Lost Memories (Honky Tonk Hearts)

by Thomas, Sherri

  A desire to punch him flooded her. Why couldn’t he admit he wanted her. Maybe he wasn’t interested in a relationship? Maybe he’d only been caught up in the moment.

  No. She refused to accept that. This game of pretending wore on her jangled nerves. Her belly tightened as she stared, even as her body warmed under his gaze.

  “If...if the beer is the reason, why do I want to kiss you again?” she braved.

  Seconds ticked and his brown gaze never wavered from her face. The sound of birds chirping outside the barn mixed with the pounding of her heart were the only noises she heard. She lowered her gaze to the toe of her boot. Had she gone too far?

  A calloused finger raised her chin to his warm, searching gaze.

  “How did we get to this point?”

  She licked her lips and watched his Adam’s apple move.

  “It’s not a good idea.” His whisper held no merit as his warm mouth covered hers.

  Darcy opened to him as his tongue slid into her delving round and round. Her knees weakened, threatening to give out. If not for the tight band of his arm around her, she’d be lying in a heap on the stall mats. How was this a bad idea when the feel of his expert mouth ravaging hers felt so right?

  He invaded every inch of her mouth as his big body pushed her up against the wall.

  The taste of coffee and toothpaste, heat and desire swirled. A moan escaped. She couldn’t get enough as hands roved over her shoulders, down her back to her bottom, and squeezed the flesh.

  A growl, the raw sound of his need escalated her internal temperature. Darcy whimpered and hooked her foot around the back of his leg.

  “Nick, you in here?”

  Her heart spiked with the sound of Trent’s voice echoing through the barn as Nick tore his mouth from hers. Her body trembled with his sudden abandonment, and she wrapped her arms around her middle.

  Running a hand down his face, Nick stared at her, but answered, “Yeah, what’s up?” to his brother before stepping outside of the stall.

  Boots clunked closer. “Have you seen Darcy? The runt is worried because she hasn’t made her way over to the pigs yet.”

  “Chris is supposed to take care of the hogs today.”

  “I know, but she usually shows up anyway.”

  Darcy’s heart thudded in her chest as Trent’s watchful eyes traveled past his brother’s shoulder into the stall, a questioning gaze flying from her face to Nick’s.

  “I told you last night, she’s helping me with the horses.”

  “I’ll...ah, let him know.” The sound of Trent’s boots clumped as he exited.

  Muscles bunched under the cotton of Nick’s shirt as he hung his head. “This can’t happen.” He turned away presenting her with his back. “Business and pleasure don’t mix.”

  “I’ve heard.” She bristled. Thanks to Chris, she knew all about the kind of women Mr. Authority dated in the past. “Which do I remind you of, the ones who wanted nothing to do with the ranch, or the one who pulled the gun on your brother?” Her blood reached the boiling point more from frustration than anger. It hurt to have him reject her. Hurt more because she was already so alone. And now she’d screwed up the one thing she did have—a job she loved—by throwing herself at him this morning.

  “I know you’re not like them, Darc.” He shook his head, clipped a line under T.J.’s chin, and started to lead him out of the stall. “Let’s talk later. Right now we have a horse to work with.”

  “Fine by me.” She grabbed the rope out of his hand and whirled away. “I can do it.”

  “Darc?”

  “What?” She spun back around.

  “I know you aren’t like the other women,” his tone quiet, almost apologetic, “but my brothers and I agreed long before you came here not to mix relationships with the ranch.”

  “You mean you don’t plan to let your girlfriends or wives share in the biggest part of your life?” Did he know how ridiculous he sounded?

  Nick pinched the bridge of his nose. “Can we start today over?”

  “I thought the day began fine. It’s the last few minutes that need redone, but sure, you’re the boss.” The words flew from her mouth before she had a chance to stop them. Her insides twisted at the humiliation of falling all over him only to have him reject her.

  His Stetson lowered, and he sighed. “Let’s take him out to the corral today. Tomorrow we’ll go on the trails.”

  For the remainder of the morning, Darcy sat in the saddle while Nick lunged the horse in a circle, making sure she knew how to stop, turn, and balance her weight in the saddle while T.J. cantered.

  “You know this is pointless. I rode him while you were away.” Every time she mounted up, her body took over where her mind refused to go.

  “You rode him in the corral. We’re taking him out on the trails. I have to be sure you know what you’re doing, although you do ride like a natural.” He continued driving him one way then the other.

  Unable to help herself she stared at Nick, noting the shadow growth of the scruff he didn’t shave and remembered the scrape of those bristles on her skin. The memory brought her hand to her cheek. Her mind raced to visions of him holding her in his arms, his lips on hers. Heat spread through her body, and she shifted her weight in the saddle.

  The horse stopped.

  “Why’d you stop him?”

  “I didn’t mean to.”

  “He’s overly sensitive. Squeeze with your legs and cluck once.”

  She did, and T.J. began to walk.

  “Now turn him yourself.” Nick unhooked the line. “Go to the right.”

  Pushing with her left leg, she loosened one rein and tightened the other.

  “Now to your left.”

  She directed the horse easily, moving as if they were one. The only thing rattling her nerves were the male eyes watching. Her mind jumped to another man helping her in the saddle, leading a horse down the road.

  The sun shone high in the sky. A trickle of sweat traveled down her back.

  “Once you get comfortable with him, we won’t need the rope.”

  “I think we’re at that point now. Don’t you, Captain?” She patted the side of the horse’s neck.

  Perspiration beaded on her brow. Her head pounded in her ears. Why was she having these flashes now?

  The sun’s rays intensified and over the next half hour she found it difficult to concentrate. Her mind held the images just out of reach.

  Nick put the animal and her through more paces then called a stop.

  “I think you’ve had enough. You seem tired. Maybe you should head in early.”

  “I’m fine.”

  Darcy dismounted, grabbed the rope, and hurried away to tend to the animal. Why was she getting glimpses of her past and not her full memory? A soothing feeling settled over her whenever she recalled the flashes; maybe that explained her comfort with the horses.

  Finishing up, she released T.J. into the pasture and headed off to the cabins. In a hurry to get to Jordan’s yesterday, she had left the last three for today.

  What was she going to do about her attraction to Nick? He made clear his refusal to allow anything to develop, forcing her to face the cold, hard facts.

  Getting down to business, she used the physical work to drown out the frustration until the bathrooms shone, the floors gleamed, her fingers were raw from the force she used.

  The day’s heat plastered her shirt to her skin and her jeans to her legs. Standing, she wiped a forearm over her face. Sweat dripped down between her breasts as she dumped the dirty water out of the pail, put the cleaning supplies in the closet, and headed home for a much needed shower.

  Cool water cascaded down her body dropping her internal temperature a few degrees until she shut the shower faucet off and stepped out of the tub.

  After going through her nighttime procedure of applying cream to her scars, she pulled on gray cotton shorts and tank top, ran fingers through her tangled hair, then made her way to the kitchen to poured he
rself a glass of wine. A breeze blew through the open windows and screen door. She welcomed the cool air in the stuffy room.

  A scuffling of boots on her porch caused a momentary startle. She spun around and gasped at the sight of all she desired standing on her porch.

  Nick held a tan Stetson out toward her. “I forgot to give this to you.”

  She pushed the screen open and stepped aside for him to enter.

  He placed the hat on her wet head and brushed strands of hair off her shoulder. “Looks good.”

  “Thank you, but you didn’t have to get me anything.” She’d forgotten he mentioned buying her a present.

  “If not, your nose may permanently be burned.” Thick shoulders shrugged.

  He thought about my nose? Her belly filled with nerves. She handled this side of him much better over the phone. Maybe if she asked nice he’d go to his cabin and call her instead.

  She touched the peeling skin then the brim of the sou’wester. Surprised he even bothered after this morning, she felt obligated to thank him in some way even if she was still embarrassed. “I...ah was having a glass of wine. Would you like one? Or I have water or beer,” she said hastily as she hurried to the refrigerator.

  “Beer would be great.” He moved to the living room.

  Gulping her wine in hopes of settling her nervous stomach, she topped off the glass, grabbed a bottle of beer, and returned to the living room.

  “Here you go.” Fingers brushed as she handed him the alcohol, causing a tingle to travel up her arm. “Thank you for the hat.” She sat in the corner of the couch.

  “You thanked me already.”

  “Right.”

  Darcy fretted with her fingers before glancing over at him on the opposite side of the couch. He stared at the label on his beer.

  “Nick, what’s up? I would think this to be the last place you’d want to be after this afternoon.” She folded her feet under herself. “If this is about the kiss again—”

  “No.” He exhaled and laid his head back on the couch. “I wanted a place to hide out for a few minutes—guess I thought the hat seemed a good excuse.”

  “Hide from what?” Darcy frowned. Worry over what was going on made her gnaw at the inside of her cheek.

  “My life.” His eyes shut, and a muscle clenched in his jaw. “How’d everything get so messed up?”

  She placed a tentative hand on his arm. “Want to talk about it?”

  Stress-filled eyes opened. “I received a certified letter from the attorney of a family who stayed here last month. They’re suing the ranch.”

  “For what?” Hearing the alarm in her own voice, she cleared her throat and set the wine on the end table.

  “A twelve-year-old broke his arm. He fell off the roof of the cabin, which we told him multiple times to stay off. We even spoke to his parents about the problem.” He plucked off his hat and rubbed the back of his neck. “The mother claims the incident happened due to our negligence.”

  “Don’t the guests have to sign a waiver relinquishing the ranch from liability?” Wanting to comfort him, to help him deal with his stress, Darcy moved a hesitant hand up to his shoulder and squeezed. Resistance met her fingers. Talk about tense. She dug deeper into his stiff muscles, which were tighter than the cords on a violin.

  “Yes, but Mrs. Miller claims we falsely advertised activities to keep children busy.” He groaned as her hand pressed harder. “We never claimed to be a damn babysitting service. We’re here to entertain and educate, but when the kid refuses to participate, we can’t drag them kicking and screaming.”

  The Matthews family worked hard at making the ranch a success. How dare the Millers try to ruin their reputation. “What did your mom say?”

  “I haven’t told her. She doesn’t need the anxiety.” He drained his beer, then stood.

  Nodding to the bottle he set on the wooden end table, she asked, “You want another one?”

  “No, thanks.”

  The tic in his jaw and tight line of his lips worried her.

  Not knowing how to help ease his distress, she scooted back in her seat and picked up her glass. “What about your brothers? What did they say?”

  “You’re the only one who knows at the moment.” Nick sat on the edge of the couch and placed his head in his hands. “I’m sorry. This really isn’t your problem.”

  The defeat in his voice wore on her heart. He chose to talk to her above his brothers, sought comfort from her presence. Not giving in to her second, third, or even fourth thought, she set her wine down again and scuttled across the soft cushion, wedging herself behind him to massage the thick, tight muscles.

  “You can’t take this on yourself.”

  “I have to watch out for everyone and keep this place running.”

  He groaned as she dug her fingers into him. One by one, the tense cords loosened a fraction.

  She stroked the couple of sexy, gray strands at his temple. “Your brothers are in this, too. Keep this up and you’re bound to be completely gray by the time you’re thirty-five.”

  “I’m the oldest. It’s my job.”

  “Have you contacted the ranch’s attorney? You should have legal representation.”

  “Yeah.” He pulled away and rolled his neck, cracking the bones.

  Feeling dismissed, she moved back to her seat.

  “I’m waiting for Mr. White to call me back. He’s the one who drew up the original waivers the guests sign.”

  “Don’t speak to the Millers until you’ve spoken to him.” She sipped her wine. “You know the case has to go through the National Advertising Review Counsel and the Children’s Advertising Review Unit before a decision can be made, right?”

  Whoa. Where had that come from?

  The glass wavered in her fingers, forcing her to hold it with both hands.

  A frown formed on his lips. “How do you know?”

  How did she? “Must have seen it on TV or something.” Which was impossible considering she rarely watched television. She searched for anything else that could help him, but found no more.

  Without a word, she picked up his bottle and went to retrieve another. What else hid in her past? The little bits of her memory surfacing lately were maddening, like a puzzle still missing the main pieces. Returning with the beer, she handed it to him.

  “Thanks.” He smirked, twisted off the lid, and drank.

  She traced a finger along the rim of her glass and stared into her goblet. What was she to make of him coming here, bearing gifts, and seeking comfort? Did he want her as much as she wanted him?

  “Darc, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to unload on you. It’s nothing for you to worry about.”

  “I wish you’d share the burden with your family. This is their problem, too.” His brothers looked up to him. The love flowing around the ranch left her wondering if anyone had ever loved her. Especially now that the one person she was closest with would be moving away.

  She swirled the red liquid, noting it was half empty...Just like her life.

  What was Jordan doing right now? The brush of warm fingers on her cheek as Nick tucked a strand of hair behind her ear brought her gaze up.

  “Hey, why the frown?”

  “Nothing...” She stared at him for a long moment. The compassion in his eyes made her eventually confess, “It’s my friend, Jordan.”

  “The one you lived with before you came here?”

  “She’s moving to Nashville. Can you believe it?” She gulped her drink then continued. “Jordan and Ed don’t have a great track record of staying together, and yet she’s moving out of town with him.”

  “I’m sure you’ll hear from her.” He guzzled his alcohol.

  She finished off her wine. “Yeah. I just hope she knows what she’s doing.”

  “How come Jordan’s the only person you talk about?”

  His lowered voice caused a shiver to travel down her spine, and she swallowed the sigh in her throat.

  The side of his lips lifted. “W
hat?”

  “Nothing.”

  Sitting here, talking with him as a friend, her emotions overflowed. A tear slipped down her cheek. A friend’s voice didn’t cause you to want to rip your clothes off and his. Her vision blurred as her rims filled with liquid. She only wished he was a good enough friend she could tell him everything—why Jordan’s leaving made her feel so alone, about her accident and memory loss, and how thankful she was to be here on the ranch.

  “Awe, hell, Darc, I didn’t mean to make you upset. Come here.”

  “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”

  “Just come here,” he said softly and tugged her over.

  His soapy, male scent assaulted her nostrils as the warmth of his body seeped through her shirt.

  He took the hat from her head and placed it together with his beer on the end table, then wrapped her deeper into his arms.

  His spicy scent turned her brain to mush as she hid her face in his chest, absorbing his strength. The gentleness in the hand smoothing her hair back from her face created an ache deep within.

  She rested her hand on his torso feeling the beat of his heart pounding under her palm, causing her breathing to quicken.

  With a finger under her chin, he raised her face. His gaze probed hers.

  She bit her lip. Jump in. Live every minute to the fullest. Make new memories, a new life. Make him admit he feels it, too.

  “I should go.” The words came out in a rush, but his hands held her in place.

  Her eyes searched his handsome face. “Don’t you want to stay?” Please.

  “Damn.” Nick’s head lowered. His lips grazed her lips and pulled at the bottom rim before his mouth crushed hers.

  She tasted beer, the alcohol proving more of a turn on than not. Not that she needed one. He was lethal by himself.

  He lifted her leg, maneuvering her over him so she straddled his lap.

  “We shouldn’t do this.” He breathed against her cheek, licking his way to the sensitive spot behind her ear.

  Oh, God. Waves of tiny sparks lit her skin.

  Desperate to feel him, she slipped her hands beneath his shirt to caress his hot skin, letting her fingers memorize the dips and plains of every muscle, scraping a nail lightly across his raised nipple. His teeth nipped her throat, and moisture dampened her shorts as she rotated her hips on the coarseness of his jeans.