Mitchell froze. His jaw clenched tightly. He hadn’t expected that judgmental side of Jade and it disappointed him. She knew what he had been through as a teenager. The sacrifices he had made to ensure there had been food on the table and the rent had been paid. He didn’t want to argue. There was no point. Jade had summed him up before they had met and despite everything they had been through and how close they had grown, deep down her opinion hadn’t changed. She didn’t trust him.
But he had changed. He had fallen in love with the real Jade Grant. He wanted to see where it could lead. But he couldn’t live with a woman not true to herself. Jade had no intention of letting Amber see the real woman who had raised her. She wanted to wrap her in cotton wool and let her grow up scared of her own shadow, and Mitchell didn’t want to be part of a charade.
‘You’re right, Jade. I have no idea.’ His chin fell to his chest as he drew a deep and resonating breath and prepared to walk away from the only woman he had ever loved. There was no point arguing. She had won. She could go on living a lie but he wouldn’t and couldn’t be a part of it.
He leaned in, and she closed her eyes as he tenderly kissed her cheek.
A tear escaped from her eye and ran down her face as she watched the love of her life walk away with nothing she could do to stop him leaving. They were both trapped by their pasts.
CHAPTER NINE
‘MY DARLING AMBER, you are loved more than you will ever know and you will pull through, and grow into a beautiful young woman who can travel the world, climb the highest mountains and find adventure. We’re all praying for you,’ Maureen said softly to her granddaughter, who lay sleeping peacefully in the hospital bed with the dialysis machine working through the night by her side.
Jade had fallen asleep in the chair and woke to hear Maureen speaking to her granddaughter. She sat up and rubbed her neck, which was stiff from the awkward position she had been in when she’d dozed off. She was surprised to hear Maureen encouraging Amber to walk in her son’s wanderlust footsteps but she didn’t bother to set her straight. Amber would not be heading off for any adventures if she had anything to do with it. Especially not with her medical condition.
Jade was angry with herself as much as Mitchell for the hard words they had spoken but they were all true. The night they had shared couldn’t change their destiny. Mitchell wanted her to be someone she had left behind. Someone she knew wasn’t good for Amber.
‘The nephrologist left about two hours ago,’ Jade said while still blinking open her tired eyes. ‘And Amber finally fell asleep about an hour ago. We were reading one of the books you brought in.’
It had been three days since Jade had slept in a proper bed. Although everyone had repeatedly suggested she take a break overnight, she’d refused. She didn’t want Amber to open her eyes and find an empty room. She had returned home to shower and change while Arthur had kept vigil. And she had eaten a quick meal that Maureen had insisted on before she’d left for the hospital again.
‘You really should let me stay tonight. I’m not past it, you know. I only just greeted my sixties.’
Jade knew Maureen’s offer was genuine but she didn’t want to be away from her niece at this critical time.
‘I’m fine, really. You have already done too much for me.’
‘Hardly,’ Maureen returned, as she sat down next to Jade and patted her hand warmly. ‘You’re as stubborn as that son of mine. You two are so much alike. So ready to step up and try to fight battles on your own when there are people who want to help’
Jade didn’t have the energy to argue. She knew that she and Mitchell were polar opposites except for those few hours they’d shared in the tent that night. A time that Jade would never forget but also a mistake. An error of judgement on her part but one driven by the need to be reminded she was a woman.
Maureen drew in a deep breath but kept her voice to little more than a whisper. ‘I remember all those years ago, when his father left us.’ Her face suddenly became quite serious as she began talking about the past. ‘Mitchell was barely fifteen and David was only nine. Their father had been gambling for a long time without my knowledge. He’d kept up a façade for years and juggled money from one account to the other in an effort to keep up appearances when he lost, and then with a big win we would all head off on another extravagant holiday. One day he’d had enough of living two lives and juggling his gambling debts so he sent an email from his office that the marriage was over, he had someone else and he was moving on.’
Jade knew this was the more detailed version of what Mitchell had already told her. It didn’t change anything as she listened to Maureen.
‘But for us, there was more bad news to follow. Our family home was heavily mortgaged, the cars were repossessed by the finance company overnight, even my jewellery was missing when I thought at least I could sell that to help us make it through.’
‘But wasn’t your husband responsible for any of the debt?’
‘When everything was sold, we broke even. I didn’t have to file for bankruptcy but we walked away with very few possessions and I fell into a sad, dark place. Mitchell thought he had to be the strong one. He took everything on his shoulders as if he had to make it up to me and to his brother.’
Jade knew that was because he had seen his father with the other woman and had never told anyone. Except her.
‘When he overheard the landlord demanding the rent I just didn’t have one week,’ Maureen continued, ‘he decided that he would handle it all on his own. David was so young. He had no real concept of the damage that their father had done. He knew that I had to cancel his music lessons for a while, but Mitchell refused to let me cancel the maths tutor for his younger brother. Mitchell knew that David wanted to be a doctor and if his grades fell early in his schooling, Mitchell worried that David might not catch up so he paid the tutor from the money he earned working overtime.’
Suddenly David’s admiration for his older brother made sense. It had been a deep-seated and long-held admiration for what Mitchell had done many years before. Mitchell had given so selflessly at an age when most teenagers thought only of themselves.
‘Mitchell was gifted academically and didn’t need additional tuition and said that he could easily work and fit in his own study load and help David with his other school subjects. He would work long hours in the warehouse after the store had closed, and as much as I argued he refused to cut back until we were on our feet and had money in the bank so the rent was never behind again. We pooled our funds and paid the bills. David worked very hard with his maths so he didn’t let his brother down. They had so much love for each other.’
Jade felt a tear run down her face. Mitchell’s devotion to his family was deeper than just paying bills. It had been ensuring his brother and mother had been taken care of over his own needs. Such sacrifice at such an early age was very rare. Mitchell had been a very special young man who had taken on an enormous responsibility at a young age.
‘You must be proud of your sons.’
‘Very, my dear, so very proud,’ she said, with tears in her own eyes. ‘And then I met Arthur.’
Jade’s mouth curved into a smile. ‘You deserved to be happy after what you had been through.’
‘Thank you. Many women go through much worse than me, but there were a few lean years,’ she admitted. ‘Arthur asked me to marry him and by that time Mitchell was eighteen. He had finished school with an almost perfect score, and was a little battleworn so he took off on an adventure. I was happy for him but worried that what he had been through would affect him for a very long time. He headed off around Australia and spent many months in the Outback, then trekked through Indonesia and finally to Europe, where he backpacked for two years.’
‘And grew a beard to look like a jungle hippy,’ Jade added.
‘Yes.’ Maureen nodded. ‘And he kept that beard for years, even when he came back to finish medical school and then specialise in neonatal. Arthur was a surgeon, so he encoura
ged Mitchell and helped where he could, but Mitchell was fiercely independent. He wanted to do it alone. I’m afraid after his father left he almost became an island. Learnt to depend on himself. I’ve been so worried that he would end up alone and that would be a waste of such a warm and generous heart.’
Jade nodded in silence. She knew he had a generous heart and she had experienced his warmth first-hand, but it didn’t lessen the risk of him leaving without warning. Or change his inability to commit. His father had scarred him but she couldn’t take a risk and be hurt. She felt sorry for him but she had to think about Amber.
‘His father really destroyed his idea of family and as much as Arthur and I have tried it just hasn’t made a difference. I’m not sure what it will take. Or who it will take to make him believe in love and family again.’
Maureen leant down and softly kissed her granddaughter goodnight.
‘Are you sure you won’t let me stay? Arthur is down speaking with one of his former colleagues and he can run you home for a hot shower and some sleep. I can sit with Amber tonight.’
‘Thank you, Maureen, but I’m fine, really. I can get a rollaway if I want but I prefer to sit up, to be honest. I can’t really sleep anyway.’
Maureen patted her hand. ‘I’ll be back first thing in the morning, then. And I’ll bring some fresh clothes for you.’
Jade watched her leave the room and then turned to Amber sleeping peacefully and thought back to everything that Maureen had told her. It all fell into place. She wondered if Mitchell was trying to finally look past the devastation his father had left behind and reach out to her. Could she and Amber make him believe in love and family again? She wasn’t sure if he could. And she wasn’t prepared to take that risk.
He might wake up one day and just decide it was too hard and leave. She fought sleep, her mind consumed with worry for Amber and the reality that she had pushed Mitchell away, probably for the last time. As her eyes finally closed she knew it was for the best. Mitchell didn’t belong in her world any more than she belonged in his.
Morning finally came around and Jade woke just as Amber began to stir. Her eyelashes flickered and she made a little moan but quickly fell back to sleep again.
Jade stretched and then went out to the nurses’ station to get some water. It was still early and the night shift nursing staff were finishing up paperwork.
‘I can get you a coffee if you’d like,’ one of the young nurses offered.
‘No need,’ came Maureen’s voice. ‘I picked up a long black for her on the way in.’
Jade saw the slightly tired, smiling face coming towards her with a coffee, something wrapped in a small white paper bag and an armful of clothing.
‘And I picked up a ham and cheese croissant to go with it.’
The two women walked back to Amber’s room, Jade sipping the hot drink.
‘It breaks my heart to see her this way,’ Maureen said, her expression turning to one of sadness. ‘How long will she need to stay on dialysis?’
‘I’m checking today if I’m a tissue match and can be Amber’s donor. We’re both blood type O so we’re compatible on the first level so now we just need to undergo the HLA or tissue typing.’ Jade put the fresh clothes on the seat beside her and began to unwrap the croissant.
‘What does that mean?’
‘Well, there are six antigens that have been shown to be the most important in organ transplantation. Of these six antigens, a child inherits three from each parent. It’s extremely rare outside identical twins for a six-antigen match between two people, but I hope that we may have more than one matching since I’m a blood relative. Kidneys can be transplanted between two people with no matching antigens without a rejection episode but if by chance we had the six matching antigens then it would mean less anti-rejection drugs for Amber.’
‘That’s a little confusing but I guess it means if you match then you will have the surgery and Amber will receive your kidney?’
‘There’s another test called a cross-match test and it’s a very important part of the living donor work-up and it’s repeated again just before the transplant surgery. Some of my blood and some of Amber’s blood will be mixed in the lab. If Amber’s cells attack and kill the donor cells, the cross-match is considered positive. This means Amber has antibodies “against” my cells, but if they don’t then the cross-match is negative and we’re considered compatible.’
‘I think you are very brave to donate a kidney to Amber and she’s very lucky to have such a wonderful, generous aunt.’
Jade shook her head dismissively. ‘No, I’m the lucky one.’
* * *
The nephrologist arrived about twenty minutes later. Jade had finished her much-needed breakfast and changed into another skirt and blouse in the bathroom while Maureen watched Amber.
Amber had woken and was able to be taken off the dialysis machine. She was uncomfortable and unsettled but happy that both Jade and Maureen were there.
‘I just need you to sign the final consent forms for Amber’s surgery.’
Jade was confused and she didn’t try to mask it from the doctor. ‘But I haven’t undergone the tissue matching yet. My appointment is later today.’
‘We have a match already. The patient is being prepped and that’s why Amber was fasting overnight.’
Jade and Maureen both looked up to notice the sign by her bed. The nurse had come in while Jade had been asleep and put it up so the morning shift would not provide breakfast to the little girl.
‘I don’t understand. I thought family provided the best possible match.
The doctor approached Jade. ‘As I said a few days ago, the likelihood of a perfect match other than an identical twin is about one in ten thousand. Well, it looks like we found our one in ten thousand so there is no need for you to be tested. We already have a perfect match for Amber. He’s being wheeled into Theatre as we speak.’
‘How did you find the match? Was the person on file already?’
‘No.’ The doctor hesitated. ‘Mitchell underwent the tests two days ago.’
* * *
Jade rushed into the ward to find Mitchell being prepped.
‘Why are you doing this?’ she asked. ‘I could have been a match and you wouldn’t have to go through this.’
‘You’ve done enough for Amber already. Now it’s my turn.’
‘This is ridiculous, Mitchell. I never expected you to be the donor. Regardless of the HLA results, if my cross-match is compatible then we can have the operation in the next few days.’
‘I’m sure you could, but I’m compatible. End of story.’
Jade closed her eyes in disbelief and frustration. She didn’t need Mitchell to offer a kidney from a misguided sense of duty. He was free to leave. Jade knew she would never forget what they had shared but she would survive a broken heart. She didn’t want to trap Mitchell into staying. Or into taking on more than he wanted to or more than he could promise to do willingly.
‘Mitchell, I finally know you well enough to see that you are trying to fulfil some role you think you should, but you don’t. I’m a big girl and I can handle it. I’ve taken care of Amber since she was born. I can keep doing it.’
‘But what if I don’t want you to handle it on your own? What if I want to be part of the solution? Don’t I get a say in it?’
Her voice was shaky. Amber was deteriorating by the day. They needed to find a donor but this could drastically change Mitchell’s life. It was not a small ask to donate a perfectly healthy functioning kidney. He loved to lead the life of a nomad. This might change things. She loved him too much to see him like a bird in a cage.
‘Let me get tested and if I’m a fail then maybe you can think about it, but don’t rush in to this surgery,’ she pleaded.
‘You don’t get it, do you? I’m doing this because I want Amber to have a long and happy life. I don’t want her tied to a dialysis machine. I want her to go sky-diving, and windsurfing and anything else she wants t
o do. Just like you did and just like I did.’
‘But she might not want to do those things.’
‘That’s true, but if I can give her my kidney I’m giving her the option to have fun and be a little wild, like her aunty was when she was young...and still can be, if she wants to.’
‘But I’m not young any more. I have responsibilities and I won’t let Amber down.’
‘You could never let anyone down. It’s not who you are. You would step up to the plate no matter where you were or what you were doing. Even a blind man could see your devotion to Amber but you shouldn’t let it control and drive fear into every aspect of your own life. I’ve seen fun Jade, and I think it’s a waste to put her away for even one moment longer.’
‘But I don’t want to be like that any more. Look what happened when I was irresponsible. Amber ended up in hospital.’
‘Her genetic condition sent her to hospital. The fact we spent one amazing night together had no impact on Amber’s health. If you had been tucked up in the bed next to hers, she would still have needed hospitalisation, and you know that’s a fact. But it’s a fact you don’t want to face. Maybe because you think if you wrap her up in cotton wool and keep yourself near her, and behave more like her great-grandmother then nothing bad can befall her. It can, Jade. Good and bad things can happen to those we love and trying to control their lives won’t change what is destined to happen by way of their genetic make-up.’
‘Why are you trying so hard to make me see things your way?’ she pleaded as she dropped her shaking head into her hands. ‘And why do you want to put yourself through all this? It may change your life and not for the better.’
‘Because I believe in my heart that you won’t be happy without me and I won’t be happy without the real you. Not some cardboard cut-out of another woman. And because Amber deserves to have two loving parents.’
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