by J. M. Walker
Past
‘M A trained assassin.”
My eyes widened. “A w-what?”
Parker smiled softly and sighed, releasing his hold on me. He righted his pants and pulled me into his arms. “The CIA approached me years ago. I don’t know why. I still don’t know why.” He huffed. “But they told me that they needed help bringing down Devin. They needed someone that Devin trusted. Someone on the inside. My company is all a ruse. A shield for who I really am. I’m not a good man, Keely.”
I cupped his cheeks and placed a soft kiss on his mouth. “Yes. You are. You’re my man and I love you.”
He looked away, running his hands down my bare back. “After everything that has happened, I want Devin dead even more so than before. If I never would have met you, it would be a quick kill. But knowing what he did…” His gaze met mine. “I will make him suffer. For every time he hurt you, I will make the pain you endured a hundred times worse for him. I will avenge you. I will rip off every single piece of him that touched you.”
I swallowed hard at the coldness in Parker’s jade eyes. Knowing he was not kidding, I rose from his lap. “What happens now?”
“We go on like we never had this conversation,” he said casually, like it was no big deal.
“Really? Just like that, we forget that this even happened?”
Parker moved to the edge of the bed and scrubbed a hand down his face. “Keely, I don’t know what else to tell you.”
Kneeling in front of him, I placed my hands on his arms. “Parker.”
“I want to tell you everything. I want you to know me.” His shoulders slumped. “I want…”
“Tell me how you met Devin.”
He frowned. “Why?”
“You want me to know you. You think you’re a bad man. I think you just got caught up with the wrong people.” I shrugged. “I don’t blame you.”
“You should.” He rose to his feet abruptly and started pacing back and forth across the room. “I got in a fight with my mom. Some stupid shit about me not doing my homework or something. I don’t remember exactly but I ended up leaving our house and ran into him holding up a liquor store. He never got caught.” He scrubbed a hand through his hair. “I remember being awed by the power he had.
“Watching the gun being aimed at the young man behind the counter. I can still see it. I can still smell the fear. The guy had no idea what to do. A part of me felt sorry for him but then another part of me wanted to be Devin.” He scoffed, shaking his head. “I wanted to be him.”
“Hey.” I walked up to him and stopped him in his tracks. “You were never and will never be him.”
“Keely.”
“No! I refuse to believe that you had no sense of morals. No goal in life besides bringing people down.”
“The only goals I had were being in control!” he shouted. “When I first fucked you, I had to hold back from ripping your body in half.” His mouth snapped shut, his chest rising and falling. He glanced away, his brows furrowing.
My eyes widened. We had been rough before but those words sent a flutter of unease roaring through me.
“I’m sorry.”
I wrapped my arms around myself and sat on the edge of the bed. “I had no idea.”
Parker knelt in front of me, running his hands up my thighs until he reached my hips.
Tears welled in my eyes when he rested his head in my lap. Swallowing several times, I took a breath and cupped his nape. “I don’t blame you. You are the one that told me not to blame myself for the shit I did. You—”
“That’s not the same thing,” Parker snapped, trying to pull out of my grip.
“Yes, it is.” My hold tightened. “I may not have hurt anyone physically but I’m sure what I did was just as bad.”
“Keely.”
“No.” I pushed him back and cupped his chin but he only looked away. “Parker, look at me.”
He tried shoving his head out of my grip. “I’m warning you,” he said, meeting my gaze finally.
My skin tingled with newfound awareness but I ignored it. “Punish me after but right now, you are going to listen to me.”
His jaw clenched but he stopped struggling.
“I love you. You know that, right?” I asked, picking up his t-shirt that he had thrown on the floor and slipping it over my head.
“I do,” he said slowly, watching me. “Why did you get dressed?”
“Because the way you look at me when I’m naked distracts me,” I said, pulling him to his feet. I switched spots with him and stepped between his knees.
Brushing my fingers over a tattoo on his shoulder I sighed, trying to find the words. The black tiny dragon dug his claws into Parker’s muscle to the point it looked like it was holding on to him for dear life. It reminded me of myself, so much so that I couldn’t take my gaze away.
Parker grabbed my wrist, brushing his thumb back and forth over the smooth skin. His gaze took on a faraway look. The muscles in his jaw twitched, no doubt remembering the time he was forced to push me out of Devin’s limo several weeks before. “He’s accused me of only being with you to get back at him,” he said through gritted teeth.
“I know that’s not true,” I said, brushing my thumb along his bottom lip. “I know you love me.”
“Why did you forgive me so easily?” he asked, scratching his jaw.
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
“When I pushed you out of Devin’s vehicle…how could you forgive me so easily?”
I thought a moment. Troy had asked me the same thing. “Because I love you and I trust you. I knew even when I saw you come into the limo behind Devin, although I had my doubts, a part of me, that part that has remained strong through my whole entire life…that part was the thing that latched onto you. That knew you would never really hurt me.”
“But I could.”
“But you won’t,” I argued.
“Keely—”
I silenced him with a kiss. Just a peck. But that small touch meant so much more than our words could ever say.
He leaned his forehead against mine. “I wish that I could bring you with me.”
My throat burned. “I wish you could stay.”
“You know I can’t,” he said, gripping the hem of my shirt. “Take this off.”
I pulled out of his grasp. “No.”
“Keely.”
I spun on him. “No. We need some sort of barrier between us or else I’ll lose control.”
“That’s the point.”
“Not when we need to talk. You look at me like you want to eat me alive. Like you want to get under my skin.”
A smug smile formed on his face. He rose to his feet and closed the distance between us. “Eyes on me, pet.”
I met his gaze, my stomach tumbling at his firm voice. Meeting his heated stare, I licked my lips.
“I don’t want to get under your skin.” He pinched my chin. “I want to fuck you so hard, you’ll feel me in your soul.”
Desire unfurled deep in the pits of my very being for the man standing in front of me.
He placed a soft peck on my mouth, a sense of calm washing over us. “You don’t need to be naked for me to distract you.”
I shook myself and glared up at him. “Ass.”
He chuckled, his eyes saddening. “Thank you,” he said a moment later.
“For what?” I asked softly.
He sighed. “For making me feel somewhat normal again.”
SHIVER ran down my spine as the cool mid-afternoon air brushed over my skin. I didn’t know how long I had been walking for but when the muscles in my legs started burning, I could only assume it had been a while.
“Miss Price?”
“I’m not ready,” I told Jones. It was a daily argument between us. He would drive. I would walk. He would demand that I get in the limo. After an hour or so, I would usually give in and join him in the front seat. The idea of getting in the back scared the shit out of me. Anxiety crept along my bones at t
he mere thought of it. Remembering when my ex held me captive for a brief length of time in the back of his limo, I couldn’t help the acidic bile that rose to my throat. Jones had offered to get a new vehicle to drive me around in but I refused, needing to get over my fear. But what I really needed was Parker. He would help me. To get out of my head. Away from the very nightmare that threatened to consume me. Away from myself.
My throat burned, my eyes welling. I missed Parker so damn much. All I could think about was him. His touch. His voice. The musky scent of his skin. The rough caress as he drove deep into my soul. I needed him to help me move on. To get me away from this hell that I called my thoughts.
Leaving the FBI station, if you would have told me weeks ago that I’d end up there in the first place, I would have brushed it off. I was Keely Price. Hacker extraordinaire. Untouchable. Or so I thought.
Having The Mist for a father, I learned a thing or two about the government. Agent Cross may have had information on me but his threats only went so far. He didn’t have proof. And without proof, he had jack shit. He had tried scaring me but after being with Devin Tate for years and enduring his abuse, I could handle anything. I scoffed at myself. I was such a liar.
My phone vibrated, startling me from my thoughts. “Hello?”
“Hey, baby girl,” my best friend, Troy Danvers, greeted me.
“Hi, Troy.” I smiled. Finally. It had been so long since I had felt that upward pull of my lips that I thought my face would shatter into a million pieces.
“Where are you?” he asked, concern coating his deep voice.
“Out.”
“Are you walking?”
I sighed. “Yes, and Jones is following me.”
“Good. That’s…good.”
“Troy—”
“A package arrived for you.”
I stopped in my tracks. “From who?”
“Keely, I think—”
“Tell me,” I demanded.
“It’s from Devin.”
“ARE YOU going to open it?” Troy asked, sitting across the table from me.
I didn’t answer, staring at the long, rectangular package that he had placed in front of me. The box was black, made of some sort of dark wood that I couldn’t place.
“Keely…”
“Please.” I met Troy’s gaze. “Just give me a moment.”
“Let’s leave her alone,” Patrick West, Troy’s boyfriend, offered gently.
“But—”
“Teach me how to make those delicious cookies of yours.” Patrick cupped Troy’s cheek and placed a soft peck on his mouth.
“Patrick.” Troy looked at me, his blue eyes saddening.
“I’m fine,” I said, softly.
Patrick smiled at me. “She’s strong, baby. Come. Let’s give her some time alone. I’m sure if she needs you, she’ll let us know.”
“If I need either of you, I will let you know,” I corrected.
Patrick’s eyes warmed and he blew me a kiss as he and Troy headed into the kitchen. Their voices were low and muffled and I tried ignoring them but couldn’t; their words jabbed into my heart.
“She needs him.”
“Parker is dead.”
“Is he really?”
My head snapped around at Troy’s question. How would he know any different? As much as it killed me, I never told anyone that Parker and I had faked his death. Memories of that conversation tried to force their way to the forefront of my mind but I stopped them. I had to. For now.
“What do you mean?” Patrick asked, shock dripping from his voice.
“Well I might just be losing my fucking mind but I hear Keely talking to someone sometimes. In her room. She spends hours in the basement, keeping the door locked. I’ve almost broken my hand from banging on the door so hard when she wakes up screaming from her nightmares.”
My stomach clenched. As much as the nightmares tried to destroy me, I couldn’t let Troy into that room. It belonged to me and Parker. Call it unfair, but I didn’t think Troy would understand anyways if he saw what lay behind those closed doors. The BDSM lifestyle that I shared with Parker was private. Although my submission to him was always made known. I just never realized it at first.
“Maybe she’s talking to Liz or Aidan or…”
Troy laughed nervously. “The sounds that come from the room clearly mean she’s not talking to those two.”
My cheeks heated.
“Do you think she’s moved on?”
Refusing to listen anymore, I grabbed the box off the table. I left the dining room and stepped out onto the patio, the cool breeze whipping through my shoulder-length blond hair. Although it was early in the summer, I welcomed the chill in the air.
Sitting on the patio couch, I took a deep breath, my gaze dancing around the backyard of Parker’s cottage. My home. If only I could live with him. Be with him. Talking on the phone every couple of weeks didn’t do us any good and clearly it was going to get us caught by Troy.
They thought I moved on. After being with Devin for so long, I never once thought that I would find someone new. But Parker wasn’t just anyone. He was my love. My heart. My Dom and eventually my Master. A flutter ran through my belly at the idea of him controlling me completely, even just for a couple of minutes at a time.
My gaze fell back on the box that sat on top of the patio table. “Alright, Keely. Let’s do this.”
My fingers grazed the dark wood before pulling the deep burgundy ribbon off of the lid. My stomach twisted with anxiety that was never ending lately as I took another cleansing breath. In and out. In. And. Out. Inhale. Exhale. “I got this.” Those words didn’t register any ounce of strength, unfortunately. My hands shook; a cold sweat crept along my skin like cool clammy fingers of death.
The darkness that had settled on my soul was enough to bring anyone down. Getting a package from my ex-husband was even worse.
I recalled a time when I was happy. Truly and utterly happy. Playing in the backyard of my childhood home, I remembered the scents and sounds that had surrounded me. The musky smell of the pine trees, the cool fresh air, the pollen of the daisies that I liked to sniff constantly. So much so that I would always end up in a sneezing fit.
“Baby, you’re allergic to those flowers. Stop sticking your nose in them,” my mom had told me.
“But mama, they smell so good,” I would whine.
I could almost hear my mother’s full belly laugh as if she were only a few feet away from me. My chest tightened, a slight twinge of pain soaring through me. “Oh, mama,” I whispered, tears welling in my eyes.
I missed my parents. So damn much. If only I had gone to them sooner. If only I had never met Devin. If only…I let out a huff. But I couldn’t live life on if only’s.
Letting out a slow exhale, I braced myself and lifted the lid off of the box. A laugh escaped my lips at the sight before me. Black, long-stemmed roses stared up at me with a red substance dripping from the petals. Was it paint? Blood? I had no fucking idea but leave it to Devin to be all morbid and disgusting. I didn’t care anymore. Not at all. And when I didn’t care? That was when he should be worried.
Picking up my phone, I dialed a number I had memorized since the first time he gave me his card. Since the first time he had forced his way into my life much like Parker had.
“Cross,” came the deep reply.
“I received something that you might be interested in,” I ground out. I was not in the mood to talk to him but I needed him to leave me alone.
“Keely?”
“I’ll stop by in an hour.”
“I can come to you.”
“No.” I shook my head. “Just be there,” I said and hung up the phone. I put the lid on the box and brought it back inside just as Patrick and Troy were heading out into the living room. The sweet scent of cookie dough wafted into my nostrils and if the nerves weren’t eating at my stomach, I’d probably be hungry. “I’m heading out again.”
“Where are you going?” Tr
oy asked me, frowning.
I stopped in my tracks but didn’t turn around. “I got picked up by the FBI this morning. You’ll come to know an Agent Steven Cross. I’m going to meet him and bring this package to him.” I looked at Troy over my shoulder, meeting his shocked gaze. “He’s not easy to get along with and he doesn’t take no for an answer.”
“Keely,” Troy whispered. “What’s going on?”
I turned back around and headed to the basement. “I’ll tell you everything in time. Right now, I don’t even know what’s going on.” What I did know was that I refused to play the victim any longer. I would be strong. For Parker. And for me. But as I made my way into the ensuite bathroom, the contents that left my stomach said differently.
AS JONES drove me back to the FBI station, my phone rang. I didn’t think it would so soon.
“Hello princess.”
My back stiffened. I glanced at Jones but he only kept his eyes locked on the road ahead of us. If he noticed my discomfort, he never said anything. “What do you want, Devin?” I mumbled, curling my feet under me.
“To talk.”
“About what?”
“Parker. Us. The usual,” he said, nonchalantly.
“Parker is dead. There is no us. I’ve moved on. You don’t need me anymore.”
Devin chuckled. “Oh, Keely. My beautiful ex-wife. You and I both know that he’s not dead and…you and I? We’ll never be over.”
“How the hell do you know if Parker is dead or not?” I asked, keeping my voice as calm as possible.
He laughed again. “Oh sweet, naïve, Keely. You really think that you can keep something like that from me?”
I sat forward. “I’ve kept everything from you. My heart. My soul. The only thing you got was my body. Everything else? It fucking belongs to Parker,” I said through gritted teeth.
There was a pause before Devin spoke again. “You don’t belong to shit now that he’s dead.”
I rolled my eyes. “I thought you said that he was alive?”
“Oh, baby. I know he is. I’m just waiting for you to admit it.”
Like hell I would.