by Ian Gregoire
Feeling Fay’s breath down the back of her neck, Kayden sighed imperceptibly, deciding there was no point in further delaying the inevitable. “Fay, I realise you’re not happy about what happened,” she said, “but we really need to discuss it before we return to Antaris.”
“I know,” said Fay wearily. “I just never imagined needing to have this conversation with you. After all this time, I assumed my past would remain in the past. But now you know the truth about me I understand that you have questions, and I accept that it will change the way you look at me.”
Suddenly, Kayden realised the true cause of Fay’s subdued demeanour. “So that’s why you’ve been so quiet,” she said, “you think Josario exposed your secret history to me. Fay, I’ve known for two years that you were the Rogue.”
Fay was silent for a moment. “Two years?” she said finally. “How could you possibly…?” She trailed off, no doubt trying to piece together who had told Kayden.
“When you took me to Temis Rulan two years ago, Master Ari told me about your past, though he didn’t go into any specifics.”
“So why have you never mentioned it?”
“I didn’t see the point. Knowing the truth doesn’t change anything as far as I’m concerned. You obviously aren’t the same person you were all those years ago. And having met Josario myself, I now know from experience how he makes people want to do whatever he says.”
“How can you be so understanding?” said Fay. “Your life has been shaped by the trauma of your mother’s murder when you were a child, and today you heard that I murdered my own mother for rejecting me. Can you really forgive me for that?”
“I won’t deny that I was shocked by the details of your past,” Kayden admitted. “I can’t begin to imagine the intensity of the anger that drove you to kill the woman who gave birth to you, even knowing the terrible circumstances of your… conception that caused her to reject you as her daughter.” It was impossible for Kayden to view the tale of matricide as anything other than a heinous crime. “That being said, it’s not for me to forgive you for what you did. You’ll have to find a way to forgive yourself. If you cannot do that, then try to remember all the lives you have saved as a Sanatsai of the Order.”
The ensuing silence lengthened until Kayden remembered the other revelation about Fay’s past that had taken her by surprise. “Your name is really Emiliana?” she asked. The question was an innocent one, but the moment it escaped her lips she regretted that it would lead to the tale of how Fay had taken her name from the Jaymidari she had betrayed and killed.
“It was the name I was given at the orphanage where I was abandoned as a newborn,” Fay replied. She paused for a while, keeping Kayden waiting for further explanation. “After the Great War, I adopted the name of the Jaymidari who took me under her wing and trained me after my Zarantar manifested when I was a girl. I think it was my way of honouring her in death in a manner I was too ungrateful to do while she was alive.”
There was an unmistakeable sense of sorrow and loss in Fay’s voice. Kayden didn’t need eyes in the back of her head to see her master’s face, and realise that the memory of what she had done still weighed heavily on her. Though curious to know, Kayden resisted the urge to dredge up the distant past by asking why Fay had murdered her Jaymidari guide. But there was a much more recent incident she wanted to know about.
“Fay, I hope you won’t mind my asking,” she began hesitantly, “but I need to know…”
“Know what?”
“Why did you kill Vartan?”
After a protracted pause, Fay finally replied, “So you wouldn’t have to.”
Kayden could still hear the sound of Vartan’s neck breaking, and a part of her remained disturbed by the casual nature of his death. But another part of her was unable to feel sympathy; she had wanted to kill him herself.
“Why would that have been worse than you killing him?” she asked.
“Because Josario wanted you to kill Vartan,” said Fay. “And if you had opened that door, it would have brought you one step closer to falling under his sway. I couldn’t allow that.”
Reflecting on her time in captivity, Kayden realised there had been moments when it did appear that Josario was pleased by the antagonism between herself and Vartan. She was also able to make sense of the incident when Vartan drowned her in the woodland stream after her ill-fated escape attempt. Josario had set the whole thing up, intending for her to kill him.
“Besides, taking a life changes a person, even when it is justified,” said Fay intruding upon Kayden’s thoughts. “You’re still young; you don’t need to experience what that is like. Not yet.”
If that was part of the rationale for killing Vartan, then his death had been in vain. Kayden decided not to give voice to the thought. Why let Fay know that she had already killed more than one person during her Anzarmenian misadventure? Better to end the conversation right away, now that Onyx had arrived back at the farmstead.
The pair didn’t dally at the slowly clearing staging area. Fay promptly entered the farmhouse to send a report back to the Council, while her apprentice remained outside to recover her burlap sacks and secure them over Onyx’s rump. Kayden was back in the saddle, watching another small group of Sanatsai depart the farmstead, when Fay finally exited the farmhouse to reunite with her waiting grey mare. Shortly after, master and apprentice were on their way again, departing the farmstead on horseback en route towards Nagornorak, and the Sisterhood seminary outside the city.
“What’s going to happen to me when we get back to Antaris?” asked Kayden after several minutes of silence. “If my unauthorised mission angered the Council enough to send a trio of Sanatsai to kill me, it’s probably safe to assume that I’ve blown my apprenticeship.”
“Kayden, what are you talking about?” said Fay. “The Council would not have resorted to such an extreme measure.”
“Well that’s what happened,” Kayden countered. “On the day I arrived in Nagornorak I was attacked about ten miles from the city by three Sanatsai. I got the better of them, but they subsequently claimed that they were following orders given by Rendai Benzino Ardan.”
The absence of a response prompted Kayden to glance sideways at her travelling companion. Fay was staring silently across at her, looking bemused.
“If what you say is true,” began Fay, finally, “it was an unsanctioned order not approved by the Council. When I return to Temis Rulan I will make sure that the person responsible is censured. As far as the fallout of your actions jeopardising your apprenticeship is concerned, that is something you needn’t worry about. I will shield you from any consequences.”
“What do you mean, shield me?”
“As the administrator of Antaris campus, I am ultimately responsible for the actions of all the apprentices in my charge, so I will shoulder the repercussions of what has transpired here in Anzarmenia.” Fay returned her gaze to the road ahead. “Let us not speak about it any further.”
“But those consequences are sure to be serious, Fay,” said Kayden. “I don’t want you to bear the brunt of that when it’s my fault that Josario escaped with his life.”
“I will be fine, Kayden. Remember that the head of the Order is a close friend of mine, and I think I’ve more than earned some goodwill from my colleagues on the Council. Now, do you think your beautiful horse is up for a gallop? It’s time for Shadow to stretch her legs for a bit.”
Kayden grinned. “I think Onyx can more than hold his own against Shadow.”
The two riders urged their respective mounts into flat out gallops, and all thoughts of the failure in southern Anzarmenia was quickly forgotten. The impromptu race exhilarated Kayden as the two horses covered the ground at break-neck speed. For now, she would avoid dwelling on the ramifications of her escapade. She was going back to Antaris alive and in one piece, albeit still in the shadow of her master, but with a greater appreciation for how fortunate she was to have Fay in her life.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN<
br />
A Milestone Worth Celebrating
Sitting on a chair in the quiet reading area, Kayden could count the number of other people in the library on the fingers of one hand. It was three days since she’d arrived back at Antaris with Fay, and the campus was still mostly deserted since so few of her fellow apprentices had returned from their holidays. The final term of the year—and her last as an apprentice—was due to commence at the start of next week, so she had no expectation that many of her peers would return before the coming weekend. It had been a surprise to discover that Neryssa was also absent from campus given that she hadn’t left for the holiday. Kayden surmised that her friend had found life on campus during the holiday so boring that a trip to elsewhere was necessary, even though visiting her family wasn’t an option.
Boredom had never really been a factor for Kayden during holidays. There were more books in the campus library than she could ever hope to read in one lifetime, and over the course of the past two years she’d also had Fay’s companionship to keep her occupied. She had grown accustomed to spending so much of her free time with Fay that having to endure her absence for the last three days weighed heavily on her. It was hard not to worry that it might be permanent. Shortly after their return from Anzarmenia, Fay had departed once more, using the portal network to journey to Temis Rulan, where she would stand before the Council. As far as Kayden knew, the meeting was to discuss the fallout and ramifications of the failure to kill Josario Sandolari, and the role Fay had played in helping him secure a safe retreat from Anzarmenia. The fact that she still hadn’t returned to Antaris three days later could only be interpreted as a bad sign.
Though Fay had promised to shield her from the consequences of the failed mission in Anzarmenia, Kayden was under no illusions that someone would have to pay a price for what happened. It was a fact of life that when things went wrong people invariably sought to apportion blame. The only feasible way in which Fay could prevent the Council from sanctioning her apprentice was to offer herself up as the sacrificial lamb: to shoulder the blame and take responsibility for Josario’s escape. What would subsequently happen to Fay in that event, Kayden could only speculate—which is what she’d been doing for three days straight, despite her best efforts to distract herself with books. It was entirely conceivable that her master had been removed from the position of campus administrator, and wouldn’t be back to oversee the final term of her apprenticeship.
A shadow fell across the pages of the open book in Kayden’s hands. She looked up to see the head librarian Manda Lusardi, standing over her. “Yes, Master?” said Kayden, thinking it couldn’t possibly be closing time yet.
“Just to let you know, the library will be closing in quarter of an hour,” said Master Manda, keeping her voice low. “If you are intending to loan out any books, please come to the desk before the clock tower chimes at Twentieth Hour.”
Kayden was surprised to learn that closing time was near at hand. She’d come to the library straight from the mess hall after lunch to while away the hours, and the time had flown by, though she vaguely recalled hearing the clock chime more than once while reading. It was a shame that holidays on campus meant the library shut its doors two hours earlier than normal. She wouldn’t be able to come back after her imminent visit to the mess hall for the evening meal.
With her message delivered, Master Manda departed towards another of the apprentices frequenting the library. Watching her go, Kayden decided she may as well vacate her comfortable chair immediately and return the book she was reading to its shelf. By the time the campus clock announced the arrival of Twentieth Hour, she had already left the library and entered the mess hall.
There were a handful of other diners dotted around the mess hall—mostly campus staff—but no one Kayden had any kind of relationship with. It was why she chose to sit alone, eating her meal in silence. Anxiety about the fate of her master meant she didn’t have much of an appetite, so she ate modestly, forgoing dessert entirely. Once she’d eaten her fill, she spent a few moments contemplating what to do with the rest of her evening since she was unlikely to go to bed any earlier than Twenty-Third Hour. It didn’t take long to decide that a visit to the stables was her best option. Ever since Fay had granted permission for her to keep Onyx at the campus stables, Kayden had taken him out for long rides each morning, but there was no reason why she couldn’t go riding in the evening—as long as she was back before curfew.
Five minutes after leaving the mess hall, Kayden was on horseback urging Onyx into a canter as they departed campus grounds via the south entrance. She led him aimlessly across rolling fields, enjoying the freedom of the open air without a care in the world, her concerns for Fay temporarily forgotten. The evening jaunt continued until the western sky turned several shades of red and orange as the sun dipped below the horizon, prompting Kayden to set a course back to Antaris. When she arrived back on campus, the sight of the clock tower let her know the time was almost half past Twenty-First Hour, and late evening had given way to nightfall. The grounds were bathed in their usual nighttime Zarantar-induced pale blue glow. She returned Onyx to the stables, leaving him in the care of the stable master, Ruso, before ambling back to the women’s dormitory.
Back in her dorm room, Kayden hurriedly changed out of her uniform and put on her bathrobe. Grabbing a towel, she vacated the room, looking forward to a long soak in the hot tub when she reached the women’s bathhouse. As she was leaving the building, she encountered Sister Elsa outside, just as the veteran Jaymidari was about to enter.
“Oh, Kayden, I was just coming up to find you.” said Elsa.
Kayden’s heart skipped a beat. She immediately assumed the Sister wanted to pass on the bad news that Fay would not be returning to Antaris. “Is there a problem, Sister?” Her voice trembled in spite of herself.
“No. I’m just here to let you know that Master Fay would like to see you in her office right away.”
“You mean she’s back from Temis Rulan?”
“Yes, she returned this afternoon.”
How was it possible that Fay had been back on campus since the afternoon? Kayden wondered. Surely her master would have sought her out before now. Unless…
“Is Master Fay still the campus administrator?” she asked.
Elsa frowned at her. “Of course she is,” she said. “Why wouldn’t she be?”
“No reason.” A wave of relief swept over Kayden. “I guess I’d better hurry up and see what she wants.”
“You don’t need to go right this minute if you’re on the way to the bathhouse. I will pass on a message to Master Fay, letting her know that you will join her after your lavation.
Agreeing to the Sister’s proposal, Kayden hurriedly made her way towards the women’s bathhouse, while Elsa departed towards the administration building.
A wistful smile tugged the corners of Fay’s lips as she stood at the centre of her office, reflecting on how the administration building had become a home away from home over the course of the past five years. But her time as the administrator of Antaris campus was coming to an end. It wouldn’t be long before she vacated the office for the last time, making way for her successor. Before that day arrived, however, she would fulfil the purpose that had compelled her to take on the position in the first place, by overseeing the final term of Kayden’s apprenticeship, and her eventual induction as a Sanatsai of the Order. What the future held beyond that was a prospect that filled Fay with tremendous excitement. But in the here and now, she had a surprise prepared for her apprentice. She just had to wait for the guest of honour to finish in the bathhouse and come up to the office.
Soon, there were three knocks on the door. Detecting the familiar presence on the other side, Fay had confirmation that Kayden had arrived. She called out an invitation to enter the room, and when the door swung open Kayden walked in dressed in grey pyjamas and slippers, with her damp raven hair hanging down almost to her waist. The sight made Fay smile. It perfectly exemplified the type
of relationship she had established with her one-of-a-kind apprentice. Only Kayden would feel comfortable enough to enter the administrator’s office wearing pyjamas.
“What happened with the Council?” Kayden blurted anxiously. “Did they punish you? Am I going to be expelled?”
“Your questions can wait another day. For now, follow me.”
Without waiting for a reply, Fay turned on her heels and marched towards the open archway of the spiral stairwell in the corner. Ascending the stairs she calmly led the apprentice up to her living quarters. At the top of the stairs they were greeted by the sight of the surprise Fay had spent much of the afternoon preparing for Kayden: twenty-one lit candles on on a layered sponge cake, sitting atop the tea table in the living area. Around the cake was a steaming teapot, two porcelain cups, and three plates laden with little sandwiches cut into triangles.
“Fay, what is this?” said Kayden as they halted at the tea table.
“Many happy returns, Kayden.”
The apprentice looked at a loss for word, though she did manage to ask, “How did you know it was my birthday?”
“On the day I found out you had gone to Anzarmenia, Neryssa mentioned that your birthday was on this date. I’m surprised you’ve never told me yourself, though Neryssa did say you don’t celebrate it any more.”
“After Mama passed away I couldn’t see the point of continuing to celebrate my birthday without her,” Kayden confessed. “And it’s not as though I had anyone else to share the occasion with.”
“Well, today you are twenty-one years old, and that is a milestone worth celebrating,” said Fay. “In some cultures, twenty-first birthdays have special significance. It’s about more than just transitioning into adulthood. Twenty-one is the age at which you become a fully autonomous, independent adult—one who can face the future, and all its challenges, without reliance upon anyone else. This is how I see you today, Kayden. You are a very special young woman, with the unlimited potential to accomplish great things with your life in the years to come.”