by Max Hudson
At least if Lance was undecided, there was a teeny, tiny chance that it could work out. If Stefan rejected Lance, then it would all be over for good. What was the saying? It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Well, Stefan was happy to love and maybe lose.
"I gotta get to class," Stefan said, smiling.
Chapter Eleven
Lance felt kind of alone. As it turned out, he didn't have any lectures, or anything to do that day. He decided to just go out and check the clubs. It was worth at least just having a look around, talking to people, having a bit of a break from loneliness and boredom.
The art club was fairly quiet as everyone worked on finishing the current project, a watercolor painting of whatever they liked. Lance had only half done his, but next week they would move onto clay work, so he did his best to polish it up. He wished he were more talented at painting, but at least it was nice to not be alone. The tennis club was canceled because the coach was not available, but Book Club was having a casual meet. Not many people were there, but that was a bit easier. He was more interested in just chatting about random stuff than in discussing books anyway.
Carla had only one thing on her mind, and it wasn't exactly what he wanted to talk about. "How are you now?" she asked.
He shrugged. "I’m fine."
"You sure you're ready to try and get back to normal? I mean, you seemed pretty close to Millie," she replied, eyebrow raised.
"Seriously, getting back to normal is the best thing for me," he replied with a chuckle.
"Yeah," Carla said. "I feel that. I mean, when I have a break up I just have to go out, you know? But it can be tough."
"It is. Worst part, though, is I still have a reservation for Valentine’s Day," he replied.
Carla pursed her lips. "Not good. Gonna cancel?"
"I wouldn't get my money back, so Stefan says he will go with me. Just a lunch thing. May as well, you know?" he explained.
"With Stefan?" Carla asked. "I know you two are friends but... I guess I didn't think you were that close. I dunno. You two really are odd."
Lance smiled and felt himself blushing a little. "Well, I did need to have someone with me for the reservation. He's just being a friend."
"You could have gotten a girl to go, just to piss off Millie," Carla replied. "I'd do that. As in, I'd do it to my exes, and I would pretend to be a date to piss off your ex."
"Thanks but… Can you keep a secret?" Lance asked quietly. "I need to tell someone, but I don't think Stefan wants it getting out much."
Carla's eyes brightened up. She was into gossip, that was for sure. But she could keep secrets too. She liked to listen to things, to soak up all the drama, not to spread rumors. This was just another fascinating story to her. Except, it was real.
"I can keep a secret," she said in a whisper. "When did you have sex?"
"Is it that obvious?" Lance asked nervously.
She nodded. "Well, yeah. Especially now you admitted to it. I mean, I suppose I should have seen it coming."
Lance laughed under his breath. "I wish I had seen it coming. I thought we were just friends."
"So, you are friends with benefits now? Or are you dating?" she asked.
"I don't want to end the friendship," he replied. "Things are changing so fast and I am scared of losing him."
Carla hummed to herself thoughtfully. She understood. It wasn't right. Stefan had been his friend for so long, and it was a good friendship. Even someone like Carla, who hadn't been there for most of their friendship, could see how risky it was to date one another all of a sudden. "I don't think he's the type to stop being your friend just because you fucked," she finally said. She seemed so confident. Lance wished he could feel so sure of the same thing.
"I just worry he doesn't like me any more after that," Lance said, trying to find the right words to explain it. "I mean, everyone who I've dated stopped liking me, right? So can he still be my friend?"
"Well, duh," Carla replied, rolling her eyes. "I mean, maybe it was just a one night thing. But he's still your friend. Unless you treat sex like some kind of sacred 'forever or never' contract, then it isn't hurting anyone."
Lance paused. "I'm not so sure. What if it does change things? What if it does hurt?"
"Then you take that risk," Carla insisted.
"But I want him to be my friend forever. What if this dinner date turns out to be the last straw and it gets too awkward?" Lance asked.
Carla rolled her eyes again. "Seriously, Lance? You guys have been friends for what, a decade? More? If your friendship was so easily ruined, it would have been ruined by now. It is stronger than that."
"Sex, romance, dating, all that changes things," Lance said.
"Yes, but your friendship came first. Besides, it's not like a date is so terrible. It isn’t worse than fucking your friend, let's be honest here. The sex is more likely to end the relationship than a date," she carried on.
"Maybe the sex, for Stefan, was less serious? He isn't a social guy. Asking for a date is asking way more of him than just sex," Lance tried to explain.
"All I'm saying is that taking him out for dinner isn't gonna hurt anyone," she replied. "Just go out, have some fun, and if it works out for you, it works out."
Lance paused and thought it over. Carla had a point. He might be scared, but, at the end of the day, they had gone through way more than just one date together. It seemed big to him, but really it was a small thing. "You're right," he said. "I shouldn't be so worried. I guess I'm on edge after the whole Millie thing."
Carla nodded. "I understand that. A bad relationship and a bad breakup is like a dark cloud or something over your life. Everything seems risky or disturbing. I can guarantee you that, however weird or bad any relationship can get, Stefan will never be Millie, all right?"
Lance felt Carla's hand squeeze his shoulder. It was a strong grip. Reassuring. "Okay," he replied. "I believe you."
"Good," Carla said.
"You are totally right, just because Millie was a nightmare doesn't mean every relationship will end that way."
"Exactly. And for what it's worth," Carla added, " nobody ever liked Millie. Just putting that out there. She is an asshole."
Lance chuckled. "You guys met her, like, all of one time."
"And all of us disliked her after meeting her once or twice. Fuck that bitch," Carla insisted.
Her words echoed with Lance during his whole walk back to Stefan's house. Everyone had hated Millie? No, just disliked her. Apparently it was that obvious how bad she was, and he had missed it. What if he was missing something about Stefan too? No, if Carla saw something bad in Stefan she would have said so. Or would she? She never said anything about Millie until after the breakup...
Walking back into Stefan's house, Lance still felt a little apprehensive. Stefan, sprawled out on the sofa, smiled as Lance made eye contact with him. Lance tried to smile back, but it was hard to force.
"What's the matter?" Stefan asked, his smile melting away.
"I just want to talk about that dinner date. I just—”
"Don't you want to go out to dinner with me?" Stefan asked, interrupting.
"Of course I actually wanna go to dinner with you," Lance said. "I like that place. It should be fun to just go for dinner."
"So, what?" Stefan asked.
Lance shrugged a little. "I just figured that you didn't really want to go. It's not your thing, and I don't want to force you to do something you're not interested in. So, I guess I just want you to tell me if you actually want to go."
"You have a reservation to use," Stefan said. "I don't want you to waste it."
"It's just money. Don't be miserable for money," Lance insisted.
Stefan seemed a little hesitant. Lance didn't want to pressure him into it, but he also wanted to be pretty certain of what was going on.
"Look, if you don't want to go, you don't have to. Don't feel like you have to just because I have the reservation," Lance said.
"I don't want to risk our relationship, our friendship, whatever, on something that stupid."
Stefan laughed. "You aren't."
"But do you want to actually go?" Lance asked. "I just need to know."
"Well, there is something that makes me reluctant to go," Stefan said. "To be honest."
"What is it?" Lance asked, feeling his heart sink a little.
Stefan paused and shrugged. "I mean, food is food, and if it's free, I'd take it normally. I'm used to going out and being around people, even if I don't like it. Not to mention, you are my friend, and I like spending time with you under almost any circumstance. I'm just worried you'll feel shitty around all those couples."
Lance smiled. It felt like he was about to melt. Stefan's only concern was for him? "No, I won't, don't worry," he said.
"I do worry," Stefan replied. "I care about you. An awful lot, and I want you to be happy. I know I would hate being around other couples if I had gone through what you just have."
"It's different. I like spending time outside. I want to get my head out of wherever it is," Lance explained. "That actually helps me more than staying indoors."
"Sounds like a sort of 'rip the band aid off' approach to mental health," Stefan mused.
Lance laughed a little and moved to sit down on the couch with Stefan. Stefan tucked his legs in to make room. "It kinda is. Just get it over and done with and get on with my life, you know?"
Stefan nodded. "Well, if it helps, I am happy to go."
"Only the best of friends go on dates together," Lance replied with another laugh.
"I guess it isn't technically a date, is it?" Stefan asked, blushing a little bit. "Like, it's just going out for dinner, right?"
Lance nodded. "Yeah, just dinner."
It wasn't just dinner. It hurt to suggest such a thing. This mattered to him. This was going out, on Valentine’s Day, with a best friend who he deeply wanted to date. For some reason he couldn't explain this properly. With all his previous relationships it had been easy. Just walk in and get on with it. Just ask for a date, for a phone number, for a kiss. With Stefan it felt like something was really on the line. Yet, at the same time, what was the use of acting like he didn't love his best friend? What good would it be to remain friends forever if the love in his heart just festered there?
Lance drew a deep breath. "Actually, I would like it to be a date. If you would like it to be a date, that is."
Stefan sat upright instantly, looking tense, shocked, confused. For a moment, Lance wondered if Stefan was insulted, or worried. Then Stefan smiled. "Really? You want it to be a date?"
Lance nodded. It was relieving to see Stefan react so positively. "Of course I do. I love you, Stefan. I think, in a sense, I always have. I want to be your boyfriend."
Stefan's cheeks flushed brightly and he looked away, slightly nervous. "I think I've always loved you too."
Chapter Twelve
Lance seemed to be sincere. Stefan felt his heart beginning to race. "I am serious. I love you," he repeated.
Stefan felt himself thrown back suddenly. It was confusing, but he wrapped his arms around Lance as Lance embraced him, climbing on top, squeezing so hard that Stefan felt almost unable to breathe. Between the tension in his own chest and the tightness of Lance's embrace, it was like he was encased in concrete, but he loved it. He loved what this meant.
"I am so glad you said something," Stefan said softly. "I really thought you were just, you know, having a rebound. Or experimenting. I didn't think you were actually interested in, well, in me."
"Why wouldn't I be?" Lance asked, seeming a little confused.
"Because you’re straight," Stefan replied.
Lance laughed. "Um, you were there that night too. I distinctly remember it."
"You know what I mean. I thought you were," Stefan said.
"Even after we had sex?" Lance asked.
Stefan shrugged.
"I guess I understand. I figured you just weren't into me. It wasn't even a straight or gay thing. It was like, we experimented, had fun, and you stopped showing any interest. So I left it at that," Lance explained.
Stefan laughed a little in relief. "I was just giving you space because I thought you weren't showing interest in me."
Lance laughed too and leaned in. "Well, I'm showing interest now."
Gazing into Lance's eyes, Stefan felt his pulse thumping in his chest, his neck, even inside his ears. It was like his whole body was being driven into a frenzy by the handsome young man on top of him. Leaning in a little more, Lance kissed Stefan softly and sweetly. Stefan felt chills running down his spine. He ran his fingers through Lance's silky soft curls, holding him in the kiss. It was perfect. Everything he could have dreamed of. More than he had ever hoped for.
"One thing," Stefan said, breaking the kiss and staring into Lance's eyes. "I thought you didn't want me? I thought you kept pulling away when I tried to snuggle you," he said. "Why would you think I wasn't interested if I kept dropping hints?"
Lance shook his head. "I got no hints. Seriously. If anything, whenever you were touching me it felt like an accident, and when I was trying to flirt it was like you were a brick wall. I just figured it was me misreading things."
"So...you seriously do like me?" Stefan asked.
Lance nuzzled Stefan's neck softly. "Yeah, I like you. I want you. You're my best friend, but I dunno, I think you could be more. Or, at the very least, we can be best friends with benefits."
"And if it doesn't work out?" Stefan asked.
"We can still be friends," Lance replied confidently. "If at some point we want to see other people, or stop liking the sex, or just figure it isn't meant to be, then we can be friends. Maybe we get back together again. It's not like this is all or nothing. We can just enjoy each other as much as possible for as long as possible."
Stefan was immensely relieved that Lance felt the same way. It had all just been a bit confusing, but it was working out now. Lance was right. Their relationship had withstood countless minor and major barriers. They had always returned to one another. Either that was a sign that they were meant to be together, or it was proof that their friendship was strong enough to survive their attempts at dating each other. Both were good options for Stefan.
"Want to come to my room?" he asked, caressing Lance's hair gently.
Lance nodded, a red blush seeming to almost glow through his brown skin. Lance led the way, steps light, hips moving in a way Stefan couldn't look away from. As Lance fell down on Stefan's bed, Stefan felt an odd sense of pride. Like he had conquered something deeply important, won something precious. In a sense, he had.
They should have time before his mom got home. Still, he locked the door before making his way back to the bed. Lance looked beautiful. Like a young angel laying there on Stefan's bright red comforter, blushing, a little disheveled, already prepared to be stripped naked and used by his best friend and lover.
Looming over Lance, Stefan felt more confident than ever before. This was right. This was how love and sex were supposed to be. For the first time, he wanted it, he wanted to initiate and fully indulge himself.
Stefan kissed his way down Lance's neck and chest, taking his time. Lance angled himself on the bed so he could cup Stefan's crotch. Stefan moved into more of a sixty-nine position, kissing further and further down Lance's body as Lance slowly unzipped Stefan's jeans. Before long they were both naked and ready. Atop Lance, Stefan leaned down and engulfed Lance's hard cock, relishing his lover's moans. Lance regained control of himself and, pushing up on his elbows, took Stefan's erection into his mouth from below, swirling his tongue around the tip slowly and tauntingly.
Stefan felt almost giddy with pleasure, but he knew he couldn't afford to be distracted now. He began to lick up and down Lance's cock, speeding up little by little. Lance did the same. Stefan took as much of Lance's cock into his mouth as he could, feeling Lance gag just as he too gagged on Lance's erection.
Feeling Lance matching his
strokes and licks, Stefan began to move more eagerly, showing Lance what it was he liked, guiding him to do what Stefan needed. They moved in sync, pleasuring one another easily, wordlessly instructing each other as to what they enjoyed. It was like they were made for one another. In a sense, after spending so long loving each other, they were.
Lance tasted pretty amazing. It was only the second time Stefan had gone down on anyone, but he liked it. Just hearing those sweet sounds and feeling Lance buck was heavenly. He knew he wouldn't have enjoyed doing this for anyone else he had known. When doing it for Lance, it felt right. It was like a whole new world of sensations and emotions had opened up to Stefan, all thanks to his best friend- no, boyfriend.
Truth be told, after porn had failed him, Stefan had worried that he wasn't actually all that into this. He had worried that the night of the dance had been a one-off thing. But now he felt certain that this was real. He adored every brush of Lance's lips and tongue, every thrust of Lance's cock into his mouth, every little throb and moan and gasp and grip.
Lance's body felt as good as before. Stefan didn't care if he was attracted to men or women any more. He was attracted to Lance. That was what mattered.
Caressing Lance's surprisingly soft thighs, Stefan felt like his hands were electrified, like every time he stroked Lance's skin, a small part of their souls was mingling. Lance was bucking harder and harder into Stefan's mouth. It was intoxicating. The way his cock slid against Stefan's tongue. The way Lance moaned so softly, so beautifully. Lance's hands gripping Stefan's buttocks, controlling each thrust. The feeling of Lance's tongue mimicking his own movements in a slow and sensual dance. He had never felt like this before.
Stefan knew he was getting close, and drew back, still stroking Lance's cock, worried he might hurt Lance while he was caught up in his own orgasm. The last thing he wanted was to clench his teeth at the wrong time. Lance didn't seem to mind the switch, still bucking up into Stefan's hand, still taking Stefan's cock in, deeper and deeper. As Stefan slowly gave in to pleasure, losing control, he felt his weight shifting onto Lance's body. Somehow, Lance had the strength to hold Stefan's hips up, lowering and raising them, taking Stefan all the way back into his throat each time. To Stefan it felt like he was floating on clouds, like the world was melting away around him and he was becoming one with Lance.