“Fuck,” he ground out, stroking himself harder. He put his phone on speech-to-text and said, “Fuck, Addy. Call me.” He took another picture of his slick, swollen cock, with a glistening bead at the tip, and sent it off.
His phone vibrated with another picture of Addy’s naked body from neck to knees, her back arched, knees bent, one hand flat above her mound, her slick fingers on her clit. Another picture popped up of her from the waist down, two fingers buried inside her. He imagined his hand as hers as he stroked himself to the image of her getting off to thoughts of him. It’d been too many days since he’d kissed her, touched her—made love to her. Another picture of her popped up, the same as before, from the waist down, but her back was bowed off the blanket, all her muscles straining. Fuck, he could taste her come on his tongue, feel her body quivering against him. One more look was all it took. Warm, white jets streaked over his stomach as he grunted out her name, images of her flying through his mind—her smile, her hips, those glorious breasts. Squeezing out the last of his release, he collapsed, breathless, against the pillow.
He wiped his hand on the towel, took a picture of the evidence of the power she held over him, and texted, This better not end up on your fucking Tumblr page.
Damn it. She’d just blown his mind, and now he was thinking about that damn Tumblr page. She always blew his freaking mind, regardless of whether she was running scared or playing sexy, naughty games. He’d already spent too many days without her. How would he last for the remainder of her trip?
His phone vibrated again with a picture of Addy’s sweet face. The moonlight glowed behind her, giving her an angelic appearance. Her eyelids were at half-mast, and the rosy flush burning her cheeks took his breath away. The unmistakable look of a girl falling hard for a guy glimmered in her eyes. A text bubble appeared below her image. Another first with my boyfriend. Who needs Tumblr when I have the perfect cock to rock?
Could she have said anything more satisfying? He needed her in his arms like a fish needed water. He walked into the bathroom to wash up, then put on a pair of briefs and called her. She answered on the first ring. “Hey, baby.”
“Hi,” she said in a sleepy, seductive voice that made him want to climb through the phone and hold her.
“That was only the hottest surprise ever.” He tugged on a T-shirt and went out to the terrace. “How’s my girl?”
“Better now,” she said breathily.
Stretching out on the outdoor bed and wishing she was snuggled up against him, he said, “Yeah, me too, but I miss you even more now. What’d you do today?”
“Wished I had a hot tub to soak in.”
“Sore? I could come up there and give you a good rubdown.”
“I’m much more relaxed now,” she teased. “But when I get back, I’ll take you up on that.”
“When you get back, I’ll make you feel so good, you’ll never want to leave again.”
Silence filled the airwaves, and he uttered a curse.
“Addy, don’t freak out on me. I’m not trying to tell you what to do. I’m just telling you how much I miss you.”
“I don’t freak out. I…”
He heard her moving around and feared she’d end the call. “You hide, Addy. Don’t hide from us.”
“I’m not,” she said too strongly. He envisioned her beautiful eyes narrowed and wary. “It’s freezing out here. Let me get in my tent. Hold on.” A minute later she said, “That’s better. I had to pull on some sweatpants. Sorry.”
“No worries,” he answered, even though he was worried. She’d gone from sex kitten to sweet girlfriend to clamming up in the blink of an eye. He needed to figure out how to bridge the gap between her need to be independent and his need for more. He’d give anything to be on that frigging mountain so he could look her in the eye and talk this shit out.
Pushing to his feet, he paced the terrace, the silence stretching between them once again. He stared out at the city lights, telling himself to back the fuck off and give her space. He’d waited months to get this far. What was a few more days?
“What are you doing right now?” she asked.
“Thinking about how much you’ve changed my life.”
“I did not. How could I? We’ve only been together a few days.”
Physically yes, but she’d been with him much longer than that. He’d learned a lot about Addy these last few days, most importantly, that when things got serious, she froze like a deer in headlights. He needed her to know how deeply she affected him, but he also knew better than to make her feel trapped.
“Seems like a lot longer. I was just thinking about how I used to hate coming back to the city after being away, and facing the incessant traffic noises and the stench of exhaust and crowds.”
“Then why not stay at your cabin?”
“I stayed at my cabin almost exclusively until the night I met you.” He let that sink in, expecting her to make a sassy remark, and when she didn’t, he said, “I tried to write off my instant attraction—or maybe ‘obsession’ is a better word—as nothing more than you being a hot chick, but once you opened that smart mouth of yours, I was hooked.” He paused again, counting down the seconds before the phone went dead.
“I think I was, too,” she said softly, blowing him away yet again.
A guy could get whiplash trying to keep up with her emotions. “That’s why I stopped staying at my cabin when I was in town. I wanted to be nearby so I didn’t miss out on a chance to see you for drinks or dinner with the hopes of you coming to your senses and accepting one of my propositions.”
“So you stayed in the city just so you wouldn’t miss a chance at having dinner or drinks with me? Why didn’t you ask me out?” she challenged.
“Why didn’t I…?” He laughed. “Are you serious? I offered myself up to you on a silver platter every damn time I saw you. The only way to get you in the same room with me was to ask Duke and Gabriella to meet me somewhere.”
“You set up those get-togethers? I thought that was Duke, and Cash.”
“Hell no. They never know when I’m coming into town. After that first night, which I didn’t set up, I wasn’t about to leave seeing you up to chance. You looked at me like a hungry wolf, but you blew me off at every turn.”
She laughed. “Well, now I only blow you off when we’re naked, so I guess it worked out for the best.”
“Girl, you kill me.”
“Nah. I make you happy and you know it. Speaking of hungry wolves, have you seen pics of Gab and Duke’s honeymoon? She’s been texting me, and the way Duke looks at her…”
“Is not hotter than the way I look at you.”
She was quiet for a moment, and when she spoke, her voice was quiet but confident. “Nothing is hotter than the way you look at me.”
He felt like he’d been given a gift. She was beginning to accept the way he felt about her instead of fighting it. “How are you really holding up, baby? Have you run into any trouble?”
“I’m okay. It’s gorgeous up here, but admittedly a little rougher than I expected. The stream was numbingly cold this morning, so I doubt I’ll be washing my hair much, and I had trouble navigating a few things on my hike this afternoon, but I’m doing fine.”
He began pacing again, homing in on the part of her answer she probably hoped he would ignore. “What kind of trouble?”
“Nothing really. I just got a little turned around and had trouble finding my way back. But I did, and I’m fine, and you don’t have to get all worked up over it.”
Says the woman who gets worked up over words. “Did you use your compass?”
She went silent again.
“Addy, I showed you how to use it for a reason.” There was no hiding the frustration in his voice.
“I’m fine, okay? I’ll take it with me tomorrow. But I found my way back, and that’s what’s important.”
“Yeah, except if you hadn’t made it back I’d never know. No one would, until you’d been out there for days.” He list
ened to her breathing and knew he was pushing all the wrong buttons again. “How much battery is left on your phone?”
“Forty percent. I meant to pack extra batteries, but I think I left them in the bag beside my couch.”
“Keep it off but with you. If you get lost again, use the Find Me app I put on it. I programmed in Riser’s Ridge. It’ll give you directions back. Okay?”
“You did that?”
Her voice was full of wonder, and he was floored that she wasn’t yelling at him for not trusting her hiking skills or some other bullshit. “Yeah, of course.”
“You didn’t think I could do this, did you?”
Here it comes… “Of course I did, but you can never be too prepared. It’s easy to get lost up there.”
“I’m not sure if I should thank you or be annoyed that you put a safety net around me when I wanted to do this by myself.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose, smiling despite himself. “Do you try to piss me off, or is that a bonus?”
“Piss you off? I’m the one being taken care of.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing. It’s a good thing, Addy. It means I care, so let’s go with thanking me. Jesus, I’m going to start calling you ‘stubborn girl’ instead of ‘sexy girl.’ And make no mistake, you are doing this by yourself. You’re the one on the mountain. When will you learn that accepting help from others doesn’t make you weak? It makes you smart, and since you’re already brilliant, you should be able to understand and deal with it.”
“Fine!” she snapped. “I told you about my father, so cut me some slack.”
He sank down to the grass as clarity dawned on him. “I’m sorry, Addy. You’re right. I should cut you some slack. But maybe you should cut me some slack, too, because this is who I am. Just because you’re miles away doesn’t mean I’ll close my eyes to your safety. I care about you, and I know you care about me, so stop backing off every fucking time I try to be your boyfriend.”
His jaw tightened, and the muscles in his neck followed as silent seconds ticked by. He was sure she’d bitch at him or end the call, but the longer the silence stretched, the more his worries morphed into gut-wrenching guilt. The last thing he wanted to do was to hurt her, and he’d spoken so harshly…
“You still there?”
“Yeah.” Her voice was husky and quiet.
“I’m sorry for getting mad. I just…Fuck, Addy. I care about you, and every time I say that you back off. I get it. I really do. You don’t want to be told what to do. We’ve beaten that horse to death. But I need more or I’m going to lose my mind.”
“I think I pretty much bared my soul to you tonight,” she said more confidently.
“We both did, but I want more than sex with you. I know you’re sexy, but I also know you’re smart, and stubborn, and capable. You are so much more than just sexy, and a big part of having more between us is not worrying that every time I say something like ‘I’ll make you feel so good you’ll never want to leave,’ you’ll clam up on me. And I know now’s not the time to discuss it, because you need to conserve your phone battery for the remainder of your trip, but just think about everything I said, okay?”
“Don’t worry,” she said, not unkindly. “I’m spending most of my time thinking.”
“How can I help you believe that letting me into your life isn’t going to negate who you are or take away your power to be the person you want to be? What do you need from me to get past this?”
“If I had the answers to that, we wouldn’t be having this discussion.”
They were talking in circles and getting nowhere, but at least she seemed to hear him this time. “Right. Listen, I had dinner with a few SAR buddies tonight, and they asked me to teach classes for the next two days. But I can run up a few cell batteries for you in the morning before I head over there.”
“Jake,” she said sweetly, “I need you to let me sink or swim on my own. I love that you want to take care of me, but until I figure out how to accept it, you’re just going to push me away.”
If there were a wall in front of him, he’d bang his head on it. “Maybe you should start thinking about how hard you’re pushing me away.” This time when the phone went silent, it was Jake who ended the call.
Chapter Twenty-One
WEDNESDAY ADDY HIKED all day, trying to get her arms around her inability to hold her tongue. She needed to get her act together. This was supposed to be a time of reflection and rejuvenation, to dig deep and discover just how strong she really was. So far, she wasn’t impressed. Sure, she’d made it hiking five or six miles on a daily basis, and navigated back to her campsite without calling in search and rescue, but until Wednesday night she couldn’t even make it a single night without hearing Jake’s voice. What was that all about? She was determined to figure her shit out, and she hiked from sunup until sundown and had fallen asleep in her clothes without even eating dinner.
Thursday morning she forced herself to push through her aches and pains, which wasn’t nearly as difficult as pushing through the all-consuming craziness going on inside her chest. The pit of her stomach knotted up thinking about how her call with Jake had ended Tuesday night, especially after it had started out so intimately. She knew it was her fault, but she was at a loss about how to make her stupid mouth stop spouting off before she had time to think through her responses. She needed to figure out why that was and what she wanted.
I want Jake.
But I also want my independence.
She was in dire need of straight talk from her bestie. And yes, Gabriella was on her honeymoon and probably wanted nothing to do with Addy’s relationship woes, but considering she’d never had any relationship woes before, Addy figured Gabby owed her one.
She powered up her phone to send her a text, secretly hoping she might have missed a text from Jake last night and refusing to allow disappointment to take hold when there were no messages from him. That was her own fault. His offer to bring her extra batteries for her phone before teaching a class was beyond sweet and generous. But was it stepping over a line? Infringing on her independence? Or was that just her insecurities from her past peeking its ugly head in where it didn’t belong? Cognitively she knew the answer, but when he’d offered, her knee-jerk reaction had kicked in, and she’d treated him as if his motivation had been to invade her privacy or fix things for her, as if she couldn’t deal with them on her own.
Her glaring screw-up was too painful to dissect. She sent Gabriella a quick text. I set out to test my boundaries and find myself and now I’m more lost than ever. WTF? Please tell me I’m not so fucked up that I can’t love and be loved. She tossed her phone into her backpack, bound and determined to figure her shit out, and a six-mile hike to Pirate’s Peak would provide the solitude she needed.
But first she needed to get her butt out of the tent and down to the stream, where she had another issue to conquer. How to manage getting in and out of the frigid water without muddy feet. Maybe she should skip rinsing off. She was just going to get dirty again during her hike.
Maybe I can get used to being smelly and having dirty hair. That was not a goal she wanted to achieve. She gathered her supplies and headed down to the stream. Along the way she came up with a plan for staying out of the mud.
She grabbed an armload of fallen branches with leaves and pine needles still intact and spread them out along the shore, creating a large enough area for her to stand on while she dried off and dressed. That was her first win for the day. When she returned to the campsite she remembered toilet paper when she had to pee. Win number two. And when she tripped and fell over a log, splitting open her knee, she cleaned and bandaged it like a pro. Win number three. Not wanting to push her luck on her hike, she put the damn compass in her pocket, stowed her journal, extra energy bars, water, supplies for dinner, the camping books she’d forgotten to read, and a hoodie in her backpack. She rolled up her sleeping bag and blanket, and secured them to the pack, dragging it the first few feet as she rol
led her shoulders to loosen them up before her trek. A night at Pirate’s Peak, a change in scenery, would give her a chance to clear her head.
The first few hours of her hike were a test of her fortitude, as the steep incline caused her muscles to fatigue. But she was determined to make it, and pushed on, crossing over bare areas of grass and rocks and into thick forests of trees. Prickly limbs snapped against her chest, piercing her clothing like needles. She stopped several times to rest, but she forgave herself instead of beating herself up for it. Like her relationship with Jake, sometimes she needed to slow down to move forward.
Her real adventure started in the late afternoon when she arrived at the bottom of Pirate’s Peak. She dropped her pack to the ground, rolled her shoulders back to loosen the ache they were growing accustomed to, and gazed up at the incredible, intimidating sight before her. It looked like someone had plunked a mountain of rock on the ground, then split it with a few uneven swipes of a giant ax, creating a perfect slope of jagged rocks to make it possible to climb. Addy drew in a deep breath, second-guessing her decision to not only climb to the peak, but to spend the night there as well. She’d gotten comfortable in her tent. The ridge felt like her private oasis, but this was new territory, and she had no idea what she’d find at the top of those rocks. Jake’s serious face appeared in her mind. She could almost feel his eyes boring into her. Why, sexy girl? Why do you have to do this alone?
She was beginning to wonder that herself. She took a long drink from her water bottle, wiped the sweat from her forehead, and turned to take in the views. What am I really doing out here? Until she figured out what was missing in her life, how could she embrace the idea of sharing it with Jake?
Rescued by Love (Love in Bloom: The Ryders): Jake Ryder Page 21