The girl waved off the concern and again made a “shushing” sound at him, then pointed at her notebook to remind him she was busy.
“I don’t see any reason why we should overlook a claim of (weird word).” Kharash argued, completely ignoring the byplay. “The central crux of this matter is that our Saltmen friends are trying to keep a (weird word) from her possessor. That is the biggest crime anyone could possibly commit.” He shook his head. “I’m not prepared to do that.”
“I Claim (weird word) as well.” Tzadok announced. “She is mine.”
“WHAT!?!” Hawser screamed in rage.
Mouse rolled his eyes. “Oh, fer fook’s sake…”
Kharash heaved a dramatic sigh. “This is getting ridiculous, my friends.”
“She cannot have two (weird word).” Bradley shook her head. “Not unless one of you is lying.” She paused. “Or she’s a total whore.”
“
Tandy communicated that to the group.
“Indeed, Hawser is a bulging totem of manhood.” Ella agreed, turning the page in her book. “For now. But he will soon fade into the gloom. Life is an open pit, slowly filling with everyone we’ll ever meet and love.” She daintily dipped her quill into the ink. “Everything is an illusion. Death is the only real truth of this world. The world is a dream and one day soon, we will all awaken in the grave.”
Huh. That girl sure was a frowny, maudlin little thing. Tandy didn’t understand that kind of thinking.
Tzadok had been right: Ella was going to be tough to win over. She didn’t appear to really care about much.
Mouse looked confused. “Mouse donea get ah grave, Chieftain.” He reminded Ella, like she was mistaken. “Mouse died in a fire, full of arrows and swords. Happening right now, in years. Remember?” He looked down at the ground sadly, as if currently witnessing the event. “Poor Mouse. Mouse was so sad when Mouse dies.”
“Yes, thank you, Sir Mouse.” Ella turned another page in her book. “Your off-topic contributions to the dialog are most welcomed, as always. They aren’t frustrating anyone, don’t worry.”
Kharash stood up, taking the floor from Aix. “Then here is my issue with this.” He gestured to Tandy and the dark-haired woman. “They are Brightlighters, they are not our kind. They are strangers to our land and our ways.” He shook his head, glaring at Tzadok. “You should not bring them into our villages and expect our people to consort with them as equals. They are below us.” He pointed at Tzadok accusingly. “You are Lord of Salt. You have a responsibility to pair with a woman from one of the other clans and live with her people. You are not meant to be a Saltman, you are meant to find your real home with your bride and her kin. To be part of her clan and represent her people. That is how things are done. You find your mate, you move somewhere new, and your influence is shared between clans. That is the only honorable way to behave.”
Tandy frowned slightly at the word “mate.” It wasn’t standard Wastelandi, it was a word borrowed from another language. But it definitely meant something entirely different than…
She winced, silently cursing her own stupidity.
Yep. This whole thing was about marriage or whatever. That’s what (weird word) meant.
Dammit. That was pretty darned obvious, now that she thought about it. It was difficult to understand what the Wastelanders were simply intentionally exaggerating in their typically over-dramatic fashion and what they genuinely believed though.
So… it seemed like she was about to be a bride, it was only a question of who the groom would be.
“It’s not right for a man to live in his mother’s village for so long.” Kharash continued. “Especially if he’s going to disrespect her memory with some strangely-colored imported creature. It’s indecent and corrupt.”
“How about me?” Kobb wondered aloud, in what sounded like genuine curiosity at what the other man’s distorted morality called for.
“You can go fuck an entire schoolyard of young Brightlighter girls, for all I care.” Kharash waved a dismissive hand. “I’m concerned with The Lord of Salt and his foolish efforts to pollute our people and shame our many worthy women by pursuing some foreign tart.” He took on a concerned face. “I suspect his mind has become clouded by foreign enspellment or mystic charm. The Green Woman has beguiled the Saltmen through enchantments and her erotic wiles.”
The Bearskin looked Tandy up and down, then refocused on his card game. “Frogs.” He deadpanned, apparently believing that single word undercut Kharash’s entire argument.
“Both are mine! The Thirty-Two Hundred has taken a woman which should have gone to my people!” Hawser protested. “How can you just dismiss that crime so easily?”
“Because who cares? I mean, really.” Kharash snorted. “I like Kobb more than I’ll ever like you, so he gets my support before the first words are even spoken.” He turned his attention to the dark-haired woman. “Hell, I don’t blame him for Claiming her anyway. Had I been there, I might have done the same. She’s a little young, true, but that filly looks like a fun ride. Spirited. There is no greater joy in life than feeling an untamed mount move beneath you. Breaking in something wild and strong and free, teaching it to love the saddle and bit.”
Tandy made a face. “Do I really have to translate that? Because it’s rather disturbing.”
“It’s a Steppe thing.” Tzadok explained. “You get used to it. Everything is a horse metaphor to them.”
“Kobb is allowed to experiment with the beautiful outland woman-child, and make her his spoiled and petted plaything if he so wishes.” Kharash continued. “That is his right as an unattached man strong enough to Claim and sit astride her. That has always been our way. But The Lord of Salt has a responsibility to not let an interloper lead him by his cock towards our ruination. He needs to sire Wastelanders, not whatever mongrel race that woman is.” He absently motioned at Tandy. “Green females cannot add anything to the already superior Wasteland breeding stock. They can only pollute our line and distort our ways.” He sat down. “The Steppe votes that The Thirty-Two Hundred may do as he likes with the Dark Hair, but Green Woman should go to the Coastal People and The Primacy.”
Tzadok’s eyes narrowed in fury. “You’re a dog-fucker, Kharash. If you had any honor at all, you’d take your own life.”
Topher, Kharash’s deputy, opened his mouth to say something but Mouse immediately stood straighter, obviously eager to carry out his queen’s earlier murderous command if the man uttered another word during the meeting. Mouse looked at the man expectantly, feet braced like a runner about to start a race.
Topher quietly sat back down, looking pale and frightened.
“You can’t split the decision like that.” Bradley argued, ignoring that little drama. “That makes no sense!”
“I am chief of my clan and descended from a god.” Kharash declared. “I do as I like.”
“Your god is a fucking horse.” Bradley reminded him bluntly. “Horses aren’t really known for their decision-making abilities.”
The Grizzwood and Steppe contingents began to quarrel about the matter, and Kobb stepped forward to keep them from killing each other.
Tzadok took the opportunity to start yelling about what he’d do to Kharash for his betrayal… even though Tandy knew for a fact that he’d never once thought that the man would side with him anyway.
When Tandy glanced back, she was surprised to find Mouse standing next to the dark-haired woman, somehow having moved without anyone seeing him. “’Ello, bunny.” He flashed his broken creepy smile at the woman. “No needs ta bae frigh…” He stopped, looking confused for a moment, then turned his head slowly to look at something over her shoulder, then straight into the girl’s eyes. “…I am already two hours from now, walking back to my boats after the meeting ended. A bird is singing… I am wondering if the o
ther animals ever get jealous that birds can sing so beautifully, while they themselves are doomed to sound so coarse and rough. The music they feel inside cannot be shared with the world. They will die with so many songs left unsung. Fate seems such a cruel and arbitrary thing at times. The Ellie of two hours from now is ordering me not to stand in campfires. Again. The third time she has reminded me since the meeting ended. Her voice sounds worried. She’s still just a kit, won’t be a bunny for years yet. So small. I forget that sometimes. I am used to her being older now. Cruel and cold.” His head whipped around to the left, as if addressing someone unseen. “Mouse knows that, Chieftain, like Mouse said, was just ‘tracted, s’all. But Mouse bae sense and proper now, righto. No needs ta worry ‘bout ol’ Mouse.” He called into the night, then swung his head back to pin the dark-haired woman with his creepy gaze again. “It is a lie though.” He confided earnestly. “And even as I say it, we both realize it’s not true. I am not okay.” He shook his head. “I am getting worse. Every day. And there is nothing either of us have done about that.” He leaned closer to the woman, his spooky eyes burning into her as his whispered voice sounded like an echoing hollow shell. “It doesn’t end well.”
The dark-haired woman took several terrified steps away from the Hardman, showing a rare moment of fear. The motion caused her to bump into Kobb, who immediately moved in front of her.
“No.” Kobb ordered, meeting the lunatic’s creepy eyes and blocking him from reaching the woman. “You’re going to stop.” He commanded with calm but definite authority. “Now.”
Mouse didn’t seem to notice that his view of the woman was now blocked and kept right on talking, focusing on the spot where the girl’s eyes had formally been, despite the fact that meant he was staring at a point on Kobb’s chest. “But Kobb? Oh… Kobb is not moving at all two hours from here.” He turned to look towards the west. “He is laying there… right now… two hours away, covered in his own blood.” He gestured to Tandy without looking at her. “As is the Salt Lord’s woman.” He very slowly turned his head to stare at Kobb like he could see through him, eyes wide. “I am, at present, two hours from this meeting, thinking that two hours ago bae the place where real bad things happened to the Saltlings…” His head unexpectedly turned to the right. “Fix it then!” Mouse yelled at an imaginary person, off on a new tangent. “Take it back! Please… please take it back! It hurts too much! I CAN’T TAKE IT!”
“Cinder Queen?” Tzadok stepped closer to his uncle, sensing that there was about to be a fight. “Ella, you’d better call off your pet…”
“That will be enough, Sir Mouse.” The Queen of Ashes announced, calling her knight back to her side with her tiny voice. “Leave The Thirty-Two Hundred’s pretty toy alone.”
The boy either ignored his leader or didn’t hear her, instead he whispered into Kobb’s ear. “Don’t fall asleep.” He advised in a hoarse and disturbing voice, like he was delivering an ice cold threat. “Don’t. fall. asleep.”
The eerie tone and words caused the hairs on Tandy’s neck to stand on end.
The dark-haired girl stepped even closer to Kobb, looking utterly terrified now. Not that Tandy could really blame her. There was something deeply disturbing about Mouse. He was not the biggest man at the meeting, but he had a physicality and an overwhelming sense of otherworldly lunacy which seemed to loom over everyone else like a thundercloud.
Before anyone could respond to that, the man pulled away from them rapidly, as if struck. “So sorry. Sorry. I’m sorry. That’s… not right. At all. Nonononono… I am astray.” He looked around rapidly. “I don’t know where to go. WHERE THE FUCK AM I!?!” He staggered on his feet, almost falling over, arms flailing for balance. “But what’s done is done, right? Right? Will be, anyway. It’s fine… it’sfineit’sfineit’sfine…” Mouse clutched handfuls of his own hair and pulled at them, turning away. He crouched down on the ground and rocked back and forth on his heels rapidly, repeating the mantra and slamming his palm against his forehead. “…it’sfineit’sfineit’sfine… I’m FIIIIIIIINE!!!” He bellowed the words, ending in a bloodcurdling shriek of manic rage, followed by creepy laughter. He suddenly turned his head to the left, as if addressing an unseen person again, his voice completely calm and conversational. “Thank you, Mouse would love some, yes.”
Kobb didn’t budge.
“Every goddamned meeting.” The Bearskin grumbled in annoyance. “Like I got nothing better to do, right?”
“Sir Mouse? You may stop now.” The Queen of Ashes tried again, her voice louder but with a slight tremble to it. “You are scaring the Saltlings and creating quite the scene.” The girl admonished softly, her tone wavering even more.
She was afraid. Tandy had no doubt about it now. But whether she was afraid of Mouse or afraid for Mouse was another question.
Mouse’s eyes widened as he began to mumble more nonsense, getting crazier and crazier, like he was having multiple conversations at once, all with unseen people. “Mouse swears ‘ee didn’t mean ta kill ‘im, Ellie. Did’na know he…” His head whipped around to the left. “Brown apples? What the fook is Mouse s’posed tah do with brown apples, ya dumb shite!?! They’re not ‘xactly…” He turned to the right, mid-sentence. “...The wee lass bae in charge ‘cause Mouse say she bae in charge, rabbit! Any man ‘oo says different bae…” He looked down at the ground. “Please, please forgive me… This is my moment… The closest Mouse’ll ever come tah… Don’t ya ‘Pumpkin’ me! Mouse can…” His voice became a shout. “Fook Galland! Mouse’ll… I know what happens. How it ends. I’m so sorry. I didnea mean to betray you. It’s all my fault.” He covered his face in his hands again, continuing to rock back and forth. “Boots… boots of blue glass… Tomorrow I might not come till another day. Tomorrow I might not come till another day. Tomorrow I might not come till another…” He let out a howl of sheer agony and pain. “I’M STILL ALIVE! I’M STILL ALIVE, YA BASTARDS! OPEN THE GATE!” He jumped back to his feet and rushed towards them, screaming incoherently.
“Sean!” Ella yelled at Mouse, raising her frail voice to a shout for the first time. “No!” She started coughing again, a ragged wheezing sound, barely muffled by the handkerchief.
Mouse stopped dead in his tracks and whirled around to focus on her, looking suddenly saner and obviously concerned about the girl’s health.
The child recovered her breath and stared at him silently for a moment, then shook her head. “Don’t let it win.”
“Ellie, I…” Mouse trailed off, then nodded. “Aye. Sorry, Chieftain.” The boy looked down at his feet in shame. Tandy couldn’t even begin to guess why someone would only wear one shoe though. “Mouse is fine.”
“Be better.” The child commanded. “Please.”
“Aye.” The young man nodded again, looking humbled. “Mouse’ll try.”
The clearing was quiet for a moment.
“You’re standing in the campfire, Sir Mouse.” Ella informed him softly. “That is not necessary.”
He looked down at the flames lapping at his feet and legs, and calmly stepped away. “’Pologies, Chieftain. Mouse was ‘tracted, is all.”
“You’re still on fire.” Kharash informed him.
“It’ll bae burnin’ itself out then, innit!?!” Mouse snapped at the man, losing his temper. “Ya tit!” His head jerked to the right and he glared at Aix like he had just said something Mouse didn’t like. “The ’ghosts of yer ancestors!?!’ Donea gimme that! Mouse wipes his arse with the ghosts of yer wank-sock ancestors!”
“Heeeee’s still on fire.” Bradley pointed out again, interrupting the insanity and gesturing to the flames still lapping at Mouse’s legs.
“Oh, just let it go.” Ella rolled her eyes. “Kindly mind your own clan and allow me to mind mine…” She turned to glance at her knight, “but she’s right, you are still on fire, Sir Mouse. I command you to extinguish yourself. Immediately.”
“Aye.” He stepped from the fire and immediately fell to one knee to honor his mist
ress, looking ashamed. “Forgive Mouse. Please…”
The Bearskin got to his feet, looking irritated and bored. “Alright. That’s enough.” He turned to Tandy. “You wanna go with them, Frogs?” He pointed at the Coastal People.
“Goodness, no.” Tandy shook her head definitely, fighting revulsion at the thought. “Their tendency towards misogynistic violence is… troubling.” She took a step closer to Tzadok, until her back was pressed comfortingly up against the wide expanse of his chest. “I’d rather stay where I am, thank you.”
The Bearskin nodded and spun on his heel. “The Grizzwood sides with the Saltmen in this matter.” He announced as he walked from the clearing, stopping for a moment to point at the Coastal People with the head of one of his boarding axes. “Don’t bother me again.”
“We won’t forget this!” Hawser called after him.
The Bearskin met the man’s angry gaze, looking unimpressed. “The last man who threatened me? I nailed him to a tree and skinned him alive.” The Bearskin shook his head in warning. “Don’t threaten me.”
And then he simply left.
“Well… I’m not leaving.” Bradley announced, refusing to follow her brother. She gestured to the Hardmen. “You know you haven’t seen the end of that crazy yet. I’m not missing it. We don’t have the theater in the Grizzwood. But we do know the Hardmen, which is better.” She pointed at Mouse. “That boy is fucking legend.”
“
“Just keep repeating that and maybe one day someone here will give a shit.” Bradley suggested. “I doubt it, but anything’s possible. I mean, hell, you’re the actual leader of something, Aix. Who could have seen that shit comin’?”
Mouse took on a thoughtful expression.
“Sir Mouse?” Ella glanced up from her book. “You have something vital to add? Something which could make sense of this disagreement between our allies and return the peace?”
Captive of a Fairytale Barbarian Page 30