“Is… is Mum okay?”
“Mum’s fine,”
“Are you having another kid?”
“What? No!”
I let out a sigh of relief; I wasn’t prepared for that.
“It’s actually you we are worried about, Awa,” Dad said. “Your Mum called me and told me you are having problems with anxiety again, especially at school…”
“Oh,” I said blushing. I wish Mum hadn’t gone and talked to Dad about that behind my back!
“I’m fine, Dad,” I said, “really.”
The pizza arrived on the table, and we just looked at each other, not quite ready to eat because we were too busy having ‘real talk’ I guess.
I took a gulp of my soda and picked up a big slice of pizza. This conversation sure wasn’t helping my anxiety, but at least there was hot melted cheese right in front of me.
As I stuffed the pizza in my mouth, Dad said. “Your mother said you are having scary dreams too. She’s worried about you.”
“They’re just dreams, Dad,” I lied.
Curse Mum for telling him!
“She said you seem to be having trouble telling your dreams apart from reality,” Dad continued.
That’s because they ARE real, I thought, but I wasn’t about to tell him that. I stuffed more pizza into my face. Dad still hadn’t eaten any.
“Look, Awa, remember when it got bad last time?” He said, “…when you found out about the divorce and everything…”
I nodded, but I didn’t say anything because my mouth was too full.
“Remember how we went to the doctor, Doctor Gilles, and he said that if it got worse we could get you some special help… someone to talk to?”
“I remember,” I said, finally. “And Mum has already asked me.”
“So, let’s give it a try,” Dad said, gently.
“I’m fine, Dad, really… I was just having a weird day. Mum must have misunderstood me – you know what she’s like.”
Dad’s face became serious. “Yes, I know what she’s like.”
“You really don’t have to worry about me – I don’t need a shrink!” I said and laughed, but Dad’s face remained serious.
“Let’s just give it a try, Awa,” Dad said. “I know things can be… difficult with your mother, believe me!”
“This isn’t about her,” I said, I didn’t want him to think she was making me crazy or anything.
“We’ll see… what the doctor says,” Dad said. “I just want you to be safe and well, honey. That’s all.”
I sighed. “Okay,” I said. Dad had this way of convincing me that I didn’t quite understand. “I’ll give it a try.”
“Great,” Dad said and picked up the biggest slice of pizza. “I’ve got some catching up to do!” he said – gesturing to the half-empty box.
Yes, yes you do, Dad.
After the pizza, we walked down to the Waterfront and sat by the sea. The air smelled like Wellington always does – like salt and coffee and mildew. It was so good, just hanging out with Dad. I tried not to think about having to see the psychiatrist. We sat there for ages, just talking and watching the seagulls swoop and dive around the harbour. It was the happiest I had been in months, other than in my dreams, but my mind kept drifting back to the meadow and hoping that I could go there again.
I went to sleep that night, thinking of Veila – and just kind of willing myself to find her, wherever she was.
Chapter Nine
The carnival hummed with life around me. There was a buzzing sound and the smell of hot dogs in the air. People moved through the stalls, but there was something bizarre going on. I looked closer.
Their faces! There was something wrong with their faces. It was hard to focus; I squinted into the light, looking at the adults and children surrounding me.
Their faces are blank!
I started to run, but the ground seemed to dissolve beneath my feet. I wasn’t moving anywhere. The faceless people turned towards me.
“I’m special! I’m special!” a voice behind me called out.
I didn’t turn towards the voice. I already knew who it belonged to. Another sound broke through: a hissing sound like a snake. I didn’t want to see what was making that sound either!
I ran – faster and faster. This time the ground was stable underfoot, but something was blocking the path, something familiar.
A blue door!
That was when I realised where I was – in a dream – and I knew exactly how to get out of this place.
I ran towards the door. It swung open, and I crashed straight into…
“Veila?”
“There you are!” Veila said. Her voice sounded grumpy as if she had been looking for me all day.
I followed her down the dark hallway. Veila opened a door that led straight into the meadow, this time.
I sighed in relief at the warm floating feeling which spread right through me again, as I stepped out into the soft spongy grass, breathing in the fresh blossomy scent of the meadow. There were no clouds of jellyfish or butterflies this time, just the unmistakable purple swirling sky above.
There were a few other differences too. An old-fashioned lamppost stood nearby as if it had always been there. I was going to ask about it when I saw something more interesting:
A woman and a lion?
They sat together in quite a friendly way. The woman’s vivid green eyes sparkled in the sunshine, and her long, flowing orange hair glistened, full of star-shaped flowers. She seemed to be making a daisy chain, maybe for her lion friend.
I couldn’t explain it; part of me wanted to rush forward – to befriend them, but something else pulled me back. Perhaps, like most other things in this place, they weren’t what they seemed.
“Who are they?” I asked Veila, I couldn’t stop staring, although neither the woman or the lion seemed to notice us at all.
“That is Strength,” said Veila.
“Strength?” I asked. “Which one?”
“The usual one,” Veila replied.
I turned to look at Veila for a moment, trying to work out what she meant, and by the time I glanced back, the woman and the lion had both vanished, and so had the lamppost, as if they’d never been there.
“Were you looking for me?” I asked Veila, “…in the carnival?”
“Of course I was,” she replied. “We need your help. Sensitives are so rare. They are the only ones who can help us in the dreamwork, the work of the Chalice of Cosmos, the Shadow work.”
“What is that?”
“It is alchemy, but not as you know it.”
Alchemy made me think of olden days scientists trying to turn lead into gold… and I’m pretty sure that’s not what we were doing here.
“Veila, what is the Shadow?” I asked.
Veila trembled causing a chill to run down my spine like it was contagious. I got the feeling that she didn’t want me to ask any more about that particular topic.
I remembered the chalice from my dream.
“I think I’ve been there,” I said. “To the chalice, I mean.”
“How could you possibly have been there?” Veila said, floating so close to my face that she was almost touching my nose. I stepped back. Haven’t dreamcharmers ever heard of personal space?!
I looked down at my hand to see the sparkle was still there, on my fingernail – at least it was now, in my dream, even though it had faded from my real hand.
“It’s why my nail looks like this!” I said, holding out my hand.
Veila gasped. “I don’t believe it!”
“Anyway,” I said, “how can I help you if I keep waking up? How can I do this if it’s so… patchy?”
What I really wanted was to be able to get back to the meadow in my dreams all the time.
It was so wonderful and so peaceful there. I lay back and looked up at the sky, I could see giant birds flying overhead. They looked a bit like seagulls but much, much larger… or maybe that was just something to do with the swir
ling sky distorting my perspective.
“If you want to get back here…” Veila said. “You need to eat some of the fruit of the Elisiad tree.”
“Yes, I do – I will!” I said, practically jumping for joy at the thought that I could come back here every night. “How do I find it?”
“I’ll show you,” Veila said.
Veila guided me up a hill. It was steep, and the grass seemed to become longer as we walked, shifting underfoot like I was sinking into warmed butter. The scent of jasmine hung heavy in the air as I climbed, up and up… It felt like hours, until finally Veila pointed up ahead.
Around us stretched vast dark forest, glimmering with thousands of glowing things. A spectacular tree stood at its edge; the tallest tree by far, its branches reached up into the sky. Something about its shape and leaves was familiar.
“How are we supposed to get the fruit?” I asked Veila.
“It’s like I said,” she replied, “…when the fruit is ripe, it drops. We can’t force the tree to share its fruit. Just wait.”
She started to sing her song again.
When the fruit is ripe, it will fall,
Not through any effort at all
By being ready to let go.
At the right time, it knows!
I rested against the tree and closed my eyes. Thoughts swirled in my head. Everything had been so intense and dazzling… and confusing. Eventually, as I rested there, my mind started to feel calm and relaxed.
I heard a small thud in front of me and opened my eyes to find a bunch of purple berries.
“The fruit of Elisiad!” Veila said
“They’re… so beautiful,” I looked at the wondrous purple berries that seemed to glow, with their own inner light. They swirled with a depth that looked like stars.
“They remind me a bit of the chalice.”
“The Chalice of Cosmos?” Veila said. “Yes – they are connected, as all things are connected. These are fruits of wisdom and connection.”
Not more cryptic messages!
“What happens to me if I eat them?” I asked.
“You’ll be able to come here more easily – you will be guided by your own sense of being in a much stronger way.”
“That sounds good,” I said. “What do they taste like?”
“I have no idea,” Veila said. “We don’t eat them.”
“Then how do you know they are safe?”
“Sometimes, you just have to trust and let go…” Veila said.
I reached out tentatively and plucked a berry, the size of a sparrow’s egg.
It smelled good, reminding me of a warm summer’s day.
I bit into it, releasing sweet, tangy juice into my mouth like nothing I had ever tasted before. It was exquisite; it sent shivers down my spine and brought me visions of open horizons at dawn, of waterfalls, of crystals, of flames flickering on an open fire. I sighed. The juice of the fruit seemed to be absorbing right through my mouth into my blood and bone, working its magic into my brain, into my genetic code. I ate another berry and another. I could not stop until I had eaten the entire bunch, and only then did I feel completely satisfied.
I sat for what felt like a long time, resting under the tree in the cool breeze.
Eventually, I turned to Veila. “So now that I’ve eaten the berries, I will find it easier to get here – to do this dreamwork?”
“Almost,” Veila said. “When you are ready, a way will be made.”
“What does that mean?” It sounded like an old saying.
“Look around you,” Veila said. “Notice anything different?”
I looked around properly. “Actually, everything looks a bit different. The sky looks even more shimmery. The grass is a deeper green than before. Is that possible?”
“Anything is possible,” Veila responded. “Do you see anything that wasn’t there before?”
I scanned the view and noticed something in the grass: a lighter part of it that seemed to lead down the hill towards the forest. “Wait, is that a path?” I asked.
“Have a closer look.”
I got up, and Veila followed me over to what was more clearly visible now as a cobbled path.
“I’m sure it was made of grass just a minute ago,” I said. What had stopped looking like glass, on closer inspection, was thousands of smooth green stones – a similar shape to the ones Dad liked to skip over the water.
“Sometimes things are there and yet not visible,” Veila explained. “The deeper we grow the more we see.”
Shivers ran down my spine. I reached the path and began to follow it. It felt as if I was being guided along. It felt like gliding, almost like a slow, gentle slide, down, down, into the forest, then deeper, deeper...
On closer inspection, the glowing things I’d noticed in the forest earlier were actually mushrooms and toadstools growing all over the forest floor, emitting their own light.
“Where are we going?” I asked Veila.
“You’ll see.”
I had never seen so many unusual plants and trees… some of them seemed to glimmer and shimmer around me.
Maybe it’s just the berries, but this place is amazing.
The forest became deeper and darker as I moved along; with fewer glowing toadstools, the darkness became ominous and menacing. I was glad for the path that glowed with its own light; I was afraid to move away from it, even with Veila’s company, it felt like only by staying on these green stones would I be safe.
Up ahead, I noticed a light and moved towards it, along the path, grateful to get away from the darkness.
“It looks like a clearing, ahead,” I said to Veila.
“It does indeed,” Veila replied, her voice rising in excitement.
As we reached the edge of the clearing, I heard the sound of a gently flowing stream, along with sweet melodies of birdsong. The scent of honeysuckle wafted in the air. I stepped into the light and with it came a zillion tiny tingles, running like electricity through every cell in my body, and the feelings of the night before Christmas I’d had as a child.
Butterflies in rainbow colours danced around the circle of big trees with purplish leaves. Wildflowers seemed to spring up all around us. I gasped at the exquisiteness of it all. “It’s so lovely. Where are we?”
“The Grove,” Veila said. “It’s a special place.”
“It feels special.”
At the centre of the Grove were several big flat dusty-green boulders of the same kind of stone as the path. I moved towards them, noticing a pond at their centre, from which a small stream flowed.
“You can sit down,” Veila said, “and I will give you the instructions.”
“The instructions?”
“On how to get back here.”
“Oh?”
“You said you wanted to come more easily into the Dreamrealm – out of the Rooms of Mind, which are so confusing.”
“Yes… so I could come here instead, from the waking world?” I wanted it so much I could hardly contain myself; to arrive into the Grove, this magnificent place – to spend more time here, where even just being here for a few moments, I seemed to soak up good feelings that eased my worries and refreshed me.
“Yes,” Veila said. “I will teach you how to get back here – although there is a possibility you could get distracted on your way and be diverted someplace else, so pay attention.”
“Okay.” I sat on one of the big green rocks. Its surface was cool and smooth and relaxing, somehow.
“Close your eyes.”
I did.
“Okay, now breathe slowly. Count to four as you breathe in, and then count to six as you breathe out.”
I felt myself breathe in. One, two, three, four. Then out, one, two three, four, five, six. I did this three times, as Veila instructed.
“Now say: I am water, earth, sun, and sky.”
“I am water, earth, sun, and sky.”
“I am dawn, noon, dusk and midnight.”
“I am dawn, noon, dusk and
midnight.”
“I am the whisper in the wind…”
“I am the whisper in the wind…”
“… and I am here.”
“… and I am here.”
I opened my eyes to bright sunlight. I looked around my bedroom wondering if the spell had worked both ways – Did I just summon myself into my waking life?
Chapter Ten
I had my first appointment with Dr Spancer the next day, but my head was so full of thoughts about Veila and the Dreamrealm, and the long weekend and my sleepover with Ella later that day, that I didn’t really want to go and talk to some random doctor about my brain.
Dr Spancer had grey hair and glasses, but her face looked younger than her hair. I didn’t feel like saying much in that small, bare office. She asked a lot of questions about my parents.
“It’s not about them,” I said.
It wasn’t my parents making me anxious. It was everything else.
“So, tell me, Awa,” Dr Spancer said, lowering her glasses. “Why are you here?”
“I don’t know. They’re just worried,” I said.
“What is really bothering you?”
I couldn’t tell her that...especially not since all my worries seemed insignificant after my recent most wonderful dreams, but I had to say something.
“It’s just… everything feels hard and confusing… and pointless,” I said.
“What do you think is the point?”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“What do you believe in… do you think we are here for a reason?” Dr Spancer asked.
“I don’t know,” I said. “We’re not really God people.” It was something my dad, the atheist, usually said.
Dr Spancer nodded and wrote something down.
“So tell me more about these dreams you’ve been having, who is in them?”
I looked at Dr Spancer for a moment. I wanted to tell someone about my dreams; they were too exciting to keep all to myself… and even if she didn’t believe me, what did I really have to lose?
“These sessions are confidential, right?” I asked.
The doctor nodded.
Awa and the Dreamrealm Page 6