by Kahlen Aymes
"I know it's hard Cade, but this is the price of fame."
"The price might be too high. This level of fame was never what I wanted. I just want to make films. It's gotten way out of control," I scoffed as I settled into my seat and looked anxiously at my phone. "It all gives me a bloody headache."
"Waiting for a message from Brook?" Denise asked, knowingly.
I nodded. "She must be in the shower or something or she would have responded by now. I have to turn the phone off soon and then I won't be able to contact her for eight hours." When I said the words, I realized how pathetic I must have sounded and sighed.
Yes. Okay? I miss the fucking shit out of her and I've barely left her.
I swallowed hard at the thought of the coming madness at Cannes and then the brief time we had left together in Italy. Denise squeezed my arm where her hand rested.
"Jeanne and I are trying to work with the studios to get some of your schedule rearranged. As it stands, you two only have one weekend off together around the Fourth of July. Did you know that?" Her voice took on an edge whenever she was angry.
"Yeah. I've been trying to keep it from Brook and hoping to hell that something can be done about it before then. Damn them. I guess there's more than one way to keep us apart."
My phone pinged in my hand and I had the message open before the tone was even done playing.
I miss you every second you're not with me, but try to have fun... just not TOO MUCH! LOL
I smiled when I read the message. "Hmmph!"
Denise smiled when she saw the look on my face. "She's handling it better than you, huh?"
"Something like that, yeah. She's amazing."
OK, my love. You, too, but don't be kissing any frogs while I'm gone.
I knew she'd be laughing when she got the message.
AFTER WE LANDED, we attended a party on someone's yacht, and I didn't even remember who it belonged to or what the party was even for. It was an endless stream of introductions, women fawning and asking me questions about my films and too much alcohol, but what the hell? My full glass had been the most comforting part of the evening.
In the back of my mind, I was sure there would be paparazzi telling the wrong story, pushing photos and trying to make it seem like I was out and completely single. To the world I was, but in my heart, I couldn't have been less available.
It was eight hours earlier in Los Angeles, so I called Brook when I got back to my hotel suite. I was over-tired, slightly drunk, and I missed her.
"Hey." Her voice was low and sexy, at least to my alcohol infused brain. "How's Cannes?"
"Lonely. I miss you, Brook."
"Um... you sound a little...”
"Inebriated? Yeah, I am," I laughed.
"I saw some pictures online of you tonight. You looked hot, babe."
"You're hot. I wish you were here with me," I sighed into the phone and pictured her lying in her bed, all warm and soft. Mmmm...
She laughed softly into the phone and the sound did strange things to my body. "Maybe I'll have to get you drunk more often, you're awfully cute."
"What did you do today?"
"Well, it's been raining, so Martin had us do some retakes on the office set… " Her words dropped off as I pictured her working with Noah. "And, um... I had to tell Martin I lost Julia’s ring. Props had a back-up, so it was fine."
"Did Noah behave himself?" I was aware he was trying to spend more time with her off set while I was away and my guard was up.
She sighed. "Yes. He’s been sweet."
"That's not what I asked." I rubbed my hand over my eyes. I was lying on the bed with my head hanging off of the foot of it and my neck was starting to hurt.
"Hey, you're the one getting mobbed with legions of women. I'd relax about Noah if I were you."
"I know. I just miss you, love. And I'm a little jealous that he gets to be near you when I don't." I moved up off of the bed and over to my laptop and turned it on.
"It's only a couple more days. At least, that's what I keep telling myself. And he doesn't get to be near me. Not like you are." Her voice dropped and I heard the rustling of the blankets that must be wrapped around her body. "I miss your body, your hands, your mouth... ugh...”
"Oh God, Brook." My body reacted to her words and the tone in her voice. "Are you trying to kill me?" My voice ached along with my dick as it grew and strained in my pants.
"I'll make it up to you in Italy."
"You promise?" I knew I sounded like a pathetic baby, but that's how I felt.
"Like I'll be able to help myself, Cade! Come on!" I heard her breath leave her body in a rush and more rustling of the blankets. "I miss you."
I pulled up iTunes and searched for a song to send her.
"Me, too, honey. Jesus." I ran my hand through my hair as I tried to control my breathing. "It's early for you to be in bed, yeah?" I asked as I found the song I wanted. "I'm sending you something on email, sweetheart. Can you go get it?"
"Mmmm... yes, I guess, but I'd rather lay here and pretend I'm kissing you...”
My heart stopped at her words considering the song I'd just sent, but I heard her move to her computer and call up her email.
"I sent you a song. Listen to it and think of me, Brook, ok? I'm going to listen before I try to sleep, too."
"Cade, it's 4 AM there, isn't it? You need to go to bed," she admonished.
"I will, but after the song is done. Brook... is it still raining?"
"Yes. I've been listening to it pound on the windows," the dulcet tone of her voice was like music to my ears.
"I'll be thinking of you. I love you so much and I'll call you tomorrow, okay? You can tell me how you liked the song," I said softly.
"I will. I'm sure it will be perfect. Everything you do is perfect, isn't it?" Her words left me speechless and I closed my eyes. "Bye, sweet boy."
"Bye, love." I was reluctant to let go of the sound of her voice as the phone went dead.
I shed my clothes and put my earbuds in my ears and cranked the volume as I crawled into bed alone.
As I hung up the phone, I was already missing the velvet voice that had become the most important sound in my world, but I smiled as I opened my email.
B-
I wish I could kiss you right now... But since I can’t, Kiss the Rain. Listen to the song and go outside and kiss the rain, Brook. It's me kissing you. I can taste you and I love you so much. Counting the minutes until we're together again.
-C
I downloaded the song of the same title to my iPod and then threw on my clothes and Vans. I looked out into the hall to see if anyone was there, before making a mad dash for the stairs. I climbed to the top floor pool deck and pushed open the doors so I could rush out into the rain. My heart was pounding as I pressed play on the song and turned up the volume.
The music pulsed in my ears, followed by single piano notes... and then the lyrics began. It fit our separation perfectly and the fact that he found a song referencing rain when it was pouring in Vancouver was so typical of him.
“Whenever you need me, Kiss the rain…” The chorus played as the rain fell softly around me, soaking through my hoodie and jeans, but I didn't care. I listened to the words of the song and smiled as I lifted my face to the wetness, and laughed happily as the drops ran down my face.
When the song ended, I played it again and again, before finally making my way back down to my suite. My heart was full and I was completely soaked to the skin, but I was smiling. I’d memorized the lyrics and the artist’s name. Billie Meyers. I’d never heard of him, but now I’d be looking up every song he’d ever recorded.
Could Cade get any more fucking perfect? I sighed heavily and pushed the door to my suite open, going into the dark room alone.
I stripped off my sodden clothes and started the shower as I shivered in the bathroom. I stepped inside and the warm water replaced the cold rain. I felt content knowing that when Cade and I were separated over the summer, we'd be oka
y. We’d still be us, despite the distance.
I knew what I had to do to make sure we did. If I could just make it through the goodbye next week without completely losing it, that would be a start.
No chance in hell of that happening. I scoffed at myself.
We could make it through it, but it was still going to rip both of our hearts out. I knew it... and Cade did, too.
I MADE IT THROUGH the photo calls and the interviews the day before. It seemed like they were endless, taking literally hours. The photographers all screaming and the fans lined up to see me do, I didn't know what? Stand on the pier, or talking to a reporter for an interview? I didn't understand the fascination that they found in it; to me it was bloody ridiculous.
Thank God Denise was with me and I had the band of bodyguards to ward off the hoards of fans.
It was my last night in France; I was on my way to another premiere with Denise. I didn’t even want to be there, but the film was getting a lot of hype and Denise said she wouldn’t be doing her job as my agent if she didn’t get me in front of this director, but I was preoccupied and I didn’t even recall who it was. More bloody photo calls were sure to ensue, but I knew Brook would be watching for them. I smiled as I remembered how she said I looked so gorgeous at the Academy Awards; she liked seeing me in a tux. My heart sped up a little at the mere thought of her. The world could think I was Adonis and I didn’t give a rat’s ass, but Brook saying I was handsome meant everything to me, and put a silly grin on my face.
She was the beautiful one; so insanely beautiful.
We were texting most of the day and Denise had to remind me that it didn't look good for me to always be looking at my phone, especially in pictures that were constantly being taken.
I didn't bloody care.
These situations drove me bonkers, and Brook's presence, even if only on my phone via text messages, helped me to get through it.
I realized that the mobs and fans weren't going away in the near or distant future. Even if I decided to stop acting, it wouldn't go away, and no amount of worrying or whining would change anything. I might as well make the best of this bloody mess.
Hundreds of fans and photographers waited for me as I stepped out of the limousine onto the red carpet, followed closely behind by Denise. She moved to the side as they all started shouting and screaming and what seemed like a million cameras never ceased their flashing. Screaming my name, various magazines, televisions shows and freelance photographers had me turn this way and that as the cameras clicking began to explode around me. I felt like a bloody puppet.
Christ, I hate this shit.
I was going blind by the lights on the cameras, and it was harder and harder not to squint in the face of it all, so again, even though the sun was down, I pushed on my sunglasses.
The movie was amusing and I tried hard to focus on the plot, so I wouldn’t make an ass of myself later when Denise paraded me in front of the director. I found him to be an interesting person and I enjoyed talking to him.
They basically herded us into an after party and on the way, I checked my phone to see if Brook had called or texted. Denise nudged my arm, but I smirked at her.
"Okay, last time, I promise."
You looked amazing, my love. Remember, you're mine.
A big grin split out across my face as I quickly texted her back.
No need to remind me. You know where my heart is.
We had assigned seating for the dinner at the after party, and by some coincidence, Patrick Armstrong, his girlfriend, Brianna Denfeld, and a couple of his friends were placed with Denise and me. Patrick would be directing Brook in a new romantic comedy and he was sure to pick my brain about her.
I was seated across from Patrick and Brianna, Denise was on my right and a woman by the name of Erika something or other on my left. I ordered a Crown Royal and lit a cigarette as I assessed Patrick from across the table. He had his hair slicked back and looked completely different to how I'd seen him in the past. He had a flick he was promoting that would be coming out a month or so ahead of Don’t Forget to Remember Me, and we spent several minutes talking about that before the conversation came around to Brook.
"So Cade, how'd you like working with Brook Halloway?" he asked over his glass of wine.
"Oh, I liked it," I said with a careful smile. "She's great."
"Yes, isn't she? I find her very intriguing. She's quite intelligent, inquisitive and very beautiful. I really enjoyed talking with her before her audition. She seems very dedicated."
My eyes narrowed involuntarily as I looked at him talk about my baby. "Um, yes, I agree. I think anyone who gets the opportunity to work with her will be extremely lucky. She and I are, uh... well, we've become very close through all of this madness." Denise kicked my leg, so apparently she thought I was about to spill more details than would be appropriate.
"You know, I recommended her to Martin Deering for this series; he’s is a close personal friend of mine. I’d seen a screen test she did for a TV movie and though she didn’t get cast, I could tell she was going to be very sought after. I was glad to hear he gave her the role. She should send me a diamond or something," he laughed and the women all joined him, but Denise looked at me nervously.
"I'll let her know when I see her in Italy in a few days."
I was concentrating on him, but somewhere in my subconscious, I was aware of Erika leaning in toward me to try to get my attention. I was polite and gracious to the woman, but I was more interested in what Patrick was saying about Brook.
"Oh, you're going to Italy? I love Italy," Erika interjected to get my attention. I looked at her for the first time that evening. She was blonde, pretty, but nothing to turn my head, even if I wasn't in love with Brook. “Especially Florence.”
I ordered another drink and lit another cigarette as I turned my head toward her. "Yes, we're attending the Italian Film Festival. I'm meeting Brook and some of the other cast there when I leave France tomorrow."
At that moment, one of her friends asked that I lean into her so that they could get a picture. Erika scooted her chair closer and the woman with the camera asked me to put my arm around her. I put my arm around her chair and she took the photo. Right when I did it, I realized the mistake I'd made. Instantly moving my chair away and leaned in to whisper to Denise.
"Fuck, what did I just do? Can we get that photo back?"
"I don't see how, Cade. It's not a big deal. You didn't have your tongue down her throat. Pinnacle will be happy to have public attention diverted from you and Brook, and it was innocent."
I ran my hand through my hair a couple of times, leaned back in my chair and downed my drink.
"We don't even know this girl; who is she? And will she make more of it than there is? Nothing is ever bloody innocent with these damned paparazzi!"
Denise shrugged and shook her head. "Now isn't a good time to discuss it."
"Cade, do you want to go somewhere else? I'd love to talk to you some more," Erika said.
"Uh...”
Shit. How can I be nice about this? I wondered.
"Thank you for the offer, Erika, but, uh... I have an early flight tomorrow and I need to be rested. I’m going straight back to the hotel after this," I knew my tone was flat and disinterested.
"Well... I could... come with you? " The words sounded coy, but the invitation in her eyes was obvious.
I looked at Denise, my eyes widening slightly in annoyance.
"Thank you, really," I said again as I put out my hand to stop her words, "but I must be going now." Her expression hardened and she was clearly put off.
Thank God Denise had called the car minutes before. I couldn't get out of there fast enough as I felt the heat start to flush my face. I said goodbye to Patrick, who rose and shook my hand.
"I'm sorry you feel the need to run off, Cade. It was good to meet you. Tell my little Brooksy I look forward to working with her."
I stiffened at his words and glanced at his girlfriend w
ho had a strained look on her face.
"I will. It was very nice to meet you as well, all of you. Goodnight Erika, Brianna. Enjoy the remainder of your evening."
I put my hand behind Denise's back to turn her from the table and she preceded me to the door.
In the limo back to the hotel, I worried about that damned photo, and not because the world would speculate that I was banging some nameless woman in Cannes, but because I didn't need for Brook to be put through any stress, wondering...
"She'll be fine, Cade. Wipe that goofy look off of your face. She'll handle this shit better than you will. Trust me." Denise rolled her eyes.
"I hope you're right."
"I'm right. You just tell her the truth... before she sees that picture. Got it?"
I sighed and stared out the window as we made our way through the streets of Antibes.
Fuck, I can't wait to get on that bloody plane tomorrow, to see my baby girl the day after... but I'd be bloody damned if I'd ever call her Brooksy.
THE WEEK WENT BY relatively fast. I missed Cade, but we kept in touch with texts and talked on the phone a couple of times a day. I kept busy with the reshoots and hanging out with Noah and Jennifer.
I still had one day of shooting left before Jennifer and I were headed to meet up with Cade in Italy. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. These would be the last five days I’d see him every day, sleeping with him at night, holding him, touching him... breathing him in. I was acutely aware of the time ticking away like a bomb about to explode.
I was overly emotional. I knew it and made the decision I needed to get myself in control. I was excited because I was going to see Cade in twenty-four hours, yet, sad that he would leave soon. I had a long talk with my mother the night before on the phone, and she had centered me a little, insisting that Cade and I would be just fine. I knew it wouldn't be easy being away from him, but we both needed to decompress and I needed to start compiling a body of work that would set me up for success as I moved beyond this series.