He wondered for a moment if his self-imposed exile from family and commitment was worth it.
Then he shook his head and realised that he was fooling himself.
Despite his feelings towards his niece, he would never be ready for children and a family full time, it wasn’t in his genes.
* * *
‘Are you okay to sleep in here by yourself for a little while?’ Jade asked softly. ‘I’ll leave the door open and you can hear us on the balcony.’
Amber nodded and she went to sleep with her bear and rag doll. She was so tired she didn’t need a story. Jade couldn’t help but notice the shift in Mitchell and how his face had lit up when Amber had said goodnight to him.
* * *
‘I’ve been asked to start tomorrow for the temp agency,’ Jade announced on their way back to the dinner table. ‘I have a three-week placement.’
‘That’s great. Which hospital?’ Mitchell asked as he tried to process the feelings that still lingered after being a part of Amber’s bedtime ritual.
‘The Eastern Memorial,’ she said, then added, ‘Arthur told me it was his old workplace.’
‘Yes, it was,’ Mitchell replied with a rueful look. But he didn’t tell her that it was also his workplace and that he was a consultant neonatologist there.
And that fate had just decreed that he would be her very temporary boss.
CHAPTER FOUR
MITCHELL WALKED DOWN to the water’s edge in the warm night air. He wanted to clear his head before he tried to sleep. This was not how he had seen Jade and Amber’s visit playing out. He had pictured a fun-loving, easygoing woman, a kindred spirit of sorts. A Californian beach babe who might like to hang out, enjoy a few drinks at a bar, hit the surf and maybe even enjoy a casual hook-up.
Instead, he had found a woman whose commitment ran so much deeper than that. She had changed everything about her life for her niece. In Mitchell’s eyes it wasn’t necessary and he doubted he would be able to do the same, but he couldn’t help but admire how far she would go to provide the upbringing she believed her niece needed.
The rebel girl was now more at home having a cup of tea and an early night on her own. And she would give her life to protect Amber but he found it such a waste for her to hide behind the image of someone else. He had seen the real woman beside the pool and it had sent his body into overdrive.
She was pretending to be so much less than she was. Looking out over the moonlit water, Mitchell wondered how someone could be so completely selfless. Someone so young and beautiful who would have so many options yet she had obviously turned her back on them all for Amber.
He wanted to know more about her yet he had to prevent this conundrum of a woman from getting under his skin. He didn’t want to be involved with a woman that genuine. It would be a disaster for everyone. The idea of being tied to one woman and having a family would never work for him. Or would it? he wondered as he picked up a pebble and cast it into the moonlit ocean. It had felt so good to be in the room with Jade, putting Amber to bed. It had seemed so natural and as if they had done it before...and could do it a thousand times and never tire of it.
But there was doubt weighing heavily in his mind. An uncertainty that he could stay the course. A hesitation in his heart that he could not be relied on in a forever situation. His greatest misgiving would be his ability to last the distance and not break the hearts of those who loved him.
Until now that had never been tested. Until now he had never wanted to really get to know a woman beyond a one-night stand or contemplate being a part of a woman’s life.
The feelings that he was experiencing were all new to him. Mitchell was at an unexpected crossroad with no clue how he intended on navigating his future.
He stood in silence alone on the beach more confused than he had ever been.
* * *
Jade crossed to the scrub room and slipped on a disposable gown over the white nursing uniform she had pulled from her suitcase and pressed that morning. Morning had come quickly after another good night’s sleep. Amber’s day had been so filled with fun and adventure with her grandparents and then her early birthday dinner that she had been exhausted and had slept through the night, allowing Jade to do the same.
Jade’s shift began at two in the afternoon and she would finish at ten that night. Arthur had offered to drive her but Jade had insisted on catching the tram as the temp agency had advised, since their home was not far from the tram stop on Jetty Road. She really didn’t want to impose and it gave her a chance to see more of the city on her walk.
She reached out with her foot to the pedal to turn on the tap and noticed a woman in her late twenties, with a worried expression and dressed in a gown and slippers, drying her hands. Jade gave her an encouraging smile.
‘I hope to be going home soon. It’s my third day,’ the woman said softly, returning a meek smile. ‘I so wish I was taking Jasper with me but that will be a while, they say. How long do prem babies usually stay in hospital?’
‘It’s hard to say because all babies are different,’ Jade began to explain. ‘It depends on how your baby’s progressing. Babies who are smaller and those born earlier sometimes have some medical problems other than just being tiny and so tend to stay longer on the unit. But a premature baby who is otherwise well usually stays in the neonatal unit until around the date he or she was due to be born. If your baby does very well, is eating and gaining weight, then he or she might even be able go home even sooner. How early was Jasper?’
‘Ten weeks early. He’s on a ventilator because he has a lung problem that I don’t really understand,’ she returned quietly. ‘Hy-mem...something disease. The doctor tried to explain it to me but I didn’t really understand. And I didn’t want to ask too many questions. I thought he might think I’m being pushy, wanting to know everything medical when I’m not a doctor or even think I’m stupid for not understanding.’
Jade knew from her training and years of neonatal nursing that mothers of premature babies and their families all faced uncertainty and this caused raised levels of anxiety. Visiting their baby in Neonatal Intensive Care was a stressful situation that most knew little or nothing about.
‘It’s important that you never think of yourself as being difficult. Any questions you might have are valid,’ Jade explained, as she turned off the tap with her elbow. She was aware that the exchange of information allowed the nurses to gauge the stress within the family and most particularly the mother’s ability to cope. ‘Parents need to feel a part of the decisions being made for their baby, and you can’t do that if you don’t understand what is happening.’
‘Really? He won’t mind if I keep asking questions, and he won’t think they’re silly things I’m asking? It’s just that you’re here every day and it’s all so new to me.’
‘I promise you that the doctors and the nursing staff would never think of any questions as silly. More than likely the doctor assumed that you knew what he was saying if you didn’t ask any questions, and I guarantee he would have been more than happy to explain it to you. You’re a mother of a newborn in intensive care and you have every right and need to know what is happening throughout his treatment. Please, never hesitate to ask any of us whatever you want to know.’
The young woman sighed and seemed to lift in confidence a little.
‘I just don’t know what the disease is and why Jasper has it?’
‘Hyaline membrane disease is also called infant respiratory distress syndrome and is suffered by almost half of premature babies under thirty weeks,’ Jade offered instinctively as the woman’s body language showed she was relaxing. ‘It means that every time Jasper breathes in he has to expand his lungs completely. Healthy lungs don’t collapse to an airless state, but because of his prematurity Jasper’s lungs are deflating totally. It makes breathing very hard work for him.’
The woman dropped the dampened paper towel into the bin and tentatively approached Jade, looking for reassurance. ‘So it’s
common, then?’
‘Many premature babies have issues with breathing as a result of their early arrival, and even if they aren’t as premature as Jasper they can still have this problem. But your baby is in very good hands here. If you have any questions about Jasper and the doctor isn’t available, just ask any of the nurses.’
‘I haven’t seen you here before. You’re American. Have you moved to Adelaide to live?’
‘No, I’m on a working holiday. Today is my first shift and I will be here for the next three weeks. So let me know if you have any other questions. I’ll be here tonight till late.’
‘Thanks so much. I have to express some milk and grab something to eat. The nurse told me that I have to keep up my calories to make sure I can produce enough for Jasper.’
Jade nodded. ‘Yes, you do. You have to get sleep and rest and eat well for both you and Jasper. One of the most important things you and your partner can do for your baby is look after yourselves. Get sleep, eat healthy meals, and take a break from it all. It’s exhausting having a baby in the neonatal unit, particularly after a difficult or emergency birth. It’s natural to want to put your baby first but you must be good to yourself, too.’
She watched as the woman put a half-smile on her tired face then left the washroom to head back to the ward, hopefully secure in the knowledge that she could ask anything she needed to know without any judgement from the medical staff. Ultimately, she would be her baby’s only constant in the multiple care-giving system of neonatal intensive care and she needed to feel confident in that role.
Jade had already been given her patient roster at handover. It wasn’t a busy time in the nursery and she only had two infants to monitor. Checking the first infant’s chart, she noted that Costa was due for a gavage feed. She crossed slowly to another nurse already on duty. As she drew closer, she noticed she was quite young. She had a friendly face with a smattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose. Her hair was a mass of copper curls kept out of her eyes with a pearly clasp on the top of her head. She wasn’t particularly tall, perhaps two or three inches shorter than Jade, and this added to her overall young appearance. She imagined that Amber might look similar when she was older.
‘Hi, I’m Jade.’
‘I’m Mandy. You’re from the agency too, then?’
‘Yes, first shift and staying for about three weeks, part time, though.’
‘Welcome on board.’ Then, distracted by something or someone in the glass-walled scrub room, she paused and then lowered her voice. ‘Scrumptious, isn’t he?’
Jade noticed a huge smile spread across the young nurse’s face but had no idea why.
‘If I wasn’t engaged...’ Mandy began in a wistful tone, before tilting her head to one side in the direction of the door ‘...I’d offer him breakfast in bed.’
‘Who?’ Jade cut in.
‘Mitchell Forrester, the dishy doctor just scrubbing in.’
Jade froze. Mitchell worked at the hospital? He hadn’t mentioned it the night before. She felt her stomach jump and her heart race. Why hadn’t he told her? She was suddenly quite confused as she’d thought they were getting on well and if he wanted it to remain that way he certainly should have volunteered that information the previous night.
Perhaps he didn’t like the idea of them working together. She couldn’t be sure but there were so many things about which she wasn’t sure. Including her feelings for the man scrubbing in. She could see exactly why the nurse spoke that way. Mitchell was very handsome and more than likely up for some fun with the right woman, but it wasn’t her. She was not in the market for a one-night stand and up until now her resolve to stay single had not been tested.
‘I suppose,’ Jade replied coldly, not wanting to let on that she had any connection to Mitchell or the fact there was a tiny part of her that agreed.
‘It doesn’t hurt to have some eye candy in the workplace. I mean, it’s a nice distraction from the round-the-clock care we provide for premmies. I think it’s the universe rewarding us!’
Jade could not join her enthusiasm. She wanted to be anywhere else but near Mitchell. He was resurrecting needs she had put to rest the moment Amber had arrived in her life. She didn’t want or need a distraction from her role. She didn’t dare let her eyes rest on him for long. His raw masculinity was reminding her that she was a woman with desires that hadn’t been met in a very long time.
‘I guess, from what I’ve heard, the parents can rest assured their babies are in the very best hands. And in Mitchell Forrester’s hands is where I’m sure every second nurse in the hospital would like to be,’ she added with a laugh.
‘Well, there’s no accounting for taste,’ Jade answered woodenly, making it clear she had no intention of joining the recruitment line for his harem. Then she noticed that a theatre nurse spoke to him briefly and he turned and left the scrub room with her.
She was relieved that he wasn’t coming in. It gave her a little longer without him there.
Her attention quickly returned to baby Costa. She began the gavage feed that was due by aspirating the contents of his tiny stomach to assess the quantity of still undigested food, along with the colour and appearance. Satisfied that everything was within normal limits, Jade slowly returned the contents to ensure that valuable electrolytes were not lost. Then, attaching the syringe with the milk, she held it above the baby to allow gravity to control the feed, and began the thirty-minute process.
‘I’m Soula, Costa’s mum,’ came a young female voice as Jade was about twenty minutes into the feed.
Jade raised her eyes only momentarily from her tiny patient to acknowledge the young woman dressed in her gown and slippers.
‘Hello, Soula. I’m Jade, and I’ll be looking after Costa this afternoon. He’s certainly a handsome young man.’
‘He looks like his father,’ Soula returned with a nervous smile. ‘The same thick black hair. His yia-yia, Maria, adores him as he reminds her of Yanni...he’s my husband and her eldest son. She had five boys but I think maybe one or two will be more than enough for us.’
Jade monitored the feed as she listened to the young mother talk about the close-knit Greek family.
After the feed was complete, Jade instilled a tiny amount of sterile water to clear the tubing of residual milk before she capped the tube and settled Costa. Suddenly Soula’s voice became unsteady. Jade turned to see the young woman’s eyes welling with tears.
‘If anything happens to Costa I don’t know what I’ll do. I love him so much already.’ Soula broke down and began sobbing. ‘I loved him before he was born.’
Jade closed the incubator door and asked Soula to sit down. It was less than twenty-four hours since she had given birth and she was emotionally and physically drained. Jade gently touched Soula’s arm as she spoke. ‘Since Costa arrived he has had the best medical care. He might be tiny but he’s a strong little boy and putting up a big fight. The injection you were given before delivery has stripped the mucous lining of Costa’s lungs enough to allow a head box and avoid a ventilator. He’s doing very well.’
‘Yes, but Dr Forrester said he’s still critical.’
‘Soula, every baby here in Neonatal ICU is critical, for different medical reasons. Some are tiny, some have complications but we are all doing our very best to ensure they move to the nursery as soon as they are ready. If Dr Forrester gave you a less than rosy picture, it’s because he is being sensibly cautious. It’s important that you understand what challenges Costa is facing now and those he will face in coming weeks, and Dr Forrester is telling you everything. That is far better than not knowing what lies ahead.’ Jade paused. ‘But as he’s only just arrived, and after reading Costa’s notes, it appears that he is doing very well. We will feed him your milk as soon as it comes in and that will help enormously with his immunity.’
‘His father just wants to know that Costa is okay,’ she said, mopping her tears. ‘I promised Yanni that I’d call as soon as I’d visited this morning.
He’s up in Roxby in the mines. He works two weeks on and two weeks off and he’d arranged to be here for the birth but Costa arrived eight weeks early. They’re trying to arrange a flight down here today for Yanni and he’s desperate for any news of his son.’ Her words arrived at an increasing speed because of her nerves.
‘I can imagine he would be,’ Jade told her, empathy in her soft voice. ‘It must be such a worry for him, being so far away. As you can probably tell by my accent I’m not from here, so I have no idea where Roxby is located. Is it a big mining town?’
Jade decided to engage Soula in a conversation about the man she clearly adored. It was something tangible and positive and would help the young woman to perhaps focus on something to pull her anxiety down to a manageable level. Jade was fully aware that Soula might within a day or so have to deal with symptoms associated with the postpartum blues, such as mood swings, sleep disturbances and tearfulness, and this would add to her already anxious state. She was glad that Yanni would be arriving soon to support his wife. They would be able to face Costa’s hurdles together.
‘Roxby is a mining town up north. I’ve never been there but...’ Soula began to slow her words and take breaths. ‘When we were trying to get pregnant, Yanni said I should make a trip up there with him because the town has one of the highest birth rates in the whole of Australia.’ Soula was trying to appear a little braver than she really felt but her shaky sigh betrayed the anxiety still very close to the surface.
‘Really,’ Jade replied evenly. ‘They might have to bring more televisions into the town if it becomes a problem.’
Soula smiled, a meek smile but still a smile. Happy that the new mother was comfortable, keeping her baby company, Jade headed over to see how her other little patient was progressing. It was time to check his vital signs.
‘Looks like you’ve settled in very well.’ The voice like molten chocolate came from close behind her and resonated through every part of her body. ‘Even have our new mothers swap tears for smiles. I’m impressed, Nurse Grant.’
A Baby to Bind Them Page 8