Crashing Tides Duet: Anchored and Adrift

by Ruby Rowe

  “Yeah, but it doesn’t mean it’s been easy. You have to put a ton of work and compromise into relationships, or they don’t last.”

  I glance over at him. “I’ve discovered that, but how much is too much compromise? What if you’re having to fold on your values?”

  “Hmm … I guess if it were me, it would depend on whether I felt like I could live without those values more than I could live without the woman I love.”

  “What if going against those values or beliefs would disappoint the people closest to you?”

  Rudy glances over quickly several times before rolling to a stop at a red light.

  “Damn, Jake. Are you gay? I sure didn’t see that coming.”

  “No, I’m not gay. I’ll tell you what’s happening, but you can’t go blab about it. We’re partners, and if I can’t trust you with my personal shit, I won’t feel like I can trust you on the job.”

  “I won’t tell a soul.”

  “OK… I’ve been sharing this girl with my friend. Not casually, either. Like she’s in relationships with both of us, and we’re all living together.”

  “Damn, you younger people sure live differently than my generation. I can’t say I understand, but I’ll try. What’s the problem with this situation besides the many I can think of?”

  I roll my eyes. “I’m struggling with sharing her, but it’s not so much as being jealous when she and my friend are together. I want the best for him, too. It’s more about thinking I should be enough for Sailor.

  “Like, shouldn’t she love me so much that she only wants a life with me? She doesn’t know it, but I want to marry her and have kids with her. I always thought when I finally fell in love, my life would be a lot like my parents’.”

  “I guess it comes down to whether you think it’s an acceptable way to live. If you give up this woman because you don’t want to disappoint others, or you fear their judgment, then you’ll likely regret it.

  “Miriam’s parents hated me in the beginning. She’s Jewish, and they didn’t want her with a Catholic boy. From how much they were on her case, guilting her, I was sure she was going to dump me.

  “Instead, she stood up to them because she believed our love was more important. She said she couldn’t see her life without me in it. Her parents finally came around.”

  He exhales a loud belly laugh. “It took eight years, but they eventually accepted me once they witnessed how happy Miriam was even after all that time. They saw I treated their daughter and grandchildren right.”

  “Do you think my parents could eventually accept this lifestyle?”

  “I’m sure, like Miriam’s parents, they’d prefer you be in a traditional relationship, but your mom and dad are good people, Jake. They love you, so yes, I think they’d eventually accept it. The question remaining is whether you can.”

  My phone buzzes in my pocket, so I pull it out.

  Sailor: I’m texting to tell you that I’m not giving Elliott up. I love you, Jake, but like I’ve told you a hundred times, I love him, too. I understand you want what your parents have, but I can’t give you that life. You need to decide if I’m worth the sacrifices you’ll have to make.

  I hope you decide I am worth it, and that your best friend is, too, but I can’t handle the back and forth shit. The indecision needs to stop.

  I should’ve given you more time to figure out what you wanted, but you really hurt me the other night, and that rests on you.

  I hope you’ll come home, but take the time you need to be certain. What I’m sure of is that my heart will always be waiting. I love you that much.

  “Fuck, she always knows when I’m thinking about her the most,” I say loudly enough for Rudy to hear. “We have this indescribable bond, and I guess that’s why it’s hard to understand how she can want Elliott that much, too.”

  “Don’t listen to outside judgment, and follow your heart. That’s the best advice I’ve got.”

  “Thanks, Rudy. I really appreciate you listening.”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Elliott

  Taking a bite of my salad, I scroll through my emails. I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea to eat lunch in the hospital cafeteria. I guess I wanted more space, but it’s noisy as hell in here today.

  My phone rings, and I see Sailor’s name on the screen.

  “Hi, baby. How’s your first day back?”

  “Crazy. My students are either wild after a long break, or they’re exhausted and preoccupied. It’s the latter this time.”

  “Put on some music and make them get up and stretch.”

  “Hmm … not a bad idea. Thank you, sweetie. Um, have you heard from him?”

  “Nope. I think I’ll stop over there tonight.”

  “No, please don’t. He knows how we feel. You pressured him when you flew him to L.A., and I did when I asked him to see me New Year’s Eve. Look how those attempts turned out.”

  “OK, if you’re sure.”

  “I am. It sucks, but he has to decide on his own if he wants this life.”

  “Does that mean you’re going to stop crying every day?” It’s silent on her end. “Sailor, I’m serious. It’s crushing me, and it’s interfering with our relationship.”

  “I’m sorry. I miss him so much.” She clears her throat, and I can see the tears and feel her pain from across the city.

  “I know you do. I’m sorry he’s being an idiot, but we guys do that from time to time.”

  “Not you anymore. I love you.”

  “I love you, too. We’ll talk later.” I end the call and take another bite of my salad.

  “Elliott, hi,” I hear a familiar voice say. I look up, and Nicole is standing next to my table with a coffee in her hand.

  While wiping my mouth with my napkin, I stand.

  “Hi, how are you?”

  She shrugs. “OK. My mother fell down a flight of stairs after slipping in her heels, so she’s banged up and staying here a day or two.”

  “Damn, I’m sorry to hear that.” I point to the spot across from me. “Have a seat.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah, let’s catch up.”

  Her eyebrows draw together, and she smiles.

  “OK.”

  “What are her injuries?”

  “She broke her femur and collarbone, and has a concussion, but she should make a full recovery.”

  “Heels are sexy but not practical.”

  “No kidding.” She takes a drink of her coffee and studies me. “You’re so different.”

  “How so?”

  “Well, for one you want to talk.” She giggles, and hearing that sound again is nice. I wasn’t hearing it much toward the end of our relationship. She looks fantastic, too.

  “Yeah, I do more of that these days.”

  “You also look happy.”

  “I am.”

  “I guess that means you won the girl.” Her gaze darts away, but it doesn’t hide the fleeting pain I saw first.

  “Not exactly.”

  Nicole looks back. “Do tell. I mean, if you don’t mind sharing.”

  Checking the time on my phone, I lean back in my chair.

  “I don’t think you’d understand.”

  “Try me.”

  “All right. Jake and I decided to both be in relationships with Sailor. She agreed to it, and everything was going great, but Jake started having a problem with it. He moved out, and we’re not sure if he’s coming back.”

  Her eyes round. “Interesting.”

  “Sailor’s taking it hard.”

  “I guess so. I mean, she was lucky to win the love of two amazing men, but I’m sure it still hurts to lose one of them.”

  I smirk. “I don’t recall you thinking I was amazing.”

  Pink spreads up her neck and to her cheeks.

  “You were at times.”

  “You’ll be glad to hear I’m a changed man. I worked through some of my issues.”

  “That’s great.”

&n
bsp; “What about you? Have you found someone?”

  Staring down at her cup, she rubs her finger along the rim of it.

  “I’m kind of seeing this Wall Street guy, but I’m starting to wonder if he has commitment issues like someone else I once dated. I think I might need to cut him loose.”

  She glances up and feigns a smile.

  “Nicole, I’m sorry for how things went down between us.”

  “Water under the bridge.” As she waves her hand my direction, I discover she’s still the kind, strong woman I took for granted. I was such a dick. Clarity is always bittersweet.

  “Don’t brush it off. I need to know you believe me when I say I’m sorry.”

  “I do, and I appreciate the apology. Um, I should probably get back to my mom.”

  “Yeah, I should get back to work.”

  “It was nice catching up with you, Elliott, and seeing you happy.” She walks away before I can respond, and I can’t let her disappear. I feel like I owe Nicole for how awful I treated her, much like how I’ve felt with Sailor.

  “Nicole, wait.” She turns around, and I notice she’s blinking away tears. Shit. “Are you coming to our Super Bowl party this year?”

  “Uh, I wasn’t planning on it. Wouldn’t that be weird?”

  “Not at all. Sailor’s a sweetheart. I know she won’t mind, and I’m sure Jake would love to see you. At least, I’m hoping he’ll be there. You know we have a big turnout, so maybe you’ll meet someone.”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  “Cool. I hope to see you there.”

  She shakes her head and smiles. “I still can’t get over your transformation.”

  “Yeah, me, either. See you around.” I return a grin before she strolls away. That went well. Maybe she’ll show up to our party and meet a man. Jake and I have a few decent friends.

  I feel like I’m in Alcoholics Anonymous, working through my steps to recovery and making amends with those I’ve wronged. It feels good.

  Sailor

  “Carrie, hi,” I say after answering her call.

  “Hi, girl. How have you been?”

  “I’m hanging in there.”

  “Oh, no. What’s wrong?”

  Sitting on the couch, I pull off my pumps and wiggle my toes. My feet hurt since I’m back at work.

  “Jake left.”

  “What do you mean he left?”

  “He doesn’t know if he can be with Elliott and me, so he moved out. He wants time to think.”

  “Shit, Sailor. I’m sorry.”

  “You can say, ‘I told you so.’ ”

  “I won’t do that. Regardless of how difficult I thought it would be for this type of relationship to work, I was rooting for you. I’m always in your corner, chickadee.”

  “I think I’m being punished for being greedy. It was all too good to be true.”

  “You weren’t being greedy. You were accepting what they were offering, and you were giving them plenty in return.”

  “Yeah, well, Jake doesn’t feel like I was giving him enough. I miss him, Carrie. The pain is almost unbearable. I love Jake more than I thought was possible, and I can’t picture a life without him in it. I keep wondering how fair that is to Elliott.”

  “Interesting… One day you told me you wanted to spend the rest of your life with these men. I would think that means you should also be content with spending the rest of your life with them individually if it came to that.”

  “I guess I understand what you’re saying.”

  “If this were the other way around and Elliott was the one bailing, would Jake be enough?”

  “Yes.”

  “But you’re saying you can’t live without Jake, so that makes it sound like Elliott isn’t enough to make you happy.”

  “What? You’re getting me confused.”

  “No, I’m making you uncomfortable.”

  “Did you call for a specific reason?”

  “Yep, but maybe I should tell you later.”

  “No. I want to hear.”

  “Josh asked me to marry him, and I said yes!” She squeals, and I imagine it’s been killing her to hold it in.

  “Carrie, that’s wonderful!”

  “We’re so excited. We haven’t set a date yet, but we’re leaning toward a beach wedding here in Honolulu.”

  “I wouldn’t miss it.”

  She squeals again, and I’m thrilled for her.

  “We have so much planning to do,” she says.

  “As soon as you’re ready, let me know.”

  “Let’s FaceTime soon. You better buy a new planner.”

  “Please, girl, I’m a teacher. I have a pile of them waiting to be used, but I may have to buy a prettier one for this occasion.”

  “I’ll call you, and don’t stress too much over the guys. I’m sure Jake will wise up, and the three of you will be great again.”

  “OK. Love you, and we’ll talk soon.” Ending the call, I envision her beautiful beach wedding. I try to imagine my own ceremony, but it’s difficult.

  How would that work with two men? Could we even call it a marriage? Will Elliott want kids? Or, would only Jake and I have them since Elliott hasn’t seemed as interested? I grip my hair as the questions mess with my head.

  The tears come for about the tenth time today, and I feel the pull of gravity to be near Jake. I walk to his room, and as soon as I open the door, I smell him.

  Getting in his bed, I bury my nose against the pillow so I can breathe in his citrusy scent. I need to feel closer to him, and my heart physically aches from the inability. I can’t take it.

  My stomach churns from barely eating today, too, but I’m not leaving this room. I get up to strip off my clothes and put on one of Jake’s t-shirts.

  His scent, his space and the beautiful memories are all I have right now, and I know in my heart those won’t be enough. He has to come home.

  Elliott

  Sailor would be pissed to find out I’m doing this, but I’m desperate, and she should understand why. It’s been almost three weeks since Jake left, and Sailor’s tears haven’t stopped flowing like a fire hydrant.

  Fuck, if she was this sad after I left her years ago, then I don’t know if I deserve her forgiveness, and if Jake doesn’t get his head out of his ass soon, he won’t deserve it, either.

  I yank on the outer door to his apartment, but it’s locked, so I pull out my phone. The cool air causes another coughing fit, and I’ll be so damn glad when winter’s over. I’ve been fighting this bronchitis since October, and I’m starting to think it’s pneumonia.

  Me: Come let me in before my dick freezes off. We need to talk.

  Jake: Maybe that wouldn’t be the worst thing that could happen. I’ll be down in a sec.

  Douchebag.

  He opens the door and doesn’t speak. I follow him up a flight of stairs and into an apartment that’s not much bigger than my master bedroom.

  “Damn, do you think this place is small enough?”

  “It wasn’t meant to be lived in.”

  “Oh, right. It was meant to be a place for you to hide our girl.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the apartment, but I didn’t rent it to keep Sailor from you. It was more so you wouldn’t be aggravated that she was in my bed when you were home, and vice versa.”

  “Always the thoughtful one...”

  “And you’re always the wiseass. Sit,” he says, pointing to a loveseat that’s resting only feet away from his bed. I spot the framed photo of him and Sailor above it, and the situation we’ve created is so jacked up. “You look like shit,” he adds.

  “I’m tired and sick, courtesy of the fuckers who keep coming through the ER doors with common illnesses their family doctors could’ve treated.”

  “You look thinner, too.”

  “Sailor isn’t eating much these days, so neither am I. What are you doing, Jake?”

  Exhaling, he sits on his bed and rubs the back of his neck.

 
“Stalling and thinking.”

  “You’ve had enough time to do that.”

  “I know. I want to come home, but I can’t face Sailor. I was a dick to her on New Year’s Eve, and although she wants to forgive me, I don’t deserve it.” A line of shame emerges on his forehead. “I drank rum that night.”

  “You’re an idiot. Why would you do that when you know the shit changes your personality? It doesn’t take much of it, either. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

  “I don’t know why I did it. I think I was looking for an easy way out. If Sailor saw me at my worst, she’d dump me, and then I wouldn’t have to be the bad guy.”

  “Stupid logic, but we can’t change it now. Look, you wouldn’t let me play the self-pity game, so you don’t get to, either. Sailor cries around the clock, and I’m not exaggerating. I get her in a good mood, but then something will remind her of you, and it all goes to hell.

  “You’re interfering with my relationship with her, and I’m over it. She can’t attempt to move on when she doesn’t know if you’re coming back.”

  “She really misses me?”

  “More than I’d care to admit.” I run a hand through my hair and cough. “It frustrates me that I’m not enough for her, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t be once she got over you, so wise up before it’s too late.”

  “Everything was great until my family found out.”

  “The point of being an adult is that you get to make your own damn decisions, and your parents aren’t supposed to like every one of them. If you think you can share Sailor for the long haul, then stop worrying about what everyone else thinks. Carson and Jeanine will come around and love Sailor again. They only need time to see that this works for us.”

  “I thought you’d be pissed at me.”

  “I know you don’t want to screw me over. Now, don’t make me get all sappy and shit.”

  “Thanks for being cool about it, and I’m sorry I tried to come between you two.”

  “Yeah, well, if you ever treat her like shit again, I won’t be.”

  “Fuck, I’m such an asshole.”

  “Lucky for you, she forgives assholes. I’m proof of that. Come home and apologize, bro. She deserves better than this.”