Crashing Tides Duet: Anchored and Adrift

by Ruby Rowe

  It hits me that I’ve been hearing his name in my head, and saying it aloud again, which is something I couldn’t do for years. Finally, I’m healing.

  Elliott

  “I’m glad I was able to come today,” I say to Sailor after we’re left alone in the exam room at her OB’s office.

  “Me, too.”

  “You seem anxious.”

  Her face succumbs to an expression of sadness I didn’t expect today.

  “I hadn’t planned to say anything, but today’s the anniversary of Samuel’s death. Being in this room is bringing back upsetting memories.”

  Getting up from my chair, I stand next to the exam table and grip Sailor’s hand.

  “I’m sorry. Today will be different. I know it.”

  The door opens, and the doctor walks in. At least, I think she’s the doctor. She’s in dress clothes beneath a white lab coat.

  She eyes me oddly before she sets her laptop on the counter of the built-in cabinets. I bet she’s thinking about how I look nothing like the guy who was here the first time.

  “Hi, Dr. Strouse, this is the baby’s father, Elliott.”

  She stretches her hand out to shake mine.

  “Hi, Elliott. It’s nice to meet you.” Pushing glasses up her nose, she averts her attention to Sailor.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “Great. No problems other than random morning sickness.”

  “Scoot to the end of the table for me.” As Sailor complies, covering her legs with the paper sheet afterward, I take my seat in the chair again.

  Dr. Strouse performs a pelvic exam.

  “All finished. You can sit up now.” Rolling her chair over to her laptop, she begins typing. “It looks like you’re thirteen weeks, and since you’re progressing fine, I think we can wait to do another ultrasound.”

  Sailor glances to me and back to Dr. Strouse.

  “Elliott has lung cancer and is having major surgery next week. Is there any way we could do an ultrasound today? I can pay for it so that we don’t have to file it with my insurance.”

  She gives me a sympathetic smile. “Of course.”

  I exhale a breath, excited I get to experience seeing our baby since this could be the last time.

  “You’ll be twenty-one weeks the visit after next, so that appointment will be scheduled with our ultrasound technician. It’ll be more thorough, and we should be able to determine the gender of the fetus.”

  Sailor grins over at me, and cancer aside, I feel like the luckiest man. I go to stand beside her as Dr. Strouse starts up the ultrasound machine and presses the wand against Sailor’s abdomen. The muffled noises are intrusive, but then I hear a sound that I could listen to indefinitely: our baby’s heartbeat.

  She adjusts the machine to give us a better view of the screen, and I struggle to ward off the tears. Being sick has made me emotional, and it catches me by surprise each time I feel the tears come.

  “Do you hear it?” Sailor asks. All I can do is nod and smile since Sailor’s watery eyes are triggering mine to leak, too.

  As Dr. Strouse points to Payton’s body parts, I tune out her voice and revel in the sound of our child’s heartbeat, especially when the wand is positioned just right and catches it strongly. I don’t want this moment to end.

  I hold Sailor’s hand and stop denying myself from feeling the slew of emotions bubbling right at the surface. I’m happy and excited, but I’m also frustrated. Sailor did this alone years ago, when she was young and afraid, and it crushes me. I can’t let her down again.

  I feel her fingers on my cheek, brushing away my tears.

  “You’ll be here,” she whispers.

  Sailor

  Sitting on Jake’s bed, I enter the number in my phone.

  “Are you sure you want to do this?” he asks.

  “If Elliott doesn’t have feelings for her, it shouldn’t be a big deal to invite her. If he does, then I need to know it now, before I’m further along in my pregnancy.”

  “I don’t think he’s spoken to Nicole since she left upset that day, and I don’t believe he will now that he knows she’s still in love with him and you’re carrying his baby.”

  “It doesn’t mean he’s not wishing he could see her.”

  I push the button to dial Nicole.

  “All right. I’ll go, but I think you should leave well enough alone.”

  He leaves the room about the time Nicole says, “Hello.”

  “Hi, this is Sailor. I hope you don’t mind, but Jake gave me your number.”

  “Hi. Is everything OK?”

  “Yeah, except Elliott’s having his lobectomy tomorrow, and I thought I should tell you in case you wanted to be at the hospital in the morning.”

  “I’d like to be there for him, but I can’t.”

  “Is it because you have to work, or is it because you don’t want to see him?”

  “I can’t talk to you about it.”

  “I know you still love him.” Seconds tick by, and she doesn’t answer. “And I imagine it would be hard for you to see him again for that reason, but the surgery is serious. I think it would be good for you two to see each other before he has it. I wouldn’t want you to have regrets.”

  “I don’t understand why you’re OK with this.”

  “What I’m feeling isn’t important right now. Elliott needs as much positive energy and support as possible tomorrow. I know he’d be grateful if you were there. Just think about it.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  Elliott

  I hate feeling like the center of attention, and I’m feeling it today. Jake, Sailor, my mom, my grandmother and Dr. Raynard are sitting quietly in the waiting room with me at the early hour of 6:00 a.m.

  I dread this.

  “I have the private nurse, respiratory therapist and physical therapist arranged for you, and I’ll come over a few hours each day through the week,” my mother says from the row of chairs across from me.

  Grandma Rosemary looks as if she could cry any minute, and she’s usually a cold person. I wasn’t lucky enough to have the affectionate, doting grandparents on either side of my family growing up.

  “Thanks, Mom.” She went overboard with the care she insisted on hiring for me, but since Jake and Sailor could only take time off while I’m inpatient, I figured I better take advantage of my mother’s help.

  “I’ll be working today, but I’ll be checking in often for updates, and I’ll make sure you’re getting the best care while you’re in the hospital,” Dr. Raynard says.

  “Thank you. I appreciate you being here.”

  I do appreciate everyone’s concern, but the attention is uncomfortable. They need to call me back for surgery ASAP.

  Nicole. She’s walking toward us, and could this morning get any more awkward? Smiling nervously, she waves at everyone and stops in front of me.

  Her hair is braided low on the side the way I used to love. A fishtail braid is what I think she always called it. She’s in jeans and a sweatshirt, so I’m guessing she plans to stay a while.

  “Do you mind if I’m here?” she murmurs. I turn my head to Sailor, and her expression’s indifferent.

  “Here, take my seat,” she says to Nicole as she gets up. She moves to a chair across from me next to Jake, and no, this isn’t uncomfortable in the least.

  “Sailor told me your surgery was today. I wanted to come and apologize for running out on you that day in your room. You were upset and needed someone. I feel terrible about it.”

  “No, I’m sorry.” Unable to face her right now, I stare ahead. “I shouldn’t have leaned on you like I did. After our talk at the hospital, when your mom was sick, I thought we could be friends. I guess it was too soon.”

  “We are friends. I just can’t be a close one.”

  “Then you don’t have be here today. I’ll understand.” I stop being a coward and turn my head to look at her. Earthy hazel eyes stare back at me, displaying Nicole’s kindness. I probably don’t deserve h
er friendship, but I’ve selfishly wanted it.

  “I can put my feelings aside for the day.”

  The desire to hold her hand, or stare at her longer than I should, is nudging me, but I resist. I don’t look over at Sailor, either, since I have a strong suspicion she’s staring back, and what if she picks up on what I’m feeling?

  Dammit, I’ve tried the last two weeks not to think about Nicole, but I haven’t been able to get her off my mind. I’ll find a way once I leave this room.

  I’ll tell Jake to keep her the fuck away from here, and over time, the feelings I have for her will fade. I have an incredible, selfless woman sitting across from me, who’s having my baby. There’s nothing she can’t give me.

  “Elliott Roberts.” I look over at the woman waiting at the door to take me back to prep for surgery. My family and friends stand to hug me, and this is it. Let’s pray I wake up cancer free.

  Sailor

  Elliott leaves the waiting room, and I sense Jake’s urge to hug me. He refrains, though, since Elliott only told his mom, Faye, about Payton and not about my relationship with Jake.

  He said his mom had enough to process with his cancer and the news of our baby. I think he figured if he didn’t make it through surgery, she’d never have to know the three of us were together. Faye would then believe Jake and I fell in love later. Elliott didn’t say it, but I knew that was his reasoning.

  Regardless of the why, Jake and I agreed to hide our affection for one another today. As far as Elliott’s mother and grandmother are concerned, I only love him. I can’t help but wonder, though, if Elliott only loves me. I saw the way he was looking at Nicole.

  Rubbing my fingers over my anchor necklace, I think about what a long day it will be. I also notice how nauseous I’m becoming. Shit.

  “I’m going to be sick,” I murmur. I race from my chair to a nearby restroom and barely make it to the commode before puking. I imagine everyone in the waiting room can hear, and they’re probably wondering if I’m contagious.

  Once I’m finished in the restroom, I return to the waiting room and discover that Dr. Raynard has left. I ask if anyone would like to go to the cafeteria with me, and I’m happy when only Jake volunteers.

  “Do you think it’s your nerves or the baby making you sick this morning?” he asks as we stroll down the long, wide hallway of the hospital.

  “Both. It’s going to be a stressful day.”

  Jake buys us coffee and muffins, and we eat in the cafeteria. He’s quieter than usual, and I wonder if it’s from the worry he feels for Elliott or if it’s something else.

  “You’re quiet,” I say.

  “I’m thinking about the surgery. I’m bummed that Elliott has to be cut open and have all those tubes and shit. He said they might even remove a rib.”

  “Yeah, I can’t think about it, either, or I’ll get sick again.”

  “I keep dwelling on something else, too. Something Elliott did.”

  “What’s that?”

  “He proved how much he trusted me. Last night, he took me in his room and showed me paperwork he had his attorney draw up.

  “He left all his assets to me. He requested I set up a trust fund for Payton once she’s born using half of his money. The other half he wanted me to use to raise her. He entrusted me with her future.

  “It probably wasn’t the smartest move from a legal standpoint, but he believed in me. He knew I’d do the right thing if he died, and I promised him I would. Even if you and I weren’t together, he was sure I’d give every penny to his daughter.”

  I squeeze Jake’s hand across the table. “She’s your baby, too, and he knows you’ll raise her as your own if something happens to him.”

  “It meant a lot, but we’re not going to need any of that paperwork. He’s going to pull through this.”

  “I believe he will, too.”

  ***

  It’s obvious the hospital has attempted to make the surgical waiting area feel homey. The wood furniture, flower arrangements and comfortable seating would alleviate my nerves if it wasn’t for my nose performing superbly. Since I’m pregnant, the sterile scent of this place can’t be masked.

  “It’s been three hours, Jake. I can’t take all the waiting.”

  “I know. It’s driving me crazy, and so is the fact I can’t hold your hand and kiss you.”

  “She’s restless, too.” I nod toward Nicole. She’s only left the room a few brief times, and the way her eyes dart to the door every time it opens tells me she’s losing her patience.

  “Your mom’s here,” I say with surprise.

  “I see that. I also might’ve told her about the baby so you wouldn’t have to.”

  “Jake!” I whisper.

  “Don’t worry; it went well.” He stands to give Jeanine a hug.

  “Have you heard anything yet?” she asks him.

  “No. We’re hoping to hear an update on his condition anytime.”

  “How are you doing, Sailor?”

  “I’m OK, other than feeling anxious about Elliott.”

  “I can imagine. Jake, can I have a word with Sailor alone please?”

  “Sure.” He strolls over to sit next to Nicole. I can’t believe he didn’t tell me about his talk with his mom. Taking the seat beside me, Jeanine removes her coat and reaches in her large quilted bag.

  “I make angel wings in my shop. I thought it might be nice to make some pocket ones for all of you to carry while Elliott’s healing.” She holds out a handful of cream-colored angel wings accented with a shimmery gold paint.

  “Thank you. They’re pretty.” She reaches inside her bag again and pulls out a figurine of a larger set of wings.

  “Intensive care units typically don’t allow flowers, so I was thinking you might get away with putting this on his bedside table.”

  “Of course. I’ll make sure he knows it’s from you.”

  “I believe he could use some angels looking over him right now.”

  “This was thoughtful of you, Mrs. Callister.”

  “I’d like you to call me Jeanine again.” She grasps my hand and hugs it between hers. “I also want you to know that Jake told me about the baby yesterday and how it’s Elliott’s. He said he’s going to help raise it, and I could see how happy he was.

  “All I’ve ever wanted is happiness for my children, and I’ve realized that the relationship Jake has with you and Elliott makes him extremely happy.” She pats my hand. “I’m here to give you my blessing, and I hope you’ll allow Carson and me to be another set of grandparents to your baby.”

  Setting the angel gifts in the chair beside me, I hug her.

  “Of course, and thank you for your acceptance. I’m still hoping to receive the same from my parents, but I’m not holding my breath.”

  “I bet they’ll come around. You’re their daughter.”

  “I’m sure they don’t believe it’s possible for me to love both Jake and Elliott, but I do.”

  “Our souls choose whom to love. It would be a dishonor to put stipulations on such an extraordinary decision.”

  “I’m glad you see it that way. Jake makes me happy, and so does your family. I don’t want to lose either one.”

  “You won’t.”

  A doctor wearing scrubs walks out, and Elliott’s mom straightens in her chair and messes with her blond tresses.

  “That’s the surgeon I met this morning with Elliott.” Faye waves him over, and once he’s between our rows of chairs, he places his hands on his hips and glances to each of us. He’s younger than I expected, maybe late-thirties.

  “The surgery was a success, and Elliott’s doing well in recovery.” A collective sigh is heard in the room. “I was able to remove the mass, but I also had to extract some lymph nodes I believed were malignant.

  “The biopsy results will tell us for certain, and once we know the margins, Dr. Miller can decide how to proceed. Elliott’s going to be in recovery for a while. Then, he’ll be transferred to ICU afterward. He sh
ould be off the ventilator later today.”

  Unable to contain myself, I leave my chair and give the surgeon a hug. He doesn’t hug me back, so I quickly step back.

  “I want you to know how grateful we are.”

  He smiles. “You’re welcome, but it’s my job, and although Mr. Roberts is stable, there are risks for complications. His body needs time to heal, but he’s in great care, and I’m optimistic about his recovery.”

  Once Dr. Carr walks away, our group rejoices. We hug and shed tears, and I notice Nicole turning her head away to wipe her eyes.

  “I’m going to talk to her for a minute,” Jake says.

  “Sure.”

  I chat with Jeanine until Jake returns. I see Nicole leaving the waiting room.

  “Is she coming back?”

  “No. She wants us to call or text with updates.” Wrapping his arm around my shoulder, he pulls me against him. “We’re one step closer now.”

  “Elliott’s not a patient man, though. His recovery’s going to take months, and his anger often gets the best of him.”

  “True, but he won’t be recovering alone. He has us.”

  Sailor

  We’re in the ICU waiting room, where we switched to several hours ago. We’ve been at the hospital all day, and it’s taking a toll on me.

  Jake and I are frustrated since Elliott’s mom has stayed in his room ever since he was moved from post-op. All we’ve wanted is to get a chance to see him, even if it’s only for five minutes.

  The door to ICU opens, and I whip my head up from where I’ve been resting it on Jake’s shoulder. It’s Elliott’s mom, and she looks like she’s been crying.

  “What’s wrong?” Jake and I ask in unison as she comes toward us.

  “They couldn’t wean Elliott off the ventilator. Dr. Miller was here when they tried, and he said this happens on occasion. Because of the trauma to his lungs, he said Elliott may need a little more time. They’re not going to try again until tomorrow morning.”