A gentle, familiar touch on his back pulled him from his thoughts. He turned, and Addy’s eyes dropped to the baby in his arms.
She covered her mouth with her hand, eyes wide. “I think my ovaries just exploded.”
He felt a smile tugging at his lips despite the jealousy gnawing at his gut. “He’s pretty cute.”
She shook her head. “Not just him, although he’s a cutie pie, all right.” She gave Seth’s foot a playful shake. Seth smiled and kicked his legs with delight. Then her hand was on Jake’s arm and her gaze turned dreamy. “Seeing you with a baby in your arms, that’s what got me. It’s like seeing a lion carrying a baby kitten by the scruff of its neck.”
He kissed Seth’s forehead, his frustration easing with Addy’s expression. Before Seth and Coco were born Jake hadn’t given kids a moment’s thought, but his niece and nephew had instantly wormed their way into his heart—although that didn’t mean he was ready for his own kids. “Don’t get any ideas. I gotta be able to pick up and leave at a moment’s notice to go on rescue missions.”
“Getting a little ahead of yourself, aren’t you?” She tickled Seth’s cheek, earning another sweet grin. “I’m barely girlfriend material.”
“Yeah, about that. Were you going to tell me about Logan?” The name shot off his tongue like a curse.
“I knew you were upset about that, which you have no right to be, by the way. I told you I didn’t want to have to deal with any weird jealousy stuff, no matter how flattering it might be.”
“Flattering?” He scoffed. “What do you mean I have no right to be upset? You won’t let me go with you, but you’ll stay with some guy at his cabin?”
She crossed her arms, scowling as Boone and Cage headed out of the resort, and lowered her voice. “Maybe you’re not boyfriend material after all.”
“What the hell, Addy?”
“How about asking me who Logan is before giving me a death stare and jumping to conclusions?”
“Shit,” he grumbled. “Yeah, I could have done that. But what do you expect me to think?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe that I’m a professional paralegal with a life that goes beyond hookups and casual sex?”
The hurt in her voice cut him to his core.
“We just talked about not hitting each other’s triggers. Do you really think I would be so cruel as to throw out some guy’s name who I’ve slept with? In front of your parents, no less?” She stepped closer, her stare lethal. She glanced at the baby, and the tension in her face eased a little.
Not enough.
Not nearly enough.
“I screwed up,” he said earnestly. “I’m sorry.”
She stared at him for a long moment, sucking all the air from his lungs.
“What are we doing, Jake?” She spoke calmly, though he had the feeling it was for the baby’s benefit, because she was breathing hard, and a mix of pleading and anger hovered in her eyes.
He couldn’t tell if she wanted to yell, cry, or walk away, but he hoped for the first, because he had no idea how to deal with tears, and he sure as hell didn’t want to lose her.
“Maybe we’re not made for this type of relationship. I sure as heck never thought I was.” She crossed her arms again, and all he wanted to do was take her in his and apologize, but before he could move a muscle she said, “I see Gabby and Duke, Trish and Boone, and everyone else, and they all seem so happy, like they were meant to be together. And your parents? God, what they have is so real. I grew up with air kisses and don’t-wrinkle-my-clothes hugs. Being with you, the way you held me, touched me…” She pressed her mouth into a thin line and shifted her eyes away. “For a brief moment I let myself forget who I’ve always been. It’s no wonder you jumped to that conclusion.”
When she met his gaze again, her eyes were filled with determination, and that slayed him anew. She tried so hard to be strong, and this time it was his fault her walls had gone back up.
He reached for her hand. “Addy…”
She looked down at his hand without taking it, and his eyes caught on the baby. He shot a look down the empty hallway. Where the hell was everyone? Panic sparked inside him at the prospect of not being able to talk this out here and now, which was really hard when he was holding a little baby who, remarkably, was falling asleep. He took Addy’s hand, holding it tight as he walked toward the doors that led to the veranda.
“We’re talking this out.” It took all his effort to speak quietly when he really wanted to let it all out, regardless of how loud or angry they became. Some things took yelling and slamming doors to get them out of a person’s system, and that was okay. She was worth it. He pushed open the doors and stepped outside, bringing her with him.
“We can do this later,” she said, shading her eyes from the bright sun.
“No, we can’t.” He pulled out a chair from beneath one of the round glass tables and motioned for her to sit down, taking the seat beside her. He resituated the baby so he was cradled against his chest. “Look, I was a dick for not asking you about the guy—”
“Logan,” she said flatly.
“Right. Logan. I’m sorry for being an ass and jumping to conclusions. It turns out I am a jealous asshole, but not over just any woman, Addy. Over you. It’s not an excuse. You know I’m not big on excuses. I might be a jerk sometimes, but I’m an honest guy.” Acutely aware of the baby in his arms, he spoke in a harsh whisper, fighting the urge to raise his voice. “So, yeah, I might have some more jerky, jealous moves left in me, and it’ll suck for both of us until I learn to get control of it. But that’s no reason not to try to make this work. We both have pasts.”
“Big ones,” she added, glancing at the sleeping baby.
She ran her finger over Seth’s hair with a faraway look in her eyes that stopped Jake cold. He looked down at his adorable, innocent nephew and was overwhelmed by the emotions swamping him. How did people get from where he and Addy were to being where Duke and Gabby were? Or Cash and Siena, with two beautiful babies? Duke was no saint. Hell, none of them were. Well, except maybe Gage. But if each of his brothers could figure out how to rein in jealousy and live with their partner’s past, then so could he.
He looked up, catching Addy watching him, and realized he still hadn’t asked her how she knew the guy with the cabin even after she’d pointed it out. God, he really was an ass.
“I’m sorry I didn’t ask about how you knew Logan.”
“He’s a private investigator. Gabby hired him to do some research for a case. He’s a nice guy with a new wife.”
“Like I said, I’m a jealous asshole.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Jealous yes, but you’re not really an asshole. If the shoe had been on the other foot, I probably would have assumed the same thing.”
“Thank Christ. Look, Addy, I want to say I don’t care about who you were with before me, but that implies that I don’t care about a part of you, and that would be a lie. Because I do care about you, even if whoever you were with before me doesn’t matter. But that doesn’t mean I won’t have a visceral reaction in times like this.”
She looked up at him with a tight-lipped expression.
“We can’t change the past, Addy, and honestly, as much as I hate thinking about you with any other guy, changing your history would mean you’d be a different person. And I totally dig who you are.” Her expression softened. “I can’t change my reaction to hearing about that g—Logan. But I can try to change how I react in the future.”
“Good,” she said, her expression fierce once again. “Because I don’t like to be accused, and I sure as heck don’t want to fight or have to defend who I am. As much as I enjoy our snappy banter, fighting sucks, and accusations hurt, and I need that in my life like I need a hole in my head.”
“Agreed. And I’m sorry. I will do whatever it takes to make this work if you’re willing to try.” He reached for her hand. “No one said this would be easy.”
“You don’t really believe that I thought this
would be easy, do you?” She smiled, and it righted a few pieces of his upended world. “We’re passionate people, and passion has two sides. The side that burns so deep you can’t escape it, and the side that claws away the skin and leaves you raw. Nothing about either one of us is easy, but for some godforsaken reason, I seem to like that about you.”
He moved to the edge of his chair and put his arm around her neck, drawing her close. Even that felt too far away. “You like a passionate asshole. What does that say about you?”
She shook her head with a silent laugh, closing her eyes for a beat. When she opened them, her walls had come down again.
“You’re really frustrating.”
“Thank you. My girlfriend likes me that way.” He kissed her then, slow and sweet, full of apology and gratitude and something much deeper. “I’m sorry, baby. I’ll try to rein in my reactions. But on a positive note, I think we just survived our first fight.”
They both looked down at the sleeping baby nestled between them.
“I think every couple should hold a baby when they argue,” she whispered.
“I’ll have to thank Cash.” He was thinking about everything she’d said, and he felt like there was still so much left to say. “Addy, I don’t ever want to make you feel bad, or hurt, or angry, although I’m sure I’ll make you angry plenty of times without realizing it. What you said earlier about when you were younger? Baby, I wish I had known you back then so I could make up for each of those air kisses and don’t-wrinkle-my-clothes hugs.”
She leaned forward and caressed his cheek. He loved that so freaking much, he pressed his hand to the back of hers so it wouldn’t slip away.
“We can’t change our pasts,” she reminded him. “The real question is, can we move forward without losing our minds?”
“That’s not even a question.” He kissed her again, careful to keep enough space between them so Seth didn’t get squished. “Of course we’ll lose our minds. But I like losing my mind with you.”
“Me too.” She arched her neck so he could kiss her there, which he gladly did. “I’ll be more careful about how I say things,” she said breathlessly. “I love your mouth.”
“You love my cock,” he growled in her ear.
“Shh.” She giggled. “You’ll subliminally damage the baby.”
“The little rascal made us fight in whispers, and now he’s hamstringing my groping action.”
“Mm. Hamstrung, huh? Then I’m free to do whatever I want.” She slid a wandering hand beneath his shirt and groped his abs. “I’m liking this. If only it wasn’t wrong to have a hand down your pants while you held him. Or to be naked on the veranda. Hm. Maybe we should have done that after everyone was asleep last night.”
“Sexy girl, I promise to make all of your dirty fantasies come true.” He kissed her again as her hand traveled down his belly, hanging by a finger on his waistband. The anticipation of her touch alone got him hard. Having her this close and not being able to touch her the way he wanted to made him throb. “I’m always yours for the taking.”
“Not with my baby on your lap you’re not.”
Addy gasped at the sound of Cash’s voice and trapped her unstoppable grin between her teeth. She peered over Jake’s shoulder at his brother.
“Sorry…?” she said, making them all laugh.
Cash shook his head, lifting Seth from Jake’s arms. “Fair warning. The girls are on their—”
“There they are!” Trish burst through the doors with her entourage on her heels.
Hands free of the cuddly, cumbersome baby, Jake gathered Addy in his arms before the girls could whisk her away. “Until later, beautiful girl.”
He lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her with all the passion they’d been holding back. Reveling in Addy’s laughter against his lips, he kissed her through the girls’ whoops and cheers and through his brother’s teasing. He took the kiss deeper with each interruption, until she finally abandoned her laughter and gave in to their passion.
And then he kissed her some more.
Chapter Fourteen
ADDY GLANCED OUT the window of the beach cabana where she and the girls were dressing for the wedding, hoping to catch another glimpse of Jake while the other girls fussed over their hair and makeup. He’d shown up at her room with a bouquet of fresh-picked wild flowers when she was getting her clothes together to bring down to the cabana, and she’d instantly teared up. Amid the craziness of carrying tables and chairs from the villa to the beach and building the altar with his brothers, he’d taken the time to pick flowers and bring them to her.
When she’d said the wedding shouldn’t count as their first date since the girls were all getting ready together and attending as a group, his response made her happier than she could have ever imagined. I know you’re there with me. Nothing else matters. She was so into him her head was spinning. They’d been busy with wedding preparations, and she’d only caught glimpses of him ever since, but each glimpse brought a smile, a wave, a kiss, or—true to Jake’s nature—a discreet pelvic thrust or enticingly seductive expression.
Siena joined her by the window, looking gorgeous with her hair twisted up in a French knot, making her appear even taller than usual. She was a good eight or nine inches taller than Addy, and her peach minidress made her legs look like they went on forever. As much as Addy loved the faux-diamond-and-pearl barefoot sandals Maggie had brought for the girls to wear, she’d give anything for a little heel height. Not only was she the tiniest of all of them at five foot one, but she could use a few extra inches when she was with Jake.
“Looking for my brother-in-law?” Siena asked.
“Maybe.”
“Did seeing him with a baby give you any ideas?”
“After only a weekend together? You’re kidding, right?” Addy smoothed her vintage-inspired teal shift to take her mind off of how seeing Jake holding the baby had affected her. All the girls had worn pretty summer dresses, and her chicly styled shift, with the sheer ruffle of trim, open-stitched insets, and skin-flashing keyhole back, fit right in. She concentrated on those details, trying not to allow her backpedaling mind to grab hold of the image of Jake holding Seth. But it was no use. The image was seared into her mind. Seth had softened every sharp, brooding edge of him. He’d taken such immense care to hold him gently and keep his voice down, even when it was obvious that he wanted to pace and hammer out their differences with vehemence.
“You don’t have to pretend,” Siena whispered. “It’s been longer, right? You and Jake have been hooking up for months, haven’t you?”
Was that what everyone thought? “No, we haven’t. Not once before we came here.”
“But…” Siena’s brow wrinkled. “Cash told me that Jake hasn’t been with another woman in months. We assumed it was because he was hooking up with you.”
Addy’s mind spiraled back to the night of Gabriella’s wedding. Jake had never answered her question about whether he’d lied that night at the bar a few months ago when he’d told Blue he hadn’t gotten laid in weeks.
“I’m sorry,” Siena whispered. “I hope I didn’t offend you, or—”
“You didn’t,” Addy assured her. Just the opposite. Happiness bubbled up inside her. Could it be true? Could Jake have been so consumed with thoughts of her that he’d stopped playing around months ago?
Didn’t I?
She peeked through the curtains again, spotting Jake talking with his father and Boone beside the beautiful white and gold wedding canopy. Maybe this thing between us isn’t happening too fast after all.
“I’m glad,” Siena said. “Did you guys get to sneak away for crazy good makeup sex?”
When the girls had stolen her away from Jake earlier that morning, they’d noticed how sidetracked she was and peppered her with questions. She’d confided in them about Jake’s jealousy, and after talking it over, she realized that she probably would have reacted the same way. Now she remembered that Cash had come into the room during their conversat
ion, and not long after that she’d found Jake with Seth. She wondered if Cash and Siena had planted the baby in his arms to ease their tension. She wasn’t sure if she should be thankful or annoyed at their intrusion into her and Jake’s privacy. Thankful. Definitely thankful. After all, wasn’t that what friends were for? Helping each other out in good times and bad?
“Should I take that silence as confirmation of the amazing makeup sex?” Siena asked.
“Are you kidding?” Addy laughed, although the panty-melting kiss he’d given her on the veranda had left her hungry for more. “With how busy we’ve been today? I’ve barely seen him.”
“At least you have something to look forward to. Lots of makeup sex. Our Ryder men are so jealous.”
Our Ryder men. She liked the sound of that.
“It’s kind of cute the way they try to hide it,” Siena added. “I knew the second I saw Jake’s face all twisted up this morning when you guys came back from the beach with Ned and Andrea that he was jealous. You’ll learn. If there’s a male in your life, your man will be jealous over him. Period.”
Addy didn’t like the sound of that. “If that’s true, he’ll push me away quicker than he can say he’s sorry.”
“They’re trainable,” Siena assured her. “Just like we are. Guys are jealous and cocky; girls are jealous, needy, chatty…That’s how it works.”
Addy had never been needy a day in her life. Except she was sexually needy when she was with Jake. Did that count? No, she decided, it didn’t, because that was different from needing his attention outside the bedroom. Maybe she and Jake really were wired differently than most other couples. Other couples could temper their sexual needs, but she and Jake were like raging infernos all the time. Like Grandma. Her hand moved over her tattoo. The similarities between her and Jake and her grandmother’s first, happy marriage made her feel warm all over.
“Girls, come on.” Andrea waved them over. She looked gorgeous and youthful in a navy short-sleeved dress that stopped just above her knees, with pretty pearls dangling from her ears. “We’re ready to take pictures.”
Rescued by Love (Love in Bloom: The Ryders): Jake Ryder Page 15