you that I feel different. My boobs are sore. I’m queasy. My smell is off. Weird stuff gets to me. Like the smell of cupcakes. Who the hell gets sick smelling a cupcake?”
Ashley smiled. “I don’t think you’re imagining anything, sweetie. Let’s wait for the results and then we’ll tackle the solution together. Okay?”
Pippa groaned and closed her eyes. The past three weeks had been a form of torture she never wanted to repeat. She changed her mind from day to day. One day she thought having a baby would be great. She and Ashley would have little playmates. On other days she thought she was solidly out of her mind and was terrified by the prospect.
And, well, she felt a little stupid. An unwanted pregnancy at her age? She wasn’t some stupid teenager playing around with unprotected sex. She’d always been so damn careful. Always!
She’d never considered herself terribly old-fashioned, but still, she’d preferred to have children within the boundaries of a loving, committed relationship.
“Okay, you can look now.”
They both stared at the stick on the coffee table like it was an ugly bug neither of them wanted to get close enough to squash.
Pippa’s stomach curled into a vicious knot. “You look. I don’t think I can.”
Ashley reached over and took Pippa’s hand, squeezing hard. “Just remember, that no matter what the outcome, it’ll be okay. I promise.”
Pippa nodded, then slammed her eyes shut as Ashley reached for the stick. She didn’t even want to see Ashley’s reaction. Her heart thundered until she could feel it jumping into her throat.
“Pippa,” Ashley said gently. “Open your eyes.”
Pippa cracked open her eyes to see Ashley’s solemn expression. Ashley laid the stick back onto the table, her gaze still centered on Pippa.
“What?” Pippa demanded, unable to stand it any longer. Ashley’s expression told her nothing. Nothing at all! “Am I pregnant?”
“According to the test you are,” Ashley said slowly.
Pippa deflated in a whoosh, sagging forward as she reached for the test, wanting to see the confirmation herself. It was a bit blurry and she blinked rapidly to bring it into focus.
And there it was. A big, glaring plus sign that pretty much said, Yes, you’re pregnant.
“Oh, my God,” she whispered.
Ashley looked uneasily at her. “You aren’t going to do something crazy like faint on me, are you?”
Pippa managed to close her mouth, but she was numb from head to toe. It was as if Ashley was talking from a mile away and Pippa was having this surreal out-of-body experience. The entire room seemed to slow down and become a big void of white noise.
Pregnant.
With Cam’s baby.
Mr. I Don’t Do Relationships.
Mr. I Won’t Call You.
As screwups went, this one was epic.
She closed her eyes again and groaned. “What am I going to do, Ash? Cam is going to freak. He gave me this long speech about how he didn’t do commitment, it was just sex, blah, blah, blah. A baby is definitely a commitment.”
“Take a few days. Let yourself come to terms with the shock. Then talk to Cam,” Ashley advised.
“I need to talk to him now.”
Ashley frowned. “Pip, you’re upset. You aren’t thinking rationally. The last thing you need is to go up against Cam. He can be… He’s intense, okay? He’ll bulldoze over you.”
“No one’s going to bulldoze me. I need to talk to him now. Other than me, this affects him the most. He deserves to know so he can start planning accordingly. It’s not like I’m going to wait a week and then suddenly decide not to tell him. The result will be the same no matter when I talk to him, so why wait? Besides, he’s been blowing up
my phone for weeks now. No sense holding off any longer.”
Ashley sighed. “I just don’t want you to make any impulsive decisions. He can be persuasive. That’s a nice term for it. He can be ruthless.”
“I can hold my own with him. I’m not afraid. This is as much his problem as it is mine. I’ll be damned if I spend the next week agonizing over my future alone. If I suffer, so can he.”
A laugh escaped Ashley and her eyes danced merrily. “Okay, you just convinced me that he won’t rip you to shreds and have you for dinner.”
“Damn right he won’t,” Pippa muttered. “If he even tries, he won’t ever have to worry about fathering another child.”
Ashley laughed again and then impulsively leaned over to hug Pippa. “You know, this is going to be just fine, Pip. We’ll be pregnant together for a little while at least. Devon and I will do anything we can to help, and you have Tabitha, Carly and Sylvia. Oh, and my mother. She views you as another daughter, and when she finds out you’re pregnant, look out. She’ll have you packed in so much bubble wrap you won’t be able to breathe.”
Pippa grinned. “I love your mama.”
“And she loves you.”
Pippa sighed and then rose from the couch. “Not to be rude, Ash, but I need to do this before I end up losing my nerve. I just want to get it over with so I don’t have to live with unnecessary stress.”
“Get your coat, then. We’ll ride together over to Cam’s office and then I’ll have the driver take me home.”
“Thanks, Ash. For everything. For holding my hand and being with me so I didn’t have to do this alone.”
Ashley hugged her again. “I seem to remember a time when you held my hand a lot longer.”
“Okay, let’s do this,” Pippa said as she went for her coat.
* * *
Cam sat staring out his office window. There was a mixture of rain, sleet and snow, although soon the temperatures would drop enough that it would turn entirely to snow. His mood was as foul as the weather.
He’d largely ignored work even though he’d been a steady presence in the office. He sat in on meetings with Devon and their other two business partners and friends, Rafael de Luca and Ryan Beardsley. Their newest hotel, the flagship resort for the newly formed merger between Tricorp and Copeland Hotels, was coming along at a rapid pace. Things were on the upswing. He should be on top of the world.
But the past weeks had been the worst sort of hell as he tortured himself with the thought of Pippa being pregnant. The thought that she wasn’t taking care of herself, that something would happen.
Worry, guilt and anxiety had taken over his every waking moment and his dreams, as well. And he only had himself to blame. He should have never given in to such temptation. He damn sure should have been more careful with the birth control. He should have just left Pippa the hell alone.
Then he wouldn’t be sitting here feeling gutted with worry over losing something precious for the second time in his life.
The fact that he hadn’t heard from her should have reassured him. Because if she was pregnant, he would have heard. She’d promised to let him know, and he trusted her to do that. Nothing about her had led him to believe otherwise.
But the longer he went hearing nothing, the crazier he got.
It had become a regular habit since their night together for him to reach into his desk drawer—the only one he locked—and pull out a small folding picture frame.
It contained two photos. One of Elise and one of Colton.
He stood staring at them now, his fingers tracing the lines of Elise’s smiling face. Colton was merely a day old in his picture. Tiny. Wrinkled. Still red and he had a misshapen cone head, but Cam had never seen such a beautiful sight in his life.
All these years later, just looking at the two people he’d loved and lost had the power to stop him breathing.
He couldn’t do it again. He couldn’t bear it. He didn’t want to set himself up for that kind of agony. He’d never wished for anything as hard as he wished for Pippa not to be pregnant.
With each day that passed without him hearing from her, some of his tension eased. He could breathe a little easier.
She wasn’t pregnant. He had to believe that.
His secretary buzzed him, interrupting his thoughts.
“Mr. Hollingsworth, there is a young woman here to see you. She doesn’t have an appointment.”
“Did you get her name?” Cam asked impatiently.
His secretary put him on hold to inquire. Why the hell hadn’t she asked already? He was about to tell her he wasn’t to be disturbed when she came back on.
“Pippa Laingley. She seems sure you’ll agree to see her.”
There was a disdainful sniff in Mrs. Milton’s voice that told Cam she’d probably already tried to get rid of Pippa.
“She would be right. Send her in at once.”
Cam shot to his feet, his gut in knots as he fixed his gaze on the door. A moment later, Pippa showed herself in, pausing at the threshold as she searched the room for him.
He watched her closely, examining her every nuance, searching for a sign that she was in some way…different. His hands knotted into tight fists but he kept them behind his desk, not wanting her to see how on edge he was. His instinct was to go to her. He wanted to haul her into his arms and hold on tight. Promise her that things would be all right. But he’d learned long ago that nobody could make those promises.
He had to play this cool if he had a prayer of making it through this encounter.
“Pippa,” he greeted. “Sit down. Please. Would you like something to drink?”
As she drew closer, he could see the paleness of her features. The shadows under her eyes. She even looked as though she’d lost weight. With sudden guilt, he realized the past weeks had been far more stressful for her than they had been for him.
“I hope I’m not interrupting something important,” she said quietly. “I had to come and see you right away.”
The knot grew larger in his stomach and he swallowed hard so his voice wouldn’t crack.
“Not at all. I’m all yours. What would you like to discuss?”
He cringed at the obliviousness in his tone. No one was that stupid. Denial didn’t make everything go away. Dread mounted with every breath until he wanted to just yell at her to say what it was she wanted to say.
“I’m pregnant,” she said baldly.
Something inside him withered and died. Dismay weighed down on him like the heaviest of burdens. Grief welled deep in his chest and he stood there, motionless, because if he so much as twitched, he’d crack and crumble right there in front of her.
Finally managing to find his voice and his composure, he asked, “Are you certain?” But he knew she was. There was no denying the truth in her eyes. If only he could go back.
She nodded grimly, then hesitated. “As certain as I can be without a doctor’s confirmation. I took a drugstore test. They’re supposed to be ninety-nine percent accurate, or something like that.”
He cleared his throat. “I’m sure it’s right. We knew it was a distinct possibility.”
She stood there, her hands shoved into her coat, her uneasiness obvious.
“Are you all right? Have you been well?”
He hated the distance in his voice even as he embraced it, wanted it. He didn’t want the intimacy that two people who’d created a child should have and enjoy. He hated that she’d already adamantly turned down his offer—or rather, his demand—that she move in with him. Not that he could blame her. He was certain he came across as some unbalanced freak. Pushing her away, then yanking her back.
But as badly as he didn’t want to allow himself any sort of closeness with her, he had to be certain she was provided for. That she had everything she needed, the best medical care, emotional and physical support. He couldn’t have anything happen to her…their…his child. Never again.
Maybe it was the coldness of the arrangement that had put her off. Maybe s
he wanted…more. He cringed even as he thought it, but marriage? Maybe it was the best solution. A practical solution. She’d certainly benefit and he’d get what he most wanted. Peace of mind.
“I’m just tired. And worried,” she admitted. “It will be better now, regardless. It’s just a relief to finally know so that decisions can be made.”
Alarm skittered up his neck, prickling every one of the hairs. “Decisions? What kind of decisions?”
She lifted one shoulder in a shrug. He really wished she’d take that damn coat off but he wasn’t certain he wanted her to stay. He damn sure knew he didn’t want her to leave. What a mess this entire situation was.
Deciding to take charge, he took a step back from his desk and turned sideways, keeping her in sight. “We have a lot to work out. I will have a lawyer draw up papers. We should think about living arrangements.”
She held up a hand to stop the flow of conversation. Her other hand went to her temple and rubbed even as she shook her head.
“I refuse to have any sort of a conversation about my future or your future or the baby’s future in some damn office where who knows what can be overheard. I’m still struggling to come to terms with this. I just thought you should know, so that maybe you’d have time to come to grips with this, as well. I thought we could talk later. After we’ve both had time to think. I just… I just needed to tell you. I couldn’t wait.”
“I don’t think—”
She raised her gaze to meet his and her eyes sparked with quick anger. “I don’t care what you think. I’m going now. If you’d like to discuss this later, you can come to my apartment. Right now I’m going to have lunch. Alone. I’ll be home by six.”
If she’d just been snappish and churlish he probably would have wanted to wring her neck. But what he saw was a woman valiantly trying to maintain control. She was rattled—every bit as rattled as he was—and it looked as if she would shatter at any moment.
He couldn’t push her. It would be unconscionable. Even as the thought of allowing her to walk out without having anything settled made his stomach knot. It was all he could do to slowly nod his agreement.
“All right,” he said quietly. “I’ll be at your apartment at six. Don’t worry about dinner. I’ll bring something.”
Seven
It shouldn’t have surprised Pippa to find Cam waiting for her on the stoop of her apartment, but when she looked up and saw him there, her eyes widened in shock. Then she checked her watch, wondering if she’d lost more time than she’d thought on the walk home. But nope, he was just really damn early.
He was wearing a long coat, but no hat or scarf, and his hair was damp from the drizzle that still couldn’t decide on whether it wanted to be snow or not. His mouth was drawn into a grim line, but his expression softened when he saw her. She could swear she saw relief glimmering in his eyes.
She quickly dug into her pocket for her keys and mounted the steps. He moved to the side, frowning as she fumbled with the lock.
“Did you walk all this way?”
She pushed open the door, welcoming the instant warmth. Cam came in behind her and helped her with her coat before removing his. She started to take them, but he shook his head and asked, “Where do you want them?”
She gestured toward the closet door. “There is fine.”
She waited until he’d finished and then led him into the living room.
“You didn’t answer my question. Did you walk all the way home in the rain? It’s frigid out there.”
“Just the last ten blocks. I rode with Ashley to your office and then hopped a cab to the restaurant where I had lunch. There was little sense in getting one home since it’s so close.”