I stare at Carlo’s lifeless body. I feel like I’m caught in a cloud of dry ice on a dance floor, not knowing which way is up and which is down.
Kim is staring at his body too, with tears in her eyes. “I tried to make it as quick as possible, but he kept resisting. . . . ”
Her tears seem real. How can she kill someone one minute and then cry about it the next? It doesn’t make sense.
“I don’t want this to happen to the others, Nic. If it were up to the Heng Te, they would all end this way. To Heng Te, trapping a soul is worse than murder.”
“But they take only diseased souls.”
“Even someone with a diseased soul deserves a chance to go to the realm of light. You’d be surprised at the healing that can occur on the other side. Gabriel figured that out.”
“Zin thinks Gabriel is dead.”
“He’s right. His human body is dead. He approached the Heng Te in the Jiangsu province and asked them to release the souls inside him. Despite Carlo’s indoctrination, Gabriel had guessed the truth.”
“What truth?”
“That death isn’t the enemy. That it’s just a doorway.”
A doorway. It’s what I believed before the Jiang Shi came along, before I started questioning everything.
I stare at her, wishing I could see the purity of her soul. She knows that offering to make the Jiang Shi mortal is all I could ever want. It would give Zin and I a chance to spend our lives together. It would give Josh a chance to start over. Kim must know how much I want to believe her.
“Why would you go against the other Heng Te?”
“I’ve always believed the Heng Te mission was to free souls, not punish immortals. Most of the Heng Te have lost sight of that. I was trained to guide souls to the light, not to hunt down Jiang Shi. When they gave me this mission, I wasn’t prepared. I’ve been in New York for months, and I could never figure out if the group here at Evermore was Jiang Shi or not. The Heng Te are on their way because they’re suspicious about why I haven’t given a final assessment. They think I’ve been hiding something . . . which, in these last weeks, I have. When I figured out that the group here was really Jiang Shi, I couldn’t give them up.”
“How did you figure it out?”
“Zin told us when your brother had been declared brain-dead. Then, a few days later, I find out that he’s home with his family. That’s when I knew. I didn’t tell the Heng Te, but they’ll figure it out very soon.”
“Will they hurt you?”
“I’ll be punished, but it doesn’t matter. I have to do this.” She looks at me steadily. “Please convince the Jiang Shi to let me turn them into mortals. And if you can’t, tell them to run as far and as fast as they can. Because the next time they encounter a Heng Te, they won’t get this offer.”
♦ ♦ ♦
It’s happened again. In the blink of an eye, the world I know has spun on its axis and settled in a different place.
I walk through the club. The bass beats with the fast, erratic rhythm of my heart. I lean over the bar, grabbing Zin’s hand. “Come with me.”
I lead him to the balcony, where I sit him down and tell him everything.
He’s shaking his head. He doesn’t want to believe me.
“It’s true, Zin. I saw the souls leave his body.”
“No way.” He gets up and makes for the stairs.
I hurry after him, but I get caught in the crowd. By the time I get inside the office, Zin is standing over Carlo’s body.
I lock the door and walk over to him.
“He’s gone.” There are tears in his eyes.
“I’m sorry.”
“Kim did this? But her soul is pure—I’ve seen it!”
“She said he had to die so that no more Jiang Shi would be created. He changed a lot more people than just your group.”
“Even if he did, he didn’t deserve this. We’ve witnessed horrible things happen to innocent people. Suffering you can’t imagine.”
“I know. Kim knew it too.”
“But she killed him just the same.” There’s a dangerous gleam in his eyes. “Where is she?”
“I don’t know where she is right now. She told me to call her when you’ve made your decision.”
He’s staring down at Carlo. “He was right about the Heng Te. I shouldn’t have doubted him.”
“Don’t think about that now. We have to get the others together. You need to decide tonight.”
“How do you know Kim won’t do this to all of us?” Zin’s eyes are still on Carlo. I can’t bear to look at Carlo anymore. I can’t grieve for him now. There’s too much to be done.
“Kim’s soul is pure, Zin. You’ve seen it yourself. And she’s giving you a choice. She wants all of you to live.”
He’s silent for a long time. “You’re right. Let’s get the others. We can meet in the change room.”
“Have you decided?” I hold my breath, my whole world hanging on his answer.
“Yes.” His eyes look deep into mine. “I choose you.”
♦ ♦ ♦
It’s past two a.m., and the club is still going strong. The part-timers are running the place while the rest of us are gathered in the change room; they think something major is going on, like someone’s been caught stealing.
They have no idea.
I look around at the Jiang Shi. “A Heng Te is here. But don’t panic—you don’t need to be afraid of her. She’s here to help. . . . It’s Kim.”
“Chen’s girlfriend, Kim?” Mig’s incredulous. “She’s a Heng Te?”
“Yes. And there are other Heng Te on their way. They could arrive as early as tomorrow morning. Before that happens, she wants to offer all of you the chance to become mortal.”
The Jiang Shi stare at me as if I’m insane.
“Is this a joke?” Richard looks around. “Where the hell is Carlo?”
I turn to Zin.
He takes a breath. “There’s no easy way to say this. . . . Carlo is dead. Kim took the souls inside him—”
Viola cries out and buries her head in her hands.
“Where is he?” Daniella demands.
“I don’t believe it,” Richard says. “Carlo was a warrior. He would never have let her get close enough.”
“I want to see my brother! Where is he?”
“The office,” Zin says.
They rush next door to the office. Zin and I follow.
When the door opens, they gasp. Daniella runs to him first, lifting his head. Then she places it down gently and bends over him, sobbing. Viola drapes her arms over them.
Mig goes over to examine the body. “His light is gone. He’s really gone.”
“Where’s Kim?” Richard shouts. “She’ll answer for this!”
“Vengeance against a mortal won’t bring him back,” Zin says.
Daniella raises her head, her eyes burning into me. “This is your fault! You brought this on us.”
“Shh . . . ” Mig puts his arms around her. “Nicole wouldn’t be able to stop a Heng Te. It’s not her fault.”
“Yes, it is. She’s the raven in Carlo’s vision.” Daniella’s eyes fixate on me. “He knew he was going to die when you showed up. And he was willing to die because he believed it was for a purpose, that you’d lead us to something better. But all you want to do is destroy us. I was right not to trust you. You were supposed to die!” She lunges at me.
Zin grabs her before she can reach me, pinning her arms to her sides.
“What do you mean, she was supposed to die?” A deadly calm enters Zin’s voice.
“She should have died. Then all of this wouldn’t be happening. Then Carlo would still be alive!” She struggles in his arms.
“You hired Chris Harris.”
“Yes. And I wish he’d succeeded!”
Zin’s eyes pulsate. I can see him tighten his grip on her.
“Zin!” I shout.
But it’s unnecessary. He releases her and turns away. Daniella begins to sob a
gain.
I can’t help but feel sorry for her. What she did, she did out of love for her brother. She probably thought the life of one mortal was more than a fair bargain for that of a Jiang Shi.
Realization dawns. She was right: Carlo must have known he was going to die. And he tried to make me examine the raven’s destiny, although he didn’t fully understand it himself. My destiny was to signal the new era of the Jiang Shi, but it was never to become one. And the new era was not what Carlo thought—it was the era of mortality.
“I know we all want to grieve for Carlo,” I say. “But you have to make your choice soon, before the other Heng Te get here.”
“She wants us all dead!” Daniella’s voice is shrill. “Look what she did to my brother. And she’s the friend of a Heng Te!”
“Kim was my friend too,” Zin says. “Neither of us had any idea she was a Heng Te.”
Daniella glares at him. “Well, I’m not going along with it. I’m not putting myself at Kim’s mercy.”
“Me neither,” Richard says. “I’m not letting a Heng Te near me.”
“I’ll go first,” Zin offers. “If it doesn’t work, you can all be out of town by morning.”
“How could you submit to this, Zin?” Daniella asks. “Mortality is nothing but a slow death. You wouldn’t agree to this if it weren’t for her.”
Zin doesn’t argue. He just answers, “It’s time to stop running.”
“I’d rather keep running than grow old and die!” Daniella says. “What kind of a life would that be?”
“A normal life,” Viola steps away from Carlo’s body. Her face is streaked with tears. “I’m tired of living with no end in sight. The souls inside me want to be released. Sometimes they scream so loud I can hardly stand it.”
Mig nods. “I know what you mean. But how do we trust a Heng Te? If we submit to her . . . ” He looks at Carlo’s body.
“Carlo would be furious that we’re even having this conversation.” It’s Richard. “What’s gotten into all of you? Since when are we making deals with the enemy?”
“Kim is not our enemy,” Zin says.
Richard scoffs. “She is a Heng Te, and they are responsible for the deaths of Carlo and Martine. For all we know, they could have killed Gabriel, too.”
Zin glances at me, then says, “Gabriel gave himself up to them and asked for his souls to be released.”
The Jiang Shi look at one another.
“Gabriel is dead?” Viola says.
“Yes.”
Daniella snorts. “That’s what happens when you submit to a Heng Te. You die.”
“Gabriel wasn’t given the chance that Kim is offering us,” Zin says. “She’s the only Heng Te who doesn’t think we’re evil.”
“Either way, Carlo would want us to reject this offer,” Richard says. “I am not going to accept sixty more years when I can live forever.”
“But what if those sixty years are the best you ever live?” Viola asks. “You could settle in one place, get married, have kids. I think it would be . . . wonderful.”
“Look around, Viola,” Richard says. “A mortal’s life isn’t as wonderful as you make it out to be. It’s suffering, with a little happiness here and there. Why would anyone choose that when you can have immortality?”
“We wouldn’t be giving up our immortality,” Zin replies. “Gabriel’s soul is still alive. He came to me in a dream and asked me when we were going to stop running.”
I turn to Josh, who’s been stoic throughout all of this. “Tell them about your encounter with Grandpa’s spirit when you were in the hospital.”
He shrugs. “It could have been a dream.”
“But you said it was so clear—that he spoke to you.”
He avoids my eyes. “We have no proof of life after death, Nic. All we know is that there’s life here and now. Richard is right. I don’t want to live just one lifespan, not when I have an option.”
“Well, I’m going for it,” Mig says. “If nothing else, being mortal will get rid of the noise in my head.” He looks at Zin. “And you’re willing to go first, to test it out for us?”
“I am.”
“Brave kid,” Mig says. “So I guess it’s time to take a vote. If you’re up for the change, stand by Zin. If not, stand next to Richard.”
I watch Mig and Viola go over to stand beside Zin, while Daniella links arms with Richard. Josh goes to Daniella and Richard.
I rush over to him. “Please, think about this.”
“I have. This is where I belong.”
“You belong with your family! You’re being given a chance to have a normal life. Don’t you want to be with Emily? And be there for Mom and Dad? If you live this way, you’ll always be running. You can’t really want that.”
“I don’t want to leave you guys. But if I let her change me, I’ll become an addict again. I’d rather die than go back to that.”
“It doesn’t have to be that way. Even if you did relapse, we’d be there to help you.”
“You were there last time and it wasn’t enough. It won’t be this time, either.”
My eyes flood with tears. As much as it hurts, I know he’s right. I never want him to go back to his addiction. Never.
“It’s time to go,” Daniella says. She walks over to Carlo, kisses the top of his head, and whispers something to him.
“Good-bye, Nic,” Josh says.
I hug him tight. I don’t want to let him go.
♦ ♦ ♦
The club is closed now, and Kim has returned. I’m so nervous I can hardly breathe.
“Can I . . . go in with him?” I ask, clutching Zin’s arm.
Kim shakes her head. “When the souls inside him are let out, they could try to possess you.”
Zin hugs me. “If this doesn’t work—”
“It has to work.”
“I think it will.” He pulls back, looking into my eyes. “But if it doesn’t, enjoy your life. Don’t be sad for me.” Then he whispers in my ear, “If this doesn’t work, I’ll meet you on the other side.”
This sounds too much like a good-bye. “Wait! If you don’t think this is going to work, please don’t do it.”
“We have to try.” He looks at Kim, who is watching us with the seriousness of a doctor about to undertake a delicate operation. Then he turns back to me. “Whatever happens, I won’t be sorry I tried.”
His arms go around me, and I feel enveloped by his love. I kiss him with all of the pent-up emotion inside me.
When he ends the kiss, his irises are completely amber, the brightness of his soul gleaming through his eyes. “I love you,” he says. I realize he’s backing away.
“I love you.”
He turns and follows Kim into the office. The door closes behind them.
♦ ♦ ♦
I don’t want to move or breathe or speak until he walks out of that office again.
I feel Viola’s hand on my arm. “He’ll make it through.”
I manage a nod.
Mig is pacing. “Why can’t we hear anything?”
“Be patient,” Viola says.
A piercing howl shatters the silence. Light shoots through the cracks of the office door.
“He’ll withstand,” Viola says, her hand tightening on my arm. “He’ll withstand.” I’m not sure if she’s saying it to reassure me or herself.
Mig stops pacing. “She could be killing him. And we’re just standing by!”
“This is what Zin wants,” Viola says, and then we hear an agonized moan on the other side of the door.
I shudder.
“I’m going in,” Mig says.
Viola pulls him away from the door. “We need to let him complete the process.”
“Maybe Mig is right,” I say. “We could just take a look . . . to make sure Zin is okay.”
“No,” Viola says. “It’s too dangerous for any of us, especially you. Your soul’s trying to surface. If you go in there, you’ll be vulnerable to whatever’s being exorcis
ed from Zin.”
I force myself to be still, even as Zin’s cries keep coming. To be still, even as the man I love is fighting for his life.
And then there is silence.
ANGELS
It’s nearly dawn when Zin and I enter his apartment.
I can hardly grasp that he’s mortal, that we can be together for the rest of our lives. I am so close to being completely happy. But then I think of Carlo being dead and what lies ahead for Josh.
Zin looks exhausted, but he’s still smiling.
“Are you hungry?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “I have to crash. Guess I haven’t adjusted to my mortality yet.” I can see the shadows under his eyes. “Will you stay over? I promise I won’t get fresh.”
I kiss him. “I’ll leave a voice mail for my parents.”
Zin heads straight for the bedroom. I join him a couple of minutes later, finding him lying across his bed, still in his clothes.
I spread the duvet over him and crawl in.
“Love you,” he mumbles.
I curl against his side. “I love you, too.”
Within moments I feel myself slipping.
I dream in gray. Of Zin as a tumbler in a carnival of old. Of crowds cheering as he twists and flips. Of him standing, arms outstretched, under the shattering stars of the universe’s birthday. Of him slipping out of my arms down a wormhole in the Milky Way, so far I can’t reach him. I wake up to the sound of him coughing.
I touch his shoulder. “Are you okay?”
He doesn’t reply. He’s facing the other direction. I can hear the rattle of his lungs as he tries to breathe.
“Can I get you some water?”
He turns his head, and my heart stops. His skin has a grayish hue, his eyes are mostly closed. He coughs into his hand and curls it up, but not before I see the blood.
♦ ♦ ♦
I ride to the hospital with him, praying hard.
The EMTs ask me if he’s taken any sort of drug. I can only say no. They want to know about pre-existing conditions. They want to know his medical history. What can I tell them? Zin has been in perfect health since I’ve known him, except that one time when he was adjusting to a new soul.
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