“I’m okay,” I said trying to get some space.
“What time is it?” I asked mom after walking minutes.
“Just forty more minutes,” answered mom. The longest forty minutes of my life if you asked me. I saw Dr. Nahal walking down the hall and he said goodbye. I was free. Mom stood next to him and they talked in a low tone for me not to hear. Mom changed her tone and gratefully thanked him as always. When I got home Ernest went crazy. He ran up and down the living room and jumped towards me as he tried to lick my face. He kept running for an entire minute and then pulled on my clothes and bit my ears as I lay on the couch.
“Ernest!” I cried laughing.
“I missed you too Ernest but you can’t do thisI did the stupidest thing anyone with cancer can do. As mom stepped in the bathroom I sneaked into Grace’s room and opened her laptop. I kept the door open to hear mom. I opened the first internet tab I could and typed ‘How long does a stomach cancer patient live for.’ Most of it was medical terms but the survival is what hit me the most five years was the average someone lived for after being diagnosed. Some longer, but some with stage four cancer only lasted months. I was for the first time in my life terrified of dying. I wanted to continue on reading, but I cleared the internet history and but the laptop back where it was. I wiped the tears and walked of Grace’s room. Mom found me in the hall and I lowered my head.
“Is everything okay?” she asked. I nodded and went straight into the living room. I wanted to see Noah, I wanted to tell what I had seen, he was the only one I felt comfortable with talking about this.
I waited until five to call Noah and when I did he was the one to answer.
“Hello,” he answered.
“I need to see you,” I said.
“Own my way,” he answered. I got Ernest ready but mom stopped me at the door saying I couldn’t go.
“You and Noah can stay in your room, Dr. Nahal said you needed to rest,” she said. I felt sorry for Ernest who was already at the door jumping up in down and pulling on his collar.
“I’ll walk him,” said mom. Ernest pulled her out and went wild once outside.
“Careful,” I said seeing mom having a hard time holding on to Ernest. At the other side of the street I saw Noah sprinting and slowing down once he saw me. He looked sweaty and tired, his house only two blocks away but it was easy to tell he had sprinted all the way here.
“Want some water?” I asked.
“I do,” he answered.
Noah slugged the entire glass of water and asked for more. He did the same with the second and third.
I was glad mom was gone and so was dad, Grace was the only one home but she was inside her room. I wanted to tell Noah all about the new cancer.
“Come,” I said walking to my room.
“Where’s Ernest?” asked Noah.
“Mom took him on a walk,” I answered.
“I wanted us to walk him but mom said I needed to get some rest,”
“How are you feeling?” he asked. I knew this was time to tell him, I needed to tell someone. I knew mom and dad knew but Grace didn’t. I took a deep breath and cleared my throat.
“The cancer has spread, that’s why I had that horrible stomach ache,” I said lowering my face. Noah stood silent, I wouldn’t know what to tell me either. From the corner of my eyes I saw Noah lean closer to me. He hugged me and I hugged him back.
“That’s not the worst part,” I said.
“I did something really stupid,” I confessed.
“Everything will be okay, what did you do?” he asked.
“I looked for how long someone with stomach cancer can live for on Grace’s laptop,” I said.
“Five years, is what it said,” I sighed. Noah was speechless, he grabbed my hand like he’d never done and squeezed it.
“You can’t pay attention to that,” he said. Oh but I was, I had never felt that pain like days before and I sure didn’t want to feel it again.
“Promise me something,” I said.
“No matter how much friends you make you always visit me,” I said desperately. Noah moved closer to me and grabbed both of my hands, looked at me in the eyes and said:
“I promise,”
Noah stayed late that night and had dinner with us. We had spaghetti and meatballs and so did Ernest. I spotted Noah slipping one of his meatballs under the table and giving it to Ernest. Mom didn’t like us feeding Noah our food and although she spotted Noah doing it she didn’t tell him anything. Dad offered to drive Noah but he refused and told him he would call his dad. Noah pulled his cellphone and called his dad.
“I’ll be here around seven,” he said before he jumped in his dad’s car.
I struggled to get up the following morning, I had gotten use to wake up around eight, have breakfast and go back to sleep. Mom offered to drive me and Noah but we had plenty of time and decided to walk.
Noah told me about his dream as we walked down with our heads down trying to cover our faces from the cold wind.
“I was a real astronaut, and the dream felt so real!” he said.
“What is your biggest dream?” he asked. I thought about his question for a few seconds everyone I knew had a dream. I didn’t. I loved everything that had to do with photographing but didn’t dream of becoming a professional.
“My biggest dream, I think I don’t have one,” I said.
“You got to have one,” said Noah. “Everyone does,”
“I don’t think I do,” I said.
“I always have a dream, I’m always looking forward to something,” said Noah.
“Why is that?” I asked.
“I don’t know it’s something that keeps me excited for something. Years before I would be excited for my birthday or Christmas, but now I’m more excited about the science fair, going into high school, or kissing you,” Noah closed his mouth and went red almost instantly. I wanted to say something but knew it would only make things more awkward. We reached the school’s yard and Noah reached for his cellphone.
“Eleven more minutes until first period,” he said.
“Do you have your camera on you?” he asked.
“I don’t,”
“I want a photo that I can hang in my locker, forgot to tell you they might be giving us lockers today or tomorrow,” he said.
Inside everyone pushed and shoved, the main hallway was chaotic. The ones who had their lockers in the main hallway had to dodge those around them to be able to even open them. Near the end of the hallway Noah turned left and I turned right where I was carefully looking not to miss room 142 where I would have Math.
I never imagined witnessing an actual fight on my second day of middle school. I saw a big crowd piled against the end of the hall, I wasn’t trying to see what was going on but room 142 was next to the big crowd. I saw to girls screaming and yelling at the top of their lungs. Those around them cheered and others recorded with their cellphones. I couldn’t believe my eyes. One of the girl yanked out a big chunk of hair from the other. They went to the ground again and big loud scream made them go apart.
“HEEEEEEEEEY!” someone screamed behind me. His big scream echoed through the entire hallway.
“Back off from each other!”
I looked back and saw a muscular dark man coming my way. His shorts and the whistle wrapped around his neck told me he was the football coach. He moved into the middle of the crowd and helped one of the girls up. She had a bloody nose that dripped the entire hallway.
“Get to class!” he screamed helping the other girl up.
I sat on the front row trying to draw the less amount of attention as possible. I had to stay after class to explain to each and every one of my teachers why I had been absent for the last two days. I decided to tell the truth.
“I was in the hospital,” I told my fifth period teacher.
“What happened to you?” asked Mrs. Campbell.
“I rather not talk about it,” I said. Mrs. Campbell dismissed me but first she gave m
e a sorry look. She didn’t know what was wrong with me but she knew what it ever it was would have me missing more school days.
The first month of middle school went okay for me. I was back on chemotherapy on Saturdays and resting it off on Sundays. The rest of the week I kept myself busy with homework and Noah would often come around and tell me all about his new friends. He was keeping his promise, he was having the best of times and told me all about the science project him and his new lab partner Isabella. I wasn’t jealous of Isabella I just didn’t like Noah telling me about her.
Chapter Eighteen
Noah: I had never heard Nick cry the way he did the next morning. Mom asked him desperately to get up but he refused to.
“What’s wrong with him?” I asked.
“Judy and he had a big discussion and they broke up,” answered mom.
“Love is a powerful thing,” said dad.
“It can make someone feel they’re king of the world and the next day it can make them feel like they’re worth a pile of dirt,” he added. Dad always gave us our space. He called it growing up, but this time he ate his breakfast fast and didn’t mind giving me and Nick a ride to school.
He talked to Nick about first loves and the way he would have to go through many relationships to find the one.
“Your mother was my sixth girlfriend,” he said.
“Just don’t tell her I said that. I cried like just like you over five other girls and felt exactly like you,” he told Nick.
“But what Judy and I had was special,” he said in a weird voice.
“I’m sure it was, and so will many others be. But, you will have to learn from love, it’s not perfect, nothing is. You need to get over it,” dad said.
We dropped Nick off and I was thinking of asking dad on some tips that could help me out with Amber. I still liked her but it was different now that I knew her, I didn’t have the same obsession with her like the first week I met her. Dad dropped me off and wished me luck on my third day.
It was a good third day, I was one of the top three in all of my classes so far. I participated almost every time I knew the answer to something and asked almost five questions per class.
After school mom told me Nick was still locked in his room. He had taken the bus back home and had arrived before me.
“I want to talk to Judy, I can’t stand seeing Nick like this,” she said. I looked out the window and saw Judy and mom talking out in the street. Judy’s eyes looked the same as Nick’s. The two of them walked inside Judy’s and stayed there for a long time. Our house phone rang and I ran to grab it.
“Hello,” I said.
“I need to see you,” said a quiet voice on the other land.
“On my way,” I answered realizing it was Amber. I placed my shoes as fast as I could, and raced to her house. It was only two blocks so I ran as fast as I could realizing the stomach ache could have come back. I was glad Amber was out of the hospital but was worried on why she needed to see me. As I reached Amber’s I saw Mrs. Sanders walking Ernest down the end of the block. I felt much calmer knowing Amber was okay. I saw her wave at me from inside her fence and I did the same.
“Want some water?” she asked before I stepped inside.
“I do,” I answered with a dry throat. Amber bit her nails which was something she never did. I asked a second and third glass of water just to give her time to think about what she was about to tell me. I wanted to get as calm as possible. After the third glass of water I was ready to hear what Amber had to say.
“Come,” she said walking down her hall. Her room was upstairs and to the left. It was my first time in and I tried to look around to remember as best as I could.
“Where’s Ernest?” I asked forgetting I had seen Mrs. Sanders walking him.
“Mom took him on a walk,” said Amber.
“I wanted us to walk him but mom said I needed to get some rest,”
I didn’t like asking Amber how she felt, I rarely did. But, the way she looked down and had trouble looking at me in the eyes told me something was wrong.
“How are you feeling?” I asked hoping to get a positive answer. It took Amber a few seconds to answer. She took a deep breath and finally did.
“The cancer has spread, that’s why I had that horrible stomach ache,” she said in a low voice.
I was speechless, I saw Amber tucking in her face. I tried to say something but knew nothing I said would make her feel better. I looked at her and came closer and hugged her the same way I’ve liked her to hug me if I were the one who had cancer. To my surprise she hugged me back. I felt her warm hands touch my back and then her heart beat in my chest. I didn’t want this to end. I wanted her to feel safe.
“That’s not the worst part,” she said backing slowly away. “I did something really stupid,” she added almost regretting it.
“Everything will be okay, what did you do?” I asked.
“I looked for how long someone with stomach cancer can live for on Grace’s laptop,” she said weeping. “Five years, is what it said,” she said.
I wanted nothing more than to make Amber feel safe. I grabbed her hands and stared at her letting her know I would always be there for her. At first my crush but now she was more than my best friend. Like the sister I’ve never had. I wanted to tell her all of this, but waited for the appropriate time.
“You can’t pay attention to that,” I said. I could feel Amber’s chest beating fast, afraid of the new cancer she would have to face. I heard her sob as I hugged her for a second time. I didn’t know what else to say, I knew it was much harder for her than it was to any of us who knew her. I didn’t believe what she had seen in the internet. I was caught thinking about the time Nick tried to cheat on a test with information he found in the internet and got every answer wrong. I was getting ready to tell Amber but she spoke first. Her sobs stopped and she calmed a bit to speak.
“Promise me something,” she said. “Anything,” I thought.
“No matter how much friends you make you will always visit me,” she said looking down. It was then that I realized her family and I were the only ones who could make Amber feel better. She hadn’t called me to tell me about her cancer. She called me because she felt lonely. It hurt me to see the girl I liked this way.
“I promise,” I said realizing this was the first I made promised something I really, really meant.
Amber invited me to stay for dinner and I accepted. Mrs. Sanders’ food tasted great! I had nothing against mom’s food but I preferred when we ate McDonald’s.
I saw Amber smile for the first time in the day and that always made me feel good. We had spaghetti and meatballs that I’ve only had in fancy restaurants before. Mrs. Sanders nailed it. It tasted great! I shared two of my meatballs with Ernest without any of the Sanders knowing. Ernest enjoyed the meatballs as much as I did. I wanted more but was still too embarrassed to do so.
I called my dad once dinner was over and told Amber I would come pick her up for school tomorrow.
“I’ll be here around seven,” I said before running up to dad’s car. Dad was silent the entire way home. He opened the garage and stayed inside car for a few minutes. I saw Nick outside as well and knew something was up.
“What are you doing out here?” I asked. Nick grabbed me by the shirt and pulled me down so we were face to face.
“Mom and dad are getting a divorce,” he said. I looked into Nick’s eyes and it was clear he had been crying.
“What?” I asked trying to understand we he said.
“Mom and dad got in a huge fight and they are getting a divorce, I heard them scream at each other and mom left just a few minutes with her friend,” he added. I went inside and looked for mom. I was used to Nick playing jokes on me but this seemed so real. I looked inside her wardrobe and saw some of her clothes missing. She was gone.
I ran out and went inside the garage I opened dad’s door and found him crying with the radio at full volume.
“What’s going on?�
�� I asked.
“Where’s mom?” I cried. Dad grabbed me and tried to pull me closer, he smelt funny and it was then that I saw the beer he held on his right arm.
“Go inside, and go to sleep do you hear me? This is something you and Nick can’t control,” he said pushing me away.
“Nick what do we do?” I asked running back to him.
“We wait, mom said she’d call you to your cellphone later on today,” he said. Nick went inside and back to his room. The garage was visible from my window, I saw dad’s car lights still on as I waited for moms call. It was near ten and still nothing. I called mom several times but her phone sent me directly to voicemail. My eyes came close to closing when I heard the house phone ring. I jumped out of bed and ran to the living room.
“Hello,” I answered.
“Noah, it’s me,” said mom.
“I’ll be there tomorrow, I’m sure might have told you what’s going but there’s nothing to worry about, okay?” her voice sounded very normal, it made me feel better to hear mom was okay.
“Okay,” I answered.
“Now go to bed, tomorrow you will have to do your own breakfast and walk to school, okay?” she asked.
“Understood,” I said.
“Goodnight, love you,”
“Love you too, mom.”
Back in my bed the words mom had said were storming my head, I couldn’t remember the last time she had said ‘I love you.’ the words were powerful, enough to make me feel the need to say them more often to those who I really loved. I thought about love and all the things that came around it. I knew I hadn’t loved enough to fully understand it but it was crazy to see my parents this apart, they seemed so in love for me so did Nick and Judy, I had a different definition of love, and I planned to share it with Amber.
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