by J. J. Keller
“I guess.” She squinted. Possibilities and what if scenarios ran through her thoughts.
“I’m hungry. Would you and Justin like to join me for dinner? We can start to form a closer friendship, if you want.”
Justin came to stand between her and Adam. What would happen to Justin if an emergency did occur? He’d be alone until Morgan arrived.
She wiggled her fingers out of Adam’s grasp. “I think that’s a good idea. It would be nice to have an adult to chat with for a spell. Want to go to dinner, Justin?”
He nodded. She rose and took Justin’s hand into hers. “We have two hours before I go to class.”
“I guess Chez Lambresko is out. We’ll go to Third Generation, if Italian is okay with you?” He reached down and took Justin’s free hand in his.
She glanced into Adam’s eyes and down at the four hands tied together. “Yes, sounds terrific.”
Shania picked up Justin and balanced him and her portfolio.
“Let me carry him.” Adam reached out.
Shania met Justin’s glance. He nodded. Adam took Justin, hoisting him onto his broad shoulders. Justin squealed in delight. A wild mix of emotions pulled her stomach into knots--guilt for not providing a permanent father figure and sadness the man wanting to apply for the position wasn’t Morgan.
They arrived at the quaint Italian restaurant. Located downtown, the place had a lot of curb appeal. Bristol tables covered with red and white cloths strategically arranged outside under the canopies. Empty wine bottles holding unlit candles had old drops of wax hugging the sides. They made attractive tablecloth centerpieces. Later when they were lit, the ambiance would be very romantic.
“Okay if we sit outside? It’s a beautiful evening.” Adam glanced at her and placed Justin’s feet on the brick patio.
“Sure, I don’t think it’ll get cold until the sun sets.”
Adam asked a waiter to get them a booster seat. Shania glanced around the area. She’d been there before. Third Generation was close to a friend’s old apartment. Memories came flooding back, flashes of something she didn’t want to remember. She shook her head, and focused on removing Justin’s backpack.
The waiter placed a plastic riser on a chair. Shania settled Justin on the square and fastened the seatbelt, hoping it’d hold him in place. She removed her bulky book-laden messenger bag and it fell to the brick floor with a thud. Adam pulled out her chair. She glanced at him, wishing he was someone else, and then lowered onto her seat.
The waiter held out a menu. She’d get something quick and enjoyable for Justin. Although she preferred unprocessed natural food, she’d let him have pizza. Adam ordered wine for himself. She asked for iced tea for herself and milk for Justin.
“What’s good here?” She gave a quick glance over the menu. Garlic bread scented the air, making her stomach growl in need.
“Everything. You might like the eggplant parmesan and maybe Justin would like a pizza.”
“Pizza,” Justin shouted.
“Sounds delicious and the smells have me salivating already. That’s what we’ll have.”
The waiter returned with their drinks, a basket of bread sticks and three small plates. Adam ordered their food. Other early diners arrived and took seats at nearby tables. The oak trees surrounding the restaurant held tight to their leaves instead of releasing them to organically unite with the cold soil. Still, tomato, basil and sugary dessert smells overpowered the aroma of fallen nuts.
“The weather forecaster said today would be the last warm day until next spring. We’ve been very lucky having the cold and snow delayed.” She rambled. What nonsense was this? She’d known Adam for three plus years as Justin’s pediatrician, but she didn’t have a clue what to say to him as a man.
“So I hear. How are your classes going?”
Justin moved from side to side in his chair. She broke off a bit of breadstick and placed it on his plate.
Receiving crayons and a thin coloring book from the waiter, Justin squealed. Shania rejoiced in the man’s opportune visit, which would hopefully prevent her son from clamoring for the contents of his backpack.
“Thank you,” she said. She opened the box of crayons as he flipped through the pages.
Shania glanced at Adam. “Classes are exciting, and I’m learning so much.” She reached and moved Justin’s child cup to the side as the coloring book took center stage. “How about you, Adam? Are you adjusting to a different location and schedule?”
“I’ve been away from academics for so long I’ve forgotten how clever younger people can be. I swear one of my students has missed class at least six times claiming his three grandparents passed away in the last month.” He touched the top of her hand as she fiddled with the red cloth napkin. “Why are you nervous?”
“What gave it away?”
“You’ve been on the edge of your seat since we got here. Relax, we’re simply friends.” He smiled and moved his hand away.
“My friend’s name is Sam,” Justin spouted.
“Sam’s a nice name. Does he go to daycare with you?” Adam asked.
Justin nodded and picked up his breadstick.
Their food arrived and the remaining one hour and five minutes went to fast. She enjoyed the sense of family created by the evening out. Although more surprising to her was the ease of conversation between them. Adam walked them to their apartment, carrying Justin most of the way. Styrofoam containers squeaked as she held them under her arm and unlocked the door. The leftovers would provide meals for a couple of days. Justin ran inside. “Thank you for dinner, Adam.”
“Would you like to go to lunch tomorrow?” He didn’t try to go inside, and Shania appreciated his consideration.
“I have a class at noon.” She fought the urge to step away, to put distance between them. Her palms flooded with moisture. If he made a romantic gesture, she’d have to act. One step and she was on the other side of the threshold. Justin stepped into the bathroom. She could escape an awkward end to the pseudo-date by declaring she needed to help him. As she opened her mouth to say the words, the toilet flushed and a few minutes later the television came on.
“Then for dinner tomorrow night or Saturday.” He smiled, revealing bright white teeth. The shimmer of laughter in his eyes indicated he’d noticed her retreat.
“Justin and I could go out tomorrow night, but I have to study this weekend. I have a project due in my drawing class.”
He frowned. The invitation probably wasn’t for both of them, but she wasn’t going alone on a date with him.
“Great. I’ll pick you both up at six?”
She nodded. “Good night, Adam.”
“Until tomorrow, Shania,” he softly replied and leaned in. She thought he was going to kiss her. Instead he pulled the door shut.
* * * *
Justin fell asleep following one story of Diego’s explorations and two choruses of Good Night, Sleep Tight. Shania sat in the groove of the cushions of the sofa, pressing her fingers into the expanding hole. Soon it would be the size of a quarter. She tugged the thin azure threads trying to cover the padding underneath. Should she call? Weighing the pros and cons of a phone call to her friend, Shania might find out what was happening in Cyan or that they’d moved on and didn’t miss her. A risk, but one she’d take.
Before she could change her mind her index finger pressed the quick connect button, eight on her cellphone tying her to her past.
“Companion Connections, this is Liz.” The breathy smoker’s voice, bigger than life, filled the phone. Tears instantly formed in Shania’s eyes. Liz was family. Shania missed her almost as much as Morgan.
“Hi, Liz, it’s Shay.” She sounded breathy. Shania’s work ID was Shay Lei. Whenever they were at the office they always addressed each other by their caller name to make it inherent to their jobs. Shania wove her fingers through her hair. Why was she anxious?
“Girl, where have you been? You said you’d stay in touch. I’ve been worried! The ladies and I came
to get you to celebrate. Your place was empty. Now, I understand you wanted to quit the job, but I hadn’t realized you wanted to quit Cyan.” Her voice rolled out with anger and fear. Underlying both was love.
Shania drew in a breath and wiped a tear from her cheek. “Liz, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I needed to break free.”
“Are you safe?”
“Yes. We’re getting comfortable.”
“Are you happy, Shay?”
She could imagine a stern expression on Liz’s beautiful round face. Shania sniffed. She gripped a loose thread between her fingers and tore one of the thin strands from the sofa. The quarter size hole would grow if she kept tugging the strings. “Yes, I’m doing what I’ve wanted to do for a long time.”
“I’m not going to ask where you’re at, because I understand about starting over, honey. We’ve all started over here at Companion Connections. Call me as often as you’re able and if you need anything, I’m here for you.” She breathed into the phone. Daughtry sang Over You in the background.
The lyrics were so true--“build me up and tear me down.” That’s what she thought of Morgan. He created a world of love and security and then... “Thanks, Liz. I feel better knowing I have family like you.”
“Now you’ve got me bawling like that little baby of yours. How is he?” Liz’s voice sounded raspy, raspier than normal, and she sniffed.
“He’s good, growing like a weed. What are you celebrating?” Shania sprinkled a happy tune in her tone.
“One of the bosses dumped his girlfriend. We’re all excited, ’cause she was nothing but trouble. Although it happened a few months ago, this is the first night most of us could get together. You know how it is, working nights, it’s hit and miss.” The last word was muted, as if she’d placed her hand over the receiver. “Sorry. Belle put on some funky music.”
“Cool.” Shania smiled. Pleasant memories of getting together with some of the other callers during the day came to mind. She’d enjoyed becoming friends with her co-workers and especially some of her older clients. Lonesome people seeking companionship, someone to talk with.
“Shay, I’ve a final check for you. What do you want me to do with it?”
“Could you hold it, and I’ll come by over Christmas break?” Shania didn’t want her new address to be given to anyone at her home town. She wanted no contact with any of her family members, if they were inclined. “Sure. How are classes going?” Clever Liz, she’d no doubt figured out why Shania left. Of course, during the monthly staff meetings, Shania always had a book or sketch pad in hand. Her mentor used logical reasoning. Shania hoped to be like Liz in the future, independent and sassy.
“Good. I’m doing what I’ve always wanted to do, learn about art.”
“Are you ready to come back? Before you start making excuses, it’s a telephone connection so you don’t need to be nearby and your clients miss you.” She coughed. “We miss you.”
“Are you crying? Don’t cry for me, Liz.” Shania wiped her own eyes.
“I remember when you first came to see me about the job, pregnant and nineteen years old. A baby having a baby.” Sniffles rang through the phone.
“Do you really want to go down memory lane when you have a dynamite party to attend? I can hear a song by Flo Rida coming through the phone.” Shania didn’t want to shake off that part of her life. The job benefited her in more than supplying her with funds, she’d gained friends. As a result of talking--rather listening--to lonely people discuss their past mistakes, she’d learned, grown, and matured. The move forced both her and Justin to become more independent. They would get past the new and frightening routines.
“I’ll always have time for you, Shay.” Liz sighed. “How is Justin doing?”
“He has ups and downs. Daycare is good for him, but he resents being away from me.” She had a visual of meeting Liz at a coffee shop to be interviewed for the job of companion. An information flyer detailing the position of connections representative had arrived in her mailbox just as her funds ran out.
“If I can’t convince you to come back to work, will you at least promise to call now and again?”
“Yes, I will. Liz, I’m tired of being alone. I understand how our clients feel.” She hadn’t tried to disguise the melancholy in her voice.
“Oh, Shay, you told the guy you loved him,” she whispered as the husky-hued musician sang about going home.
“Yes, but my timing wasn’t perfect. I should have listened to your suggestions sooner.” She bit her lip, rubbing her teeth back and forth across the surface.
“What happened?”
Shania tried to lose the tears forming, but the memory of when she should have told Morgan her true feelings came rushing through her mind. Why hadn’t she told him before, when she’d trapped him in the closet?
“I called him to my house to get rid of a creature above the broom closet. I heard clawing and chewing.”
“Good location to tell someone you love them, trapped in a small space.” The squeak of a chair came over the phone line. “Shay, could you hold for a moment? I’ve got another call coming in?”
“Sure.” Just talking about the day Shania wanted to tell Morgan she loved him brought her happy and sad feelings. She remembered their conversation as if it happened yesterday instead of several months ago.
Morgan had arrived to help her set traps to get rid of a mouse climbing through the rafters. Shania scraped her fingernails along the white woodwork near the door in the kitchen, imitating the sound a rodent would make. He immediately stopped her fingers from scratching the wall. Her intention was to make the noise annoying so he’d understand how much it bothered her.
He gave her a quirky grin and opened the closet door.
“Go inside or you won’t hear anything.” Lips suddenly dry, Shania swiped her tongue to lubricate them.
He stared at her and groused, “Both of us won’t fit.”
She touched his chest to feel his deep breaths and heart pounding. “Gosh, I didn’t realize you were an asthmatic, or do you have a phobia of closets?”
“The space is too tight.”
Shania grimaced at his response. “Then am I to assume you believe my rear is too big?’ Placing her hands on her behind, she desperately wanted to look in a mirror.
“No such luck,” he wheezed.
She twisted trying to get a view. “I know my butt is larger than before I had Justin. Do you think it’s massive?”
Instead of replying he said, “Burrs. Thick pointed thistles, don’t go near them.”
“What?” Shania asked.
“I can help you with this problem, Shania.” He hit her name hard as if he was angry.
Ready to give up the idea of telling him of her love, she pressed closer. She had to get near the door and leave the tiny room.
“Shh. Listen. Do you hear the noise?” There wasn’t scratching. She only heard the gas heater humming in the background.
Shania held still, her hand flush against his heaving chest. She couldn’t hear anything over their breathing.
She inhaled, bringing in the scent of his cologne, bergamot and citrus. “I don’t hear anything.”
He blew out a breath. “Please be quiet.”
She closed her eyes, remembering his gentle caressing touch. She had leaned into him, moved her arm up around his neck and relaxed. More than catching the creature, she wanted a kiss from him. He was breathing like he’d run a marathon.
The click of a line reconnecting brought Shania out of her remembrance.
“Sorry, Shay, that was a tangled issue. You were telling me how you wanted to tell your guy that you loved him by trapping him in a closet.”
“Yeah, it didn’t work. He started huffing air as if he was claustrophobic.”
“So, you didn’t tell him you love him because you care so much?” Liz’s question brought Shania firmly back to the present.
Shania’s gut clenched in agony. His closeness had been pleasure and pain. “Ye
s.”
“So you never got the words out?”
“No, just as well, maybe we weren’t meant to be together. I’ve learned from the past, love hurts.” She took a deep breath. “I tried to talk to him several times. Six months ago when I went to his house, he was otherwise occupied. The next time I went to him, alone and ready to talk, he was rushing to his parents’ place for a celebration. I thought I had a chance to reveal my feelings as he was leaving for his bachelor party but that didn’t work. Finally, I was able to dance with him during the rehearsal dinner, but--”
“Oh, no, don’t tell me,” Liz snickered.
“Yes, right before the wedding I had a full minute to talk to him.”
“Oh, Shay. How risky.” She paused. “The ceremony was about two months ago?”
“Yes, and I can’t get him out of my system.” Shania swallowed, grabbed her blouse, and massaged her chest trying to relieve the ache.
“What happened?”
“I said ‘I love you.’ His bride-to-be overheard and tossed me out.”
“Oh dear, did he call?” Her voice was angry and elated at the same time. The odd mix of emotions filtered through the connection.
“I saw him later that night. He didn’t say if he was married or not. He left and I haven’t heard from him. Maybe I read the signs wrong.”
“No, dear, you didn’t read the signs wrong. He’s into you. You. I’m not sure why he didn’t chase you down.” “Bastard” might have been voiced under Liz’s breath. The party was becoming louder.
“Don’t worry, Liz. Maybe my timing threw him into a tailspin or perhaps he truly loves her.” Shania pressed an index finger between her breasts. The pain now blocked her throat.
“I don’t think so.” Liz hummed along with the muffled music. “Listen, Shay, I want you to kiss that boy for me and call again. I’ll hold your check for you. Let me know in advance when you’re coming, and we’ll go to lunch or dinner. Okay?”