"I have no idea." Laurel went back to staring at the sights. Everywhere she looked, people were gyrating to the beat or were physically flirting with one another.
"As much as I hate to waste twenty bucks, I think we should get out of here." He yelled again.
"I agree." She did. One of the men next to her took out a bag of white powder and handed it to another. This did not look like a good scene to be around.
"Well, if it ain’t the quiet ones." The lead singer for the headlining act approached them. "Come join us." He pointed to a group sitting on pillows around a low table in the corner.
"Um, well." Laurel was at a loss for words. Terry was not known for his social skills.
"Ok." Steve accepted. That left them no choice but to follow.
"Guys, here’s more. More, here’s the guys." Terry collapsed back onto a group of pillows. "Pull up a throw and get comfy."
With trepidation, Laurel sat down on a large pillow. She could not tell the color, but she found it comfortable. BJ, Steve and Larry followed her lead. Only Steve looked interested instead of nervous. Some of that nervousness must have shown on her face, for Terry turned to her again.
"Well, I thought you were too good for the rest of us. Shame, you’re not badly put together. A little like a tomboy, but that’s kinda sexy." He reached onto the table and pulled something from a bag. He lit it and offered it to her. "Here. Take a puff and relax."
"Um." For a moment, Laurel was trapped in temptation. The thought, the very smell of it appealed to her still. It was one thing she did not miss while with Nicole. She had smoked her last the night they met, and never missed it. Now it was staring her in the face for the first time in two years. Her body cried out for it. Her mind cried for the temporary freedom it would offer. Her heart declined the offer. For once, she listened. "No. We really need to be going. We’re supposed to meet Harold in a few, and if we aren’t there he’ll call the cops or something else drastically idiotic." She said it all in a rush and was gone before the words sunk into Terry’s brain.
"What’s the rush?" Larry asked as he caught up to her outside. BJ and Steve were right behind him.
"That was too close, that’s what’s up." She leaned against the wall of the club and lit a cigarette. "I was this close to blowing two years." She held her fingers together to illustrate. "Yeah, I went through rehab, but it was forced so it didn’t work. I gave that up when I met, when I wanted to. I don’t need to be around it now." The nicotine eased into her system and gave her a slight taste of what she was missing from the other. It helped, but only a little.
"Understandable. Been there, done that as they say." Larry laughed.
"Yeah. We’ve all been there." BJ reassured her. She knew his story only too well. She came close to living one like it.
"I haven’t, but I understand." Steve commented. He was the only member of blue gecko who managed to go through life completely drug free. He drank, but he did not do any illegal substances. "Hey, there’s a tattoo parlor. Wanna go check it out?"
"Yeah." For some reason it sounded like a good idea. At least it would take her mind off other things. "I’ve always wanted one."
"We could get matching ones." BJ suggested. "I’ve been craving another one since the last one healed."
"You know, as much as I don’t generally like body art, the thought is kind of appealing." Larry laughed. "Oh what the hell, it’s only permanent."
"Great. So what are we going to get?" Laurel asked as they crossed the street.
"Steve can design it for us since he can draw." BJ answered. "We should make it original."
"In that case, can we get another beer first? We weren’t in the club long enough to get our free drinks, and I could use one before allowing someone to draw on me with needles." Steve pointed to one of the generic looking bars. "That seems safe."
"Ok. Drinks first then body art." Laurel nodded. "Sounds like a night to remember." As they walked to the bar, she spared a thought for Nicole. She hoped the photographer thought of her. She wondered for a brief minute what she was doing at that moment. Suddenly, she was hit with a wave of longing and depression. It felt as if something were wrong, but she did not know what. The moment passed quickly. As they entered the generic bar, everything returned to normal. Laurel gave a brief prayer to the goddess for Nicole’s protection. She hoped it was unnecessary, but it made her feel better to do it.
***
Nicole woke with a start and a pain in her inner thighs the next morning. The events of the night were hazy, but she remembered getting drunk at dinner with Brian. She also remembered stumbling back to the Warehouse and calling Kay to tell her aunt that she would be staying there that night.
Looking around, Nicole did not see Brian. She knew however how the night ended. She could feel it even though she had not felt as sore or as grungy in a long time. Suddenly she felt lost and wanted nothing more than to cuddle with a teddy bear or a bassist in bed all day. However, her teddy bear was in her bed at the house and she had ruined all her chances with the bassist. Even Mozart was missing. The large dog was still at her grandmother’s house.
Nicole did not bother with her robe but headed partially clothed for the shower. True to form, Brian had not even undressed her properly. By the time she undressed and crawled into the tub, she was fighting back tears. She suddenly did not have the strength to stand and knelt in the large, claw footed tub under the hot water. She only managed to wash as the water became tepid, and even that she did on autopilot. She felt as if someone had sucked her brain from her while she slept. It was an eerie feeling, and Nicole did not like it in the least.
"Nicole? Nicky are you in here?" Stan’s voice was like a godsend and pulled her consciousness back from its hiding place.
"Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute." Nicole turned off the water and haphazardly dried off before pulling on whatever clothes were close to hand. She ended up in jogging pants and Laurel’s old football jersey. Fortunately the bassist always bought clothing several sizes larger than she needed so the jersey fit the photographer well. Just the thought of seeing her former lover in that shirt almost brought the tears back.
"Were you trying to drown yourself in there?" Stan looked concerned. He hastily shoved one hand behind his back as Nicole exited the bathroom.
"I had a rough night." She looked over at her cousin. "What are you hiding?"
"You don’t want to see it." Against his better judgment, he folded at the look on her face and handed her the note he found on the table.
It was a note from Brian. To say that it was heartless would have been kind.
Nicky,
It was truly nice to see you again. I would invite you to the wedding, but I doubt Rachel would like having my ex finance there. Course she knows all about you. You haven’t changed a bit, pity you’re still frigid, but maybe you’ll fine a guy who can change that. Lord knows I tried. Best of luck. Don’t worry I’m disease free.
Brian
"Oh my god." Unbidden, the tears started again.
"Hey, Nicole, what’s wrong." Stan caught her as she fell and helped her to the couch. "After all this time." He shook his head as he pulled her close. "Brian?"
"I don’t wanna talk about it." She begged with him and with herself.
"Ok." He held her for several long minutes until the racking sobs became quiet sniffles. "Are you going to be ok?" She did not answer but nodded into his shoulder. "Did you at least use protection?"
"I don’t know." She doubted it from the tone of Brian’s letter.
"Wanna talk about it now?"
"No."
"You need to talk to someone. Nicole, you can’t let this eat at you or you’ll become as bitter as grandma ever was. Go talk to her."
"Who?"
"You know full good and well who." He did not want to further isolate her so he relented and did not give the speech he so painstakingly prepared after a long talk with his sister. "If you don’t want to, fine it’s your life, but at least move
on."
"I can’t. She took my heart when she left." Nicole buried her head in his shoulder and started crying again.
"Why did she leave?" Stan had never heard the entire story. If Jessica had been told, she never told him.
"I made her go. I didn’t…. I don’t…. I wasn’t…. It’s all my fault." She could barely complete a sentence.
"Shh, its ok." Stan wrapped her into a tighter embrace. "Everything will be ok." He promised though he seriously doubted it. He had never seen his cousin more vulnerable. Regardless, he held her until she cried her heartache out and then continued to hold her until she pulled away from him. "Better?"
"No, but I’ll survive. Thanks, but I must ask one more favor."
"Anything." He already knew what she would ask.
"You won’t say a word of this?" She pleaded with him.
"Not to a soul. On my word."
"You are a good man, a good friend, and a good cousin, Stan." She brushed his hair back. "Thanks."
"Anytime. Just do me a favor?"
"What?" Nicole was willing to pay any price for his silence. She did not need her family knowing about her grave misjudgment in Brian’s character. They had already dealt with the aftermath of the first time he had used her.
"Go see a doctor soon and make sure he was being honest, ok?" Stan sounded concerned. "I don’t wanna bury another cousin."
"Ok, I will." She hoped that Brian was honest, but there was another concern if they had not used protection. Shit, what would I do with a child?
***
"Hey, there’s something I want you to take a look at." Danny waved her over to the table.
Sheryl knew they were treading dangerous waters. Nicole would not like their meeting like this. It was private, just the two of them, to discuss the photographer. They wondered if it were almost time for an emotional intervention. For a while, it seemed as if Nicole had become the person they all knew she was meant to be, but something had happened that caused the photographer to retreat back behind her walls. They were meeting to discuss how to retrieve their friend before they lost her completely.
"Whatcha got there, Cowboy?" Sheryl looked around to find a waitress. The only reason they agreed to meet at Mabel’s was Nicole’s extended stay in New Orleans. Sheryl refused to believe her friend had moved back for good. "You know, Hotshot’s going to kill us if she finds out about this."
"Yeah, yeah. We’ll die for love and duty. There’s no higher honor." Danny flipped open the file folder on the table. "We were there when she finally admitted to being in love with Laurel, with some subtle pressure of course. We should see to it that she admits it again."
"I suppose so."
"What’s the matter? Jealous are you?" His teasing remark hit too close to home for her comfort. "You are, aren’t you?"
"A little, I suppose." She finally admitted it.
"How much of this has to do with Jessie?"
"None of it. Honestly." He did not appear to believe her.
"But I thought…"
"Everyone thought that. I’m not in love with Jessie. We’re friends who happened to sleep together every time she came home. I was never in love with her, just as she was never in love with me."
"Long distance fuck buddies? That can’t be all there is to it." He played with the spoon in his coffee mug.
"At first I’ll admit I thought it could be more than that. I guess everyone does at the start. I was wrong. She was wrong. I was shocked mainly because she was the one that terminated the relationship. It hurt the pride, you know?"
"Yeah, I know, and that’s understandable. But it doesn’t explain what you’re jealous of; their love?"
"Yeah." She shrugged. Time for a subject change. Some things did not need to be revealed. "Now what is it you wanted to show me?"
"I think our friend, the world renown bassist, will help make our job a bit easier." He smiled.
"Of course she will. But how did you figure that?"
"Look at this." He pulled a magazine clipping from the pile of papers in the folder. "This is an interview with Laurel. Granted, Nicole will never read it because she doesn’t read gay press. Read it."
"Ok." Her eyes were drawn to a few highlighted sections. Laurel had answered the questions honestly. In it, although she had to have known Nicole would never read it, the bassist clearly stated her continued love for the photographer. The answers were simple and from the heart. It was surprising, but there for the critic to read. She wondered who else took those words at face value. "Wow."
"Yeah really. Now the second piece of evidence is in two parts." He produced two pictures of the bassist. "Take a good close look at this one."
It was a black and white magazine shot. Laurel was sitting in a chair, her bass on her lap like a concert guitar. She was wearing a dark sleeveless t-shirt and a pair of faded jeans. One arm was wrapped around the bass, the hand gripping the instrument’s stings. The other hand was immersed in her hair. Those blonde locks were longer than normal. It was down almost to her shoulders. The bassist rarely wore it past the base of her skull. It looked appealingly shaggy. It was the face that showed the most change. Laurel’s eyes were flat and colorless in the grayness of the picture’s tinting. However, they still conveyed certain sadness, almost a melancholy state. The smile though had barely changed. It was indicative of Laurel’s personality. A smug confidence, a cocky demeanor and the shyness of a small child warred for dominance in that smile. Sheryl was compelled to return the grin.
"Ah, the mystery is solved. Here I thought that you were harboring a hidden flame for our friend."
"What are you talking about?"
"That soft smile. You’re taken with her aren’t you?" He pointed at the picture.
"I don’t know what you’re talking about." She protested. It was her secret and she wanted to keep it that way.
"Uh huh. So when did you get over your crush on Nicole?" He was relentless.
"In tenth grade I think. Until then I always wanted to be her first. Unfortunately that was your dick headed cousin. But, I grew out of that fall in love with your best friend phase a long time ago." She smiled in memory. She may not have been Nicole’s first lover, but she was the first person the photographer kissed.
"Something you want to share?"
"I was just remembering something."
"What? With a smirk like that it has to be good. You didn’t sleep with her did you?" He looked eager.
"No. Well, we did, but not that way. It was always more sisterly. Just sharing the bed really."
"Uh huh. Then what was it? A kiss?"
"Shouldn’t we be talking about the matter at hand?"
"Not until you tell me everything."
"Yes, I was her first kiss. There, you happy?"
"Nope. I want details. Neither of you ever told me this story before. You know I love stories. Now spill it. What type of kiss was it? It wasn’t one of those we’re-just-friends-so-please-excuse-the-fact-I-just-licked-your-bottom—lip type of kisses was it?"
"Not really." She decided to tell him the entire story. "One day after a party, Nicole and I were talking. You know how as kids everyone was obsessed with that silly game, truth or dare? Anyway, someone had been dared to kiss someone else. After the party Nicole and I were talking about it. She wanted to know what the big deal was. So, I leaned over and pressed my lips to hers. I leaned back and she goes: ‘Is that it?’ I thought I was going to die. There was my big moment and she wanted to know what the big deal was. So, imagine it. We’re sitting there on the couch in her living room and she wants to know what the attraction is with kissing."
"What did you do?" Danny laughed.
"What any good best friend would do. I explained the birds and the bees and then ran all the way home. That was the last time I ever thought about Nicole that way."
"And now you’re crushing on her lover. Smooth there Sheryl."
"I know. Now what is it I’m supposed to see in this picture? Aside from the general air
of melancholy surrounding her and the fact that she needs a haircut?"
"This." He took out a magnifying glass. "I tried to make it larger on the computer, but I couldn’t get the resolution right. This isn’t exactly something we need Nicole to see yet, and she’s the only person I know who could do that." He handed her the magnifying glass. "Look right here." Danny indicated the area with the tip of his pen.
"It’s a chain." She leaned closer. "With a ring on it. So?"
"So." He pulled out the second picture. It was a closer shot. This one was in color. "I got this one from Mandy. Apparently BJ took a picture of them on the Empire State Building. This one I was able to use one of those picture machines at Wal-Mart and enlarge. Of course I had to cut out the others."
"Of course. Now what is it?" She looked through the magnifying glass again. "It’s a diamond ring. Gold, so?"
"Needless to say, that’s an engagement ring. It can’t be hers or she would be wearing it. Of course she would never chose something that ornate for herself."
"So that means it’s for Nicole. Why is she wearing on a chain?"
"My guess is that it doesn’t fit her finger, she doesn’t want to get rid of it, and that keeps it close without drawing attention to it. It’s the perfect way to wear something that means a lot without showing it off or losing it."
"That makes sense." Sheryl felt a little relieved and a little disappointed at the same time. Not that she would have tried anything. She was a firm believer and follower of the best friend rules. Once dated means always beyond reach. One did not date a friend’s ex. "Several people in high school did that with their boyfriend’s class rings."
"Yeah I remember that. Well, that’s our hope then. Obviously Laurel is not giving up. We need to make sure that Nicole doesn’t." He put the pictures back into the file folder. Danny was very organized. Sheryl often wondered how he did it. Organization was not her greatest skill. It was the last of the lesser ones.
"It is going to be harder than it seems. Nicole is a very emotionally fucked up individual." Sheryl flagged the waitress down for another cup of coffee. She could not remember finishing the first one. "She was doing so well, but when I talked to her the other night, it was like she reverted again."
All That Jazz Page 28