Things like tenderness and devotion.
Things like a sense of duty—a need to protect—to nurture and take care of.
What was this? What was happening to me? How was she making me fall apart and come together all at once?
“Reid,” she breathed, and my name on her lips renewed the urge between my legs. My blood ran hotter than ever as she opened her perfect, sparkling eyes and met my gaze. There was a hazy light in them, a flicker of a flame that hadn’t been there before. When I cupped her cheek in one of my hands, she leaned into my touch without hesitation—like this was already old news. Like after this one time, she was already accustomed to my touch. Like she had found the place where she fit against me, and it was her new home now.
“I want to take you upstairs,” I told her, my own whisper a thin sound, like there wasn’t enough oxygen in the room for the two of us. “I want you in my bed. Jesus, Sarah—I want to be inside you so fucking bad.”
Sarah looked up at me—Venus with her panties around her knees. “Okay,” she said.
Maybe a better man would have made sure she knew what she was getting into. But after what I’d just seen, after how deeply I’d been wanting her since the moment I saw her, I didn’t have to be told twice. I couldn’t resist her. She was in my bones.
I lifted Sarah up into my arms and crushed her against me, our mouths coming together in the same way her legs wrapped around my waist. I ran my hands up her back, sinking my fingers into her skin hard enough to bruise. She didn’t stop me, and I couldn’t stop myself. I needed to feel her. I needed to mark her as mine. I needed her to feel the ache she instilled in me. In truth—and in different ways—we were both bruised.
I don’t remember carrying her up the stairs. I don’t remember laying her on the king-sized bed in the dark. What I remember is pulling off the rest of her clothes, undressing her until she was bare before me—and the feeling of her hands shakily pulling at my belt.
That was when I knew for sure that she wanted me. That she wasn’t just agreeing to something to avoid making me mad, or because she thought she owed me. Sarah wanted me inside her, just as badly as I wanted to be there. In that moment, we understood each other without any words.
I sat back on my heels and waited for Sarah to get my pants undone. I didn’t want to take this away from her. I wanted her surety. I wanted to see her take something she wanted, for once. And when she wrapped me in her delicate hand—when she stared and bit her lip like it was an ocean, and she was desperate to drown in it—I kissed her and pumped into her hand, softly, to show her what to do.
Sarah stroked me. I clenched her face in my hands. Shit. No one had ever made me feel this alive. This good.
The sensation was too much to bear. Too perfect. Too intense. I pulled my pants off the rest of the way and Sarah, as if sensing my hunger, pulled my shirt off up over my head. And there we were, skin to skin, separated by mere inches of negative space—of emptiness. I couldn’t take the distance. Slowly, I sank down, leveling my body over hers, letting her feel the weight of me, letting her find the parts of me she wanted to hold onto.
She chose my shoulders, linking her arms beneath mine to splay her fingers, claw-like, into my muscles. With my knee, I nudged the back of one of her thighs up to make it easier for her to take me. I was big, and Sarah was so very fragile and small.
The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her. And so, in her ear, I whispered, “Relax for me, darlin’. I’m gonna go easy. But you need to relax…”
The words felt so clumsy and not enough. When Sarah stopped my mouth with hers, I was grateful. And the moment she sank back against the pillows, I lined my cock up with her wet and ready entrance, and I took from her what I’d wanted since…
Well… it seemed like since forever.
I was so consumed by my desire at that point, I didn’t even think about protection. I mean, hell, Sarah’s a virgin so I knew she was clean, and I’ve usually been careful—and gotten tested when I haven’t—but truth is, none of that even crossed my mind in that moment. All I could think of was how much I wanted to be inside of her, with nothing in between us.
Fervently, Sarah pressed her forehead to mine. She dug her nails into my flesh. I took her inch by inch, letting her acclimate, indulging in her tightness and the gradual plunge that satisfied me unlike anything else. When I was finally inside her up to the hilt, I felt her beat on my back once, hard, with a closed fist. She grit her teeth. I turned her head with a nuzzle and asked, “Are you okay?”
“Feels…” I stopped moving when she trailed off. But then Sarah bit her lip and tightened her embrace around me. “…good…”
I breathed hotly on her ear, then took the lobe between my teeth. And when I pulled back, sliding partway out of her, Sarah locked her legs around me as if to keep me buried inside her core. I shuddered and groaned. How? How did she drive me so damn crazy? How could a virgin, of all things, know exactly how to turn me on?
Fucking her was perfect in every way. Even though I couldn’t go fast. Even though I had to stay present with her, in this moment, instead of looking ahead to the inevitable climax. Hell, because of those things. She took me places no woman ever had before. And I took her places too, dragging her with me to the brink of insanity, to the place where a pleasurable throb met a needful ache. Where it was so good that you wanted to keep going forever, and yet stop, at the same time.
This time, it was my hand between her legs. My fingers that made her come. And when she bucked beneath me, when she squirmed and rose and tossed that beautiful hair of hers, I lost it too. Just in time, I had the presence of mind to pull out and spill onto the sheets beneath her, stroking myself, my head lowered to her breasts as I shut my eyes tight and saw stars.
Sarah enveloped me in her arms, holding me in that moment of cosmic bliss like she was the night sky. And I worshipped her. For the first time ever, I worshipped someone and something other than my own ego.
I’d put her needs before my own. I’d taken care of her in the way I’d always taken care of myself. And in return, I’d ended up having the best sex I’d ever had. But I couldn’t just reduce it to that. Looking up into her eyes, glinting softly in the dark, I knew there had been more to it than that. I couldn’t put a name to it—not yet—but there was something we’d shared just then that was a hell of a lot more sacred than what our bodies could contain.
I had never believed in souls. But there, in Sarah’s arms, I was utterly convinced she had just touched mine.
18
Sarah
The night it happened—the night I lost my virginity—I hadn’t had the time or presence of mind to really reflect on it. It had all been a blur of passion and lust, and when it was through, something warm and tingly had settled in me and weighed me down into sleep.
Now that it was morning and Reid was still asleep, I had the wherewithal to wonder: what had I done?
I didn’t exactly regret my decision. In fact, I didn’t regret it at all. Surrendering to temptation had lifted me to heights I’d thought impossible to attain. Heights I hadn’t even known existed. My spirit still sang Reid’s praises, a ballad that electrified my bones. And when I looked at him, asleep on his side next to me, I had the sense that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
So why did I still feel guilty?
I knew what Hannah would say. She’d say it was our upbringing—our brainwashing, as she called it—that was making me feel this way. I supposed that was at least partially true. Our community devalued women who gave up their bodies before marriage.
Except I didn’t feel like I’d given up anything. To me, it felt like something had been gained. There was no emptiness within me, no void as I’d always heard tell there would be. That was the burden of damaged goods, our mother had said. They would carry around the absence of their virtue their entire lives.
Instead of a cold well of shame and despair, I felt the flicker of a flame. I felt warmth in my heart, and in my soul. And when I
reached over and touched Reid’s bearded cheek, the intensity of that flame only grew and spread, until all my limbs ignited with desire once again—and something more. Something that ran deeper. Could I call it love? I wasn’t sure. Love, the way it had been related to me, should have felt different. Less intense. More yielding. What I felt for Reid was neither of those things. It was consuming and powerful. A force to be reckoned with.
I kissed him to quench my thirst. He stirred, but barely. So I kissed him again, beckoning him from sleep with my tongue. Yesterday afternoon’s Sarah would have been embarrassed and red, but this morning’s Sarah was a different person altogether. One who learned fast and knew how to please a man. This man.
Groggy but awake, Reid slid his palm over my cheek and to the back of my head, pulling me closer. I drew up against him, my bare breasts crushed against the hard plains of his chest. His free hand drifted down to my thigh and grasped it, hiking my leg up over his hip. I moaned, and I felt him smile against my lips.
“Good morning,” he said. His voice was low and raspy, made of gravel. It rumbled in my chest and vibrated in my mouth.
“Morning,” I sighed, a lamentation for the scant moments in which our lips had to part. Then I was kissing him again, and he was definitely not resisting me.
We stayed like that for far too long, and yet not nearly long enough. I felt drunk on Reid, and yet my throat burned as if I were parched. When he hardened against me, I immediately reached down to touch him, to grasp his weight and girth and feel him throb between my fingers. A throaty chuckle escaped him and I lifted my leg higher, letting him feel my wetness and my heat.
“Damn,” he murmured, “you’re ready to go again?”
I nodded and brought my lips to his neck, tasting his skin. “Yes. But I still need you to teach me.”
Reid cupped one of my breasts and brushed his thumb over my nipple. I gasped. “Teach you what?” he asked me. “Seemed to me you knew what you were doing last night.”
I pulled away from him and looked at him hard. “Are you suggesting I lied to you about never having been with a man before? Because…”
“Calm down there, Rambo,” Reid laughed. Though I didn’t understand the reference, I judged by his tone that I’d taken what he said the wrong way. “I just meant you’re a natural. That’s all.”
I smiled and looked away. All right, so maybe there was a bit of shy Sarah left in me, after all. “Thanks. I just… didn’t want to disappoint you.”
“You sure as hell didn’t,” Reid said, raising his hand from my leg to my rear and squeezing. “Now, what’d you wanna learn?”
With my leg still hooked over his waist, I turned us so that Reid was lying on his back and I was straddling his hips. I looked down at him, my hands on his chest. “It… it seems to me that, if we wanted to, we could do it this way. With me on top of you. Isn’t that right?”
Reid raised his brows and tucked his arms back behind his head. “Uh-huh. Is that what you wanna do? You wanna ride me?”
Ride him. Like he was a horse. I bit my lip. “Is that what it’s called?”
“Mmhm.” The lazy way Reid pronounced his words made my core clench. “There’s nothing to it. You just slide down on this…” He slid his cock up against me and I gasped. “…and then you bounce.”
“That’s all there is?” I asked him, getting a good look at his manhood for the first time. It was huge, velvety, and flushed with desire. How had I fit it inside me? And how would I do it again?
“That,” Reid said with a grin, “and a little rhythm.”
I let out a long breath and eased myself up onto my knees, holding myself over the tip of Reid’s cock. “Hannah… um… she gave me something for this. A, um… a condom. Do you want to put it on?”
Reid cocked his head. “Do you want me to? I’m clean, if that’s what you’re worried about, and—”
I shook my head at him. “No.” And I didn’t—I liked feeling him. I hadn’t even thought to use it last night, and given how incredible that felt, I wanted the same connection between us this time, too. I needed to feel all of him, and for him to feel all of me. I didn’t want anything between us.
Carefully, I adjusted the angle of my hips and lowered down onto Reid’s cock. I was still a little sore from the previous evening, and taking his tip made me wince a little, but after that…
I moaned and closed my eyes, sitting down hard on the rest of him. Oh, God, it felt so good…
“Shit,” Reid gasped, grabbing my hips. “Ooh, fuck, darlin’. I didn’t expect you to come down so fast…” He grit his teeth and I felt him throb inside me.
“Was that… bad?” I asked, squirming to get him all the way inside me.
Reid shook his head. “No. It was good.” He dug his thumbs into the soft spots on either side of my mound. “It was really, really good. Just… if you’re not careful… I’m not gonna be able to pull out in time.”
“I’ll be careful,” I told him. But some part of me wished I didn’t have to.
Gripping his wrists, I straightened my back and began to move up and down on Reid’s hard length, slow at first to get a feel for what it was like to be on top. Reid helped by guiding my hips at a steady pace, his glassy eyes fixed on the gentle motion of my breasts. I raised his hand to one of them and shuddered as he teased. He was so good at that. He was so good at all of it.
I wanted to impress him. I wanted to make him feel as good as he’d made me feel before. So I relaxed and paid mind to the synchrony between our bodies, coming down when Reid pulled, rising up when he let up on the pressure.
Soon, I didn’t need his hands. Our shared pleasure coursed through me, guiding me, providing me with everything I needed to make Reid melt. The sounds he made encouraged me—groans that trailed off into strangled growls.
His thumb found the aching bud he’d introduced me to last night and pressed. Gently I removed his hand and replaced it with my own. “No,” I told him. “Lie back. I want to take care of you this time. I want to… ah… be in control.”
“Mm. I thought you Amish girls were all about submission?”
I couldn’t help it. I rolled my eyes. “Do as I say. Please?”
Sucking his lip into his mouth, Reid obeyed. He kept a loose grip on my thighs as I rocked on top of him, seeking out my pleasure center and rubbing it in small circles the way I’d done the previous night. I’d heard of things like divine ecstasy before, but I’d never been able to fathom it. For me, this was it—this was the most pleasure any human had a right to endure.
And yet I wanted more. I wanted to explore Reid’s body, seeking the rapture he could give me. I wanted to find new ways to scratch this itch he’d put inside me, to push the limits of what we were capable of giving one another. As my orgasm swelled, I picked up the pace and rode Reid faster, harder, trying to take him to the peak I was so close to reaching. I could tell by the sounds he was making that he was already there.
“I’m… Reid, I’m…” I couldn’t find the words to describe what was happening to me. They eluded me, a side-effect of no real sex education, and fumbling for them stalled my progress.
“Gonna come?” Reid finished for me, and I nodded. “Good, darlin’. That’s what I want for you. Come all over my cock…”
Vulgar. Dirty. Those were the kinds of words that came out of Reid’s mouth. I should have found them off-putting, but… God, it was so sexy to hear him say those filthy things.
It was enough to push me over the edge. Digging the nails of my free hand hard into his chest, I sat all the way down on Reid’s cock and came, shuddering and squirming as I fell victim to an indescribable orgasm.
“Reid…!”
And then suddenly Reid was lifting me off him, kissing me with such ferocity and passion it hurt. But I liked the pain—the sting of his teeth embedded in my lower lip, the bruises his hands were surely leaving on my arms as he disengaged just in time to come on me rather than in me.
I threw my arms around his neck t
o tether myself to something, to the only thing that could keep me grounded now. Reid returned my embrace, holding me so tight my lungs strained to draw in air. I could have suffocated in his grasp, and I wouldn’t have cared.
We fit perfectly together. Every inch of us. Even the parts we couldn’t see—the parts on the inside. The ways in which Reid and I entwined ran deeper than our bones.
The harsh sounds of our breath faded and steadied. His heartbeat, once palpable through his chest, gradually softened until it no longer drummed a tattoo on my breasts. I looked down into his eyes, tracing his cheekbone beneath the rough stubble of his beard. There was something in his eyes, then. A little sadness, I thought. But then he kissed the hollow of my throat, and when he looked up at me again, it was gone.
“Did you get what you needed?” he asked.
I smiled and nodded. “Did you?”
Reid squinted at me and pursed his lips. “Hm. I’m not sure.” Idly, he caressed the small of my back. “Half of it, I think.”
A thread of concern stitched through my gut. “Only half?”
“Mm.” He kissed my forehead. “Yeah. The first half was that really fantastic sex we just had. But…”
That thread was quickly turning into an anxious tapestry. What hadn’t I done? Where had I gone wrong? “But? What’s the other half?”
That was when he grinned at me. “Food. You have worked me hard, darlin’, and I need fuel for this fire, if you’re gonna keep it up.”
The Brody Bunch Collection: Bad Boy Romance Page 13