I opened the pictures and looked again, “you really think their daughter pole dancing is what they wanted?”
“I think they wanted what all parents want. A happy kid. And if this isn’t what they wanted for you, then they should’ve stayed to make it different. So no disrespect to them, but they don’t have a say anymore.”
I smiled up at him, “thanks.”
“Dance for me tomorrow night. Fuck the judges and the crowd. I’ll be your audience, and I’ll be right there front row.”
I smiled with my head down and he pushed forward to set our foreheads together. Something happened, though. He held my arm and I held the back of his neck. He kissed my lips lightly and it was quick, but he’d never done that before. When I looked at him he pulled back and stood up.
“Get some sleep, Baby Girl, you got a big night tomorrow.” He tugged a curl on my head and I smiled.
“Goodnight…”
He acted normal but that was weird.
Chapter Twelve
The next morning while he was out getting us breakfast I got a call from Brianna.
I answered, “Fire Department! You light em’ we fight em’.”
She cracked up at my greeting then sighed, “your phone pick-ups never get old.”
“One day they will but I’m good right now.”
“How are you feeling?”
I bit my lip. “Sick.”
“Don’t be. You go this.”
“I know.” I smiled, “this could change everything for me. I’ll walk away with a professional title. I realize the prize money is unbeatable but girl, just the trophy to prove it would do me fine. I want this so bad I taste it.”
She laughed, “girly it’s all yours for the taking. Moses is with you right?”
I stalled then told her about last night when he gifted me the most amazing thing in the world. “He gave their faces back,” I told her. “I don’t know if that makes sense but I don’t remember really well what they look like. It makes me feel guilty.”
Brianna hummed through the phone, “don’t feel guilty. I haven’t been totally blind long and sometimes I have trouble remembering too.”
I sat up in bed, “I love you, Bri. I wish you were here.”
“Me too. I’m sorry I’m not. I’d do anything to see you dance. You were always a wonder. I wish I could do something like that.”
“You could-.”
“Nope. Blind secretary is enough. Change topic. How’s Moses?”
I picked at the bed sheets. “Something was different last night. I’m afraid to read into it but…”
“What happened?”
“He kissed me on the lips.” I leaned forward to see the door to our room, “he’s never done that. He got up afterward and went to bed but…Brianna don’t let me start this up again. We’re friends, he doesn’t see me that way so tell me he doesn’t.”
She breathed down the line. “I don’t think he does but, that is a little weird. Did he touch you anywhere else?”
“No.” I sat back and rubbed my feet together. “No, I’m just imagining things to justify the feelings. You’d think by now I’d know better.”
She snorted, “Moses is gorgeous, and you guys are intimate. Sometimes I think he must be blinder than I am if he’s never even considered you.”
“He’s got Jenzy. He loves her I can tell.”
“It’s too soon for that.”
I shook my head, “I know him, he loves her. That’s good though. He deserves to be happy especially after Katie. I just need to find the right guy.”
“You’ve been saying that to yourself since you were in grade school.” She reminded.
I laughed, “well…I still haven’t found him.”
“Will you promise me something?”
I breathed in slow then let it out, “sure.”
“Swear.”
I figure she’s telling me to swear to move past him, and I do intend to so I huffed, “I swear.”
“If Moses is ever single again… tell him how you feel.”
“NO WAY!” I got up to walk after that one. “Are you insane? I’m not risking the only family I’ve got on stupid little feelings. They come and go anyway and….oh, no, no, no, no, hell no. Absolutely not. Moses is my friend and I’m his. That’s close enough. I can’t even keep a guy longer than six months! What if we did okay at the beginning then-.” The thought of losing him was like a punch to the gut. “No. Never.”
“You promised girly. Too late.” She sang into the phone.
“I didn’t know what you had planned. My promise is void now.”
Brianna laughed, “nope, still valid as a sworn promise, and I’m holding you to it. Look. If he feels the same way, all this BS you guys dance around, comes to light and you walk away with a lover and a best friend. If he doesn’t feel a thing you get closure and it will help you move on. No more reading between the lines.”
I sat by the window, “and if he does and we try and break up? What then?”
“Then you both do the grown up thing and go back to being friends. It’s been done before and if you can’t you’re both a bunch of dramatic little girls. To let a fine friendship like this go over something so stupid…”
I found my safe haven in the fact that Moses is by heart a domestic. He wants the one girl, that leads to forever, with weddings and babies and he’s found that in Jenzy. She’s like him in every way. So there won’t be a single Moses again.
That’s my loophole to saying to Brianna, “Okay, sure. If he’s ever single again, I’ll tell him how I feel.”
MOSES
I almost had to carry Chloe to the event. She’s so nervous her knees are knocking and she threw up this morning. I had to hold her hair back because she was dressed for the dance. I know how much this means to her, and I know she’s feeling alone.
My gift to her last night was received the way I’d hoped but it also had her sentimental.
I’m also hoping the weirdness of what I did last night is gone. I kissed her on the lips! What and why? I don’t even know. I also refuse to think about it.
I’m all dressed in a tux and she’s in her costume but she’s got on a black silk robe. I’m standing with her in her room backstage and she’s shaking. I noticed when she tried to untie the robe.
“Hey,” I went over and took her wrists. “Breathe okay? Can you breathe with me? In through the nose, out through the mouth.” My yoga voice is in effect.
She did as I said but it’s choppy, “what if I go off beat?”
“You won’t. Don’t attract negative things. You’ve done this routine till you were blue in the face.”
She widened those gorgeous eyes, all glammed up tonight for dramatic flair, but they look hauntingly sexy, “Is it a predictable routine?”
“To you maybe, since you’ve done it 9,000 times, to them it’s fresh and exciting.”
She nodded and went into my arms. She feels so small, and so scared. “Remember what your mom said… Gianopoulos’ don’t fear anything. I’m going to be there the whole time.”
She nodded and then a guy from the stage area came in, “Okay, I need you out,” he said to me, “and you ready.” He said to her.
I kissed her head then started out. She grabbed my arm, “hey…?” I looked back, “I’m only dancing for you right?”
“That’s right. Just look at me, I’m the only one there.”
She breathed a little easier and then I was pushed out.
I found my reserved seating up front. Family and friends are right under the stage at big circular tables with polished wooden surfaces and tiny candles in the center.
The judges are to the right and they have a long bar like table to sit at. It’s a mixed group of four girls and two guys.
All the tables with family member reservations are super full, so I’m sitting by myself at Arthur’s round table. Now I see how important it was I come tonight.
The light turned down super low and all that was left was the l
ights on stage and the candles on our tables. There’s like a sea of people behind me at smaller tables and when the speaker came out a few of us clapped. As he talked I saw that it was eight at night and I always call Jenzy at this time.
I hurried over to the exit door and slipped out to call and anticipated leaving a voicemail about Chloe’s event and that I’d call for a longer talk later, but then it cut off early and I called back. She answered and sounded very broken. I asked what was wrong and she blew into a rage of honesty that had me stunned.
“I just told him to stop.” She said in a quiet voice. “I told him it’s too late.”
I wish I could feel comforted by that but she sounds hurt about it, “Jenzy-.”
“Don’t.” she flared, “just, please don’t tell me how you understand his side, or ask me if I’m sure or if- if- just don’t. Stop being so nice to me okay? I don’t deserve it. I’m not so great and I-, you need to find someone less fucked up.”
I panicked hearing that, “you aren’t fucked up.”
“Yes I am! I don’t know what I want and I shouldn’t be dating. I’m selfish for even trying it and what’s wrong with you? You just handle everything all the time. I’m in a honeymoon suite with my husband and you still want to talk to me? Why? Why? Are you that lonely or are you desperate? What, you can’t find a girlfriend? You don’t need this bull shit! I kissed him Moses, we kissed and it wasn’t- I didn’t even stop it. So just stop being such a nice guy and leave me alone. Get it?”
My heart went snap and my stomach lurched. I knew this trip to Disney could cause something to happen but I was hoping not.
I tried to say, “Jen-.” But she cut me off and hung up. Then I heard them announce Chloe since she’s first up and I darted back inside with all this so heavy on my mind. Jenzy can’t just cut me out like this, she’s too much to me. I tried texting right as Chloe came out and her song Gold came on, but I didn’t want her to see me doing this.
She started her dance, looking weightless and flawless on the pole but my eyes keep drifting to my phone. Then it lit up.
CHLOE
Now that I’m dancing my nerves are subsiding. I see Moses in the front and my heart empties of clutter. I’m just dancing for him. He’s the only one here.
I did an upside down spin on the pole with my legs cycling in the air and came down easy on my hands to the floor. I rolled to my back and did a flip onto my heeled feet. I got a loud applaud from the crowd it was encouraging.
I slinked up the pole and did a one legged spin then came down and used my hips to push back. I noticed Moses on his phone but couldn’t look long and pushed the disappointment back. He can’t live without Jenzy for the length of a three minute song?
I did my moves with lots of cheers from the crowd and I snuck a peek at the judges to see them nodding and smiling, though some kept their faces blank.
Nearing the last minute I prepared to do my finishing act, the wow moment so I might move on into the competition. I climbed the pole and did snake moves in the air before holding on with my thighs to come upside down. I saw an upside down Moses get up from the table and felt a cut off of air. Where was he going in the middle of my performance?
As I curled to do my next move I lost my grip on the pole and came down hard on my wrist then shoulder. Everyone gasped and one judge stood up.
The song kept playing but I wasn’t moving as a burning ache went all the way up my arm and my wrist throbbed and pounded. I held it in time to see it changing color and getting bigger. “No, no, no, no,” I moaned to myself but when I tried to get up I realized I’d bruised my ankle and my shoulder was zapping me with pain.
Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry…
They’re all looking at me and I don’t know any of these faces and I’m hurting so bad, and there’s a medic coming my way, and the judges are whispering and I’m curling into a ball of shame on the floor and like usual, no one thought I was important enough to stay for.
Chapter Thirteen
MOSES
I called her back one-hundred times but Jenzy wouldn’t pick up. I thought she’d called me back but I’d left the event room for nothing because it was just an email.
Now that I’m outside the door, my head is pounding and my heart is breaking. Finding Jenzy was the make of my year and losing her will be the ruin. I’ve fast realized in this agonizing couple minutes that I might not be falling anymore, I might already be at the bottom. I don’t want to lose her.
I tried calling back and in between that I messaged her. She won’t answer and I’m feeling less and less able to breathe.
As I give this up with wet eyes and set the phone in my pocket I open the event door to see people either covering their mouths or peering past each other. They’re whispering and as I make my way back to my table I notice the music stopped and I can’t see Chloe on stage.
The closer I get I see that she’s up there, but she’s lying on the floor in a ball and the on-call paramedic is helping her up.
“Chloe!” I shouted and cut left to sprint up the stage. “Chloe?” I got close just as the medic got her arm around his neck. “Oh, my God, what happened?”
I tried to touch her but she shoved my shoulder as they went by. This might be the worst night of my life.
I followed anyway. I heard the medic while he evaluated her backstage. Then I heard him say she needed to go get looked at and the defeat in her eyes was murderous for me. I know what this meant.
She spoke in a strained voice. “No, I have to compete if-.”
He interrupted, “Miss.…if you try, you risk permanently injuring this wrist, you cannot perform.”
Those big eyes of hers turned heavy and they filled with water. I can count the times I’ve seen Chloe cry. This is cutting at her like an ax if she’s this close to letting tears fall.
“What am I supposed to do then?” She asked him.
“You need to get an x-ray on it and your ankle is bad.”
She nodded but I could see the mental breakdown happening on the inside. When it was time to head for the hospital she shrugged my hand off her shoulder. I’m so dead and I can’t even fight it.
Hours later after an x-ray and lots of poking and prodding her wrist was wrapped and her ankle and shoulder looked after. I sat in a chair next to the bed they had her in and watched her.
She was sitting up on the bed still in her shimmering costume but with a jacket over it. Her hair was hiding her from me a little and even in an empty room, she wouldn’t talk to me.
I was a King of Fuckups.
“I can order us dinner at the hotel.” I tried. She didn’t look or even breathe in my direction. “Hospital food sucks so…” I sat forward in the armchair I was in and rubbed my palms together. “We could do like a-.”
“Shut up Moses.” She snapped. I pursed my lips and obeyed. I may have opened a floodgate of female wrath with my asinine need to talk.
She sat silent a long minute then cut loose. “You were there for a girl you’ve known for three fucking months, over a girl you’ve known over twenty fucking years.”
“I know I messed-.”
“I said, shut up!”
I pressed my lips together and dipped my head while I took the verbal lashing I deserved.
She shook her head then held the forearm of the injured wrist. “This was my night Moses. I didn’t have a bad life but I had a hard one and this was my night to make it worth it. You know I have insecurities and I struggle with feeling important. Your mom didn’t choose to leave you. Your dad didn’t decide her death was more important than your life. You had graduations and family dinners and encouraging love on every endeavor, big and small.”
She looked over at me finally and continued, “dancing isn’t going to make some big difference in the world. I get it. In all honesty, it’s a selfish pursuit. I do it because I fell free and good at something and strong when I do it. The only thing I asked of you, was to turn off your God damn phone for the length of the thre
e-minute song!”
I bit on my tongue and swallowed that too.
Then as we heard voices in the hall, coming for our room she added, “get your fucking priorities straight.”
When we finally got back to the room, I felt like I was buried in ten feet of depression. I’ve potentially lost a girl that I’ve been looking for most my life and I’ve deeply wounded my best friend.
While I sat flipping through a magazine in the corner of our hotel room I could hear her in the bathroom. The door was open and she was supposedly changing to night clothes but all I heard was. “Ah, ah, ah, damn it! Fuck! Owe! Ugggghhhh….”
I debated then chanced it. “Do you need help?”
“Don’t talk to me!” She yelled back.
I blew out air and went back to my magazine then heard, “Shit fuck!” and a yelp.
I tried again. “Chloe, I-.”
“Shut up Moses!”
I mumbled to myself about her being a bitch and that she could just suffer if she’s going to be that way, but then I heard something slam followed by her angry growl,
“Get the fuck up off your ass and help me!” she threatened.
I leaped up and went in. She had the top part of her costume half way up and the bottoms were attempted but her wrist had to be killing her. It was a very bad sprain but she hates taking meds.
I came into the tiny bathroom and waited for instruction. She looked pretty awkward and if she didn’t already hate me, I might have laughed since her one arm was all caught up in the tight spandex.
“Just pull my arm under.” She said.
I reached up under her shirt and grabbed.
She kicked me with her good foot, “that’s my boob, not my arm you dodo!”
“I can’t see, chill out.”
The Friend Zone (The Relationship Quo Series Book 2) Page 11