by Piper Denna
When Cam had gone to the kitchen, I heard Andy say, “Maybe he’s cool.”
*
“Cam,” I said between bites of the peanut butter sandwich he brought me, “don’t you need to leave soon?”
“I’m not going back today. I called Erin and she worked it out with her sister.”
“I hate for you to have to shuffle Emily around and miss work.”
“No way am I leaving you here with those two,” he said, pointing toward the living room. “Besides, I expect Busy Bill will be showing up soon.”
“Are you worried I’d forgive him? ‘Cause there’s no way…”
“I want you to feel better before I leave. Have you ever blacked out like that before?”
“No.” There was a time, but there was no use mentioning it. “No. It’s just from low blood sugar, I’m sure.”
All Fore Revenge
Chapter 18
Bill’s rental car tore up the driveway with a cloud of dust behind. The boys ran out to greet him, Will a few steps behind Andy. I watched from my bedroom window, with Cam’s hand on my shoulder.
“Where’s your mom? Why’s your lip swollen, Andy? And Will, is that a black eye? What the hell is going on here?”
“Mom’s inside. She fainted this morning and she doesn’t feel good,” Will answered in an accusatory tone. “Andy said she’s a loser because you bagged Brianna.”
Inside, I held my face in my hands. Cam’s hand tightened on my shoulder.
“Maybe Mr. Andrew needs a swift kick in the ass to remind him how to respect his mother. Andy, you better straighten your shit out for sure. I already heard you were giving her a hard time when you guys drove out here. Get this in your head: this divorce isn’t Mom’s fault, and it’s not yours.” With a warning shake of his finger in Andy’s direction, Bill came in the house and called me.
Already on my way to meet him, I stopped in the doorway to the room.
Cam stayed behind.
“Ali. Are you o—”
“Of course I’m not fucking okay, Bill.”
He cringed, but it mattered little to me—the entire TV-watching nation would know I swore like a trucker by nightfall. “Boys, why don’t you go check on Butter and make sure she’s got clean water?” When they were out of earshot, I said, “My divorce papers are ready to sign. They’ll be filed by Tuesday.”
“Ali. Don’t do that. Maybe some counseling or something…”
“Why Bill? What is the point in keeping me around? Am I just your goddamn good luck charm, or what?”
He crossed the room and stood very close. “Ali. I’m being very patient.” His voice lowered, and he used the restrained tone he reserved for furious moments. “Most men would be very angry after the stunt you pulled and the bad publicity you got us both. I can’t go anywhere without being recognized now, and it’s not because of the great game I played this weekend! Just who do you think you’d be without me? Huh? You were nobody when I met you. It’s only because of me…”
“Go fuck yourself, Bill.”
His words stung, and hit a hard knob of truth inside me. But the pain would have to wait. Anger was overriding all else.
“No matter who I am, I don’t have to turn a blind eye to my husband playing another course, as they’re saying on the news, or swinging both ways.”
“Alison, you’d better learn to keep some things to yourself, or you’ll be very sorry.” His hand gripped my chin tight enough to hurt, and I would have been hard pressed to not be scared if Cam wasn’t nearby.
He chose that moment to clear his throat and step into view, and Bill let go of me immediately.
“Who the hell is this?”
“This is Cam. He delivered our divorce papers personally for the law firm I’ve chosen to represent me.” It didn’t matter anymore what Bill thought, so I added, “The guy with the bike.”
Bill’s face screwed up in anger. “How convenient.” As usual, when Bill was really pissed, he didn’t have a lot to say. Finally, he held out his hand to me and said, “You can give me back the ring, then.”
I laughed and shook my head, then I doubled over and held my sides and laughed some more. “Oh, Bill. Funny.”
“Give me the fucking ring, Alison! You don’t accept a seventy-thousand-dollar gift and then pull what you did.”
“You know, about four million people watched you give me that ring yesterday. It’s mine. I was thinking, given its history, it should bring a pretty penny on eBay.”
“Alison. I swear to God…”
“Mr. Smyth,” Cam said, “given your propensity to threaten your wife, and the fact that I’m an officer of the court, it might behoove you to leave now.”
“Officer of the court, my ass. You’re here to get in her pants again. You better hope I never meet up with you in a dark alley,” Bill warned.
“Yeah? Maybe we can find one right now, if you like.” Cam stepped closer, and I had a flashback of my sons fighting earlier.
Bill stepped back.
“Okay then, Alison. We’ll deal with the ring in court. If this is what you want, I’ll have my own attorney start working tomorrow.”
“It wasn’t ever, ever what I wanted, Bill. And you know it. But I didn’t have much choice. I’ll have my attorneys draw up papers stating I want the house and my personal things, the boys’ furniture, and the ring. Nothing more, as long as you uphold a commitment to spend at least ten quality hours a week with the boys until they’re out of school, and split the cost of their expenses with me, including college.” Cam was muttering that I should wait to speak with Erin, when I added, “And you get a vasectomy.”
“What the hell kind of divorce settlement is that?” Bill squeaked.
Cam coughed, discreetly covering a laugh.
“Why would you care?”
“Obviously,” I told him, “because I don’t want you going off to start a new and improved family and ignore the one you fucked up.”
“Ali. I’m not your dad,” Bill said. His face softened with understanding, in contrast with the alarm he’d just showed at the mention of vasectomy. “You’d really trade all that money to make sure the boys have a good dad?”
My set jaw and level stare told him I was serious.
He cleared his throat. “I’ll be in touch.”
At the front door, he braced his arms on the jamb and asked without looking back, “That’s the only reason you stayed after Brianna, isn’t it? Because of the boys?”
I answered with a soft but definite, “Yes.”
*
“You might regret that verbal agreement if he accepts it,” Cam told me. “And it would be unethical for me to deny it.”
“I know you can’t lie about it. I won’t regret it, though, if he accepts.”
“You’re a hell of a mom if you go through with it.”
“I doubt I’ll be nominated for Mother of the Year. Especially by Andy.”
We watched as the boys walked with their dad to his rental car, then told him goodbye. I heard him tell them, again, to behave and not talk back to me. In spite of the bitterness I felt toward him, I appreciated him backing my authority. Then Andy started whining and looking back at the house. Will snapped at Andy in a low voice. Bill shrugged and looked resigned. He walked back to the house.
I met him at the door, where he told me, “The boys want to come with me to my mom’s for tonight. I’ll get them back before I have to fly out tomorrow.”
“Fine,” I answered with a nod. “Tell them to come get their stuff.”
“Alison. When do you think you’ll bring them back to Phoenix?” he asked.
I shrugged noncommittally. “I don’t know. How long ‘til the media buzz dies down?”
“It wouldn’t be an issue if you hadn’t made such a scene!” he growled.
“Yeah, it was my scene all right,” I snapped. “If you weren’t making google eyes for the camera all day, we would have been just another anonymous lover’s spat. Or here’s a concept�
�if you could keep your pecker in your pants for a fucking day at a time, it would be a non-issue!”
Again Cam coughed from the doorway to the bedroom.
Bill scowled toward Cam, then threw up his hands. Over his shoulder he yelled, “Guys! Come get your stuff.” He didn’t meet my eyes again before he left with the boys.
*
With my head in Cam’s lap, I fell asleep while he watched some carpenter show. Shurre’s raucous, AC/DC-blaring arrival roused me.
“Jesus Christ. She’s the noisiest adult in the world,” I complained, before I went out to meet her on the porch. Daylight dwindled around us as she hugged me for the second time that day.
“Hey woman. How ya holdin’ up?”
“I’m sure I’ll make it,” I answered.
“I see Wonderboy’s still here,” she said, pointing over her shoulder at the Cadillac. “For how long?”
“I think he has to leave tomorrow. What did Kerri say this morning?” I sat on the porch swing and patted the seat beside me for her to join.
With a grin, “Bill should try not to be alone the next time he runs into Big Sister. And she said she’d tell your mom.”
Mom didn’t watch much news, mostly just the local stuff, but the scene in Charleston was bound to air on the local channels eventually. Besides, she’d hear about it around town sooner or later, especially if those AP photos surfaced. I owed Kerri big-time.
“How are things with you and Robert?” I asked.
“You mean me and Ronnie?” She looked away. “I haven’t been back there, if that’s what you want to know.”
“So how are you, Shurre? Have you decided what you’re gonna do?”
“Do? Nothing. Pretty soon he’ll be too sick to… well, he’ll leave me alone.”
“Is he leaving you alone now?”
“Mind your own, Ali.” She knew I wouldn’t, so she replied, “He’s called a few times, but I just ignore it and haven’t called back.”
“Maybe you should confront him. I know you don’t want a big thing, but you need some closure…”
“Closure,” she scoffed. “You rich people and all your fancy words. Fuck.” From her purse, she pulled out a pack of Marlboros and lit up. “A girl has a disagreement with her uncle, and you wanta make a fucking monumental deal of it. Some of us have to work for a living, and we don’t have time to run to therapy every time we get our feelings hurt. Maybe I’ll just talk it over with my friends at bridge club, huh?”
“Shurre, don’t…”
“Don’t what, Ali?” she purred, her hand moving up my thigh. I pushed it away, so she tangled it in my hair and then kissed me, blowing smoke in my mouth. Her laugh was rough and wet. I coughed the smoke out and wiped away the taste with the back of my hand, trying to move away. My heart was racing from that old fear as much as anger. Her hand still held my hair, preventing my escape.
Cam would hear me if I yelled, but I didn’t want him worrying more, or knowing what was going on.
“Why don’t you yell for Wonderboy? He could come save you. Or maybe you like this too much.” She dropped the cigarette and mashed it with her heel. Her other hand held my neck. “Your pulse is racing, A. You want me, I can tell,” she whispered. Then she kissed me again, shoving her tongue between my lips. I struggled against her and managed to turn my head enough that she couldn’t get to my lips anymore. She laughed again, and her free hand feathered over my breast.
“Knock it off, Shurre. Do you want me to hate you?” At some point, I’d started crying. “I know why you do this. The same reason you go home to your husband and dominate.” Her eyes flashed back from my breast to my face. “You want the control back that Ronnie takes from you.”
“Shut up, Ali. You don’t know dick.”
I slapped away the hand trying to worm inside my bra.
“You just like it too fucking much, and you wanta blame me for it,” she said, grabbing my hand and rubbing it between her soft, hot breasts.
“No. It’s not you I blame!”
“There’s no need for any blame. It’s okay to want me.”
“Shurre, I don’t,” I insisted. “Knock it off.” I jerked my hand in an effort to stop touching her, but she was stronger. “I don’t want you. Not for that. I don’t want you,” I repeated, louder.
She let my hand go abruptly. “Liar!” she spat, and then she split.
*
I was still wiping away the smell and taste of the cigarette when Cam sat down beside me. “That was a great show. Why didn’t you yell for me?”
I had no idea how much he’d seen. I sniffled and said, “Well, it wasn’t because I liked it!”
“Obviously. You’re almost as big as she is. Why do you perceive her as more powerful?”
“I don’t know. I guess it’s the mental thing, how the little brother always thinks the big brother can kick his ass.” But it made me think. I was strong. I was proud of the muscles I’d developed from working out. Shurre may be bigger, but she was soft. And she wasn’t my big sister. She was weak, a victim. I was strong. Getting stronger. “Jesus. My heart is still racing.”
“Because you’re scared.”
“How long were you watching?”
“Since I heard her say ‘Wonderboy.’” He looked really worried.
“You want me to leave here, don’t you?”
“I wish you would, but since you won’t, you need to figure out how to stand up to her.”
“What if I do, and then she finds somebody else to bully? Do you think she might? God, she needs help.”
Cam’s tight lips told me he agreed.
“She’ll never be alone with my daughter,” he vowed.
I thought of Will and Andy. Then the concept of my dearest friend being a sexual predator sunk in, and I had to run for the bathroom.
*
Cam was making up the bed on the couch when I finished being sick. I stood in the bedroom doorway and watched, crushed, as he spread a blanket out. I knew why, of course. Besides being appalled that I’d let Bill touch me, he’d been hurt. By me. Cam might never forgive me or want to be with me again. He loved me, but if he never trusted me again, how could I stand it?
He straightened and noticed me standing there. “Hey,” he said. “You need anything?”
I need you, I thought. Unable to speak for the threatening tears, I shook my head and backed into my room.
Cam caught the door before it shut. “Ali. Hey.” He held me against him and kissed the top of my head, while I cried silently against him.
“I didn’t… expect sex. But I guess I thought, maybe. I don’t know. You’d just hold me or something,” I finally managed.
“I can’t.” I remembered telling Bill the same thing, and it made me feel sick to think of Cam feeling that way toward me. I bit my lip to keep from sobbing. “There’s too much at stake, love. And I really can’t sleep with you without… no. I’d end up wanting more.”
“I think it would be safe. I don’t feel much like having sex.”
“But I do. And if I wanted to, do you honestly think you’d refuse?” How did he know me so well? “I need to know you trust me first.”
“I do trust you, Cam.”
He shook his head. “You’re in no shape to trust anybody right now. If I told you I never had sex with Randi, that I just made up all those dates with her, would you believe me?”
I laughed. “No, of course not. Why would I, when you’ve been telling me…”
“You should be able to believe me, just because I say the words.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
“What doesn’t make any sense is throwing away what we have for a few quick romps.”
“It’s you who doesn’t trust me. You think I’m gonna break your heart, but I won’t. I’m sorry for going back to Bill. I felt horrible doing that to you…”
“Ali. I expected that. I used to handle divorces all the time. You wouldn’t believe how many people reconcile after they file, then s
plit again. I tried so hard to stay away from you, but I couldn’t. I knew you’d hurt me. But not again. This time it’s on your terms, when you’re ready to be with me and do this thing right.” His thumbs skimmed down the sides of my face. “It would be too easy to take advantage right now, when you’re vulnerable.” He looked tempted. “Tell me why you fell in love with Bill. The first time.”
“Because he was… I don’t really feel comfortable talking about it with you.”
He stared me down and I had a feeling he’d wait forever for my answer.
“He was crazy about me. Not just to get me in bed, but he really loved me. For who I was. He liked that I was mostly innocent, and a bumpkin. He said I was beautiful.”
“You loved him because he loved you.”
I started to deny it, but he was right. “Well, put that way. I mean, there was nothing objectionable about him. He was handsome, and talented. And romantic.” But it was true; I was swept off my feet because he, a man, loved me so much.
“I’d hope no woman ever agreed to spend her life with me just because I loved her and I was good looking,” he told me. “Ali? You see? It would be so easy to capture you. You’d agree to it because you know I love you and you’d feel guilty. I know I could make you happy. I’d spend my life doing it. But I’d always wonder if it was what you really wanted. If you chose it because you wanted it, or because I did.”
“Well, what the hell? Where does that leave me? How will you know if I love you enough?”
“I’ll know,” he answered confidently.
“I don’t think it’s a healthy sign that you’re always making me feel defective somehow, like I’m screwed in the head.”
“There’s nothing at all wrong with you. You’re trying to improve yourself, though. You’re getting more assertive. The first time was with me, the day we met. I bet that’s the first time you ever just decided you wanted a guy and you’d have him.” He was right. “And do you think it’s a coincidence that your other conquests were guys you previously thought unfuckable?”