Whispered Prayers of a Girl

by Alex Grayson

  Gwen stops, glances at me, then turns Daniel by his shoulders to face her. “I know you don’t, sweetie, but we have to. This is Alexander’s house and we’ve imposed on him long enough.”

  I want to tell her that they haven’t been an imposition at all, that I loved having them here and want them to stay, but I keep the words locked tight in my mouth.

  “Can we at least come back and visit him? I really like it here.”

  Her eyes slide to mine for a brief second before going back to him. Her voice lowers when answers. “We’ll see.”

  Her words send a spark to my chest. The thought of them possibly coming back has my stomach tightening in both anticipation and dread.

  “You ready to go?” Jeremy asks, getting up from his chair and pulling his keys from his pocket.

  Again, Gwen glances my way before looking at Jeremy. “We are.”

  Gigi comes trotting into the kitchen and Daniel drops to his knees and hugs her around the neck. Gigi licks his face a few times, and when he pulls back, there are tears swimming in Daniel’s eyes. It makes my heart hurt, watching the exchange.

  “I’m going to miss you, girl,” Daniel says gloomily. “Take care of your babies.”

  With a sniff and a wipe to his nose, he climbs to his feet. I wait to see if Kelsey will say goodbye next, but she just keeps her head forward, not even looking at Gigi. Gwen scratches her head a few times and murmurs her own goodbye.

  I push off from my perch against the counter and grab a couple of things off the bar as I pass by it. My feet feel like lead as I lead everyone to the front door. Gripping the knob with my hand, it takes me a minute to twist it and pull the door open. My jaw hurts from clenching it so tightly.

  I turn around once we’re off the porch, and I’m pushed backwards a couple of feet when a small body barrels into me. Looking down, I see Daniel has his face buried against my stomach. My hands settle on his shoulders.

  “I’m going to miss you,” he mumbles against my shirt.

  I clear my throat, then say, “I’m going to miss you too.”

  He pulls back and looks up with sad eyes. It takes everything in me to not drop to my knees and hug him and not let go.

  “We can come back, can’t we?”

  I glance over to Gwen to find her watching us. Unsure what to say, I repeat her words to him. “We’ll see.” When his face drops with disappointment, I hold out my hand to him. “I want you to have this.”

  He reaches out and takes the wooden horse. “Wow,” he breathes. “This is so neat.”

  “My grandfather made it for me when I was your age.”

  He looks up. “Really?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Thank you!” He wraps his arms around my waist again. “I promise I’ll take good care of it.”

  Gwen walks up and sees the small horse. “What do you have there?”

  Daniel pulls back and thrusts his hand out, looking at the horse likes it’s worth a million dollars. “Alexander gave it to me. He said his granddad made it for him when he was my age.”

  Gwen’s surprised eyes dart to mine. “Are you sure?”

  I look down at Daniel and see the awe on his face as he looks at the horse. “I’m sure.”

  “Thank you,” she says quietly.

  My eyes go to Kelsey, who’s standing behind Gwen. I take a step toward her and hold out a notebook. Her eyes slide to mine before going to the notebook. Hesitantly, she reaches out and grabs it. Her eyes stay glued to it as she opens it to the first page, then the second, then the third. Gwen, who’s now standing beside her, gasps.

  “You did this?” she asks, lifting her eyes.

  I nod. “Yeah. I know her other crossword book is full, so….” I trail off.

  “This must have taken you hours.”

  Shrugging like it’s no big deal, which it really wasn’t, I say, “I spent a few hours each night on it. It didn’t take me too long.”

  Kelsey’s still turning the pages of the homemade crossword puzzle book, one after the other. After several moments, her head lifts and her eyes meet mine. The look I’m so used to seeing in her eyes, the one that says she’s lost and can’t find her way back, isn’t so prominent. Her eyes turn glassy and her bottom lip trembles. Terrified that I did something wrong, I’m just about to apologize when she launches herself into my arms. My own encircle her.

  I look at Gwen over her shoulder to find her biting her lip and fighting her own tears. Kelsey hugs me for several seconds, then pulls back. Her eyes don’t meet mine as she turns around and rushes away.

  I understand her need to be away, to put distance between herself and what could possibly hurt her again. Not that I would ever hurt her intentionally, but the emotional aspect of letting someone in after tragically losing her father is scary as hell.

  Gwen turns to Jeremy. “Can you give us a minute?”

  “Sure,” he answers and walks away. Gwen watches as he helps the kids into his Blazer, then turns back to me.

  “I know I’ve already said it, but I wanted to thank you again for helping us. Not just for coming to our rescue on the side of the road and letting us stay here, but for what you did at the market the other day as well.”

  She’s standing so close I can see black specks in her blue eyes and smell her sweet vanilla scent. A slight breeze blows a few strands of her hair across her face, and once again I have to force my hands to stay at my sides and not push away the wayward hair just to give myself the excuse to touch her.

  I look to the side where the partially built house is, seeing it but not really looking at it, before bringing my eyes back at her.

  “It was nothing, really.”

  She squints. “It was a lot to me. To us. There’s no telling what would have happened had you not seen my truck and come to investigate. You didn’t have to bring us back here, but you did. And you didn’t have to be so nice to my kids.”

  I don’t know what to say. I don’t do well with gratitude because I’m never around people that need to offer it.

  Before I get a chance to come up with a response, Gwen shocks me by stepping closer, grabbing my shoulders, and leaning up to kiss my cheek. I close my eyes when her soft lips meet the gnarled skin of my cheek. Instead of pulling away, she steps even closer.

  “You’re a good man, Alexander. Take care of yourself,” she whispers in my ear.

  Pulling back, she looks at me a moment longer, gives a small smile, then turns and walks away. I watch her and the farther away she gets from me, the harder my heart pounds.

  “Gwendolyn!” I call when she’s almost to the Blazer. That’s the first time I’ve used her full name.

  She turns around, and the look on her face almost has me falling to my knees and begging her to stay.

  “I programmed my number in your phone last night. If you or the kids ever need anything, call me.”

  After a moment, she nods, and walks the rest of the distance to where her kids and Jeremy are waiting. I swear I feel a piercing pain in my heart as I watch them ride away.

  I stand there for a good ten minutes after they’ve left, feeling like I’ve just lost something precious and important.

  Chapter 9

  Gwendolyn

  “What day are you getting in?”

  I switch the phone from one ear to the other, grab the cleaner from underneath the sink, and spray the table down. I then attack it with my rag. Daniel was helping me make biscuits earlier and started playing with the leftover dough.

  “The twenty-third,” Emma answers. “I hate that I can only come for two days, but work’s been hectic lately. I was lucky to get off what I did.”

  Emma’s a triage nurse working in the emergency department. A few weeks ago, she complained of several nurses quitting all within a span of a month, leaving the department short-staffed.

  I use my nail to scrape away some dough that’s dried on the table. “We’ll have to make the most of it while you’re here. The kids are excited to see you.”


  “I’ve missed them. I can’t wait to see them again.” She pauses for a moment, then asks quietly, “How’s Kelsey?”

  I drop the rag on the table and plop down in a chair. This is the first time I’ve been able to really talk to Emma since we got back from Alexander’s, and I’ve been dying to. Her work has been keeping her very busy.

  “She was actually showing signs of improvement for a few days, but the last week she’s dropped back into her depressive state. I actually saw her smile again, Emma.” I whisper the last part like it’s some big secret, but it’s because I’m worried if I speak louder my voice will crack.

  We left Alexander’s place a week ago, and since that day, I haven’t seen any life whatsoever from Kelsey. I know she misses him, and if I’m truthful with myself, I do as well. I miss him so damn much it makes my stomach ache. Daniel’s asked about him several times over the last several days, so I know he misses him too.

  “Oh, Gwen, that’s wonderful!” she says happily, then remembers the sad part of my statement. “What was going on when she smiled? You said a few days…. Something’s happened. What is it?”

  This is the part I wanted to ask her about. I hesitate, wondering how I should go about it. She may not even have the answers I seek.

  “Do you remember a guy named Alexander from when you used to visit your gram’s during the summers?”

  There’s silence, then, “Does he have a last name?”

  I shake my head, then feel foolish because she can’t see me. “I don’t know it. He said his grandfather raised horses and he’d go over sometimes to help him. He actually inherited the farm. It’s out on Hallow’s Road, only a few miles down from your gram’s house.”

  I hear her hmming across the line as she thinks it over.

  “Yes!” she shouts, then lowers her voice. “Alexander David Christenson. The reason I remember his full name is because I always liked it. I had a crush on him one summer when some boy knocked my ice-cream cone out of my hand. Alexander saw it and bought me a new one. I think I was ten at the time. Why? What does he have to do with anything?”

  Guilt eats at me as I think about my next question. I know I should ask him myself, but I just can’t bring myself to. Whatever the answer is, I know it’s extremely devastating for him, and I don’t want to see the pain I know his eyes will hold if I do ask.

  “Do you know exactly what happened to his wife and child?”

  Emma’s quiet for several seconds before she answers, her voice sad. “I don’t know much. Only that he was driving when someone pulled out in front of him. He swerved to avoid hitting him and they rolled into Hallow’s Creek. I don’t know how accurate it is, but from what I was told, his wife and little girl drowned.”

  My hand flies to my mouth and a soft sob escapes before I can stop it. “Oh my God,” I whisper brokenly. “How awful.”

  “Yeah. It was pretty tragic.”

  It feels like there’s a ton of bricks on my chest. Poor Alexander. It’s already bad enough to lose someone, but to lose them in such a harsh way…. I can’t even imagine the pain he went through. Is obviously still going through. No wonder he always looks morose. No matter how much times passes, be it four years or twenty, you never get over something like that.

  “Gwen? What’s going on?” Emma asks, pulling me from my thoughts. “What happened was horribly sad, but you seem more upset than a person should be that wasn’t there and didn’t know them.”

  I get up, grab my coffee from the counter, and bring it back with me to the table. Pulling one of my socked feet up to the seat, I hug my knee.

  “The kids and I… uh… we were sort of forced to stay with him for a few days last week.”

  “What do you mean, forced to stay with him?” she asks suspiciously.

  “I was out visiting your gram. When we left, the snow was coming down really hard. An animal ran out in front of me, and I slid off the road when I pressed the brakes to miss it.” Before she has a chance to ask, I reassure her. “We were all okay, but I couldn’t get the truck out. Luckily, Alexander came by and found us. However, there was a tree in the road so he couldn’t take us back to town. We had no choice but to go home with him.”

  “Damn it, Gwen. Why am I just now hearing about this?” she scolds.

  “Because this is the first time we’ve really been able to talk.” I tuck my bangs behind my ear. “Anyway, Alexander took us in for three days. Emma—” I stop and have to clear my throat. “Kelsey smiled. She actually smiled, and showed more of her old self than she has since Will died.”

  I hear a sniffle from Emma, and I know she’s just as amazed as I am. She was there from the beginning of my and Will’s relationship, she was there the days the kids were born, she was there through each milestone, and she was there when we all fell apart after he died. She helped pull us together. When Kelsey went quiet and withdrew, Emma was affected as well, because she loves my kids as if they were her own.

  “Wow,” she says. “Has she talked?”

  I prop my elbow on the table and rest my head in my hand. “No. Nothing like that, but I’ve seen more animation on her face than I have in years. I’ll take anything I can get.”

  “And you think Alexander had something to do with it?”

  “I do,” I answer. “I don’t know what it is about him, maybe it’s because she senses his own pain and can relate to him.”

  “And Daniel?”

  “Daniel absolutely loves him. Alexander was so good with both of them. He portrays this hard and quiet man that obviously doesn’t let people get too close, but with the kids, I guess he couldn’t help but open up.”

  “And what about you?” she inquires quietly.

  “What about me?” I play dumb. I get up from my perch on my chair and carry my coffee cup to the sink. It’s cold, so I pour it down the drain.

  “Has he opened up to you?”

  I spin around, lean back against the counter, and look down at my socked feet. Wiggling my toes, I answer her as honestly as I can. “I don’t know. He wasn’t as cold when we left. But that could just be because we weren’t complete strangers anymore.”

  “And how do you feel about him?”

  It takes me a minute to answer. How do I feel about Alexander? That’s both easy and hard to answer. It’s also scary to think about. I’ve tried pushing him from my mind the last week, but no matter how hard I try, he’s there. It’s like he’s wormed his way inside and has grown roots.

  “I don’t know. I like him. He’s quiet and reserved, but he’s also compassionate. I liked watching him with Daniel and Kelsey. It was like, although he wasn’t sure what to do with them, instinctually he knew. He was so patient with them. He’d take Daniel out to the barn to help him with the horses. And when he looked at Kelsey, I swear, Emma, it was like he was trying to absorb her pain.”

  “Is he still as hot as he used to be?” she teases, then laughs.

  “I don’t know how he used to look, but the man looks damn good now.”

  She clears her throat before asking quietly, “He has scars, doesn’t he? From the accident.”

  I feel bad talking about him like this, but it’s Emma. There’s no censure or disgust in her voice. Emma’s not like that. She never judges people by their outward appearance. It’s what’s on the inside that counts.

  “Yeah.” I blow out a breath. “The right side of his face has burn scars. He has them on his right arm as well. I can’t be sure, but I think there may be more. The scars wouldn’t matter anyway, no matter how bad they are.”

  “I know. Are you going to see him again?”

  Before I get a chance to answer, I hear a car door slam outside.

  “I need to go. Jeremy and his mom had the kids over for lunch and they just got back.”

  “Okay. But I want updates on the Alexander situation,” she informs me.

  “There might not even be an Alexander situation to report back to you.”

  I walk over to the door and pull it open. Dani
el, Kelsey, and Jeremy are walking up the driveway.

  “True. But there might be as well.”

  After promising to call her in a couple days, I hang up. I smile as the kids and Jeremy walk up on the porch.

  “Did you guys have fun?”

  I ruffle Daniel’s hair as he stops in front of me and hands over a Tupperware container. “We did and we brought you lunch back.”

  Bending down, I kiss the top of his head. “Thank you.” I look at Kelsey next. “Did you enjoy your lunch?” I ask gently.

  She gives a single nod and that’s it.

  After thanking Jeremy for lunch, Daniel rushes off inside, I’m sure to pull out the video game. The boy would play 24-7 if I allowed him to. Kelsey follows him at a slower pace. I turn back to Jeremy after watching the kids go inside.

  I hold up the container. “You didn’t have to bring me lunch, but thank you regardless.”

  “You know it’s no problem. Since you couldn’t come yourself, Mom insisted we bring lunch to you.”

  They invited me as well, but I had too much to do around the house. That, and I wanted to take the opportunity to have a few minutes alone. Since being snowed in with Alexander, my mind has wandered to him more times than I can count. It’s very distracting.

  I smile. “Well, thank you. And thank your mom as well.”

  “You got it.” He taps the railing before turning and walking down the steps. At the bottom, he turns back. “You need anything, even if it’s just for me and mom to take the kids for a bit, call us.”

  “Thanks, Jeremy. I really appreciate everything you and Peggy have done for me and the kids.”

  “It’s we that thanks you, especially Mom.” He looks over to his truck, then back to me, his expression mournful. “I was never able to give her any more grandchildren. Having Daniel and Kelsey around helps, since Benny’s all grown up.”

  Pain for Jeremy and the loss he endured has me starting for the stairs to offer him comfort, but before I take three steps, he shakes his head and stops me with his words. “Don’t. It’s okay. It was many years ago.”