by LJ Swallow
“We protect Vee,” says Ewan. “She’s more to us than whatever name you give her. We’ll protect her to the end. She’s our Fifth.”
Erzla takes a deep breath and looks away.
“Your true connection?” says Leoc. “You’re the same energy, split five ways. This was the safest way to keep Order from escaping before we could take down Chaos. We knew one day Chaos would return, that the Horsemen we created and their Fifth would need to meet and five parts would reunite the energy. Order needed to be whole again. To kill Chaos.”
“Five?” Joss wraps his arms around his chest. “We’re like Vee? You created us too?”
Leoc nods. “Partly. Created and separated to keep Order hidden.”
Xander breaks his silence. “Why should we believe you? If this is true, why didn’t you step in as soon as you knew Chaos was back? Bring us together then or whatever the hell this is?”
“We did. We allowed you to detect and find Vee, something we’d prevented for hundreds of years. You’re powerful apart and unstoppable as one. Chaos knows that Truth was revealed in the world shortly after he returned. He also knows there’s a reason for the Fifth that is connected to a power we can use against him. But he still has no idea what. We’re not sure how long before he realises what you are. We need to put our plan into action.”
“Plan. Nice.” Heath snorts.
“And this plan? Unite the five parts of Order and have Vee—Order—take down Chaos?” Xander sits forward, elbows on his knees and hands beneath his chin. “That’s what we’ve done together. Unified?”
Erzla’s sullen mouth thins again. “Yes. You have.”
Why does he sound pissed off when he just said we were created to unify?
“Yes. And killing Chaos will permanently close the portals you were created to protect,” adds Leoc.
“So why did we interpret that Vee would die?”
Erzla gestures the length of me. “There’s a more power inside Vee now that she’s Order than a human body can contain. But we think we can keep her safe.”
The amount of information being dropped on us, nuclear bomb after nuclear bomb, explodes my mind. First, I’m a girl, then I’m a Horseman. Now? What am I? The weapon to kill a god? Part god? No.
“Vee won’t die.” Xander’s words are firm. “You’re sure of this.”
The angels’ glance prickles along my spine, and even though they say ‘yes’, something inside terrifies me.
Their answers. Their contradictions.
Their absence until now.
Something isn’t right and however much I want to believe, I’m not convinced.
I turn my face to the sky and retreat into myself the way I did when Ewan told me I didn’t exist. The conversation continues around me, but they sound far away. Not real.
I fight against the hyperventilation dizzying me, unaware which of the guys holds my hand and says my name.
This isn’t reality.
None of this is real.
22
EWAN
I sit at the table with the guys and Vee, inside the house we currently call home. Another kitchen, another space we gather to discuss and plan. Vee barely spoke on the drive back and stared at her trembling hands, turning them over and over.
I’m unsure how much conversation Vee heard once she turned pale and her eyes grew distant. I had a bloody difficult time processing what the angels said too. Seeing Vee like this was a shit reminder of the day I hurt her with the truth about who she is. A truth that doesn’t exist. I could’ve smacked Erzla in the face for his amusement at her name.
My laptop rests beneath my palm and when I move my hand, a mark from perspiration remains. I wipe it away with a sleeve.
Mind. Fucking. Blown.
We knew we didn’t have all the facts, but this?
The only Order I’m aware of is Ripley’s bunch of arseholes. Not once, in any book, or research snippet has Order existed in connection with us.
Never did anything refer to Chaos having an equal opposite.
Man, they hid this well.
I’m struggling to process the information and pissed off we didn’t ask more about ourselves. But the information about Vee hit our brains like a stun gun. Thoughts wouldn’t join into anything coherent. Their words tangled our emotions.
Nothing makes sense.
We are all part of each other, the way we always knew, but not as Horsemen. What are the Horsemen? We have other powers to protect portals. Played a role in this world. Vee has them all. Did she take them? Or always had them? The Horsemen are more than vessels containing a fifth of a god’s power. They need to explain. Everything.
“What now?” Xander doesn’t demand or bark out a plan, just talks in defeated terms as he sinks back on the kitchen chair.
“Nothing has changed,” says Vee quietly. “They just gave me a different name.”
“Vee, they just told us you were a bigger power than we thought.”
“God powers.” Joss sits beside her. “You’re a goddess. That’s insane.”
“No.” She swallows. “What’s insane is this makes me part of Seth. And I’m not a goddess. You heard the angels—Order’s power is split between the five of us.”
“Not anymore, Vee,” whispers Heath.
I rest my hands on my laptop again. “Vee just strengthened herself with the Order inside us. Maybe she could give the power back.”
Heath frowns. “How?”
“No, she needs the power to defeat Seth,” puts in Xander.
“Yes, but the book says the power is too much and can kill her.”
“I already feel different.” Vee looks up with troubled eyes. “Heath knows—I told him I’m losing track of who I am. Joss feels it too.”
“We all do,” I say and Xander nods.
“But what if…” I trail off. Solutions have turned over and over in my mind since the bombshell earlier. I’ve analysed every sentence, every new snippet of information. Numbers and facts crunched in my head. I push away any information about who the Horsemen are, or where we came from, to focus on one thing.
Who we are to Vee.
And how that will help her.
“When she faces Chaos, we’ll be there, right? On this so-called prophesied day?” I ask.
“Of course, we bloody will,” retorts Xander. “I know that isn’t clearly written in the book, just Order, but no way does she walk into the end alone.”
“Listen, if we take back the power we gave Vee, then Order is spread between the five of us again. What’s to stop us focusing that power against Chaos when it’s spread into five bodies instead of just Vee, alone? Maybe power divided, the human bodies will survive. And we can still kill Chaos.”
Vee shakes her head. “And maybe that will just kill you all too.”
“Heath!” Xander stands and points at him. Heath looks back with a bewildered expression at Xander’s sudden outburst. “If we just split between the four of us and we die, Heath can bring us back.”
His eyes widen. “I don’t know if I can bring Vee back. Or any of you in this situation.”
“This is a crazy idea,” replies Joss.
“Why?” I snap. “If what we’re told is true, there’s no need for Vee to face him alone. When our powers united inside her, we gave a part of ourselves.”
Xander heads to the fridge and pulls out beer. His ‘thinking juice’. “If Seth tried to keep us apart, he must know something.”
“Yeah, he probably thinks it’s just Horsemen power—that she’s a stronger version of us all.” Joss smirks. “Man, he’s gonna get his arse kicked.”
“Until an hour ago, that’s what we thought too,” mutters Heath.
“All four Horseman powers and a god power. No way will I piss you off again.” Joss nudges Vee, who gives a weak smile. Seriously, dude? How is this funny?
“Okay. We need to take back some Order power.” Heath takes a bottle from Xander and cracks the lid. “That could be interesting.”
Xander looks at him in confusion but I know what he means. I always knew Vee was taking something from us. Was I right to hold back?
“Okay, I’m going to be blunt here. Sex is how the Order passed to her. Can Vee pass some back if she has sex with us all again?” Heath asks.
The room quiets. This isn’t a topic we discuss. There’s acceptance and love, but discussion about sex? Nope.
“I honestly think this is the answer. We divide Order’s power back between five again and face him together.” I pause. “And if this does kill us all, at least we die together.”
Vee bites her lip. “This is awkward, guys. I don’t want you forming a queue outside the bedroom. Or more than one of you at a time.”
Xander half-chokes on his beer. “Uh. No way.”
She looks between us and her cheeks flush. “I know this isn’t a conversation we have, but I need to point something out. In the last few days I’ve....” She pauses. “I’ve had sex with three of you.”
We look at each other and it’s clear we’re trying to figure out who hasn’t. I shake my head at the other’s poker faces.
“I’m not saying any more about that, but each time I’ve felt more connected to my human self. Maybe I give you back some Order? The last could do something.” She glances at me. “Like with Ewan in Scotland.”
“Yeah, but look what happened then,” I say. “You changed.”
“Because the last part of Order united. I think this was always supposed to be a sex thing. A physical need satisfied, end of story, goodbye Vee. I was supposed to walk away after Ewan because Order was complete. But that didn’t happen. There’s more to us because our emotions are involved. We love each other.”
Heath nods. “This is where we change the prophecy. We’re united by our love for each other. By our human bond. I don’t think we were supposed to stay together. But we will. We’ll win together.”
“And Vee will survive,” whispers Ewan. “Yes.”
Xander straightens. “Side by side, we’ll share the power, and take him down together.”
23
JOSS
I find Vee alone, sitting curled in a chair, head back and dozing. Seeing her like this squeezes my heart because she looks vulnerable. However much stronger she is than us, I will never let go of my desire to protect and care for her. Even though Vee tells us this pisses her off, I know beneath the defensiveness of the girl who’s always looked after herself is one who understands this comes from our love for her and not this connection.
I watch Vee for a few moments, torn between walking over to stroke her hair and skin. To steal touches and kisses. But her mouth is parted in sleep with the recent stress missing from her face. After this afternoon, she deserves some escape. We all need alone time now and again.
The other guys are spread around the house, although Xander has taken a walk. The conversation before plays on my mind because there are so many pieces to attempt to slot together. I feel as if we’re pushing shapes into places they don’t fit. Unable to locate the real pieces we need because they’re lost.
I attempt to watch a TV show, but I’m pulled to check on Vee again. Her chair is empty. My chest flutters with panic in case something happened. In case Seth happened. He only “took” her once and we need to remain confident he won’t again. We’re getting down to the wire now. Him and Vee.
And us.
Five. Together.
The hum of voices from a TV in one of the bedrooms draws me towards the room. I peek around the half-open door. Vee stands in the window, arms folded around herself, as she gazes into the evening through the open curtains. Vee wears the short pyjamas she dresses in some days. Unlike the early days, we often sleep together naked, but she jokes around that she needs to keep wearing them at night in case Seth appears.
Ewan told me he doesn’t understand how she jokes about this. I don’t tell him that I spot the bravado matching mine. The joking to deflect us from thinking about shit.
The shorts barely cover her gorgeous, round ass. An image of her long slim legs wrapped around me and the thick brown hair wrapped around my hand flies into my mind.
Without a word, I close the door and walk over. I wrap Vee in my arms, holding her from behind and against my chest. She curls her fingers around mine but doesn’t speak. I nudge her hair with my nose, the familiar fragrance adding to the memories. I place my lips on Vee’s neck, her pulse races against my lips.
“Hello, Joss,” she says in an amused whisper as my hand slides around her waist, beneath her tank top. Vee’s warm skin is soft against my hands, and I stroke marvelling at how smooth she always feels.
As I dip fingers inside her shorts to touch her backside, Vee catches my fingers.
“How’s the resident goddess?” I whisper.
Vee pulls my hand away and turns, her brow puckered and beautiful mouth pursed. “Don’t call me that.”
I tip Vee’s chin with two fingers and look down at her. “You know it’s true. If he’s a god, you’re a goddess.”
She trembles beneath my hand, and I move to stroke her cheek. I misjudged this joke—she’s frightened. “I’m teasing okay. Who you are makes no difference.”
“That’s not true. Everything makes sense now, though. The part about the energy spilt between us.”
“I think we’re right about your power and what we need to do. But I can’t get my head around something,” I admit.
“The angels and God again?”
“Kind of. No. Us. As five. Why are we still together?”
She tips her head. “That’s a stupid question. We’re together because we belong together. I can’t imagine one of you missing from my life anymore. I’d feel like somebody had carved you from my body.”
She searches my eyes but doesn’t lose the confused look. “I know. But was that supposed to happen? I get a weird sense from the angels that they don’t like the situation.”
“They created us to be together.”
“But temporarily?” I shove a hand in my hair. “I don’t know. I just get this vibe. That they want the Horsemen out of the picture now.”
She wraps her arms around my waist and looks up. “You’re overthinking this, Joss. They want Chaos dead. They need Order to do this. All your doing is taking an extra step by helping me.”
I sink onto the bed. “But do the angels want us to?”
“Why wouldn’t they? With five of us, we have the biggest chance of defeating Chaos. And I have the biggest chance I’ll survive.”
I stare. “Not a chance. A definite. And afterwards,” I continue. “No portals. Then what? We won’t be needed. What happens?”
Vee rubs her eyes. “I think these are questions you need to ask Erzla and Leoc when you see them. They told you they’d explain more, didn’t they? They mentioned you still need to police the world for the supernatural.”
I nod and stand. “Sorry. I came to see if you’re okay not remind you of today’s headfuck.”
Vee tiptoes to place her lips on mine. “That’s okay. I think it’s important we all say what we think.”
I cup her chin and rubs a thumb across her lips. “What you said about sex made sense too.”
“You mean the comment I needed sex with you, Joss? The last of the four? Is that why you’re really here?” She chuckles and pokes me in the stomach. “Mr. Obvious.”
I purse my lips. “Believe me, Vee, if I came to you every time I wanted sex I’d never be out of your sight.”
She slides a hand beneath my shirt and drags her nails across my abs, and my cock stiffens as she runs her tongue along my lip. Sensual. Toe-curling. “Because everything’s becoming more intense.”
“No, because I love you. Because you overwhelm me, but not with the need to get off. This situation would’ve been simpler for all of us if this had just been about fucking.” She blinks at my word. “And I mean that word. No hearts involved.”
“Is that what you wanted, Joss?” she asks hoarsely.
“No
. No. But that’s what was expected. I’m sure.” I tip her chin to mine again. “But that never happened. I fell in love with you.”
Her fingers move to my jeans buttons, and her hot, soft mouth meets mine again. “I love you when you show me how much you love me. But I also love it when you fuck me.”
She slides a hand along the front of my jeans where I harden further at her words. I catch her hand. “Remember what I said? Don’t take my control away.”
“I do remember Joss. Every time I look at you and see the desire in your eyes.” She tugs my lip into her mouth, and the sharp sensation sends more blood south and away from my brain. “You know I match everything you feel. And when I’m around you, that’s intensifying.”
“Talking about fucking isn’t good. That word conjures up way too many thoughts, Vee.”
She moves her lips to my ear. “But if I’m a goddess, shouldn’t you worship me?”
She laughs, not serious but she doesn’t understand how right she is. I’ve seen the other guys look at her with an adoration I share. Vee is more than the girl we need to protect. She’s the person in our lives who gives a new meaning. Holds us steady. Our missing part in every way.
I want to kiss her gently. I really do, but I can’t. The need for her that’s built since the afternoon in my room explodes. I take Vee’s face in both hands and close my lips over hers, roughly pushing my tongue into her mouth.
Vee welcomes my tongue and holds my face in return. Devouring kisses follow, pulling us further into each other. My desire for Vee blinds and I slide a hand up her leg to run my hands across her skin, beneath her tiny shorts until I reach her backside.
Vee breaks the kiss, resting her forehead against mine as our mingling breaths come in short pants. I won’t stop now and kiss her again. Harder. I enjoy how she weakens in my arms, urging on the stronger kisses and rough touches. We pull at clothes and tear at each other. Vee pushes me further away from the Joss who struggles to avoid connecting with the rawer, sexual Vee. The one who feeds my lust while starving my gentleness.