I looked to the mouth of the trail he should be coming through soon. “He said he would date a girl like me if the situation was right. I asked him.”
“Good then you opened his mind up. Now’s the time. You promised when he was single again you would do this.”
“I’m just waiting for him to meet me,” I watched the trail and felt a flutter in my chest knowing any minute he would show and I’d be on stage to tell him. “We’re at this new park biking.”
“That’s romantic!”
“Please don’t get me excited. Wait until I tell him okay? I don’t want another disappointment.”
“I understand.” But she didn’t sound like it. “Call me asap.”
“I will…” I shielded my eyes to look down the path. Where was he?
After hanging up with Brianna I waited another ten minutes then I got worried. Did he fall? I got on my bike, feeling rested now and rode his way. The path isn’t as bad as I thought and when I made it to the middle and still didn’t see him I pulled my cell while I rode one handed.
I caught the bright yellow of his bike and smiled but then I saw bright purple. Another bike. They were braked against a tree and Moses was sitting on the ground at the base of another tree with someone, talking.
I got off and walked my bike closer but I’m not where they can really see me. The closer I got the more my breathing shallowed. Jenzy. He’s with Jenzy. He’s holding her and they’re talking.
I held a hand over my stomach because it’s churning. Then they kissed lightly on the mouth and he kissed her nose and eyes.
There goes movies, stayovers, and calls. He’ll go long gaps between talking and shelf me just like last time.
Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry.
Chapter Seventeen
I turned my bike around and walked it back to the center of the park where a picnic bench was. I sat down and fought the lump in my throat. I saw a missed call from Brianna and called her.
“What happened? Tell me everything!” She exclaimed.
I wet my lips, “uh…nothing. He um…” I looked to the path where I knew they sat in one another’s arms. “He met up with Jenzy on the trail and they uh… they’re kissing so…”
“Oh, lady…I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s fine. It’s a good thing really. She’s uh…cool. He looks super happy.”
“This is my fault,” said Brianna. “I encouraged you to confront these feelings and now…”
“I’m okay Brie! They look good together and I want my buddy happy.” I looked up to see them walking out of the trees. They’re attached at the hip and walking their bikes along. “He’s smiling and stuff….” I felt too close to tears staying on the phone. “I need to go.”
“Listen! Wait. She left him dangling for over a month Chloe. You still have a right to tell him how you feel okay? It’s not unfair. Please don’t wait anymore. This is never going to stop sucking if you don’t at least talk about it.”
Moses waved at me and I waved back. “I need to go.”
“Wait-.”
I hung up and stood as the two of them came my way. “Hi again.” Jenzy smiled and I smiled back.
“Long time no see,” I said.
Moses had his hand around her waist. “We knocked into each other on the trail. Isn’t that wild?”
“Are you two…?” I forced a smile, “getting back together?”
Jenzy looked up at Moses and they exchanged a look, “we are,” she said. “I’m not back with Chris and I miss your friend.”
I nodded and she said she was going to grab a water from the vending machine. While she was gone I raised my brows at Moses. “Wow.”
He laughed and combed his fingers through his hair. “I know. I’m so…this is unreal right now. What are the chances right?”
“Right.”
“Listen, she wants to get dinner tonight. Would it be okay if we postpone the bowling idea for tonight?”
Here we go. I can feel the heat from the back burner he’s shifting me to. “Sure.”
“And you wanted to tell me something so here’s my thought. We get lunch tomorrow and you tell me then?”
The pit in my stomach is growing, “it’s not important.”
“Everything you say is. Is it guy related?”
I nodded, “you can say that.”
“An existing guy in your life or a new one?”
I saw Jenzy strolling our way. “Existing.”
He narrowed his eyes as Jenzy came to touch his back. “It’s not Brandon, is it? God Chloe, I don’t care what he said, do not call that prick.”
I saluted him, “no worries. See you tomorrow.”
“I’m giving you a ride home blondie.”
“Silly me,” I followed them to the car and Jenzy grabbed the back door handle. “No, no,” I set my palm over the window. “I’ll take the back, you sit up front with Moses.”
She looked surprised. “I don’t mind the back, Chloe. Honest. You rode in together.”
Moses was fixing her bike to the back with ours. Jerry rigging basically. I opened the back door and stood in the way so she’d herd toward the front, “I’m feeling sleepy so I might sprawl out back here.”
She smiled, “okay, long as I’m not intruding.”
“You already did,” Oh my God! I said that out loud. With a catty smile! What was I thinking?
Jenzy paused and tilted her head before getting ready to say something but Moses strolled around, “Ready?” he asked.
She gave me a final look with silent question but I avoided her eyes and got in. She smiled at him then winced, “actually, don’t hate me. Would you mind if I biked home? I was looking forward to the workout and-.”
I wanted to disappear into my seat. I never should’ve said that and I was the reason she’s leaving.
Moses took her hand, “are you sure? I can clear the day. I thought we could catch up tonight.”
She went to the back where her bike was, “I’d love it but we have time. I need to clear my head.”
He looked let down and that made me remorseful. He was happy and I just ruined it. “Okay,” he went to the back and unhooked her bike. They had a lengthy parting then he got in and I climbed to the front.
“Jenzy alright?” I asked.
He started the car with a smile in his eyes but I could tell he was feeling it. “Yeah, she’s just getting air.”
I set my hand over his forearm and he looked up.
I choked back a wave of emotion, “why don’t you give me your keys and go bike home with her? It’s not so far from her place.”
He struggled, “I feel bad dipping out on you.”
I got out and went around to his side, “come on, you can catch her if you hurry up lazy.”
He laughed and got out, kissed my head and untied his bike. I’m a great friend, aren’t I?
The next night Jenzy mysteriously canceled her and Moses’ plans but I know it’s because she found out he’d made plans with me first. She’s probably scared of me now. I’ve never spoken in any way other than friendly to Moses’ girlfriends even when it hurt, but yesterday it didn’t just hurt, it killed me a little.
Now as he and I are bowling and laughing together yesterday at the park seems like months ago and things are as they usually are between us but I’m suddenly dissatisfied. When this night ends he’s going home or to Jenzy or to call Jenzy and not me. He’ll get further away like always.
“Your game is off tonight.” He teased as we bowled our last round.
“I’m never good at this. I just like it.”
“Stop.” He got up and set his drink down to come over and stand with me at the beginning of the alley. “Here,” he came up behind me and set his chin on my shoulder before directing my arms. “Pull back further and don’t release the ball until you’ve extended as far as you can go. Don’t look at the pins. Look at the marks.”
I heard most of what he said but I also had to fight a suddenly awoken body. I to
ok my turn and failed miserably. When our shoes were back on and we were headed to the car he held his arm around my shoulders and just past the first car in the lot I said, “I have feelings for you.” There I said it. No taking it back now.
Chapter Eighteen
He stopped in his tracks and looked down at me but I kept my eyes straight ahead on the car. “What?” he withdrew his hand but slowly. “You have what?” He looked like he truly wasn’t sure what I said.
“I have feelings for you.” I said again.
He kept looking at me but I kept looking at my jeep. I don’t want to know what his face might look like.
He moved so he was in front of me, “Chloe?” I chanced a look. Ugh. I shouldn’t have. He’s got this expression of ‘you’re crazy,’ and ‘I feel sorry for you.’ “What are you saying? What do you mean feelings? How long?”
I kept on to my Jeep and he followed a few steps behind, “Not that long…since…1st grade maybe.”
He shrilly shouted, “what?” I kept going but he caught up and held my arm to turn me around against the side of my car. “Chloe, stop making this sound like no big deal. It’s a very big deal. You have feelings for me? For me?”
“Yes! I was going to tell you yesterday but then…”
He thought, “Jenzy showed up.” He rubbed his face then set his hands on his hips with his eyes still shut. “Please don’t do this. Don’t do this to us Chloe.”
I felt pissed, “I’m not doing anything other than telling you the truth.”
“They’re just feelings, right? Not love feelings, just…like a lust thing?”
I don’t know. I never asked myself that. “I don’t feel this way all the time, just every so often.”
“Well, that’s just sexual then.” He looked relieved. “Even I have that sometimes. It doesn’t mean anything.”
I tilted my head, “you get feelings?”
“Not feelings just…I mean it’s science, Chloe. We’re the opposite sex so thoughts are bound to happen.”
I never put it that way to myself. “Like a crush?” I asked.
He nodded, “yeah, like a crush. I mean,” he laughed then took my hands, “Baby Girl, I can’t count the times I’ve woken up with morning wood at your place. We’re human so that stuff, the sex stuff, it’s always kind of like a cloud over our head. Doesn’t mean it’s going to rain, it’s just overcast sometimes.”
I smiled and held his hands tighter. “That’s a terrible analogy.”
He laughed but then shifted closer, “Chloe, you are my everything in the ways of life. I’m closer to you than my own sister. Whatever you think you feel it’s not as strong as what we have, as friends. I’m with Jenzy. You know how I feel about her.”
I felt hurt and comforted by his words until he mentioned Jenzy. Then I just felt disappointed. I let go of his hands and toyed with the half of our friendship charm around my neck, “I’m not really good enough for you anyway.”
He held my face and spoke sternly, “hey, don’t. That’s not what this is about. I don’t feel like that about you.”
I narrowed one eye, “so you’ve thought of me sexually, but not in a deeper way?”
He shifted nervously, “you want the truth? Yeah. I’ve thought about it. The sexual part.” He frowned at me, “don’t blush, please, this is making me very uncomfortable.” He let go of my face.
“Sorry.” I set my hands behind my back and leaned my head against the car. “Why haven’t you said anything?”
He said, “I could feed you bull like, ‘I don’t want to ruin our friendship,’ but honestly I don’t think anything would. Even sex. Maybe it would complicate it but I think we’d be strong enough to…” he looked me up and down and the obvious direction of his thoughts made the place between my legs throb. “But,” he brought his eyes to mine again. “I don’t have deeper feelings for you so that would put me in the category of one of the dicks you date that take from you and leave.”
“What if I said my feelings were deeper?” I tested the waters of what I knew was true but was too coward to admit to myself. I wanted his logical answer for that one.
He stepped back like to see me better, “Chloe I never want to hurt you. Just the idea of saying something that could hurt you makes me violent with myself, but…” he took a deep breath and I steadied myself for something bold, “your relationships have very short expiration dates. I’m not throwing that in your face, I’m stating a fact. When you date assholes they scar you and skip out, when you date good guys you call it off. If anything happened between us that was more than just sex, you’d sabotage it. I don’t want to chance that.”
I nodded and took out my keys, “okay, cool, that makes sense.” I tried to walk around to the driver side but he stopped me again,
“I’m not blowing you off. We can’t do the sex thing because I’m with Jenzy and I’m not that kind of guy.”
“I’m not asking you to be.” I clarified.
“But I can’t break up with her to be with you either. I’m crazy about Jenzy so I don’t want to give her up, but also because I don’t look at you like that.”
I let that sit on my heart but it felt like a dead weight. “And I’d screw it up.”
He pulled me into a hug and even though the girl half of me that just poured my heart out was rejected and angry, the other part needed to feel him close. To know bringing this to light hadn’t lost him to me. I closed my eyes and laid my head sideways to feel comforted.
“I love you too much Chloe.” He said into my hair. “I’m literally too close to get any closer.”
I felt a tear actually make it over the rim of my eye. Wow. I hadn’t felt one of those in years. It’s just a single tear, though, nothing to panic over. One drop of my soul’s water for a man that doesn’t want my heart. Small price really.
MOSES
I forced myself not to avoid Chloe after that night. Even if she threw me a grenade of shockers. I tried lying in bed and forcing myself not to think about it but then I would imagine all the times I’d seen her dance, all the moments we touched or like the other day when I saw her naked. All those times were no big deal but does this mean when those things happen she was hoping I’d do something?
Was I leading her on? Did I ever send mixed signals and if so why?
I messaged her that same night and said,
“Are you okay?”
She came back,
“I’m fine Moses. I’m still me. Nothing is different.”
I stared at my phone. Everything is different. Then I wrote back,
“I just needed to make sure you’re okay.”
She didn’t respond and I felt pressed into my mattress by a sizable rock. What if this talk already altered our friendship?
If I wasn’t with Jenzy would I? No. I came off my bed with a jump to avoid the sudden hard on. Nope, nope, nope. I’m not going there in my head, so I jumped in the shower.
Now days later I spent the whole day with Jenzy. She was randomly off when I was and after doing a major variety of things like usual we plopped on my bed with exhaustion and a glass of wine.
“I’m sorry my cooking sucks.” She sighed.
“It doesn’t suck,” I defended.
She rolled to lie on her stomach across my bed and I did the same. We held our wine over the edge but with the thing being directly on the floor I set my glass down.
“When I try to cook organic,” she explained, “it sucks. I can’t believe you ate that awful thing.”
I laughed, “it wasn’t awful.” Okay, it was worse than awful, but I’d eat rock if she served it up.
“So I’m off tomorrow,” she pressed her shoulder into my shoulder. “When you get out of your class we could do something.”
I drank some wine then set it down again with a cocky smile, “I already have a plan.”
“Tell me.”
“Nope, but it will require you staying over, and getting up early.”
She looked uncertain, “I’m…st
ill not totally um,” she looked away from me.
I pushed her with my arm like she had, “I’m not talking sex. Just sleeping over.”
She brightened, “oh.”
I smiled and stared into my glass but she leaned in and kissed the side of my lips. She stayed there, telling me she wanted more. I turned my head and she glided her tongue over my bottom lip then parted her lips more to invite me in.
I took her wine away and set it on the floor, only to keep up the kissing but she intensified it and pressed me on my back so she could lay her upper body over mine and kissed my chin and neck.
I cradled her head and dug my fingers in her hair. She’s making me hard and the waiting is already killing me. “Jenzy,” I let my head fall back when she kissed at my chest over my tank. “If you want to wait then-.”
She set her finger over my lips and I kissed it. She pressed kisses all down my torso then pushed my shirt up to kiss at my skin. When she kissed a line above the top of my pants my cock strained hard against my fly.
I sat up and she came up on her knees between my legs. I kissed her neck and pushed my hands up under her shirt. Her skin was so warm, like fever.
It was a tight stretch material that clung to her body so when I kissed her breast I could feel her nipple. I held her hips in the snug jeans she wore and imagined tugging them off. I imagined letting myself go on her and taking her the way I wanted but then I felt her slowing down.
“Let’s sleep,” I said against her cheek.
She went still but held my shoulders. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want you to be sorry.” I kissed her cheek then pulled away to get up and pull down the bed.
She stayed in her clothes and got under the sheets. She let me hold her and that felt the most right, that holding a woman has ever felt.
In the morning at 4am, I woke her with kisses. “Hey. Still up to the surprise?”
She moaned in her sleep and made my groin tighten up. “Fifteen minutes.” She murmured.
The Friend Zone (The Relationship Quo Series Book 2) Page 15